Ultimates! Ricky's Fav Movies & Music

I'm feeling a little brash today, a little like sticking it out there and just declaring once and for all that I do have a favorite, and ultimate of some for or another. So let's get this over with.

Favorite Song: White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane




Funniest Animated Show Ever: Frisky Dingo




Funniest Movie Ever: BASEketball




Favorite Movie: True Romance




There we go. I feel better.

Van Mural Danger Down: Red & Ice Cream!

Because nothing says "Check out my pimp rims!" like a children's fairy tale.



And this van either sells ice cream or rape. I guess it could be both.

This week's apparent theme: luring children into dangerous situations. How unfortunate.

Drunk Lady + Dogs + Parrots = Ohio

I'd say "Only in Cincinnati" but I think you can probably find such absurdity Ohio-wide.

From cincinnati.com:

MIDDLETOWN - Over the incessant barking of half a dozen small dogs, Sgt. Steve Ream couldn't believe what he saw inside a Beech Street house.


On a bed with the dogs was a woman, with "one large white parrot... standing on her forehead, biting her in the face. There was another smaller bird on her chest."

This was in addition to as many as 10 cages with other birds, all of them squawking and causing the dogs to bark. The woman appeared to be so intoxicated, Ream said, "that she could not remove the bird off her face."

The Friday night run started as a domestic disturbance, a man and a wife who had been drinking and arguing so loudly that neighbors had gotten involved.

Ream then took Janice McCoy-Nuttle, 49, to the front porch, because "I couldn't understand what she was trying to say due to the dogs barking and other noise."

She denied that her husband, Kevin Nuttle, who was outside the house with a bleeding ear, had been assaulted.

It would have ended there, Ream wrote in his report, but McCoy-Nuttle got angry at her husband, swore at him and threw an inhaler at him, nearly striking the officer.

Ream then put her in the back of his cruiser, and wrote that she kicked at the windows and banged her head on the bars. At the police station, where she had to be restrained, she was charged with disorderly conduct with intoxication.

The couple had been celebrating Nuttle's return after four months on the road as a truck driver.

McCoy-Nuttle was later found guilty in Middletown Municipal Court and fined $240.

Popehat! Turning Wording into Whine

Last week, many people - including myself - were up in arms about the Comedy Central bullshit where they censored not only the "image" of Mohammed, but in part 2 (episode 201), bleeped every time the name Mohammed was used bleeped over the entire final speech. (Even though Season 5's "Super Best Friends" can still be found with a normally-illustrated Mohammed and no fanfare whatsoever - but that was before 9/11 when the terrorists apparently did win 'cause dey scurred us.)



And everybody, especially the Christians, were outraged at the double standard imposed in the world of religion.



One guy I heard on one of my right-wing AM masochism sessions actually said "Islam is the only religion you can't make fun of."

Yeah, so fuck that, right? Everyone else has a great sense of humor, let's it roll off their back like piss on a duck, right?



Not so fast there, Catholics. A fake memo, circulated by a 23-year old satirist - admittedly as a joke - is getting a lot of attention this week. What was in it?

The memorandum, apparently written by staff planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

And the Pope flipped the fuck out in usual sanctimonious bullshit mode. The tempest in a teacup was jumped on by all the Catholic myrmidons in the western world and called anything from "despicable" to "a foolish document." The Pope's visit to the UK is in jeopardy and the Vatican wants to know why no one's been sacked yet.



Oh, for fuck's sake! I agree that death threats over depictions of Mohammed, innocuous or not, are total bullshit. But you, you hypocritical Catholics, glom on to that bullhorn in one breath and in the very next are calling for the hounds of hell to pluck this satire-driven man from the face of the earth for comments that oscillate between mildly humorous and trite!

So the WTF Award goes to the Pope. Again. Though this whole thing could've been a bit of a ruse to kill the UK trip all together. Everyone knows Richard Dawkins is going to arrest the Pope as soon as he sets foot in the UK. You know, that whole religion-wide molestation coverup thing?


And one last note on the Mohammed South Park debacle. It's prompted at least one cartoonist to declare May 20th, 2010 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" in defense of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.



However, following the mad viral reaction of the internets over her cartoon, has disassociated herself with the movement and the cartoon, and many links can be found in this story from Facebook groups to where to submit your drawing for May 20.

I'll be posting my own graven image and encourage you to do the same. Maybe one of Jesus too. And the Pope. And Krishna. And Buddha. Then it's fair ;)

Phallic Blog Award Question

If I started handing out blogging awards that said

I'd Fuck Your Blog With My Own Dick

Do you think there would be clamoring?

Yeah, you're right. I guess it would depend on the badge design. I'll work on that. I'd stick with initial caps, though.

Weekly Van Mural Never Ends!

(an don't overlook the license plate or crafted bumper...)



...c'mon now - you don't think I'd leave you hangin' do you? Here's the full splendor!





They look like big, good, strong hands. Don't they?

Sea Lion v. Octopus

I guess today is all for Cal. Enjoy!

A Cave Girl for a Friend

I ran into this image today and it's called "Cave Girl" by Calvin Wong, a San Fran illustrator.

And I immediately thought "Cave? Calvin? Perfect!" This one's for you, Cal.

Ground Control to Major Tom

No, exactly what you might think. Look how young Davie is!

Monday Jesus: The Beatles!, Ugly Army, Turin Turnin'

Beatles and Satan

The Beatles, this week, got a nod from the Vatican:

Offering the band complete absolution, the article, entitled Seven Years That Shook Music, L’Osservatore Romano said: “Its true they took drugs, lived life to excess because of their success, even said they were bigger than Jesus and put out mysterious messages, that were possibly even Satanic.

“They may not have been the best example for the youth of the day but they were by no means the worst. Their beautiful melodies changed music and continue to give pleasure.”

It went on: “Forty years later the Beatles still astound with their originality and they are a consolation against the continual assault on music lovers by the record industry.”

Someone's a fan. But does that sound back-handed to anyone?

Ehh...Satanic? No problem! They made good music! WTF?


End Times

Some folks think it's neigh. The END, that is. And the worst thing is that the article is written because these anti-gov't choads think it's so:



Wrong answer, Chris Kattan!


Turin in His Grave?

The Shroud of Turin is back on display. Yay! I mean, whatever. I'm going with fake. Durr.

Friday FAIL: Chatroulette, Fox Slip, Ballsmack

Chatroulette is a fail in itself in that you're going to generally see naked guys, sometimes jacking off. If you don't know about Chatroulette, the premise is simple: go to the site, link in your webcam and you are instantly and randomly joined with someone else in the world with a webcam. And you can chat with them.

Here's a couple guys doing some improv on Chatroulette because I didn't want to give you a video with a bunch of guys jacking off. If you want to see dicks, go to Chatroulette directly. It won't take long. I promise.




Screener Fail

And on Fox News of all things. Fun!




Double Skateboard FAIL



Ouch.

Who's Who of Asshat Liars

I was scanning through the Drudge Report today and one column of links struck me as quite funny:

GINGRICH: Obama 'most radical president ever'...

LIMBAUGH: Obama 'inflicting untold damage on this great country'...

MARK LEVIN: Civil disobedience is coming...

PALIN: Obama's Nuke Stance Like Kid Who Says 'Punch Me in Face'...

LIZ CHENEY: Obama Putting America on 'Path to Decline'...

HANNITY: Obama 'Is a Socialist'...

SAVAGE: 'Obama The Destroyer'...

Gingrich is the most sane of the band and the rest are known right wing radical news-spinners, liars, and/or absolutely nuts. I know Drudge is not now nor has he ever professed to be balanced about anything, but damn. I guess good on him for putting his ignorance and bias front and center.

This post brought to you by the number 0 and the letters F and U.


And completely unrelated was this other Drudge link:

Muslim woman strangled by her burkha in freak go-kart accident...

...which is why Muslim women shouldn't be driving in the first place. I thought they already had a law against that. Sheesh.

I Can See Batshit Crazy From My House

Palin-Bachmann 2012?

Holy fucking shit. Please. Please. Please.

Van Mural Wed, er Thursday: Horseys!

A horse is a horse of course, of course. That is of course unless the horse - is painted on the side of a freaking van. Then it's a vision.




And unrelated to my equine friend above, I found out today that by typing van mural in to Google Image Search, the header of Cause for Concern comes up on the second page. I'm doin' something right!

It's a Nice Day For a White (Trash) Wedding

Monday Jesus: The Cleveland Diocese FAIL

This has nothing to do with the Pope's sex scandal coverup, but it will make you angry if you are at all familiar with Catholicism. Or just hate stupid.

(Note: I am not nor have I ever been a member of St. Peter's. As soon as I heard the story, I did some hunting and digging to obtain the information presented here.)

Here's a story...

...of a few dozen Cleveland parishes (churches) that, because of the economic downturn and attendance downturn, had been ordained (no pun intended) to be unworthy of the Catholic Church's operating costs. In other words, despite historical significance or beauty of the building or the commitment of the congregation, several churches are just not pulling their weight. Here's a list of closed/closing churches, 30 in Cuyahoga County alone.

Bishop Dick


Bishop Richard Lennon: 'Heyyy..whaddya want from me? Salvation?'

Turns out that after a few churches had been officially closed by the diocese, word spread quickly that Bishop Richard Lennon was the diocesan form of Galactus, eater of worlds. The bishop would celebrate the final mass at the church and immediately afterwards made sure everyone was out of the building. Bodyguards by his side (I'm not kidding), generally with some or all of the congregation still lingering, Bishop Dick would drop a padlock on the front doors and - I'm guessing - laugh like a drunken Dr. Evil.

"Oh No You Di-int!?"

Some of the congregation of Historic St. Peter's Church in downtown Cleveland caught wind of this cruel / evil / inhumane / irreverent practice used to shut down churches and they got together and said they were going to boycott the April 11th closing mass. In order to maintain a place for congregation and fellowship and to continue the mission of the church, they rented a warehouse nearby.

Grumpy Dick

Bishop Richard caught wind of a slight scent of something that didn't smell overwhelmingly like money or obedience and sent every member of the congregation a letter of, well, I guess you'd call it a letter of disapproval with undertones of warning. Feel free to skim it, but here it is in its entirety and it's a right piece of scolding sanctimonious bullshit:

Dear -,

Because of the responsibility given to me as Bishop of the Diocese of Cleveland, I have taken difficult but necessary steps to ensure the vibrancy and vitality of our Diocese going forward. In order to provide for presence and pastoral care in an equitable manner throughout the Diocese, a number of beloved parishes are closing and others are merging so that the work of building the Kingdom of God in the Diocese of Cleveland will continue. The men and women who founded these parishes sacrificed much, giving out of want in order to build the Church in Cleveland. With the same sense of commitment to the Catholic faith that was shown by those who built our early parishes, we move forward in faith.

I encourage you as a parishioner of St. Peter Parish to look to the future with a renewed commitment to your Catholic identity and to register at another parish in the Diocese following the mass that I am scheduled to celebrate on 11 April 2010 at St. Peter Church. Much has been done through the efforts of your Pastor, Father Robert Marrone, and through the laity of St. Peter to provide outreach to the poor of Cleveland and presence and various forms of assistance to the young people in a local public school in Cleveland. While the physical edifice that is your parish church will close, you are encouraged to continue the good work done at St. Peter's by joining parishes with other Catholics in the Diocese.

To maintain communion in Christ with the pastors of the Church and with the faithful is one of the most serious obligations we have as Catholics. Lumen gentium, the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church promulgated by the Second Vatican Council, states that the baptized are in full communion with the Catholic Church when joined with Christ in its visible structure by the bonds of profession of faith, of the sacraments and ecclesiastical governance (LG, #14).

It is because of my concern for you and your salvation an for the good of the Church in Cleveland that I write this letter. It has been brought to my attention that there is a document on file with the Ohio Secretary of State establishing "The Community of St. Peter" and that space has been rented on Euclid Avenue in Cleveland under that name. Further, it is my understanding that the establishment of "The Community of St. Peter" and the new website that is under development by that community which "will soon house information on all of our new programs and serve as a primary communication tool in our new service organization," has created confusion among parishioners of St. Peter Parish.

Gleaning from information I have received, some see this as a way for the current parishioners to continue their good works in the city which I can support; others are wondering if this means they will be worshiping together at the new address.

It is my hope and my prayer that there is no attempt on the part of some to set up an alternative parish outside the jurisdiction of the Diocese of Cleveland. Please know that I will not approve of a priest celebrating the sacraments in any space other than an approved site within the Diocese.

Most importantly, we must never lose sight of our Catholic Faith which we profess on Sundays and days of great celebration when we say "We believe in the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church." When we became member's of God's Church we became members of the unified body of Christ. So important is this reality of unity that Jesus prayed the night before He died "...that they may all be one, as you Father, are in me and I in you."

When there is a breaking of unity and communion with the Church, there are consequences which affect one's relationships with the Lord, with His holy Church, as well as with other members of the faithful.

We are the Church together. We come together as family in challenging times. The Church is our spiritual family. We are called by Christ to work together. If we work together, we will be healed together. The participation of every parishoner of St. Peter in the family of the Church in Cleveland is essential if we are to bring the hope and peace of Christ to our community.

Sincerely yours in Christ,
(+ Richard Lennon)
Bishop of Cleveland

Synopsis: Holy Bullshittery Batman!

The gist of the letter is "I'm not sayin' anything solid or permanent, but if you stray from a sanctioned, official Catholic church, it might mess with your bond to God and everyone knows that means you go to hell." Amongst other things.

But how backwards is that? What happened to the humanity of faith? The compassion of Christ? What about "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name...?" People all over Cleveland are losing their places of worship. One woman I met is 92 years old and has only ever attended one church. And that church is closing. And instead of empathy and understanding, she gets Bishop Dick and The Meatheads on their Door Lockin' Tour and the message is "Get yourself to another church before you lose your soul!" WTF?

(Sidenote: she's also slowly losing her grasp on the presence of reality, so while her home church may give her comfort and a few moments of solace, a new parish would fill her with confusion if not terror. Good job Dick!)

Personal Rant / Conclusion

It is an excellent example of why I strayed from the Catholic faith so many years ago.

The purpose of most religions is to foster a connection between yourself and a higher power, whether for the purpose of personal enlightenment, betterment of the world, or just getting to Heaven because Dante wrote how shitty Hell was. And the Catholic church takes that core tenet, that raw energy of the goal of faith, and they put it in a box that says "mystery" on it, held by a priest who is your "go between guy" (and it can never be a woman). So at the very start, you're never allowed to touch it. That's locked into a church that must be validated by the diocese and is wrapped in Bishops and Archbishops and Cardinals and rules and nuance and dogma and doctrine and "Vatican II" and a filthy rich Vatican City that's its own country headed by a guy who was a member of the Hitler Youth and had a hand in covering up cases of pedophilia and molestation the world over!

And they wondered why I didn't want to go to church on Sunday.


I'm guessing many of you have never gotten in this deeply to the world of Catholic doctrine, dogma, disillusionment, etc. I hope, if nothing else, I opened your eyes to another facet of society that has gone horribly wrong.


UPDATE: The good people of St. Peter's Parish have found a new, temporary home and held their first celebration of worship this weekend. Thanks to John in comments for this link of what was a joyous moment for them all.

Popehat Steps in it Again: FAIL

From the annals of BAD PR:

At a solemn Good Friday service, Pope Benedict XVI's personal preacher likened the tide of allegations that the pontiff has covered up sex abuse cases to the "more shameful aspects of anti-Semitism." But within hours, facing a storm of criticism at the comparison, the Vatican felt it necessary to distance the pope from the preacher's remarks.

Holy shit. Really? Didn't anyone tell him everyone's hating on the Jews right now anyway?

Kidding aside, how the hell does the Vatican get this deep into the scandal? Oh yeah, because their creepy pontiff had a hand in covering up decades of sexual abuse. Defrock them all!

Oh, and Happy Easter!

Van Mural Wednesday: Joplin n Crap!

Heheh...take a look at this Joplin-painted van.



Wait, um, that's actually kind of well done. Cheers!


Of course, I know you're not here for good examples of the art, so here you go:



Motha-fucka got a pop top for stand-up sex. Now that's a party!

(Oh, and the moon appears to be pissing a wild one)

Dog Eats Car. Awesome.

(HT Cleveland Love)

Peeving: Case and Mute

If you hear someone say "Ha! Case and point!" please smack them and remind them it's not a tennis match. Unless, of course, tennis is the subject of discussion. Then tell them they're not playing euchre.

The phrase, friends, is actually "Case in point." To elucidate, the phrase is based in the idea that you make a case against someone or something. The structure used to make a case is a listing of supporting points. The Gestalt of those points forms what is called a case. Think of it as a legal case; every piece of evidence is a point of the case against the defendant.

Therefore, "case in point" is to create the entire case in a single point or, more to wit, the fact that a single point can carry the entire case. You have an entire case in a single point or "case in point."

For example, if someone were to pose the argument that Republicans are just being choads about healthcare and you were to point out that Mitt Romney's healthcare deal in Mass was pretty much the same as Obama's but on a national level and now he's trying to reconcile that discrepancy, that would roll as a "case in point." Some might argue that Republicans being choads might qualify alone, "case in point" generally has to appeal to both sides of the argument.


If someone says "It's a mute point!" smack them. They may be getting the reference right but the word is "moot." Tell them to look it up.

That is all.