Surgeon General: An Appointment for Bush

"Gays concerned by surgeon general nominee"

Ooh, watch it MSNBC and the several hundred other news outlets spitting out very similar headlines. It's not just those wacky, socially deviant queers that are concerned about Kentucky cardiologist Dr. James Holsinger. He's got us married straight freaks all in a tizzy too. He's a right whack job.

From MSNBC:

Sixteen years ago, he wrote a paper for the church in which he likened the reproductive organs to male and female "pipe fittings" and argued that homosexuality is therefore biologically unnatural.

"When the complementarity of the sexes is breached, injuries and diseases may occur," Holsinger wrote, citing studies showing higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases among gay men and the risk of injury from anal sex.

Pipe fittings? What the hell kind of analogy is that? Pipe fittings: bump one hole against another, turn and screw. That's typical: he's down with the tribbin' but thinks the man sex is dirty.

And did I mention that he "believes homosexuality is a matter of choice and can be 'cured.'"

And this is the man the president would like to be "America's chief health educator." Someone should tell President Bush that the best place to hide a bottle of whiskey is not under his skull, even if there is enough room.

And the person currently acting as Surgeon General? The person this insecure, bible-thumped homophobe will be replacing?

Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu.

Yeah, sometimes I'm 10.

Exploring the Americas: Tastes Like Chicken

...or Polynesians. Or Polynesian chicken. What?

From LiveScience:

Popular history, and a familiar rhyme about Christopher Columbus, holds that Europeans made contact with the Americas in 1492, with some arguing that the explorer and his crew were the first outsiders to reach the New World.

But chicken bones recently unearthed on the coast of Chile—dating prior to Columbus’ "discovery" of America and resembling the DNA of a fowl species native to Polynesia—may challenge that notion, researchers say.

But I heard something a while back about the Chinese explorers:

After reading "1421," Liu Gang, a Chinese lawyer, realized the potential significance of a map he'd purchased for his private collection. Dated 1418 and clearly depicting the outlines of both North and South America, the map could be used to support Menzies' theory if it proves legitimate.

Authoritative? Not by any means, but enough to suggest there may have been at least one other...hold on, I'm getting some information from the first double aughts A.C.E. Seems that there's some evidence the Vikings may have been involved in exploration as well:

The latest evidence confirms that Scandinavians reached the North American continent almost 500 years before Columbus. Find out where they came from, how they traveled, what they did in America and how long they stayed.

So there are at least three civilizations that have a reasonably - if questionably - credible claim that they were in the Americas before Mr. Columbus.

Why do we still worship Chris Columbus, even if he never set foot in what is now the United States? Why is Columbus Day (Oct. 8th in 2007) a federal holiday?

He wanted to spread Christianity, you silly.

Christ on a Bun! Discovery Pimps Joyce Meyer, Jesus

How is it that I turn on The Discovery Channel one fine morning to find Joyce Meyer Ministries?



I flip through my favorites, longing for science and knowledge and I get this:

Joyce Meyer Ministries has a God-ordained mandate to impact the world. We are called to present the Gospel to the lost, disciple nations, feed the hungry, clothe the poor, minister to the elderly, widows and orphans, visit prisoners and reach out to people of all ages and in all walks of life. God requires that we teach people how to apply biblical truth in every facet of their lives, and encourage Christians to influence every aspect of the world around them.
...
Our goal is to reach every nation, every city, every day with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hot damn. WTF?

Immediately, I thought it was the evil doing of Time Warner Cable, the monopoly moneybags pimp! So I called. I had to go from general call center to customer service to technical support to find out that it's not the necessarily evil provider of cable, but the Discovery Channel itself that is the woman of ill-repute, la bête du jambon, who is selling it's air time and spending early mornings whoring out the jesus junk to millions of science-seeking viewers.

Hold on. Perhaps the myrmidons of the Time Warner RoadRunner had infiltrated the tech support office and were feeding me misinformation. But there it was, right on Discovery Channel's FAQs:

Why do I get infomercials instead of programming?
During certain late night hours of each day (for example, 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. ET/PT for Discovery Channel), some of the Discovery Networks may contain paid programming or infomercials. Please go to the "TV Schedules" on our website to see the specific programming schedules for your favorite Discovery Networks.

Why is this a bad thing?

Joyce on evolution:

I encourage you not to swallow every story you see, hear or read about man’s origins. Check things out for yourself…do some research on the subject of creation so that your foundation of faith in God is sound, secure and immovable.

Whether it's Time Warner or Discovery, putting someone who disregards science and the scientific method on the television, it is not appropriate. Joyce Meyer does not belong on the Discovery Channel, just like "intelligent design" does not belong in the science classroom.

Feel free to visit Discovery's Viewer Relations page and kindly explain it to them.

UPDATE:
Here's my letter:

Why, in the name of all things science, would The Discovery Channel sell time to Joyce Meyer Ministries? Her money may be as green as everyone else's, but her science is not. The "Ministries" part of it should have given that away. If you are still unsure, please visit http://utteroutrage.blogspot.com/2007/06/christ-on-bun-joyce-meyer-discovery.html, as I have outlined the mess of anti-science inherent in the poor judgment I have observed. I am not anti-religion, but when a science channel pimps their time to an anti-science organization, it is a disgrace to all things reasonable.

Thanks for your time,

Ricky Shambles

[In reference to a check box labeled "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" :]

p.s. "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" is not a question without the "?" and does not indicate whether checking the box would imply a "yes" or "no" answer, should anyone actually perceive it as such.

Asshats.

Feedblitz: Ricky Shambles in Your Box!

You know you want it: No more waiting longingly for your RSS feed reader to catch up or pounding F5 like you're powering up in Archery in Track & Field II before you got the NES Max.



So after you get over that delicious old skool Nintendo reference, take a look to the left, under the "View my complete profile" link. If you put your email in that text field, click the button, fill out a captcha, and verify your subscription, you too could have Ricky Shambles in your box.

I first learned of this magic called FeedBlitz after subscribing to Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy. Now, every time he updates his blog, I get an email containing all updates from the day before. We could be like that, you and I. Shhh. Don't think. Do or do not; there is no 'try.'

Other Changes
I know you don't like changes. But these are for your own good. I promise.

I have changed Link-o-rama to Linktastica! That really shouldn't matter to anyone except those with a o-ramaphilia which is - please note - completely different from Obamaphilia. Amazing how one letter will take you from a rally party to a party rally. Okay, I'm done.

I must welcome xkcd (A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.) to my Linktastica! Why? Because it's fucking brilliant. And don't ask again.

Once more: If you like this blog, keep up by FeedBlitz. If you love this blog, you cannot marry it, but you most certainly better put your email in that box! And if you hate this blog, you better subscribe to monitor what nefarious, liberal, progressive, evil-ities I will conjure up next. That would leave Homeland Security: Have at it, ya buggers.

Thank God for British Comedy: Spoons

So sometimes - no, all the time - I feel like this:



The American version of me, but you get the point.

Here's a taste:

...or how you better not have another drink because you never used to get hangovers but just recently you've been feeling rather groggy, and I really can't afford not to be at my best tomorrow because I've gotta do a presentation for some people who are coming over from Holland and it's a Big Fucking Deal, so I better just have a Diet Coke...

Quit the shit, let's get to the meat of life/politics/religion.

No, sir, the Queen in Virginia is not a valid topic.

Texas Kids Protest TAKS Decision, Look Silly

From WFAA in Dallas/Fort Worth:

About a dozen young people, carrying signs and chanting, began picketing at 8:30 a.m. Thursday. They represent the 613 Fort Worth seniors who did not pass the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.

Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.

"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."

No, dear. The only reason to be at commencement is to get the little piece of blank paper that represents your diploma. You did not graduate. You don't get a diploma and, by extension, you don't get a fake diploma. You don't get to walk.

But there is more: the picture used in the online story.



What can I even say about that? Kids: Just go home and stop embarrassing yourselves.

Worst. Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show. Evar.

"Are UFOs and bible stories and space aliens real?"

Check it out at The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show! It's a bit old, but if you haven't seen it, prepare yourself.
(better version in Update below)

This show has it all:

Mr. Gray the singing alien


"Chip the Black Boy!"


...and much more! Complete with Bible readings, extended remix improv songs, reverb, space angels, puppetry apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child, and production values as beneficial as necrotizing fasciitis (apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child preoccupied with puppetry).

This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen on the internets. And I'm familiar with goatse and tub girl.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

UPDATE: I just had to dig, didn't I? More Videos...
Chip the Black Boy explains Aliens
I Love Christmas Jam Session
Larger YouTube version of primary video VVV

Wait, what am I doing? This is the internets. Here.

It's Write Your Congressman Day! Melvin Watt (D - NC)

It's fun for the whole family!

Today I decided I was going to write my congressman. He's been a non-entity in the world of Winston Salem (he's also got to worry about Greensboro through Charlotte). I went to Congressman Melvin Watt's website, filled out the form, and wrote the following:

Dear Congressman Watt,

I can't say I know much about you or have ever even really heard about you; until I looked it up, I thought Virginia Foxx was my representative.

I can't say I respect the gerrymandered district you represent. But that's not your fault.

And while Katrina suffering is important, repeated attempts to ban flag desecration (although you voted against H J RES 10?) only furthers limitations to free speech and wastes my tax dollars.

My question to you, sir: where is the legislation for your constituency? What are you doing about gas prices? What are you doing about our wasted time in Iraq? Why isn't your voting record on your website? Now that I've found it elsewhere, how did you end up as one of three members of congress not to vote on H R 1591 (that was a pretty important one)?

Fair banking practices also concern me. Congressman Kendrick B. Meek (FL) introduced legislation last year to boost financial literacy in the form of H.R. 4413-15. How did these bills not win popular support? Oil, insurance, and banking institutions are bleeding Americans dry. What is congress doing about it? What are you doing about it?

I'm sure being a member of congress is a complicated job, but I feel abandoned by my representative. That is what you are: a representative of the people of your district. Please do not forget that.

Your constituent,

Ricky Shambles

p.s. Push Inslee-Manzullo Internet Radio Equality Act, H.R. 2060, and stop an Iran war before it starts.

And then I clicked the Submit button.

And it showed me a 404 (error: page not found).

Disappointed, once more
Disillusioned, encore
I think I love you, for sure

Wait, no. Nix that last line. I was fucking pissed. Mr. Absentee (in voting and regional showmanship) has again punked his constituents.

So Congressman Watt: WTF?

Background
Here's the district:


Here's the original manifestation of Gerrymandering:


Any questions? While I'm quite happy that we can pull a democratic district out of the ass of a Bible, Guns, 'n' Muddin' South, what is this guy actually doing in congress?

From this Yankee-turned-Southerner-pre-re-Northerner: not much at all.

p.s. Fake update: I called Senator Richard Burr and Senator Libby Dole about saving internet radio. Sen. Burr's secretary was more than willing to give me the time to speak my mind and "pass it on to the Senator." Libby Dole's dance card was full. Nothing but busy signals. Yay Legislative Branch!

Christ on a Bun! Jesus Gets a Hand Job

That guy there? The statue? Yeah, the one giving a little wink-wink-nod tit shot of the sacred heart, and a hand out like some toothless, homeless hooker asking for a five-spot for a taste? That's the lord. And he done broke. But not in that way, exactly.

Who wants some Denver Post?

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.

Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." A-ha! But if that same lightning bolt hit the statue and Jesus started pissing Berry Blue Kool-Aid out his eyes and shitting Twizzlers, that would be an Act of God. Little bit of a double standard there, sister.

So if God controls everything because He's, um, God, then why in the heavens would God strike down a statue of his son?

Idol worship? Tacky carving? Revenge of Zeus? Hookers?

You let your little imagination run crazy with that one.

UPDATE! Bonus! Synchronicity! License plate seen less than 2 hours after posting:



With those bedroom eyes, how could you say no?

Movin' On Up, to...WKRP

I must apologize for the intermittent transmissions from last week and those coming. I am in the process of moving to Cincinnati.



Yay, Cincinnati! Home of the Reds, Bengals, and the 2001 Race Riots!

Can we get a Wiki?

Cincinnati was founded in 1788 by John Cleves Symmes and Colonel Robert Patterson. Surveyor John Filson (also the author of The Adventures of Colonel Daniel Boone) named it "Losantiville" from four terms, each of different language, meaning "The city opposite the mouth of the Licking River." "Ville" is French for "city," "anti" is Greek for "opposite," "os" is Latin for "mouth," and "L" was all that was included of "Licking River."

John Filson was a fucking showoff and trying way too hard.

In 1790, Arthur St. Clair, the governor of the Northwest Territory, changed the name of the settlement to "Cincinnati" in honor of the Society of the Cincinnati, of which he was a member.[5] The society honored General George Washington, who was considered a latter day Cincinnatus—the Roman general who saved his city, then retired from power to his farm.

Much better.

But more importantly than all the historical or meaningful crap, we something up there that we don't have down here:


Sweet Mercy

...and:


Notice Frank Bonner's own brand of the Shocker

I do, however, believe the biggest upside to moving to Cincinnati will be my ability to have more impact and a stronger voice in the crucial state of Ohio in the 2008 election. Expect more activity and activism as a result of the move.

I will, of course, still be here. Just a little less often for the next couple weeks.

And don't forget that if you're into the blog, subscribe! It's the funny-lookin' orange thingies on the right. Cheers!

Hungry Like a Wolf-o-witz

I'm on the hunt, I'm after news.

Today WaPo reported the finally ending saga of Paul Wolfowitz. Here's the short version:

"...a committee report found that he broke ethics rules in awarding a substantial raise to his girlfriend." But Wolfowitz raised a stink: he would not resign, forcing the rest of the world in a vote against America in a World Bank high noon showdown. Unless...they said nice things about him. Everyone else: eh, okay:

In a statement released last night, the board conceded that "a number of mistakes were made by a number of individuals in handling the matter under consideration," and the bank would need to improve its ethical procedures. The board declared that Wolfowitz "assured us that he acted ethically and in good faith in what he believed were the best interests of the institution, and we accept that."

The statement added: "We are grateful to Mr. Wolfowitz for his service at the bank. Much has been achieved in the last two years."

That's the job I want: screw the World Bank, go all kinds of unethical, just to get my girlfriend a raise, and then get a raving review after they proved it just to see you go. Holy damn.

Don't know how many of you have seen Shaha Riza:


This is apparently the only picture ever taken of her.

So to recap a story that has already been told in so many ways: America gets what it wants, looks like douchebag; Rest of the world shrugs, looks weak.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Stays True to Crazyhate

Why all the crazy, Bill? Why all the hate?

As I mentioned yesterday, crazy Bill Keller said voting for Mitt Romney is a vote for satan and his whole Mormon cult. And he's back today to defend it.

I'm disappointed, really. This defense is nothing more than a whiny tirade saying he doesn't care if his donations go away, Mitt Romney will lead people to hell. Here's the conclusion (caps not mine):

I REFUSE TO TRADE IN A FEW YEARS OF POLITICAL POWER IN THIS WORLD THAT WILL ONE DAY SOON NO LONGER EXIST FOR THE ETERNAL SOULS OF THOSE WHO WILL END UP JOINING THE MORMON CULT AND BURN IN HELL!

In His love and service, Your friend and brother in Christ, Bill Keller

Aside from the inherent misspellings, grammar, and punctuation errors that pepper the 2600 word rant, that's about it. You almost feel sorry for the little bitch, especially when his promo shot looks like this:


But if you do feel compelled to read the whole of the logorrhea, don't miss the link on the side and the bestest conversion story of all (almost as good as a Chick Tract): Harry Potter finds Christ! The kids'll love it. Then they'll burn their books.

Christ on a Bun! I've Found Jesus!

He's ...preaching? Really?



Really.

The Church of Satan. Catholicism. Put-'em-together-and-what-have-ya-got? Bippidy boppidy ...Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda. Time has recently done a report on this guy.

"...his apostles have taken to tattooing "666" on their hands."

Damn, yo.

His believers believe there is no sin. They base it on scripture. No one is hurt. I say shut your hole and let 'em be. Creepy? Yes. Governing a country and sacrificing human beings for a war based on a lie? Not there yet.

Page seven, please.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Brings Crazy to the Masses

We've got some hot livePrayer.com action for you today:

If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for satan! This message today is not about Mitt Romney. Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God's Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith's cult began that it was a work of satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell. This message is about the top Christian leaders in our nation who are supporting this cult members quest to become the next President of the United States.

You like your religious extremists with an American flavor? You've come to the right place! 31 flavors of fundamentalist fucknuttery for you to sample. Giddyup!

Jesus was a radical, but respected the beliefs of others. He wanted to change the world for the better, not dominate it. He sent his apostles to deliver a message, not lay siege. But this is what we see in fundamentalist America. We see a crusade of hate, a campaign that will disembowel America just to burn the "bad parts," a sticking the hand in the boiling pot to prove our sanctity. I call Bullshit on Bill Keller.

This statement is so absurd and hateful that it hearkens Team America: "It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too." Bill Keller is putting out a fatwa on voting for Mitt Romney. WTF?

Exactly. Bill Keller gets the WTF Award today.

Bonus:
I get to tell you tomorrow what the DoppleChrist mouthpiece is spouting as he's preparing a double bonus SuperJesus response in his Daily Devotionals to the crazyhate. Yay! Crazyhate with all the trimmings!

Extra:
On their "About the Reich" page:
"The most compelling reason to support Liveprayer.Com however is because every dollar is going directly to personally minister to hurting people worldwide."

Hahahaha!

Gerunds make baby Jesus cry. A jihad on gerunds!

Holy Spider-Goat, Batman!

I'm a dork. Phew. It's good to be out.

I was reading a Sci-Fi Channel post this evening about superhero powers and reality's manifestation and came across this:

BioSteel: Spin Your Own Web
Our beloved arachnid can do more than scale walls so you'll need the ability to sling webs, too, if you want to be a legit Spider-Person. Nexia Biotechnologies is eager to assist your pursuit of power. After injecting spider genes into a goat, researchers were able to extract a silk-like material, dubbed BioSteel, from the goat's milk. Because of its compatibility with the human body, BioSteel appears to have some remarkable real-life applications (artificial limbs, tendons and ligaments). Stronger than steel, and with a breaking strength of 300,000 pounds per square inch, wannabe webheads will undoubtedly dream about using the technology for a swing through New York City.

This is writing about real science, not trying to tip the producers of SpiderMan4 in a certain direction? You wouldn't, by any chance, happen to be fucking kidding me, would you? Spider genes injected into goats to make them spin their own web, harvested from their milk?

No. Nextia is producing Bio Steel. They reside in Canada and specialize in goat ...stuff. Science of goats, genetically manipulating goats, feeding goats out of balls with holes? What kind of place is this?



So take a mammal that attacks with a hard head butt, eats just about anything, and juice it up with genetic wonkieness. One word: Neigh-ay-ay-ains!

If you're outraged and want to yell at someone (in a calm and reasonable manner, cleverly working in the phrase "Oh, the humanity!"), you can hit their email web form here. If you're a more vocal person, check out the other info:

Nexia Biotechnologies Ltd.
P.O. BOX 187
Branch Jean-Talon
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
H1S 2Z2

Phone: 780-486-2317
Fax: 514.371.7880

Just do it before it's too late. I'm going to have to get Max Brooks on this.



...before it's too late.

Double Weak Rush Bash Freaks Out Wingnuts

This is from the Baltimore Sun.

The skinny: Robert Murrow of the Department of Public Works told The Sun about a vandalized Rush Limbaugh billboard. He said "It looks great. It did my heart good."

Rut-roh. The goose-stepping multitudes of EIB automatons immediately sensed the red light flashing in their heart chamber. [Alert! Vandalism of Rush billboard! Public figure condones it!] Some blogged. Some called. City hall fielded many calls and Robert's boss yelled at him. Bad boy.

The bigger story here is the act of vandalism:



How. Fucking. Weak.

They splashed four colors of paint on a billboard. It's not even clear if it was someone who even disliked Rush or just someone who found extra paint laying around in the shed after eight Blatz and a pull of Wild Turkey. What the hell?

Quality vandalism should have a message. If you're going to deface a Rush Billboard and do not have the time or intelligence to make a poignant political statement (i.e. a background mural with a 12-year old Dominican child prostitute and Viagra), at least have the decency of a fourth grader:



What? Don't even have that much time? There's the always-classic phantom penis in the vicinity of the mouth:



This is an example of half-assed defacement. Just think what you could do with your whole brain. Please practice safe and thoughtful illegal political activism.

Uncle GrumpyDick: No Love to al-Maliki

They planned it that way.


(click for bigger)

It's a bird (is it bombing us?)! It's a plane (is it bombing us?)! Oh, shit, it's worse; it's the Vice President of the United States.

Vice President Dick Cheney dropped in on Baghdad this past Wednesday, unannounced (Surprise, surprise!). unkl_grumpyDick41 (a.k.a. lonelygirl16) immediately berated the Prime Minister of Iraq, Nouri al-Maliki, from an undisclosed bunker via IM:

unkl_grumpyDick41: ur so not going on vacation
pm_almaliki50: doodz, my peepz need vacation. how bout hello?
unkl_grumpyDick41: um, ur fightin a war?
pm_almaliki50: you so started it, dick
unkl_grumpyDick41: imho, your in charge lol
pm_almaliki50: why the lolz?
unkl_grumpyDick41: im in charge, douchebag
pm_almaliki50: don't start, gD. you did this. i want fly fishing
unkl_grumpyDick41: were you goin fly fishin?
pm_almaliki50: wit u?
unkl_grumpyDick41: love you, man
pm_almaliki50: love you two
unkl_grumpyDick41: but no f****n vacation
pm_almaliki50: dick
unkl_grumpyDick41: you know it
pm_almaliki50: one day i'll make you a muslim
unkl_grumpyDick41: satan sayz no
pm_almaliki50: satan said dance
unkl_grumpyDick41: dood!!!11!! I luv clap your hands
pm_almaliki50: good shit
unkl_grumpyDick41: good shit
pm_almaliki50: so no vaca?
unkl_grumpyDick41: nada
pm_almaliki50: shiznit
unkl_grumpyDick41: wherez the vaca comin from anyway?
pm_almaliki50: from you, dad, i learned it by watching you!
unkl_grumpyDick41: omg lmao rofl
pm_almaliki50: lolz
unkl_grumpyDick41: l8r
pm_almaliki50: l8r

Maybe, if this scenario were true, maybe, if there were IMs floating around the Green Zone with jovial misspellings in spite of horror unimaginable outside the walls, there would be lolz.

We wonder why there's no peace in Iraq?

No lolz.

Support our troops. Support lolz.

And impeach the insurgents living in Washington, D.C.

Truth Blocked in Congress About War Profiteering

So angry...can't speak...

From PoliticsTV.com:

The video on war profiteering Republicans don’t want you to see
Progressive film director Robert Greenwald is scheduled to testify at a hearing on Thursday, May 10 about war profiteering. He requested to show a few minutes of one of his films, but Republicans blocked his request. Here’s what Congress won’t see:

Guantanamo's Cultural Legacy

This was posted in February, but seemingly has had very few hits. I ran into it doing some searching on a Grumpy Dick piece I'll be posting tomorrow (and yes, the Hannity Shenanigans is also on its way).



Has it been 5 years already? Lest we forget.

Boycott Gas Boycott on May 15th

Gas has topped $3.00 nationally and is bumping $3.40 in Washington state. And we keep drinking it down, shrugging our shoulders with a "Whatchagonnado?" grimace on our face. Unfortunately, there are still some asshats out there that believe that by not purchasing gasoline for one 24 hour period (May 15th this year), the public will be able to affect gas prices, sending a "message" to big oil.

It's bullshit. And here's the Snopes definitive review of the topic to prove it.

Main point of the argument? By not buying gas for one day (especially with people stressing "you can top it off the night before"), you are not buying less gas. You are still patronizing the gas companies. You are still buying the gas you normally would, just not on that day.

You really want to effect change? How about a driving boycott? By finding an alternate method for transportation for one day, you would be actually accomplishing what many think is happening on the gas boycott day. You would not be using gas that day (or at least a smaller amount in terms of public transportation).

But that's not enough. If we want to stop this disaster we have to make gasoline less valuable than it is now. We do that by cutting our consumption across the board: ride your bike, carpool, take a bus. For real. You have a job an hour away? Get a closer one. Don't have a bike? Buy one.

If you are unwilling to make changes in your life to help the environment and stem the "fat kid wants cake" mentality of consumption we have in this country, what do you expect to change outside of yourself? Bitching about it is not going to hack it. Get off your ass and do something.

I Can Has Digg Hits?

I'm still reeling. No, that does not mean spinning uncontrollably in a wild dervish with a condom-sheathed plunger handle protruding from my ass. Nor does it mean I'm fishing. Or Irish dancing. This is the figurative kind of reeling.

Tuesday, my post on marijuana, the media, and psychology got picked up by Crooks and Liars in Mike's Blog Roundup. Cool. I usually get about 20 people daily feeding their brains at this mental food cart I call a blog, and the last time they linked me, I saw almost 1000 hits.

Wednesday, I noticed I had over 30 comments on the post (most ever: 12). I checked the numbers:



Ho. Lee. Shit.

Over 10,000 hits Wednesday. Over 6,000 hits yesterday. Wha happon?



I been Dugg. Here's the Digg post linking my blog to, well, lots of people. It's called BREAKING: Marijuana/Schizophrenia Study Debunked, Nobody Surprised.

Shit again. Wait. I didn't debunk anything.

Sorry, Mr. Shambles, the Internets say you do, and what the internets says, is.

Well, it did finally get me registered on Digg. And it spurned a good deal of discussion. 46 comments on my post as of now, 164 on the Digg post. Most popular topics/points:

• Legalize pot!
• OMG this guy my friend knew smelled pot at a party and now he's totally schizo.
• Marijuana has kept me sane.
• OMGLOLZ Digg <3 Liberals, hates Microsoft
• Natural medicine can cure [enter disease here] but drug companies won't make money
• I've been stoned every day for [??] years and I'm fine / have Ph.D. / own business.

A nice, broad spectrum. Criticism came from readers who were obviously expecting some official debunking with research and resources to back me up. And while I am working on a journalistic piece about lead paint, paint companies, and shady lawyers, this - as most of the blog - is social and political commentary with some occasional fun images.



Best comment from Digg (cheezit9109): Wait, this is a BLOG? You fucking idiots.

The macros are mine. Was reading Live Grenades's Trek Macro post which lead me to I Can Has Cheeseburger? I was inspired.

So enjoy, and I'll see you later today with some Hannity Shennanigans.

You Can't Veto the Truth

Today Americans United for Change released this ad in response to President Bush's veto of historic legislation to wind down the war in Iraq.



Make a difference. Call: 202-456-1111

I did. It's kind of fun.

Marijuana Duck, Duck, Goose - Same Old Story

(2nd International Cannabis and Mental Health Conference Programme [PDF] Logo)

Today, 13 states currently have active medical marijuana programs. Illinois, Texas, and Connecticut are chompin' at the bit (Connecticut just did the civil union thing - watch out). Grandma in the Bronx (colorectal cancer) isn't getting tagged for smokin' the rope. Hell, even Sanjaya's fam is in the growing business. Good reports? You got it: Marijuana has shown to cut lung tumor growth in mice and a marijuana-like compound may slow Alzheimer's.

So what has to come out? Marijuana makes makes you crazy and damages the brain. Sorry, that's FOX News. How about a more credible reporting source like Reuters through Scientific American?

Quick Psych 101: Psychology is only useful for broad, sweeping statements and we don't have a true understanding of all aspects of the brain or how they work, let alone how drugs interact with it (note: Not talking out of my ass; I have a Psych degree and recently had a great conversation with a neuroscientist on this exact topic).

From the article: the two main active components of marijuana are cannabidiol (CBD) and tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). CBD produces a calming effect. THC is associated with the paranoia, euphoria.

There are upwards of 300 active compounds in marijuana. This study took the two most abundant (THC and CBD), and looked to see where the brain was affected. Because of anti-drug taboos, these studies are almost always conducted with synthesized THC. And an MRI will give you an image of activity or inactivity, but - as already mentioned - we don't know all the details of activity in certain areas of the brain.

To sum up: Doctors treated patients with a synthesis of a compound known to cause mild paranoia. They then put their patients in this machine:

and reported that the brain scan showed affected areas related to paranoia. No shit.

I am not trying to slam the study. The media and its fervor, however, can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut on this one. Reuters has this article titled "Brain scans pinpoint cannabis health risk." But they didn't. The brain scans show activity or inactivity of the brain, and and the implications affect mental health outlook, while "health" implies physical health or brain damage. First sentence: "Brain scans showing how cannabis affects brain function...." Hold it right there. Function is not measured but by behavior. See previous explanation of what is being measured.

"It's no longer a contentious issue. The expert community, by and large, accepts that cannabis contributes to the onset of psychotic symptoms in general and the severe form of psychosis, schizophrenia," [Professor Robin Murray, conference organizer] said.

Wrong. That sounds like the "Weed makes you crazy" defense. Dr. Zerrin Atakan, author of the study, was found to be an astute, reasonable human being completely void of the sensationalism that would follow a story like this. He was quoted in the Telegraph in 2004 as saying:

Cannabis psychosis is a very vague term. If we ever use the phrase, it is only to describe very short-term effects immediately following smoking, and it certainly doesn't refer to users having a psychotic disorder. People may feel frightened or paranoid, but these feelings pass in a matter of hours or, more rarely, days, and practically never require treatment.

He even laid out some very lucid guidelines in a message to the 2005 Cannabis Education March & Rally, telling everyone to make up their own mind about marijuana, but hitting on some basic facts about smoking before your brain is done growing, smoking if you have mental illness, or smoking every day. Very understanding and well-understood.

So why the hullabaloo? Two words:


(note: The Movie is public domain and the Musical is phenomenal.)

The media loves a good weed story; Marijuana's been tried by 1/4 to 1/3 of the US population, probably twice that have been affected by proximity. Sensationalism sells. So if you can blow a study into a headline, go for it, especially if it concerns marijuana and something bad. The federal government is in love with that. It wants to marry it and kiss it on the privates.

As for Robin Murray and his "weed causes schizophrenia" sensationalism, you might want to ask him to tone it down a bit. Of course, he may have to conference in the pharma behind his conference: Janssen-Cilag and Sanofi-Aventis. But I'm sure that their involvement and their production of schizophrenia treatment drugs are all just a coincidence.

I'll dismount the soapbox now and spare you, fair reader, a venture into legalization, the justice system, hypocrisies, and alternative energy, and leave you with this:

"Casual drug users should be taken out and shot"
Darryl Gates
Head of Los Angeles Police Department
United States Senate Judiciary Committee (1990)

For real information about marijuana, please visit NORML.

(Bonus: 420 Origin Story)

Christ on a Bun! Christ on the Battlefield!

Over at the fabulous Princess Sparklepony's Photo Blog, I saw this lovely with the comment that it hadn't been commented on (h/t, BFF?). A semi-orderly analysis follows.

For shame:



Let's get all analytical on the Lord, crown to boot.

The Lord of...?
Who uses this representation to imagine or dwell on Christ? Granted, the entire site, wearefishermen.com, is absurd (really, go there, see all the Jesi, then cry), but Jesus armed like some bad Kirk Cameron remake of the Matrix?

JESUS: I'm the Lord.
GUARD: Lord of what?
JESUS: Lord of y'all.
[His robes fall open to reveal a rifle. JESUS drops the dove, raises the gun, pops COMMIES (1-7) in the head, guts OSAMA BIN LADEN, and dives, sliding on the tile floor of one of Saddam's palaces, just in time to catch the dove.]
JESUS: Yippie Kai-yay, God-haters. I am peace.

This isn't what Jesus was about.

Antithesis
Some quotes from Jesus:

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
...
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
- Matthew 5:7,9

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.
- John 8:7

Love your neighbor as yourself.
- Mark 12:31

This is what Jesus was about.

The look, the feel, of Jesus, the Fabric of our lives.

• What was the sculptor thinking? This guy looks like Tommy Chong after a weekend and a QP! "Peace, man. Though I'm holding a dove, I'm not happy about it because Jenny ganked my last two pinners and I totally thought I had a bag of Cheetos but Billy must've mowed it. Wanna get high? I gotta crown. We could use it to buy a bag. Um, dude, I think the dove just shit in my hand."
  (Tommy looks way more with it than the Lord.)


• Hinted in the last point, this Jesus looks sad, like he's riddled with clinical depression or PTSD or both or on medication for one or the other. Why is Jesus sad? This may be the only bit of truth in this sorry exhibition; This is where the sculptor was "touched" by God, and made Jesus sad. Sad because of the truth of the situation: he wasn't a violent fighter, a soldier. And maybe Jesus didn't want anyone to think otherwise.


• He has a gun. Appropriate quote (Full Metal Jacket): "Yea, though I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest motherfucker in the valley."


• Plastic crown of thorns, rubber dove, and bathrobe: Wal Mart, $23. Wasting Muslims lookin' like JC? Priceless.


• Hey, shoot that Arab! He stole a US Uniform!


• Combat Jesus makes Baby Jesus cry. But when Combat Jesus moves to comfort baby Jesus - BLAMMO! Damn. Those insurgents'll IED anything.

The Lord of...
Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, Ted "Dick'n'Meth" Haggard, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and George W. Bush. This is the kind of Lord they can look up to, this is the kind of Lord they seek approval from. A large chunk of our country believes in this Arm for Peace mentality with the mental backup that Christ is there to allow us to kill the millions of people who don't believe in Him.

The Message
The underlying message of this figurine is not "Gilded thorn crown will get you free dove if you are visibly armed. Lucky Numbers: 2, 15, 16, 25, 33, 39." It is "We can have peace and Jesus, as soon as we kill every single non-believer out there. Only then, only then..."

This makes me sadder than Combat Jesus.

Photoshop Love: Blue Gal Contest, Round 2!

Okay, Round 2 of Blue Gal's Contestation with the McCain picture.

Check out the last post, if you haven't seen it, for the original photo, concept.

I was feeling a little Dickens, or Dick Cheney I should say. Whole lotta Bah Humbug goin' on!


Click for bigger. All the cool kids are.

But McCain as a professional actor? Well, that's just...



*groan*

Okay, okay, so to bring this train to its proverbial yet inevitable wreck:



This is where I get off...

Photoshop Love: A Contest! A Contest!

I was perusing the world of Blue Gal today and found the McCain Photoshop/Caption Contest. Yummy.

We start with this image:



So...many...thoughts...

And I finally settled on one.

Meet Emo John:




Emo John is sad. The world hurts so much. He hurts so much. Sometimes he cuts himself just to feel. It's hard - so hard - running for president when there's so much pain in the world.

And I saw that it was good.

But why so surprised, Emo John? Why the look of awe and wonder? What makes someone who dwells in the deepest depths of suffering say "Wow!"

And while Blue Gal doesn't have an animated portion of the contest, I felt Emo John needed some impetus behind that gawking maw:



And that's my story.

I may make an update or two depending on my available Photoshop time before the deadline.

UPDATE: Round Two is Here.

No Cable, No Popcorn, No Patience

Fuck Time Warner in the ass with a white-hot, rusty, steel-splintered crowbar. Yes, the rounded side is wider and turns into a hook out the out-stroke! Yay pain!

This morning, I noticed the cable wasn't working. The internets is alive and breathing somehow through the same cable line, but none of the bright-flashy-stare-thingy TV. So tonight I miss Jericho. Tonight I miss Bill Moyers. Tonight (snizzleshit!) I miss Lost.

And this whole process would be much more serene with one less agitation: Our phone number is one digit from the cable company's phone number. As I'm sitting here, stewing in not being connected to a couple of my TV shows, I get to tally up almost 20 phone calls "Um, is this Time Warner?" "Yes. You and all the other thousands of idiots ringing the cable company will get busy signals until, one time, they answer. And they will say 'hello.' No, retard. Wrong number." No, I never actually said that. But I could. I only need wait another ten minutes.

Funny level 2 (in the past) is when they ring the house, no one's home, and they hear "Hey, you've got Ricky, [Mrs. Shambles], and [Rickina]. Please leave a message." And I hit the button when I get home and hear "Yeah, my cable's been out for about four hours. When you gonna get the trucks out here? Call me back!" High larious. Almost makes me forget about crowbars and asscheeks.

So in lieu of actual content, I guess I can give a local commercial since I've been bulking up the Bad Business blog next door.

I give you Frank Myers Auto Maxx.



Weep for our children.

Crap, I gotsta go. Phone's ringing.

Bill Moyers: Buying the War

It's popcorn time! Tonight at 9pm EST, Bill Moyers Journal showcases how the media was complacent in selling the war to us, how, exactly, we bought into it, and how we're still getting sucked in.



Watch!

Save the Radio on the Internets!

The RIAA's at it again, trying to squeeze blood from a stone, not quite realizing that by raising royalty rates so damn high that no one can pay them, no one will pay them and stream on the sly or just stop. That means less - not more - money. Douchebags.

I recently put this little piece of love into the left column:



It's my first ad, and they're not even selling anything!

Why do I care? Besides the fact that they're a bunch of douchebags, I maintain what hold I have on sanity while at work through Pandora.

And it really will die. The fee structure is scheduled to go into effect on May 15th, 2007. It will be retroactive from January 2006. I can't even imagine the fees. I can imagine the RIAA rubbing their sweaty little carny hands together, drooling over the prospect.

I'm not selling anything either. Check out the info at SaveNetRadio.org. Contact congress. Get a banner. Get the RIAA out of internet radio so they can go back to suing 12-year-old girls.

This is important.

Christ on a Bun! American Family Association: WTF?

It's a two-fer; CoaB and WTF!

I haven't officially done the WTF Award thing lately, but the American Family Association gets that today. Pulled from Think Progress today, these "idealists" (Common causes: Put the Jesus in school, God hates fags) are blaming all school shootings on the fact that we don't have the Ten Commandments as required viewing, that "satanic" music is popular.

And they made a movie.

Watch this. Know what the opposition to a free-thinking society actually thinks. Get motivated.

I think it started when Madalyn Murray O'Hair complained she didn't want any prayer in our schools. And we said "Okay."

...or, as it may be better known, "In 1960, Madalyn Murray O'Hair said required readings of the Bible in public schools was wrong. We fought her tooth and nail. The Supreme Court of the United States said we were retards." (Good job on the AFA stealing the Wikipedia pic.)

The AFA ends this video with the idea of reaping what you sow.

They are sowing ignorance, bigotry, idolatry (worship the "top 10" stones, not the god), and overall separation from reality.

Get your Armor-of-God Faith Shields at the ready.



That's a hail of intolerant bullets waiting to happen.

God Bless America.

Christ on a Bun! It's Mufasa Time!

Sometimes, the interwebs can perplex and bore us with its drivel and triteness. And then sometimes the great Sarlacc erupts to reveal its mucous-coated insides out of which drops a sacred beozar:



Ha ha ha ha! This golden gem of our lord emerged from a surprisingly short amount of MySpace friend hopping.

So Mufasa's in the clouds (duh!), and Jesus on the cross is a symbol for Simba. What the hell is the lamb?

(Dinner.)

VT: Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down...

Blue Gal's got a soulful post on the shooting, far more impressive than my dumbfounded verbal pratfall. And she also has a link to light a candle in memory of the tragedy. It's quite nice. Very peaceful.

And because I'm a web guy and, no, we can't have anything nice, you can also light a candle for something far less serious.

Straight to hell, I tell ya.

Do you think Kucinich Could Take Cheney?

Dennis Kucinich is not the most attractive or least awkward man running for president. But he's from my home state of Ohio and I've got a happy little place in my heart for him.

How can you go wrong with Dennis? You can't; look at the issues. He has an outlined plan for withdrawal from Iraq, he's a green guy who says "no thanks" to the Patriot Act, No Child Left Behind, and NAFTA. He says "Yay!" to Right to Choose, Civil Rights, and Universal Health Care.

Ideas abound, but Mr. Kucinich will probably not win the 2008 election. He's just too dang cute. He won't take the presidency in '08, but could he take down this one? That's what he's proposing. From the Plain Dealer's blog:

Cleveland congressman Dennis Kucinich sent his Democratic colleagues a two-sentence email this morning announcing imminent plans to introduce "Articles of Impeachment with respect to the conduct of Vice President Cheney."

"Please have your staff contact my office," the missive continued,"if you would like to receive a confidential copy of the document prior to its introduction in the House."

Kucinich press secretary Natalie Laber refused to comment on Kucinich's email or to provide any more information about his efforts to push for Cheney's impeachment. The Plain Dealer obtained the email from a different Democratic congressional office.

Go Kucinich, go Kucinich, go Kucinich go!

Now, in a fight where Kucinich and Cheney's right hands were bound and a single knife were thrown in the dirt at their feet, Kucinich would probably lose because as he lunged for the knife, Cheney would begin devouring his face like a meth-addled zombie.

But that's all speculation. Legislatively, I think DK might just have a shot. If only politicians didn't take such pleasure in posturing and the media meted out attention judiciously. If only.

Support him, cheer for him, send him an email to say "thanks." Go Dennis Kucinich!

Shootings at Virginia Tech

After wondering about whether or not to write on this through yesterday, I found myself particularly, surprisingly affected by some of the stories told by students on NPR this morning. Especially Tina Harrison's (Click the Listen Icon - much more in-depth than the copy). I'm still affected. My thoughts, my prayers, my tears are with them.

And to think Michelle Malkin and FOX are focusing on gun control. That makes me want to cry for a whole other list of reasons.

Not Another Reason for Freedom Fries...

Reuters (through MSNBC) is reporting that the French knew about September 11th. Headline Report: France knew of al-Qaida hijack plot.

Oh, Jesus. We already have plenty of douchebags that hate France because they were actually smart to keep the hell out of our Iraq debacle. And they will inevitably read that headline while choking down their Freedom Fries, hack potato chunks onto their monitor and let lose a fury of ignorant cussin' suitable for someone who lives in a county with one high school and fifteen churches. And they won't read the article.

They won't read how (remember?) hijacking didn't mean "blow up the Twin Towers" in 2000, that reports of possible plans to divert a plane for ransom were ubiquitous. They won't see that France turned over the report to the CIA - and it somehow never made it into any 9/11 commission reports. And they won't link it to any of the other disastrous, awful decisions by the United States that piled upon each other, allowing the window of opportunity and confluence of actions to result in the tragedy it did.

Hot dog, victory cabbage, freedom fries. These are the people that thrive on headlines.

Don't be that guy. Don't be that girl.

Calling Bullshit on Imus Firing; Am I Alone?

Where's your fucking ACLU now? Casually commenting about the corpse.

I'm calling bullshit on his firing. And apparently I'm alone.

Yesterday I had the "joy" of catching pieces of Hannity, Savage, and Beck. And to my surprise, they were all right. Every damn one of their rants over Imus was right. They were all ringing the red bell, warning us of the coming invasion. They're doing it because it's wrong, but they're also doing it because they're scared out of their fucking pants. I would be too.

It's days like this that I cringe at the label "liberal," and I cry for our country. We done bad. The gun went off, Rover's brains are splattered in the dirt, and I've got a shovel and a roll of paper towels. That's how sad I feel.

File this piece of history under "sanctimonious bullshit."

Now, a little more to the damn point. Imus was wrong to say what he said, both in the past and about the Rutgers U girls. He humiliated himself by declaring "you people" on the "I'm Sorry About What I Said About Black People XXXII" episode of the Rev. Sharpton Show. He's a curmudgeon, an old, dirty, "Stop chewin' my shorts and let's go to the rave music fest" kinda guy.

And if you don't agree with what he says, change the fucking station. I've been saying that for years about religious attacks on television and radio. Change the fucking station. Turn the damn thing off.

And books. You don't like what it says? Don't read it, asshole!

Because in America, we have the right of free speech. It's that buggery first amendment thing. And, although some of us don't like it, it swings both ways. It keeps the President from arresting us for protesting or being Muslim (perhaps marginally), and it also protects the retards in the KKK when they march.

Sanctimonious bullshit. Don't like Imus? Continue to not listen to him. If you do listen, stop. Radio's a privilege that can be revoked - in the American Capitalist way we like to revoke privileges. What happened overnight would've happened over a couple weeks: ads pull out, listeners drop, the man is fired.

But shout and whine and complain and before you know it shows are being pulled for "insensitivity." Then shows are pulled for not saying the right thing. And then there are no shows. And then everyone's afraid of America.

Even Americans.

Liberals (and yes, that's me too): Stop the Lame.

Hannity Shenanigans: Let Freedom Ring!

One road trip, and right wing radio does the rest. White House is "losing" emails (who didn't see that coming?), Kurt Vonnegut died (*sigh*), and India can nuke Beijing (so if they don't take gold in the 1k relay, they have recourse). How about some shenanigans instead?

Everyone knows that Sean Hannity is America. And if you aren't convinced, he has a couple of gimmicky reminders, such as the music that opens the hour: Martina McBride's "Independence Day."

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing let the whole world know that
Today is a day of reckoning let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong, roll
The stone away, let the guilty pay, it’s independence day

Hell yeah! Sean Hannity's taking up the fight for us Americans and those haters of freedom and liberty be damned!

But like much of Sean's information, the song is horribly incomplete, portraying a small piece of the truth. Only the chorus is played. But if you're familiar with the song or would care to read the lyrics, you would discover that "Independence Day" is a song about a mother and daughter from the daughter's perspective. They are abused by the woman's alcoholic husband and one 4th of July, the woman burns down the house, killing the husband. The child ends up in foster care.

So that's how we take back America: with fire! Thanks, Mr. Hannity!

Secondary analysis note: when the day of liberation comes, the "right" is "wrong." I think my colostomy bag just burst, I'm laughing so hard.

Class dismissed.

American Flag Burned, Glenn Beck Whines at Yale

Mr. Beck! No!

I was listening to Glenn Beck on Monday (right wing radio keeps the blood pumpin' on those long car rides). Mr. Beck was angry. He was angry at non-citizens; he was angry at Yale; he was angry at Yalies. And he was yelling.

Here's the setup:

Two of the Yale students who were arrested early Tuesday for burning an American flag hanging from a Chapel Street home remained incarcerated this morning, but the third student has paid bond and was released yesterday.

According to court records, Hyder Akbar '07, Nikolaos Angelopoulos '10 and Farhad Anklesaria '10 were charged with multiple counts of second degree arson, first degree reckless endangerment, third degree criminal mischief and second degree breach of peace. Angelopoulos was released on $25,000 bail Tuesday according to officials at the Connecticut Correctional Center.

Awww, shit. It's 3am and a couple of kids get into some mischief. No, not just mischief; if the cops hadn't seen the flag on fire, somebody might have gotten hurt. They did something inexcusably stupid and put people's lives in danger. Not only that, but it was an American Flag that they set on fire, their names are hard to pronounce, and two of them aren't even citizens of our country. Xenophobic rage? You're up.

Immigrants, aliens, America-hating infidels! Deport them all! Well, I didn't go to Yale and Yale sucks; they'll have rallies supporting their right to burn a flag by the end of the week! Elitist liberals!(I'm paraphrasing here.)

Why is Glenn Beck spitting so much verbal diarrhea at the Yale Daily News? He let it out himself: Yale had a panel about Mormon businessmen. Beck was included. The paper, while covering the event, questioned Beck's participation.

Glenn Beck said they "got all the facts wrong." But if you look at the Yale Daily News article, the question raised is Why is it appropriate for an off-the-hook, right-wing-nut radio talk show host to be moderator on a panel entitled "The Mormon Way of Doing Business?" To listen to Glenn, you'd think the YDN did a front page piece on why he's such a tremendous douchebag. But most of the article was about the actual panel, and Beck was barely mentioned.

"I was surprised to see him invited here to serve in a moderating position when 'moderate' is about the last thing Glenn Beck is," Frick said. "I assume there are hundreds more positive influences in the Mormon community than a man who questions whether lesbians are really women and said Barack Obama may as well be white."

These are the only "facts" that might be in question. But, as you can imagine, the two links above lead to verification that those statements about what Glenn Beck said are totally valid.

He's a whiny little bitch. With a radio and TV show. Lucky.

And where is the insane, irrational liberal outcry over this case? It doesn't exist. Anyone of a rational mind can see that setting someone else's property on fire is probably a bad idea, American flag or not. In fact, Gregory DuBoff, in his article Claims of xenophobia have been overstated, takes it directly to the point:

Ultimately, this case is not a political issue unless the students are treated differently because of their foreign nationalities. It is harmful to public discourse and politically dishonest to use this event as an opportunity to spew one’s own ideological beliefs.

...which is exactly what Beck did.

Sometimes they're so good at self-sabotage, I wonder why I need to write.

Photoshopless: Cheney's Hot for Teacher

So Bush almost blew himself up on Saturday plugging into the wrong hole (Iraq, Laura, I'm seeing a pattern here). This image is making its rounds.



But wait...


Cheney's got the laser eyes of a robot, and they're trained directly on the President's posterior. Back dat ass up!

Smackdown on Iran: No Dice

I wrote on Thursday about the possibility of Iran being bombed by us on Good Friday, as it was reported by the Israelis as it was "discovered" by the Russians. Just wanted to fess up and say: "My bad."

"Russian intelligence" is obviously as blatant an oxymoron as I first suspected. They're rocking out at the assassination aspect of the former USSR, but have yet to get their spying up to snuff.

And the Israelis propagated the myth because, well, they'd really like to see us bomb the crap out of Iran. Mahmoud makes them uneasy.

I'll keep my ear to the ground. Yes, I know. Horses, not zebras.

Blog Against Theocracy: The Crazy Capital Lawn Fiasco

I was thinking today about theocracy in America and all the ills that it provides. I was thinking about creationism in national parks, Sean Hannity, and our rights as believers - or non-believers - in America. I concomitantly came back to the same recent idea about Church and State: for the love of all things human, make it stop.

Recap: 40 members of congress held a press conference to pray on the Capital Lawn. These are the members. Although they maintained they'd taken their leave on "lunch," our elected officials lead a prayer revival at the Capital. Click the link. The embedded mp3 will make you shiver.

But the overwhelming question is: Are our elected officials, on lunch or not, allowed to congregate and preach Chronicles 7:14, which is the biblical scripture associated with the group:

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

How do we, as freedom-loving Americans, possibly devoid of Bible or scripture or religion but possible belief in all, deal with this theocracy?

Is it right for our elected officials to use the Capital lawn as a spawning ground for Jesus Hallelujah?

No, it is not.

Free speech is protected, and on that angle, whatever they feel they need to talk about is fine. But using our time and our airwaves and our lawn to spawn a religious revival is not right.

What our government officials are doing is nothing less than giving firm credence to a religious belief (they are all Christian). They are quoting the Bible and using our time at the center of the United States to say "Jesus is Lord!"

This is a problem. And we should use any and all resources we have to fight against it. Email those members of congress. Call them. Tell them that a theocracy is wrong. Tell them that, regardless of their focus or intuition or faith, that this is wrong.

As the First Amendment states,

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the exercise thereof...

This is the first step. Make Congress take pause. Make a difference.

Amen.

Drudgery: Homo-tagging San Fran's Mayor

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Coming Smackdown on Iran: Good Friday?

The crazy train's shuttling down the track, spitting whispers of border buildups and planned attacks. Who's in on it? Who are we to believe? I'll report. You decide.

Iran Ascared

Iran is afraid of being attacked by the US and Israel, which it calls "warmongers." I'm not saying they're wrong.

Actually, there's a date and time floating out there. Not that we're living in the tangible world of completely plausible reality, but Israeli news sources (J-Po) are reporting that Russian intelligence says that not only is there a buildup of activity on Iran's borders, but that from 4am to 4pm (Tehran time, I'm guessing) on Good Friday, there's going to be some tactical-grade ass-whoopin' goin' down.

British Gift

Did Mahmoud Ahmadinejad give this "gift" to Britan as a bribe not to get bombed? Everyone's looking sunshine and roses as he releases the British troops. But will it matter?

Isolated Iran?

Here's something else from Global Research: Iran is isolated

Iran is politically isolated. Unilateralism prevails within the corridors of the UN as well as within the Middle East war theater.

The US sponsored resolution in the United Nations Security Council received unanimous support. Proposed amendments to the draft resolution were discarded, following US pressures. The text of the resolution was adopted unanimously.

Neither Russia nor China, which have extensive military cooperation agreements with Iran, exercised their veto, nor did they abstain.

All that shows is that China and Russia are either wusses or they're guarding their cards.

Imagine, if you will, a bully. Let's call him Sam. And that bully is threatening, well, pretty much everyone except the lanky British kid (Nigel) in the corner. You and your friend tell the bully you won't help the little Iranian kid, Ahmed - even though you told him you guys were BFF - even if Sam starts beating him up.

Sam's feeling pretty damn good. So he goes over and smacks Ahmed. Once. Twice. You wait. Then Ahmed winds up to give some back and - oh shit, he just elbowed Abrham in the eye. They both go after Ahmed, you and Vlad jump in, and everyone, seeing Sam finally on the ground, in the sand, either pretends they aren't looking or goes in for the attack.

I'm not saying that's how it's going to go down. But it might.

Bush's Plan?

Perhaps Bush is planning a push-ahead with a military action so he can turn the argument into "Yeah, well you Congress guys better get your stuff together now because you're gonna hurt our troops big time if you keep delaying money now that we're in Iran. Big time, I say."

Whatever the strategies or tactics or whateverthehell, if these reports are correct, at 8:30pm ET, the missiles will launch.

And that was okay with one of Sean Hannity's callers yesterday, Donna from New Jersey:

DONNA: Hello Sean, I'm happy that the sailors will be returned to Britain but I think when they are safely home we should still lob a few bombs into Iran and let Iran know it's a new day and we're the boss, we're gonna set the rules, and we're gonna take action. And if anything like this should happen again, we shouldn't even negotiate. We just strike.

SEAN: Well, the problem is - and they know this - that we value life, and that at all cost, we don't want to do things that would result in the death of innocent people, in this case, these 15 British sailors and marines.

Did he just say we avoid civilian casualties at all costs? No, really. Oh, man.
**tear**

Remember: Pop your popcorn. Fireworks at 8:30 (or not and you can turn Survivor back on).

Christ on a Bun! - Blog Against Theocracy

All Christ on a Bun kidding aside, as I've talked about some in my last post and over at All Things Democrat in detail, we need to maintain our freedom of religion, our right to worship, or not.

If you're reading this and you're a blogger, please take part in the Blog Against Theocracy Blogswarm April 6 - 8.

What's a blogswarm? You blog against theocracy in your own personal fashion. You tell someone (Blue Gal in this case). Your post is compiled along with others around the world. For more information, check the Blog Against Theocracy official page.

Also check out First Freedom First's site. The following spot comes from them. Warning: tears may flow for love of country. (Thanks to Blue Gal for the enlightenment.)

Christ on a Bun! - Religion 'n' Violence, Political Jesus, Jesus: The Book

A little old, a little new, a little secondary introduction to Christ on a Bun!

Religion and Violence?

According to a brilliant new line of research, it seems that religion, or "God is on our side," can actually lead to violence and justification for that violence. The lead researcher recently uncovered a book entitled "World History," and was blown away by its contents.

Honestly. WTF? How does anyone even call this research? Religion has played some role in violence justification since there was violence. Or since there was religion. Chicken and egg kind of thing.

Separation of...what? What was that?

Last week, a group of 40 members of Congress from both sides of the aisle came together to promote prayer. Publicly.

However, Mr. Forbes says the group put politics aside and agreed on three unifying principles: "The historical importance of prayer, the power of prayer and a recognition that it's time the nation needs to come together and pray."

Holy shitcakes!

And after it happened, the reports became even more bleak. A protester and a package stalled the meeting, and

Twice delayed, the prayer event relocated to the lawn, and some members of Congress joked that it was God's way of moving the event to nature rather than buildings made by men.

Ha ha, those... wait, that's not - how's that funny? Most of these people don't even believe the planet (a.k.a., nature) is in danger.

Their aim is to "build a spiritual prayer wall" around the country. Whether this is in lieu of a border fence or just a stand-in until the proper immigration reform can go through was not clarified.

Our political leaders holding a revival, sans tent, on the lawn of our nations capital, with "Hallelujah, Bless the Lord" being shouted does not sit well with me. Nor should it sit well with any American who doesn't believe in a governmental endorsement of religion or, worst case scenario, a theocracy.


Jesus. Again? Hell!

Pope Benedict XVI is to release his own book on Jesus this coming April 16th, exactly eight days after April 8th, Easter, the day of Jesus' death. Some theologians and the religious in general are wondering if it isn't too soon. "Hell, we still can't make jokes about stingrays and the Croc Hunter," said one concerned churchgoer. "How does this look?" Others are concerned that the book is meant to glorify the Pope more than Jesus, being released on his 80th birthday. Benedict's birthday, not Jesus. Duh.

Literary types are wondering, at this point, how this is unlike another tenth-grade, 3-page paper on The Scarlet Letter.

You'll remember last time we heard from Benedict, he was touting the reality of the burning-fire-brimstone-heat-pain-eternity hell. Eternal fire. Maybe we should talk to Satan about an alternative energy plan.

Limbo's bullshit; purgatory was not addressed.

He also said "the Christian faith is not imposed on anyone, it is a gift, an offer to mankind." ...and if they don't accept it? Please refer to eternal burning of flesh comments. And for Christ's sake, buy the book!