In Short: Hannity 'n' Them Knuckle Sammiches

I heard Hannity on Wednesday, before getting owned by a Democratic congressman, say the following:

"I don't know if you've ever heard the saying... 'I'll hit you so hard your mother'll feel the vibrations.' Oh, now we sound like street kids, heh heh."

What?

Yeah, like street kids in the 30's. No, like street kids in a movie about the 1930's. What kind of mental throwback alternate dimension does Sean Hannity live in? What pre-cold war anachronism does he inhabit? No wonder his sense of reality is so skewed. Damn.

Friday FAIL: Webcast, iPad x 2, Rollerblade x 3!

So the first part of Friday FAIL is to discuss how I failed in my first week of posting per my guide list (way down on the right column). Sure, I got the Mon/Tues going strong, but Wednesday's Van Mural had to wait to Friday and I completely skipped Thursday. We'll have another go next week, then?

Enjoy!

Live Webcast Fail




iPad Fail




And will I ever get tired of the adaptations of Hitler? Answer: No. More iPad Fail.

Hitler Learns of iPad




I'm sorry. You came here looking for Fail in a more tangible manner. Here you go!

Rollerblade FAIL x 3







Cheers!

Van Mural Whatever Today Is

Who likes ass?

Wait. Who doesn't like ass?



Ass and surf. Don't get much better than that. For surfing people, I guess.

I prefer the pale emaciation that sometimes manifests in nerds and gamers.

Tuesday Politics: Republican NO-bama!

Day two of the scheduling plan and we've got some politics for you. So far so good.


Tomorrow night, President Obama is going to deliver his State of the Union Speech.

Now leaked: He's going to put a freeze on domestic spending.

So what do the Borrow-and-Spend Republicans say about a freeze on spending by their so-called Tax-and-Spend Democrats? Wrong!

Why? Isn't taking more financial responsibility for the country important.

"Wrong!"

Why?

"Democrat mean 'BAD.'"

So it just boils down to that, does it? Anything Obama and the Democratic party does is subject to ridicule and twisting and a good kneading and beating in the taffy-pulling machine that is the conservative media-political machine? Violently oppose anything proposed - even if it does some good for the country - in order to feign compromise, which the Democrats foolishly acquiesce to, at which point you'll still shout NO but now claiming that it's a weak bill in concert with liberals who say it doesn't go far enough?

"Yep."

But what about genuine health care reform, helping those that need the most help in an admittedly broken system?

"Socialism!"

Discounted meals for poor kids?

"Breeding machines!"

Cute puppies?

"Hitler!"


I see. And what about a Supreme Court that just allowed unlimited corporate campaign contributions from corporations, including foreign corporations, figuratively turning McCain-Feingold on its head (and even making McCain turn tail on his own legislation)?

"Oh, we were in power then. Dems may have been genuinely bi-partisan, but we just wanted to limit their funding. Now? No power. We've got to win in 2010 somehow."

That's what I thought.

"Democrat mean 'BAD.'"

Right.

Some Jesus Wrestling Rambling

So it's Monday and you know what that means! Or maybe you don't. Well? Read my post from thirty minutes ago; Monday means Jesus.

And if you're new here, don't turn heel on me yet. I'm a Godless Liberal and when I say Monday Jesus, I mean something tangential and irreverent. Kind of by definition. Might even be about a Latino now and then.

So today's media search was kind of a wash with every story mentioning Jesus having to do with the damned Trijicon scopes with Bible verses on them. Lame. You want to kill a Muslim's soul, shoot him with bacon bullets like everyone else does. Sheesh!

So what did I find about Jesus today? You're going to regret asking.



That's the image. The title of the article?

CM Punk The Version Of Jesus in Wrestling. Good Or Bad?

And, because I love you, I shall reprint the entire text of the article. English teacher marks [in red brackets]. Don't feel bad; this is someone listed as a contributor.

Ever since Punk turned heel, he has been nothing but an awsome [SP] competidor [SP] in the WWE.

Since his goal of ending Jeff Hardy´s career[,] CM Punk has become a really solid character in the SD brand. But now officials are really taking his gimmick to a real [RED] "EDGE".

Now don't get me wrong I really enjoy this story for Punk, I belive it´s really original and has a taste of reality that everyone likes[awk, RO sent].

WWE has donde [SP] a really nice job by taking thios [SP] character to the next level, just see it[frag]. Punk has started to gain [WC] a kind of Jesus look right? Or is it just me? Then in every promo he has made in [SP?] his quest to save the lifes [SP] of the adicts [SP] has been nothing but a very interesting copy of the message of Jesus [awk-restructure, please]. The most impresive thing is that the audience has identified with these gimmick[s] and more than ever they pay to go and BOO Punk out of the arena. [But if Punk is the Jesus figure, why does he get BOO'd? NC]

Some people think this is a really boring and anoying gimmick, but reallity [SP] is I belive is [awk] one of the best WWE has come up with these past year[?]. Just look who [SP?] funny and entertaining is every word Punk has to say in those "saving people" segments. Things like: "These women needs me I sense it" are[tense] just hilarious coming from a guy like Punk with his tatoos and wearing his wrestling attire [awk].

Come on people give this a chance, belive or not I think these is one of the best products WWE has released in a long time [RO].

The partnership with Luke [Biblical Luke?] makes it even more interesting, and on the other hand gives good old Festus a nice push, we all wanted these [number] for him since he is a really nice [WC] wrestler. And if the storyline rounds [?] around Jesus who knows maybe Luke will be the one that turns on Punk and serves him to the entire face part [face part?]of the locker room.

It´s a rellay [SP] GOOD thing for Punk, for Luke, for SD and specially for the WWE Universe. If you just hate the story I respect you're [your] opinion but I'm asking you to respect mine and give CM Punk (aKa ["a.k.a."] Jesus) a shot with this new gimmick.

Holy Christ, that was hard to mark up!

(FYI: When writing something that will forever be floating the circuits and aether that is the internets, either use Firefox or Chrome (spellcheck) or write it in Word and copy/paste.)

If "your" surprised by the contributors, you can see the fans on teevee. I went once. Ironically. Back when it was the World Wildlife Foundation.

Maybe "its" just lost "it's" edge.

A New Plan Theme Thing

Okay, it's not necessarily a "NEW" plan as in the blog is going to change or all the things you love will disappear like a cake in front of a fat kid, but I've noticed a lack of focus on my part. A lack of discipline.

So about half the time, my focus will fall into the outline you can see under Linktastica! on the right. Feel free to suggest anything. I'm sure it will be welcomed with joy.

So what've I got in store for my wonderful people? Only the best:

Monday
Jesus News!

Tuesday
Politics I May or May Not Give a Shit About

Wednesday
Van Mural Wednesday

Thursday
Images of Some Sort. Probably Funny. Occasionally Photoshopped by Yours Truly

Friday
Fail Friday Video(s)


As you may know, when I feel frisky or particularly motivated, I'll knock out 2 or 3 posts in a day. This list is positioned to make me knock out at least 1 on those days I don't feel so much so.

SO: Whatcha think?

In Short: McDonald's FAIL

I stopped into McDonald's tonight. While in the drive-thru pay window, I noticed a sign posted inside:

Due to slow sales, hours have been cut for all employees. When sales increase, you will be given your hours back.

And when I was driving away, I noticed a sign posted in the front window:

HELP WANTED


FAIL


Your thoughts?

Van Mural Wednesday: Eyes on Your Chess Battle

She sees your darkest secrets...




Chess battle!

Arctic Monkeys - Nick Cave - Red Right Hand

I love the Arctic Monkeys. I love Nick Cave. I love this fucking video. Love it with me.

Frisky Dingo, Meet Archer!

Remember that time I talked about that one vague show called Frisky Dingo? If not, feel free to visit the link and return or just watch a little love below:



I loved the hell out of that show - honestly the most consistently hilarious show I've ever seen in timing and pace and it just matched my brain in some way. And then it broke my heart when Season 2 ended and nary a word was heard.

And then, by chance, I caught a blurb on IFC with Dingo co-creator Adam Reed talking about his new venture entitled Archer about a whoring secret agent (think James Bond gone bad) that appears very similar to Xander Cruise in Dingo. The previews showed a perfect match in timing, non sequitur, and hilarity.

Here's a taste:


(Check out more on FXArcher's Channel)

And the best part is: you can get in on the ground floor! The clip I saw said the series started on FX on January 21st, but the first two episodes aired last week on the 14th. But they're airing the first two episodes ("Training Day" and "Mole Hunt") on Thursday again before the second showing of episode 3, "Diversity Hire."

FX. Thursdays at 10pm. We can watch and hope that they pick it up beyond its original 6 episodes.

Yay!

Stupid Shit Republicans Say

Let's focus on two. I keep pretty close with the crazy as it happens from conservatives but this first one really blew my mind.

Tiger Woods, That Naughty Buddhist

Tiger Woods will recover as a golfer. Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question, and it's a tragic situation with him. I think he's lost his family. It's not clear to me that -- whether he'll be able to have a relationship with his children.

But the Tiger Woods that emerges once the news value dies out of this scandal -- the extent to which he can recover, it seems to me, depends on his faith. He's said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith.

So my message to Tiger would be, "Tiger, turn your faith -- turn to the Christian faith, and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

That was noted asshat Brit Hume on Fox News. I don't care that he spewed his religion all over the air - I think Murdoch walks around with a loaf of blessed bread, breaking off pieces and swabbing up the sputum for lunch - but WTF?

First - He's knocking someone else's religion in relation to his own and his "I don't think" qualifies it as complete ignorance. It's like saying "I've only eaten cabbage all my life and if you want your nutrition I think that kale is wasting your life!"

What a fuck. What is he saying? Let's get together a big list of Christians who have BEEN Christians and screwed over their spouses or abused kids or molested kids. Who the hell are you?

And Buddhism is to blame?

Second - Imagine, for a second, if this was posited by Malcom X, and he said that Tiger's coming to Allah through the Nation of Islam would be a better solution to Buddhism.

Can you even visualize the nasty disaster of religion and hate and race that would ensue - from people at Fox News?

Hypocrisy is an ugly thing, and only uglier when unmasked and laid bare.


Giuliani and um...9/11?

RUDY: "What he should be doing is following the right things that Bush did -- one of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We've had one under Obama."

Wait, wasn't there that shoe bomber guy and ...how did Giuliani forget about that part of his soul, 9/11? Didn't that happen during Bush?

What the fuck?

To be fair, Giuliani has since revamped his statement (according to Olbermann's team 4 times), but none of them clearly reach for the primary ignorance and none truly point to the true cause of the original statement: Rudy Giuliani and other Conservatives are now positing revised history as reality. Recent history, that we all remember, that we were all there for - if no in NY - that there are pieces of our memory that are at fault. That Bush was not.

It's a basic psychological ploy, really. Some people look at it and say "So because you say it 500 times, does it make it true?" Yes. It does. The sad truth is that the first time it's heard by many goons, it's true. The subsequent lies only prove to bolster those who've heard #1 and imbue more who haven't. And by the time they get to bullshit #500, everyone who is ignorant enough to eat up any conservative scat they can get their hands on (that other conservatives haven't already devoured)? They eat it like a fat kid eats cake.

We'll never buy the bullshit. But I wanted you to know that there are tens of millions who will. Who already have.


Epilogue

Today I heard Rush Limbaugh say that if you want to look at what Democratic corruption can do to a city to ruin it, take a look at New Orleans.

If I'm not mistaken (and correct me if I am), New Orleans was ruined by Bush-appointed asshats that didn't know how to organize the simplest of disaster scenarios, let alone the worst of imaginings.

More stupid. More drunk by stupid-drinkers. More waste of brain cells. More of burying intellect.

And that is conservatism. For today at least.


UPDATE!

Media Matters Reports:

After an earthquake devastated Haiti on January 12, Pat Robertson said on The 700 Club that Haitians had "swor[n] a pact to the devil" to get "free from the French" and that "ever since, they have been cursed." Robertson's comments follow a pattern in which he has assigned blame for tragedies and disasters, as well predicted them.

Is this because voodoo, which is practiced in Haiti, is an amalgamation of pagan and Catholic beliefs? Guess what? Christianity is an amalgamation of pagan and "new" beliefs!

I believe this post will continue in perpetuity...

In Short: Haiti ...WHA?

Right now CNN, MSNBC, HLN, etc. are talking about and extensively covering the earthquake that has rocked Haiti to its roots and killed hundreds - if not thousands - of locals.

Fox News is focused on Bill O'Reilly interviewing Sarah Palin and proving she's not retarded. No breaks for real news.

Fox itself must be retarded in its coverage of reality.

Case in point.

Dr. Oz on Reiki

Dr. Oz likes Reiki. I like Reiki. Cool.

Scrapbooking is Stupid

That is all.

Mentalist Fight: Amanda and Robin

Mrs. Shambles and I watch The Mentalist with that strapping Aussie Simon Baker who was in that terrible show The Guardian that gave me a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw it listed on the DVR. Wait - did we have DVR back then? I don't know. I don't remember the cable situation then. I do remember the sad, empty feeling though.

Anyway, I was thinking about my previous post mentioning the Oliva Munn / Morgan Webb post from a while back, and then The Mentalist popped up. It's a good show, nothing like The Guardian.

So, readers, feel free to chime in: I'm not putting any qualifiers on it like fight or beauty. Who wins? Why?

Robin Tunney



or...

Amanda Righetti




Personally? Well ...I'll let you mull over it and I'll update the post with my thoughts and any particularly clever comments next week.

Van Mural Saturday?

Yeah. What can I say. Feeling guilty about being busy. So here's your Van Mural action to make things better. I know: it's like a peck on a bruise when you're hoping for them to go down on you. Take it for what it is.

Found this gem and was almost hesitant to post it. I mean I'm not a surfer, so maybe it's cool. The art doesn't suck, though the van itself says "Collar-poppin Douchebag" to me. Not sure why. Judge for yourself.



But I know your expectations when it comes to vans here at Cause For Concern is not centered around talented art and quality craftsmanship. You want a big pile of suck with generous, dripping side of schadenfreude.

At your service!



Now let me admit, up front, that I am well aware that this is NOT a mural in the purest sense. A mural is generally painted, though mixed media is not out of the question. This is neither. This is shiny garland and tape. This is the scrapbooking version of Van Mural Wednesday.

But it does suck. And that we can appreciate. Or at least laugh at.


...and who the fuck gave smiley faces the right to get a driver's license? Jesus! Next thing you know, we'll be giving them to immigrants.

Holy Snickers! Traffic Update

Yesterday I was tooling around with some of the stats from my other clients and I thought I'd take a look at the numbers for this little corner of the blogosphere and - Holy Shit! - I've been getting between 200 and 400 visits a day. WTF?

Some Statties

Top referring Keywords:

naked (5.69%)
julianna rose mauriello (3.43%)
olivia munn maxim (3.43%)
shake weight for men (3.20%)
glenn beck is a douchebag (2.73%)

Shows you what kind of party I'm throwing. Although I tend to speak politics quite a bit, so perhaps it's a better representation of the people on the internets.

For those of you who don't know, Juliana is the pink-haired leading lady on a kids' show called Lazytown. She is a very attractive young lady and in May she turned 18, which makes that previous sentence slightly less creepy. Olivia is the female host of Attack of the Show on G4 and I once pitted her up against Morgan Webb - with mixed reviews. Shake Weight is always a party pleaser. And Glenn Beck is always a tremendous douchebag.

But #1 keyword is naked? You dirty birds.

The fun part about the internet and search engine mechanics is that by me posting about posts and linking the right text to my own blog - even from my own blog - it alters the numbers in the aether and may bring even more traffic, kind of like if I went back in time to my sophomore year in college and told myself to grow a pair and just pounce on K. on our first date she might not have later broken up with me because I didn't pounce on her on our first date. Okay, maybe not anything like that. Sorry. My soft-spoken college days sometimes haunt me.

But enough about me. Who wants more numbers!?

(last 30 days)

8,557 Visits
10,746 Pageviews
80.88% Bounce Rate (meaning they entered and left on the same page)
00:00:21 Average time on a page (yes, that's seconds)

And an interesting note: a full 25% of my traffic comes from Google Image Searches that lead to my page. Images are important! In fact, here's one apropos of absolutely nothing, an old favorite of my own making:


Liquid Jesus Beer

So overall, good numbers. Crazy numbers. And certainly tells me that I've got to focus on offering more to you good people, especially my regulars, on a ...well, regular basis. Even if I'm busy. So hopefully I'll get a couple more catch-up posts out today, some tomorrow, and my goal: To post 5x a week at minimum. Let's see if I can keep up.

Keep reading, keep commenting, even if you're here for non-existent naked pics :)

Learn to Speak TeaBag

This one's a little older, but delicious, as is everything at Mark Fiore's site. Enjoy!

A Retort: Guideline for Conservatives

I love getting comments. Granted, most of them are humorous or insightful bits from my regular readers. But every once in a while - every couple days or so - I get something from a conservative either (rarely) actually agreeing with something I said, (occasionally) contributing thoughtful criticism to my post, or (often) parroting Beck or Limbaugh and calling me stupid.

I respond to most of them, mostly to let them know that they are ignorant and what to do in order engage me in actual conversation. I generally do this quietly, commenting and leaving it alone.

But sometimes, like today, I'm going to place in my first post of 2010 an excellent bad example of how to comment and my reply as a guide to those conservatives who still don't get that independent thought might actually make others think a little.

The post was Right Wing Glurge SPAM: Political Correctness in which I discuss some junk mail that came through and the dubious claims of origin and how nowhere on the internet could there be found proof of such origins.

Someone said they loved the dubious definition. I called them a sycophant, and someone else - Canoebutt - replied:

About as educated a sycophant as one that would list his astrological sign on his bio page as if it actually meant something. How is life in your mother's basement?

I believe my reply covers it:

Canoebutt-
Sorry to disappoint, but I own my own home and my own business.

One of the things I tend to discuss from time to time is the technical ineptitude of conservatives. Thank you for proving my point.

For your education and benefit: Google inserts the astrological sign if you input your birthday as an obfuscation of the actual birth date.

Also: your attack, which is generally referred to as ad hominem means you have no argument against ideas and resort to attacking the person. But as we've already covered, you cannot even do that correctly.

Remove yourself from the Limbaugh man-teat and speak intelligently about things you actually understand. People might take you seriously.

Note to the trolls: Just plain mean or insulting will get your comment deleted. Parroting talk show hosts and Fox News talking points or ad hominem attacks will get you called out. Stupid might win you ridicule.

You think I'm wrong and you're right, then argue a solid point with decent backing. I will read. I will reply. We will converse.

If you don't think you can do that, while it may reduce my enjoyment, you might want to reconsider posting a comment. You'll just be proving all the zombie myrmidon stereotypes we already know to be mostly true.

And for the love of all things holy, try not to reference anything having to do with the internet. It's just better that way.

Happy New Year

In this time of Republican trolls, conservative asshats, neverending wars, and underpants bombers, I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all you wonderful, wonderful readers who keep sticking around for one reason or another.

I wish you all the best tonight and for the new year.

Cheers!