Right Wing Logic: Nuh-uuuuuuh!

I heard some conservative asshat on Hannity yesterday arguing that we killed bin Laden and now we have to hunt down every single person in the world who threatens the USA and do the same to them. The liberal (rational) counter argument was that killing one spawns another and another and another kill order to an absurd degree. She was labeled crazy by both the conservative woman and Hannity.

Reminded me of a conversation I had while riding in the car with my parents as a child, though the exact context escapes me. It went something like this:

ME: Well, what if I want the cookie?
MOM: You can't have it.
ME: Maybe I'll just take it.
MOM: Maybe we'll call the police.
ME: Then I'll beat up the police.
MOM: They'll send more police.
ME: I'll beat them up too.
MOM: Then they'll send police from other states.
ME: Beat 'em up.
MOM: Then they'll send the army.
ME: And I'll beat 'em up. I'll beat up the whole world.
MOM: Then they'll call God and you'll go to hell.
ME: Okay. Nevermind.

At a VERY remedial level, how does a self-proclaimed Christian who readily demonizes an entire religion based on a couple radicals justify their own Christianity while calling for the normalized assassination of all enemies of America? Um, if she was in any other country she'd be on our terrorist watch list.

It's Van Mural Time Again!

No better way to take a break from the stupid of government and politics than to have a Van Mural Day.




I don't know if you can make it out, but that is in fact Legolas tearing through the fabric of reality ...but only on the van.




Chess is a game of ...van murals?




Mom! Tell the Duke to stop hogging my van!

Ah, That Old God & Gays Argument...

Oh, hells yeah. Could someone put this right-headed thought and concern upon every politician in America? (God? I'm lookin' at you! Shit. That's just the bathroom mirror.)



Representative Steve Simon (DFL Hopkins/St. Louis Park) says a proposed Minnesota constitutional amendment is largely about religion. He says if sexual orientation is innate as science is showing us, and not a lifestyle choice, then God created gay people. He asks how many gay people must God create before we accept that he wants them around.

Conservative America Reacts (pt.1, I'm sure)

Osama bin Laden is dead. The USA killed him. We have his body (well, the USA, not, like, at my house).

Pretty sweet news, and while I think Obama should get the cred (as Bush had so many years to do so), I'm expecting a flush of Fox cred for Bush for this as though he were still prez and #winning.

But almost 2 hours after the announcement, and I've been living on the TV and Twitter and FB and someone I follow posted this (I reversed it from the bottom-up feed, so the top was written first - less than 10 minutes from the second).



Shit, man. Is this - WTF? This is your first seal, readers. While knee-jerk reaction is "Obama wins!" it just means it has to get even uglier for them to properly defame him. Strap in. It gonna get stupid(er).

1974 Sucked Butts

This man is on the path to a 5-figure salary. Poor bastard. (ad from 1974 Deathlok comic book)


(click to embiggen)

Fake colleges you don't have to go to: financially and mentally raping Americans for almost 40 years.

Smile!

Musee des Beaux Arts by W.H Auden

One of my all-time favorites. And how appropriate, with our Icarus, the Economy, the ploughman the Republican needing to shut down abortions and minority voting.


"Fall of Icarus" by Breughel

About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters; how well, they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.
In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

Quote of the Evar: Peter Barnes

I know I am God because when I pray to Him I find I am speaking to Myself.

- Peter Barnes

We Don't Own All The OIL!

Let me say this a different way:

Some of the conservatives are correct: if you announced that the USA was allowing the drilling of every ounce of oil under its land, gas prices would drop tomorrow while the speculators scrambled and if it actually happened, prices of the world market would slowly decrease until, like... anything happened in the Middle East, we realized China was buying even more (and now cheaper) oil, or the wells went dry.

But here's where it gets hinky, and I heard direct evidence of this on Columbus 610AM WTVN with Chuck Douglas: While Chuck stuck to the potential of drilling as potentially lowering the gas price, he gave callers a blind crazy license to say, basically "We've got enough oil and natural gas and coal within our shores to carry the USA forever and FUCK foreign energy!" Of course without even questioning them let alone correcting them.

Here's the problem: The same ignorant goons saying "We own our oil!" don't quite realize that it is because of the entrepreneurial free market, the "government out of business" that they tout that THIS IS NOT TRUE.

Drilling companies pay the US a fee for exploratory - then drilling - rights. They own the crude they drill and will sell it not to the US (but we needs it, precious) but to the highest bidder who in turn sells the next product down all the way to gas, everyone getting the highest price on the market. We will buy it off the same market as China, even if it was drilled from my Cincinnati, OH yard and I was on the drilling team.

The ONLY way these right wing goons saying "We own our oil!" could be right is if the United States Government got its hands into the drilling business, the oil business, the refining business, the gasoline and petrol products - Hell, let's call it TAINT-OIL - and then we can cut off the rest of the world and TAINT-OIL can keep and distribute and control the flow of the fuel ("Hell, you can be Joe Cocaine with it") - and our livelihoods.

[Pause: You get this, right? The right wing is basically calling for eschewing free markets and governmental control of our energy resources.]

So how do so many people, people who don't want "the nanny state" thinking about talking about looking at them sideways, NOT understand this basic fact, this absolute catastrophe of logic?

Because people like Chuck Douglas and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh let them. Because while these show hosts should (and probably do based on their measured speech) know better, realize that the USA will never drill and take our own oil -- those hosts, their livelihood, their base, their ratings are activated, are generated, are receiving salvation from the Lord Above from ignorant people who want nothing more than to yell at the radio about how Obama is screwing them.

Ironically, would the US Government open TAINT-OIL, those talk show hosts would be on the front lines of WTF! And, ironically, Obama cares more for these gas-price-cursing AM-drooling myrmidons than any of the hosts do.

Ignorance abounds. I would say Obama needs to push this basic reality, but it would be discounted because Obama said it.

So I leave it to you: How do we explain to the indoctrinated AM listeners that their basic beliefs in the free market and governmental control are keeping them from getting them cheap oil?

(Note: I am adamantly opposed to our government getting into the oil industry. That would be a BAD idea; Oil conglomerates need to be checked, but NOT controlled.)

OMFG, S.C., TEA? ROFL

"The fish is Glenn Beck."



That is all.

(h/t C&L)

When Can we Just Call a Racist a Racist? Santorum!

Today we've got a two-fer: a regular post AND a Take It Back.

Hey, remember when this happened?




For some reason it just fit here:




So then, this last Thursday, Think Progress pointed out that Santorum's (campaign? exploratory?) slogan is "Fighting to Make America America again" which is awfully close to a line in a poem by Langston Hughes that states "let America be America again"

Arguably one of America's most amazing poets, Langston Hughes also happened to be African-American and gay. Ouch. Not only that, but the stanza

O, let America be America again-
The land that never has been yet-
And yet must be-the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine-the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME-

clearly turns the Republican stance on looking back at Great America on its head, saying that that America never existed in reality.

At first when confronted with the similarity, Santorum said he didn't know the origin of the phrase, that he had nothing to do with it, that it might be on a website or something.

And now he's disowned it, distanced himself, and don't wanna talk about it. Somewhere in the last 48 hours in a back room somewhere the words "It came from a black faggot?" were spoken and taken very, very seriously.

The only thing scarier than this story is the fact that this man still thinks he can be president.

UPDATE: And then he turns around and says he's going to reinstate Don't Ask Don't Tell. AhhhhhHhh!

Minecraft Owns Me Now

So I watched this:



And I was like...meh.

Then I saw this yesterday:

More Minecraft Videos

I thought: Hey, something I could check out.



That's my dog. Well, it's not really mine. I've got this house, which is just kind of a hole in a hill, and I put a door on it and lit it with torches and I keep digging and digging and I made a work table and chests to hold stuff... - sorry, so occasionally when I go out to kill cows for hides or chop down trees (only during the day; night has bad monsters) and I come home I find a skeleton has spawned somehow and the bastard shoots arrows but I kill him, sometimes after a spawn or two of my own (still working on good armor) and when I do I get a bone. I found some wolves and fed one of them 4 bones. And his/her collar turned red and a little heart <3 popped out of its chest and since then it just followed me. And if I accidentally hit it with a pick axe while mining, it doesn't even mind. But I don't like that so I tell him/her to sit on my bed.

I don't have a name for him (or her) yet because I'm viciously mining, as I mentioned. Actually, it's dead. Let's stop playing games while playing games. That screenshot was from when I had it sit on the bed. But I felt so bad, cooped up all the time? So I let him/her follow me (as he/she is wont to do) and while mining away from home a creature called a creeper came around a corner and exploded (as they are wont to do) and Dog-With-No-Name was just gone. And now I have to use my wood to make planks to make a sign so I can put it in that mine and give my dog a name post-mortem as a memorial.

Seriously, this post was going to be happy. I love this game. Then Ricky died. Of course: Ricky.

Well, Ricky will get a sign, and I need to get back to mining. Because maybe a skeleton will spawn and I'll kill it and take the bones and give them to a wolf and I'll name it Rickyz and it will never be allowed off my bed. Evar.

Yay Minecraft! Right?

Cute Break

Enough of all the bullshit and politics and Obama and Ryan and Trump and Hannity and Beck and sanctimony and flip-flopping and hypocrisy. STFU!



Okay. Now, back to business.

Romney Goes Legit 2 Quit

That's the logo. Apparently toothpaste is his thing. I smell nanny state and Romneycare and sister wives colliding with America. You know, those "true ideals" that non-Mormon conservatives change every six months.

Not sure what's suckier: the shitty branding or (if you look at the source code) that he chose to bring his message to America in a low-rent Wordpress template (ooh, probably the same source, a cousin perchance? who took this one course this one time on websites and totally can program and stuff?). Basic PR calls for custom design, programming, SEO, and that's just on the web side! Looks like he started his campaign by creating a job ...for an intern.


Sorry: Edit: Believe in America? Um, we already do. Thanks. Obama's message of Hope worked because many of us lost that with Bush. The left, the right, the gun-toting living bibles? We all believe in America. Well, our version. So, wait, what's Mitt's version of America? Mormon intifada? Sister Wives Sharia Law? Hell, we'll just get Glenn on Fox to expose... Holy Shit! He quit (was fired) and he's Mormon too!

What fresh torture have we just entered? What of Satan's carnal jubilation have we awoken? This is hell-jizz territory. Get a hat.

Jesus Babies: The Real Conservative Crusade

You've heard conservatives lament the horror of Anchor Babies: children born on American soil, making them American citizens, to the parents of illegal immigrants. It's the theme, purpose, and strategy of the immigrants and it must be stopped!

You may have also heard the paranoid rantings of some elected officials blathering on about Terror Babies. These are the Taliban counterparts to their Hispanic compatriots and should completely scare the crap out of us because, um, terrorists, duh!

(Your mission: draw cute, cartoon-y versions of stereotypical illegal immigrants and terrorists - as babies. Awwww...watcha watcha intafada taco? Brrth?)

But the real point of this post is that the sometime raving and ranting on the right over the Anchor and Terror Babies betrays the real reason for their perplexing focus of women's health care and Planned Parenthood: Jesus Babies.

It's the same reason (in my opinion) Christianity and other religions encoded into their doctrines the need to consummate a marriage and avoid birth control: more babies means more Christians. Some estimates have white people as a minority in the USA by 2042, and that scares the shit out of the rich, white right wing. More babies, more Whites, more babies, more Christians.

And yet they're wrong again. The growing secular population in America paired with the growing liberal - moving forward - crowd will actually mean less Christians, less 100% white people. It will mean more abortions - legal or not - and more deaths and more illness and more orphaned children.

In their heads, the brown people are winning the population race. And they don't know what to do about it. So? Apply Christian doctrine to law!

This is just me, but:

"Liberals look back at the last 50 years, figure we've done pretty well moving forward in the rights of women and minorities, but know there's much yet to do. Conservatives look back 50 years and are horrified that it still doesn't look like that now."

-Ricky Shambles


Sorry conservatives, but "Where's Mammy with my mint julep?" is never coming back.

Dear Washington: You're Assholes

You're all assholes.

Republicans: You lie and rely on your crazy wing and AM fakery to scare the shit out of everyone.

Democrats: You fold like a wet card castle and then whine about it.

America: You keep voting for people who want to be politicians.

We need to take representation like jury duty.

Why do things suck right now? WE made it this way.

Star Wars Perspective: Darth & Luke

I was in a client meeting this week that turned into a geekfest of sorts (as is wont with us web guys) and my client said something that I had not really considered before in relation to his son: the differentiation in the view of the six movies that we know as Star Wars.

For me, in my mid-30's, I experienced Star Wars - albeit not all in the theater (I saw RotJ with popcorn when I was seven) - as a wonderful trilogy, an arcing coming of age story of the development of a boy turned man who eventually knew the truth of his past and confronted his father. It was a story about Luke Skywalker. Re-watching this tale on VHS (over and over) only reconfirmed this reading.

When I was out of college and saw Episodes I-III, I saw it as an origin story: these are the tales that lead to the story of Luke Skywalker - and the coolest part is we see how Anakin grows as "The Chosen One" and (we all know) turns to the Dark Side to become Darth Vader. Oh, how wonderfully complex and nuanced! I just about literally drool over the presentation and resolution and composition.

But kids growing up now - or from slightly-pre-1999 on - see this basic culturally-relevant, pop-culture reality in a completely different way. Instead of starting with Episode IV and mulling over it for years, they start with Episode I, with Anakin. And that transforms everything.

In the generation quickly slipping just past me, there is an understanding that these six movies are a tale of Anakin Skywalker turned dark to Darth Vader, his interactions with his son, and, finally, his death. For them, Star Wars is the life story of Darth Vader.

The story had to be told (maybe without Jar Jar), and the younger generation will still get the overriding themes, but when I watched Episode IV, I was watching the beginning of the redemption of a villain. When they do, they begin with some level of empathy and understanding of who this masked man is.

Neither one is right, but I would argue that the original presentation provides a more dramatic experience, and would argue that: if you have children or know children being introduced into the Star Wars cannon, do IV-VI first and then present them with I-III.

And one day, when Lucas realizes the world will not actually end in 2012, perhaps we can look forward to some VII-IX with Leia and Han's kids, and we can all - once again - be children in awe watching this saga unfold.

Conservative Crazy #96: Kill the President?

You may recall I've been monitoring my right-wing email (Human Events) subscriptions for 365 Ways to Make a Liberal Crazy.

Today, I must report, ...shit man. I hate the "Really?" common phraseology, but - Really?

96: Say a Prayer
Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett. You took my favorite singer Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen.

Let's joke about the President's death and pair it with a Christian prayer. Awesome. As always, the lack of understanding of humor and the batshit crazy flourishes on the right.

In Short: Hannity is a Rube

And I don't mean Rube Goldberg.

Today on Hannity's Radio Debacle, he interviewed Vox Day, author of The Return of the Great Depression, and through the process of the softball sales pitch for Vox's book Sean gets more and more "troubled." "Well, I don't know; it's a little apocalyptic," he said.

Sean: Vox Day is the "brilliant economist" that is the basis of the ads on your show with the website address TheEndOfAmerica.com. What the fuck did you think he was going to talk about?

I swear every day is more surreal than the last.

April 1 is Internets Xmas

Seriously. On April Fool's Day, it rains meme seeds. Kotaku has the official round-up, but this, well... 2K games takes Duke Nukem to the next level: flinging poo.




And then there's the new Harry Potter TV Show:



Truly brilliant!

Take it Back: Album Covers

I took a shot at going back into my archives of lovely Photoshop pieces that perhaps you have never seen in I'm Hilarious in Iraq. Here are a couple album covers I did:

Combining two albums? Sure! Here's The Gray Album:




And in a double-entendre exercise, I would love to hear this band:

The White Kids Channel

Don't be mixin' races folks.



I guess if that didn't make you vomit (or have the skills it takes to hack and wipe out a website), you can catch the rest of Andrews videos at whitepridetv.com.

Mmm... Chewy

I was over at Cal's place and he was talking about Chewbacca - as one is wont to do - and he suggested a new Star Wars film which made me suggest "Wookie Nights" which turned into remaking movies with wookies.

I'm feeling an execution of about 8/10, but I'm pretty sure it's not as funny as it was in my head. Feedback is always appreciated!

Some Vampire Movie or Something

What if the picture above triggered no recognition in your brain, no social relevance, no movie connection, no thoughts of the scree of a tween clawing at your eardrums?

Over heard this week:

GAL: What's your granddaughter's name again?

GUY: Bella.

GAL: Oh, yeah. So pretty.

GUY: Yeah, I guess someone asked [my son] if they named her after, I guess there's some vampire movie or something.

GAL: Oh. Really? Hrm.

GUY: But [my son] just likes the name Isabella.

GAL: I don't know, I never heard of that.

GUY: Me neither. I'm not really a movie person.

GAL: Not unless it's free.

*they laugh*

My first reaction, after picking my jaw up off the floor, was OMFG! How can you not know Twilight? How can you be so much not a movie person that you're completely unaware of one of the biggest movie and literary sensations in years? Do you not read books either?

Is it even possible to be unaware of something that is so completely ubiquitous? This happened in a "work" environment, so the people in question leave the house every day. With billboards and posters and radio and television and conversations with people who know someone who read the book or saw the movie, you never heard about Twilight?

Then I stepped back and monitored my own reaction. This doesn't make these people any less people, but am I a media snob for reacting like that? I don't think I come across as "OMG I know everything about everything," even in my private thoughts.

So what are your thoughts? About the interaction and my reaction. I'd love to hear what other people think.

Limbaugh Stupid - Internets

Heard immediately upon turning on the car:

Rush: "No, if you put it in a PDF 95% of people won't be able to read it."

PDF stands for Portable Document Format. It is the de facto file format for electronic documents the world over. You can download Adobe Acrobat Reader for free. Well over 2/3 of all the computers in the world can open a PDF file because of this universality.

Rush regularly talks about things he does not understand, and when the funnel-eared myrmidons lap up his aural feces, they become even dumber.

Why is it conservatives/Republicans just do NOT understand technology, specifically the internet?

The Madness of the Right: Iraq, Libya, & Puppies

I swear that The Onion is going to go out of business. And it's all the fault of those damn Republicans.

Nine years ago when we invaded Iraq (again), all of us on the left were pretty damn vocal with a very clear WTF? Our question with two wars running? "How can you measure success?"

Today, I heard Sean Hannity wagging idiot-stiffies with Buchanan over how bad Libya was, how much of a debacle it is, a "quagmire (he will be creating a quagmire commercial for tomorrow, FYI)," and Sean was pontificating about what this "invasion" meant. "What is the measure of success?" He wondered what the extension of this would be - would it mean we'd just go willy-nilly into Russia, into China? "What's next? Saudi Arabia?" At which point the world turned upside-down, I was driving on the left side of the road, the guy in the car next to me was getting head from his sister, I wasn't drinking a Mike's Hard, and I vomited out my ass.

Bush drove a fear-of-self-preservation (& freedom) bill through congress and invaded Afghanistan cause we thought a guy who might've planned 9/11 was hangin' out somewhere there - almost 10 years later we don't really know where he might be. We invaded Iraq because of warmongering lies. We DIDN'T attack Saudi Arabia where almost all the terrorists came from. Bush's vague, unicorn-fart version of "finality" was somewhat along the lines of "when we get the terr'ists." And that was an AWESOME answer for everyone on the right and Fox News and Sean and Glenn and Rush and they threw down palm fronds and attacked any rational people by calling them cowards.

But since our president is "the other," since he might be a sekret terrrst, he can't use that. Actually, he can't do anything right. He can't be tough enough or compromise enough. He can't promote war and he can't promote peace. He can't act in concert with an international theater and he can't act unilaterally. But most importantly, he's either too black or not black enough.

As Ezra Klein tweeted, " If the president proposed the ‘More Puppies Act,’ the minority would discover it holds fervently pro-cat beliefs."

(Sidenote: check out Buchanan's website. It sucks my nads. In 1998.)

That Guy Who Sends You Emails and They're Not That Bad ...Until...

Got this from one of those guys. WTF?

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical support.

Some people think this is funny. You should be terrified at that.

Okay, wait. Let me try.

For centuries, Christians have worshiped an idol of a man nailed to wood. Most of us have naively thought this was...

Sorry. That is enough absurdity for today. Please fill in your own silliness.

Star Wars DJO Wondersynch

What I'm Havin' is Havin' You On

One of my fav Kids in the Hall skits, Season 2, Episode 1

Doggie Refugees in Japan

Seriously, teh sads:



Toldja.

Fox & William Tucker Say "Meh" to Nuclear Danger

Ahhhhhh! When will I learn? Ten minutes of Fox News is enough to give a thinking / informed person a terrible headache.

Last night I stayed up kind of late watching coverage of the tragedy in Japan and much of that coverage was on the danger of the nuclear situation there. After a few shows and many an animated graphic, I had a solid grasp. Here's the gist:

• Each of the 6 (!) reactors have an inner containment casing surrounding the reactor core, and an outer reactor casing.
• 3 of the reactors were offline for maintenance and contained no reactor cores.
• The remaining went offline with quake for safety.
• ALL six of the reactor buildings contain spent nuclear fuel rods, cooled by water, contained only by the outer walls.
• Because of quake damage, maintaining water levels has been a problem.
• Due to 2 explosions and 2 fires, outer walls of 3 reactors are severely breached (like the whole roof and most of the walls of #3)
• ALL 6 of the reactors pose varying levels of problems and concern.
• The local utility company TEPCO has a jaded history of not quite reporting the severity of situations.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

So imagine my surprise (and gag reflex) when I switched on Fox News for less than five minutes to see Doocy talking to William Tucker, author:



I paraphrase, but his assertion was thus: "Basically one reactor has a crack in it and might vent some steam, but it'll just dissipate. We've got 6000 miles of ocean between us and there's no reason for anyone in the US to panic or even be worried."

Wha-what?

Take all that exposition above along with the fact that the closest point between Japan and Sarah Palin's Alaska is 660 miles and, well, you wonder why Fox News viewers operate like barely-functional vegetables.

Drudge: Aahh! President's a Negro! / Haha! Doesn't Know Sports!

You know, if we have a black president and we say "PRESIDENT CHECKS OUT: FOCUS ON B-BALL BRACKETS..." that means "Lazy nigga rather watch b-ball than put in a day's work."

You know, if we want to make fun of (someone, our president) by claiming they know nothing about sports we say PREDICTABLE: Picks all No. 1 seeds for Final Four...

So our president's not only lazy, but he doesn't know sports. Haha! Loser!

Wait, that first link says he'd rather watch sports. But that second link insinuates he's not spending enough time on sports.

Maybe the racist contrarians should send out a memo to get their story straight. Maybe Mike Drudge should send one to himself.

Today in Reality...

The homosexual agenda is being pushed through anti-bullying efforts. (here)

Teachers have it easy - half days and summers off. (any RW-AM)

Jesus and/or Gaia caused the tragedy in Japan (Beck!)

Japan deserves it because of Pearl Harbor (seriously, don't look [new hobby - trolling people who tweet about Pearl Harbor - check the Twitter feed on the right!)

Just because nuclear plants in Japan are going haywire, it's still way better than those dirty solar panels and wind turbines. (Hannity)

We can control our immigration problem ...by shooting immigrants like pigs from helecoptors (here)

Gingrich still had a bunch of affairs, Mitt still passed Romneycare, and Palin is still a moron.

Just sayin'

Unfortunate Shark Logo

Squint a little then ask why Shark wants to steam your vag.

Wisconsin: Template for the Fall of America

Every time I think Republicans can get no lower, I am not surprised when they beat out my expectation and take another dip. What happened in Wisconsin yesterday was a swan dive straight into hell.

Here's how it went down:

• Gov. Walker takes power, immediately gives corporations big tax cuts.
• Gov. Walker suddenly has a money problem.
• Gov. Walker & Repubs craft "budget" bill that strips public employee unions of right to collectively bargain (gov't control of wages, basically).
• Gov. Walker shouts to the heavens that it is about the budget, not about busting unions.
• Union workers protest over proposed bill.
• Senate Democrats realize if they all leave, there will be no quorum, no vote, and bill cannot pass.
• Senate Democrats must leave the state and shack up in Illinois because Gov. says he could "compel" them to the capitol (Read: worst episode of Cops evar)
• Workers continue protest.
• Gov. takes fake "Koch" call, reveals he is underhanded goon, wants to trick Dems into coming back.
• Gov. says It's about the budget!
• Gov. discusses bounty hunters to get the Dems back.
• THEN: Breaking the legally-binding meeting rules, Republicans strip the bill of spending (therefore don't need a quorum) and pass the bill without Democrats.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Yes, the same Republicans who look at the health care bill as being shoved down their throats just practiced some of the most dirty, underhanded, illegal politics ever seen. These are not just crafty, clever, or manipulative elected officials - these are terrible people who lied, cheated, and finally weaseled their way through to breaking the unions for the *sole purpose* of decimating a source of finance for the Democratic Party and sticking their middle finger up the ass of the American Public Employee.

Doc Thompson in for Glenn Beck skimmed over the video of the committee vote and lied to his listeners, saying there was a Democrat from the Senate who came back (It was a House Democrat presenting rules). Rush Limbaugh managed to call teachers lazy bums and protesters bullying mobs in the first couple minutes.

And the best thing to see is the people in Wisconsin get PISSED. Someone better. These are the first dominoes in the Republican master plan of Corporate Wealth-ocracy ruling over the proles. If you're not in Ohio or Idaho - where it's already happened - and not in Wisconsin, keep the TV on. It's coming. And if you're not part of a union? Head over your shoulder, there - you're next.

Vans to Burn and Eat You (Dragons!)

Awwww hellyeah. I got some ass-kickin' dragon van murals, baby. Day gonna heat you up, chew you up and -- okay, I'll shut up now. I don't even know if that was a dialect or not. Here's your vans:


Dragon Fight!



Dragonized Van gonna eat you!



"It's the one that says 'Bad Motherfucker.'"



I don't know what the hell this is, but I guess it looks kinda like a dragon? Even though it's Lucky Sea Story? (maybe short for seagulling?)

STOP the Lies About Offshore Drilling!

I know that in Sean Hannity's superlative wet dream, God comes down from the Heavens to his second home - the USA - and cracks the crust of the Earth all about us to extract oil, pitch it in perfect drums and place it on the White House lawn.

Yay! Oil independence from the rest of the world! We win because of Jesus! Unicorns farting rainbows abound!


The sad truth is that even if we open up ALL drilling EVERYWHERE in the USA, we probably wouldn't see a whole lot of change, let alone energy independence.

Here's a short short version of how the process goes:

• Oil Drilling Company contacts the USA government and says "We think there's oil here."
• US grants them exploratory rights.
• After a few years, studies are concluded, and the Oil Drilling Company has found something viable. They purchase lease rights and plop down a few billion for a drilling rig.
• Crude magic happens, pumping, barreling, etc.
• Oil Drilling Company sells it to an Oil Refining Company or refines it themselves.
• Refining company splits crude into the most viable end products, sells some down the line, sells fuel to a Gasoline Company.
• Gasoline company sells to affiliates.
• We put gas in our car.

And here's why the right wing rhetoric of "US drilling = Energy Independence" = Bullshit

• Drilling rights only put a little bit of coin in USA's pocket.
• (We do NOT own the oil that comes from our land.)
• Oil Drilling Companies sell their crude to an Oil Refining Company at the best price they can get.
• Refining companies sell their products (gasoline) for the best price they can get.

The Entire Argument is Anathema to All Conservatism!
The only reason we talk about countries like Saudi Arabia as "oil-rich" is because they have government-run oil companies (we have a reserve because at some point the government bought up a shitload and put it in a garage somewhere). If the USA wanted to own the oil drilled on our land, they would need to create drilling, refining, and gasoline companies all owned by the governemnt - in order to remove ourselves from the much-lauded "free-market" system for a controlled price of oil - and ignore any sort of fair bidding to potential service providers.

But the additional problem here is that even if, in my opening paragraph, God came down and turned every drop of oil into gasoline, we wouldn't have that much. I mean, sure, we'd have a lot, but it would be finite.


The Bigger Argument

The bigger problem we're facing with Big Oil is that it is, precisely, big oil. And it acts like it is infinite. But it is NOT. And one day, Hannity's SUV is going to run out of gas and he won't have enough money to buy more (if there is any more).

I understand that Conservo-Repubs are in the pocket of the corporations, but open your eyes! Drilling here will do NOTHING. Eventually it will all run out. That's why we use the word "sustainable." It will hurt you too.

So why are conservative folks arguing against renewable energy when their current fav is going to eventually leave them poor before going away? It's not totally cost-effective yet but that's because it's relatively new. Do they truly want the rich to get richer? Are they looking for a global epidemic of destruction? Can they not wean from the reach-around they get from Oil Companies? Do they enjoy their nipples rubbed with baby oil?

Let me put forth two options:

1. In the USA, we take a sober look at gasoline and alternative energies and slowly transition as quickly as possible.
2. In the USA, we ignore the warning signs, play along with "all is good here" and one day it spikes and then runs out. Millions - billions - die in the chaos.

#2 will happen to much of the world (hehe #2). It's going to take someone everyone else calls crazy to see the reality and perhaps just save the lives of millions.

Thank you President Obama.

Middle East DoubleNewSpeak Headache

I was listening to some nondescript AM dial goon today and heard the same thing we've been hearing from the right since Egypt erupted, and now Lybia:

Just because you don't care for a dictator and in the scheme of things they're kind of a horrible person, not-so-friendly to US interests, plenty of human rights violations, bit of a ego-douchebag does NOT mean you can just go in there and take him out. We have no right to force our design or opinions on them. What about the stability of the Middle East? Who's going to move into power? What about our ties with Israel? What about the oil for chrissakes?


Oh, wait. No. Sorry. That was my sentiment before we invaded Iraq. (I'd add Afghanistan, but that was kind of a fucksmack of a whole country because we thought one dude was hiding there and we can't even fart in the direction of Saudi Arabia.)


I guess the fact that they sound so similar is proof positive that we don't really want brown people to have freedom or liberty. We just want to sell them bombs.

Driving Libs Crazy #64: USA Nomba-Won Tough Guy

[UPDATE: Badger reminded me about the Crazy on Facebook. Thanks!]

Been following the 365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy (click that "crazy drive" tag at the bottom to see the goodies) and mostly it's been foolishness. Okay, it's ALL been foolishness. I just grab and showcase the ones that lay out teh stupids inherent in the Conservative Condition™.

Give them another reason why Obama has GOT to go.

He doesn't think America's anything special. No really, he doesn't. Quote: "I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism." In other words: everybody's special. Tell your friend that, with his Barney the Dinosaur egalitarian worldview of everybody being special, Obama ought to be a kindergarten teacher, leading the kids in non-competitive, non-judgmental songs, not the leader of the free world.

This is a prime example of laying bare the cognitive and logical deficiency that is Conservatism: blind, faith-like fanaticism.

The Quote

I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.

Wait, you don't believe that something's the best just because you're part of it? You don't believe USA is the best because by fate or chance or God you are President of our fair land? *applause*

The Argument

What the conservative argument is is we believe in our own exceptionalism and that's valid (Woohoo! #1!), but every other country's own feeling of national pride and exceptionalism is really just joke-shop fake shit because our exceptionalism is the TRUE exceptionalism. WTF?

If I'm not mistaken, the Barney the Dinosaur worldview has a few backers, like God, Jesus, Buddha. You know, those radical liberal goons.

It's Chinese Boob Squish Friday!

You don't need to understand English to get this commercial. Sound effects are priceless. No nipples, but probably NSFW.

WI Cops: Smarter Than the Average Bear

Wisconsin Senate Republicans want to have those durn Dems arrested. Police association says NO.

Don't the Repubs read? The Dems left the state because that voids the "compel them" clause if they flee.

But aside from that, this is probably how the convo worked out.

R-SEN: Go arrest those Dems!

COPS: Yeah. No.

R-SEN: The power of Legislature compels you!

COPS: But it's written right here we can't compel them.

R-SEN: But you can!

COPS: Uh, we're Wisconsin cops. We can't go gangbusters into Illinois and drag them out. That's illegal. You would need the FBI.

R-SEN: But the FBI is run by a black man in a white house.

COPS: Is that some sort of "eagle flies west" code?

R-SEN: Nevermind. So, just hypothetically, *wink* if they WERE in Wisconsin, would you go get in your big, strong cop car and hunt down those whiny, wobbly wittle Demmies?

COPS: Please don't touch my thigh. So you're asking if we would forcibly compel Democrats to return to the capitol so you can have a vote to pass a bill that will ruin public employee livelihood in an underhanded trade to give rich companies tax breaks?

R-SEN: Aww, COPS, you have such a way with words. But you're exempt. I mean, uh, yeah, kinda.

COPS: And how long until I'm next? You hold the gavel. Stick it up your ass. Then find another gavel and pound it in before I find a way to fit my foot up there.

R-SEN: Ooh, really?

COPS: Fuck off.

Or maybe that's how it should've been.

In Short: Conservative DoublePlusBackSpeak

Seems Eric Holder used the phrase "my people" outside the confines of his one allotted negro month. Black Nationalist! shouts the right (Glenn Beck). Radical!

But when Ohio Gov. Kasich addressed the head of the Ohio Black Caucus in regard to hiring ANY minority with "I don't need your people," well, he just meant Democrats.

Ooh! Ooh! Let's do another one!

When the Tea Party rallies, it's called representation. When Nazi and hate rhetoric shows up, they were obviously Democrat plants.

When public workers stand up for their rights and try to preserve unions as the only card they have to play when things get tough, they are bullying rioters who won't let lawmakers do their jobs. One Hitler reference (image missing) and the liberals and the unions have completely lost it.


Whee! Let's do more some other time!

Take it Back: I am Hilarious in Iraq

I was lamenting my lack of recent quality photoshops and then I realized: I've got a backlog that started even before I was blogging. OMG! So here's the first in an erratically-appearing series called Take it Back. And, of course, click the Photoshop tag at the bottom of the post to see other things I've posted in the past.

First one's a little rough (read:artifacted), but we're starting from the beginning.


This, of course, is the Ice Cream Mines of Southern Gumdrop Province, Iraq, where ice cream headaches are all-too common amongst these obviously exploited children.

In Short: Government Pushing Apocalypse?

Okay, I get Glenn Beck peddling food insurance, bringing out the crazy, end of the world bullshit to sell gold and backpacks full of freeze-dried food that'll last 10 years. But this video is from a .gov website:



Are they trying to tell us something?

In Short: Hannity's Arguments Trumped

Sean Hannity, king of the Awww Shucks I Don't Know About All That Elitist Learnin Republicans, was on the radios yesterday talking to the King of the Combover, Mr. Trump, who is apparently running for POTUS in 2012.

The thing I found strange (strange like if I suddenly shit jar of pickled haddock) was what was coming out of Trump's mouth, completely unimpeded by standard, right wing talking points.

Among these, Trump stated:

• America cannot compete with China
• China is taking all our jobs
• The USA is not producing much
• China's buyout of America IS happening in a vacuum

Had any of these things been spouted by a liberal, Sean would've gone into Robo-Republican mode: "No, you're wrong", [insert false talking point], "if it's free market, how can it be wrong?", *hang up*, "You know, it's just like those liberal elite..."

But not the Trumpster.

Hannity biases. You decide.

Meat Car

Problem With Eastern Protests? Geometry!

This is Tahrir Square




This is Pearl Square



Neither appears to have straight lines or corners. I say: first geometry, then freedom!

GOP Still All Up in the Lady Parts

Seriously, check this shit out:

Georgia state Rep. Bobby Franklin (R) has made a name for himself by introducing far-right extremist bills. He has introduced legislation barring the state from requiring vaccinations, eliminating income taxes and replacing them with nothing, and requiring state taxpayers to only pay in gold or silver.

Now, he has introduced what may be his most offensive and extreme bill yet. Last week he unveiled HB 1, which would, as the parenting blog Babble explains, "require proof that a miscarriage occured naturally." If proof could not be provided, the mother could face "felony charges."

Jesus Christ in a neon rubber thong, what are these Republicans playing at? The tide turns their way - which it naturally does cyclically - and they think they are channeling God's personal mission to jail and harm women. Only someone without a uterus would have the ignorant balls to bring this up as a conversation piece, let alone introduce legislation to the fact.

Who do you think? The Libyans!

The true speed of Libyan democracy?



88mph

Yous Likes 'em Short or Long?

Here's a question to which I would really like some feedback:

Do you enjoy the "Read More >>" function for its ease of perusing several titles in one quick stream or is it kind of a pain in the ass when you get to something good to click that and go to a separate page only to click the back button when you're done?

Looks like Google (Blogger) implemented that a while back and it escaped my notice.

Whatcha think?

Help Nathan Buy Firefly

Reposted from Cal's Canadian Cave of Cool.



[Note: For those who don't know, Firefly is one of the best shows ever created with a huge fan base, mostly of scifi nerds and geeks like me. It's the old west in the far future where you might find yourself with a bullet in your back and won't get very far without speaking Chinese. The writing is phenomenal. It only ran for one season because anything cool Fox stabs and moves to Friday to let it bleed out. It will be re-aired in its entirety in HD on The Science Channel in March. (Thanks Blue for reminding me not everyone in the world has seen it!)]


Help Nathan Buy Firefly

On Feb 17, 2011, in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Nathan Fillion said: “If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it on my own, and distribute it on the Internet.”

The Plan:

Phase 1) Generate momentum. We’re going to setup a way people can pledge funding towards the mission of putting the rights to Firefly back into the hands of people who care about it. Since Nathan said he’d be game to be those hands, we’re going to watch for …

Phase 2) Nathan chimes in towards us and approves the effort. At that point, it’s a real mission and we’ll switch into…

Phase 3) We’ll setup a way for the funding to be collected into a Non-Profit Organization. We’ll then want everyone to make good on their pledge and contribute.

Throughout all of this, we’ll have up the running tally of pledges and actuals.

How Can You Help?

Like and Share our Facebook page (there's also the original Bring Back Firefly FB page AND the Firefly Fan Page). We’ll get a Twitter setup today as well (still waiting on that one, but you can follow @NathanFillion). Tweet about this page via #HNBF #Firefly! Here’s a short URL for that purpose: http://dft.ba/-firefly

This Post Was Supposed to Be About Your Mom

But when I typed that into Google Image Search, I forgot the content filter was turned off and I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Lies About Wisconsin, Ohio...

[Edit, based on Calvin's comment: Unions were created because of abused workers, and tied into the end of child labor laws. These are good things, unless you're Republican and want to fund (read: tax cut) the corporations at the risk of crushing the hopes of real working Americans. Even today, while some abuses rear their ugly heads, the base mission is still valid: If the state (or other large group) controls your wages, you're going to get screwed. And yet teachers are still getting screwed. In Ohio, school funding based on property tax has been banned by the Ohio Supreme Court for over 20 years, yet no one changes it. But I digress - Unions are needed. And I hope I capture that in my post.]

The Riots

I was driving from Cleveland to Cincinnati yesterday afternoon, half-hungover and half awake, trolling the local AM stations from there to here and came upon quite the pompous asshole (unidentified conservative) who was taking calls about what's happening in Madison. When confronted with how hard teachers work, he reverted to "yeah, I work hard too." Then he switched to "Their job sucks!"

But all during his (and I will readily group Hannity and the other rightwing tools and myrmidons here), he nonchalantly referred to what was happening in Madison and Columbus as "riots" and "bullying" while out of the other side of his mouth saying all the Governor wanted to do was balance the budget and referring to the Tea Partier protesters as "just representing the taxpayer."

Yes, this should probably sit in the Hypocrisy section, but if we categorized it by that, the whole post would be under one heading.


The Teachers

Just to be clear: I was a teacher for one year. It was 50% wonderful with the kids. It was 50% horrible in the politics and administration. Also: the Madison issue is about ALL public service professionals.

Experienced teachers who have it down and still do a great job run an average of about 60-70 hours per week between teaching, planning, and grading. They spend 10-15% of their income on supplies and tools that the schools will not, either for them or the students.


The Hypocrisy

All the verbal abuse of the protests (RIOTS!) in Madison are from the right wing. And they're clearly targeting the unions as the abusers and devils. Why? Because while unions collect dues while helping negotiations for benefits and salaries, they also use some of those dues to promote political parties and candidates that support the unions.

And - YES - unions have, in some cases, totally abused their power and outgrown their use as their detriment has taken the ruling share when it comes to workers' benefit.

But the only reason it's an issue for the right wing right now is that 99% of those union donations go to Democrats because 99% of union supporters are Democrats. If that union money was going into the GOP fund, Hannity's only comment on the subject would be "They're doing the right thing, for themselves, and for America."


Life Without Unions

As a first-year teacher in North Carolina, where teachers' unions appear to be completely missing, allow me to tell you what happens (numbers were from about 5 years ago):

• First year teachers will start at $23,400.
• Mandatory 10% into retirement (that will eventually be your pension, none from state).
• Tax the rest at about 24%.
• You have the option of taking your yearly salary in 9 months or 12 months. Okay, can we do 12? Yes, but the way that works is you have to open a separate account, do the math yourself, and put away what you think you'll need over the 3 months and have that direct deposited from each check. But after realizing you won't even be able to pay the mortgage if you split it into 12, you opt for 9 and cross your fingers you'll be able to find something else during your "time off."
• You'll be working about 80 hours per week. Sometimes more for a teacher (English) where you have to grade 5-paragraph essays from 120+ students multiple times each semester.
• During the time you don't have, you're required to spend the money you don't have to pay to attend Continuing Education classes.

Why isn't anyone talking about what happens when you don't have unions?


The Reality

While the right wing refuses to acknowledge it, this is about power. The bill on the floor, the contention on the main issue is based on killing the union's ability to negotiate as a group. It allows the state to say "We don't have the money to meet what you want" and lets the salary to default to the "previous contract" meaning you basically don't get a raise if they say they don't have the money.

The power grab is simple. Pass the bill and own your public employees. Teachers aren't paid enough as it is as the people teaching/training/loving/supporting our kids when we're not there (and many parents aren't there out of school). Hey, let's pay them less because they're asking for more. Brilliant!


The Senators

The Democratic Party senators have left the state. The right wing is calling them cheats and liars. They might want to take a look at what Lincoln did. These Democratic Senators are apparently following The Party of Lincoln's playbook.


The Conclusion

These teachers and firefighters and police and every other public servant needs the unions to get them a fair wage. Yes, the unions sometimes abuse their power and certainly use money where they shouldn't, but the alternative is an abomination to anyone involved in a state job.

Keep your fight, Wisconsin! Bring the fight harder, Ohio!

And every other state that sees this horror coming, the Republican terrorism of breaking the unions in a veiled mission to balance the budget, be forewarned by our lessons and take heed. A struggle is about to begin. Embrace it!

More Makin' Crazy: #43 & #44

Click the label that says "crazy drive" at the bottom to follow the worst of the conservative assbaggery that is "365 ways to drive a liberal crazy."

#43
Tell a joke:

Q: Why do liberals like smart women?

A: Opposites attract.

So, um, ...what? Is the horribly flawed logic that all liberals are dumb men? What about liberal women? Are they all dumb ...and lesbians? And by this logic, are all conservatives smart men? And all conservative women inherently dumb? I guess that would make sense. But that would only be if this car-fart of an attempt at humor (and/or logic) made any sense to any human with a brain.

#44
Pick a fight with a liberal on: CAPITALISM.
Agree with Wall Street's Gordon Gekko that "greed" for want of a better word "is good." Explain wearily but patiently to a liberal that firms can only gain revenue by selling things that people want; and only make a profit if they sell these things for more than they cost to produce. In the process they give employment to people who prefer that job to any other they can find. Therefore, profit-making firms create wealth for their customers, owners, and employees. They take wealth from no one. So why, pray, do liberals have such a problem with capitalism?

And when that "employment" happens 3000 miles away? Ah, sorry, SOL. And when that employer eats the tax break and buries existing employees in extra work to pocket the cash which is what is happening in every corporate business in America and only government workers and independently wealthy folks and radio personalities are exempt and therefore speaking out about the bliss of work in America? Oh, sorry. You're both mentally challenged and brainwashed, being a conservative. Must've been those public schools you want to further defund.

(Seriously, I could get used to this.)

The Bro/Brah Douchebaggery Ascendancy

(by me)

What's So Odd (Conservative)

From the Google Image Search for Conservative:


Ladies should keep everything from public view - except their uterus; that belongs to Uncle Sam.


Angry elephants with cigars are not attractive. Someone should tell Rush.


Angry Steroid Uncle Sam always trumps Peacnik Uncle Sam under the the Auto Racing Red Cross flag.


No.

Conservatives = (Teh Stupid)^3

Today we collect some of the conservative email alerts I receieve every day and throw up a little in our mouths. Got some crazy, some stupid, and some crazy stupid. But what would you expect?

#41 of 365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy

Give them another reason why Obama has GOT to go.

He claimed to have campaigned "in 57 states—I think one left to go"; he referred to a Navy corpsman as a "corpse-man"; and in a speech in France, he seemed to think "American" was a language. Need I go on?

So Obama was tired and misspoke about the states, mis-pronounced something. Get over it. We could fill a calendar with Bush gaffes based on genuine mental deficiency.

But Haha, he thinks American is a language? "American English" is a language, as it differs from British or "The Queen's" English, often truncated to "American." However, that requires both book-learnin' and an awareness of a world beyond the borders of 'Merica, and conservatives just ain't cut out for those things.


Obama the Muslim

From the GOPUSA Newsletter:

Do You Believe Barack Obama is a Muslim?

It's a simple question, and it is one that Barack Obama has been asked in the past. Are you a Muslim? His answer has always been no. He states that he is a Christian, and yet in a recent focus group of Iowa Republicans, about half still believe that he is a Muslim and that his religious convictions guide his agenda. Perhaps it's his past statements and continuing coddling of known Islamic terrorist organizations that perpertuate this sentiment.

So do people watch Fox News because they're ignorant or does Fox News make people ignorant? GOPUSA is certainly late to this party, but carrying water is what it is. "Obama's a Muslim! Obama's a Muslim! Okay, who thinks Obama is a Muslim - don't forget his middle name is Hussein and he grew up attending a Madrassa? Geez, why do so many people think Obama's a Muslim?" The psychology of deception is so obvious here, there's no need to explain it further. Unless you're conservative.


Conservative Multiple Personality Disorder

CPAC got going today and who did they have kick it off? Batshit Crazy Bachmann! Seriously, if they want to do anything in 2012, they need to stop for a second and figure out if they're Conservatives or Republicans or Tea Partiers or Racist Christian Firearms.

(Update: Bachmann at CPAC from MaddowBlog)



Oh, yeah, they've already lost: politicking and blah blah jobs economy and they've done NOTHING but try to ban abortion and redefine rape.

Oh, yeah, they've got no problem with blatant lies and character assassination. So I guess they've still got a shot.

(Note on CPAC site: Don't click it, seriously - the background image of the site is 1.5MB PNG of the Constitution and they must be hosting it on the cheap because it takes forever to load. Glenn Beck image in the header, not on speaker list - false advertising? Oh, and their copyright still reads 2010. That's all I can take!)

Enough, already. Is it Miller time? Close enough.

He's a Snake

Told ya.

Ohio's Shady Abortion Tactics - Heartbeat Bill

It appears that the Republicans at the state level are following suit with those at the national level: no ideas, no job creation, but get on up in them lady parts and STOP abortion!



This is Ohio State Rep. Lynn R. Wachtmann (R), and tomorrow he's going to introduce the "Heartbeat Bill" which is aimed at banning any abortions at the point when a heartbeat becomes detectable. Sounds absurd, right? The bad news? "42 of the 99 representatives in the Ohio state House have signed on to the bill, which would make an exception to the heartbeat rule only in emergency medical situations."

But even the head of Ohio Right to Life doesn't support the bill:

Michael Gonidakis wants to ban all abortions, but the executive director of Ohio Right to Life knows it doesn't help his cause to fight for bills that he says have no chance of being upheld by the federal courts.

So we've got another example of politicians ignoring jobs and the economy and politically posturing themselves by passing legislation that will ONLY set an already ailing state up for a prolonged legal battle. Awesome. Maybe Rep. Wachtmann can dig deep and fund that process instead of us taxpayers.

You can reach Rep. Wachtmann to let him know (politely) that this legislation will do nothing but hurt Ohio here:

Address:
77 S. High St
13th Floor
Columbus, OH 43215-6111
Phone: (614) 466-3760
Fax: (614) 719-3975
Email: district75@ohr.state.oh.us

Don't Click This: Tales of Hentai

Sometimes I land on a page (innocently, of course) and I am strangely interested or amazed or appalled or just shocked out of words. Can't share it with my biological family, so I'm tossing it at you.

Hentai: A Japanese slang word meaning perverted or perversion. In the world of manga and anime, hentai refers to the adult oriented titles that present extreme, graphic sexual imagery. A common Western stereotype concerning manga and anime is that these artforms are filled with graphic sex.

Yeah, it's kinda animated or illustrated porn and extremely NSW. And I told you not to click it, didn't I?

Tales of Hentai

Liberal Crazy #35 - Hitler? Why Not!

You can see some of the other asshattery from the 365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy by clicking on the "crazy drive" label under the post. Not many noteworthy ...until today.

Deploy the Reductio ad Hitleram

"Hey, you're a vegetarian! Has anyone ever told you Hitler was too?" (They will have heard this. All too frequently.) The veggie will probably respond by telling you that this is an urban myth and that Hitler did occasionally eat meat. In fact, the urban myth is literal fact, as we know from Hitler's Table Talk. Not only did Hitler think that vegetarianism was doing the "right thing" by the animal kingdom (Hitler was a leader in "animal rights"), but he was certain that the future belonged to vegetarians. The real urban myth is the veggie's fanatically spread tale about how Hitler really wasn't a committed veggie.

I don't even know where to start. Unnecessary contempt for healthy eating? Oh, maybe the Hitler thing. Conservatives are pissing themselves over the fact that they never make a Hitler or Nazi comparison in the face of endless video and audio clips being thrown in their faces. Perfect time to pull out a Hitler reference!

Now let's get stupid. Let's take an irrational hatred towards "dirty hippie" vegetarianism and make the assumption that your target vegetarian is a liberal. Now take that dietary health choice and equate it to the mass murder of millions of innocent people. Awesome.

By taking this position - and you know some mindless goons will - conservatives will do one thing and one thing only: confirm that they are hypocritical monsters incapable of the very basics of logical thinking.

But hey, they got in a jab at that dirty veggie, didn't they? w00t! Hitla represent!

In Short: Insurance is STILL Winning

Here's a quick review of how health insurance is kicking your ass:

• Insurance companies will raise your rates every year, no matter what.
• Insurance companies have HUGE holdings.
• Insurance companies take those holdings and put them into the stock market to make even more money.
• Insurance companies took a hit when the tech bubble burst.
• That's when they decided it was time to bring out the monster of Frivolous Lawsuits.
• They convinced the doctors, who pushed for tort reform.
• Insurance companies kept on that steeper climb even though the false spectre faded.
• Affordable Care Act passed.
• The increase in rates is even higher, even though most of the costs will not manifest for years.
• The Insurance Industry as a whole has NEVER had a loss and regularly pops their CEOs with millions or billions for NOT providing care.

When the fuck are we going to learn these people are NOT working for our best interest in what is a human rights issue?

That's My Governor!

I have a feeling this is going to be a regular and depressing feature. From ThinkProgress:

Delivering on his vision for a "new way," Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) "is on pace to be the first governor since 1962 to have an entire Cabinet without any racial diversity." Every one of his 22 full-time agency head appointments has been a white person. Only five are women. Dubbing diversity as "metrics that people tend to focus on," Kasich said, "I can't say I need to find somebody to fit this metric" because "it’s not the way I look at those things. I want the best possible team I can get."

Yesterday, the Ohio Legislative Black Caucus held a press conference to express their waning patience with his dismissive attitude and "implore[] Kasich to make better strides to diversify his Cabinet." But according to State Senator Nina Turner (D-OH), this time Kasich’s response was a bit more blunt. According to Turner, when the caucus offered him help in finding qualified minority applicants, Kasich told Turner, "I don’t need your people."

FMS: Fuck my state. Argh!

Kooch's Teeth

Copy of an email sent out by Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D - OH) pertaining to the lawsuit you may or may not have heard of:

Regarding Settlement of Dental Injury Law Suit

Dear Friend,

Though I would prefer to focus your attention on my work dealing with the profoundly important issues that face our nation, such as job creation, getting the economy back on track, and ending the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq - it seems that some are more interested in discussing my personal dental issues. Given the degree of public interest you should know some details:

This injury required nearly two years, three dental surgeries, and a substantial amount of money to rectify.

The legal action you have heard about was filed due to the severity, expense and duration of the dental injury, the complications which followed and which still persist. I wanted to resolve this matter without filing a lawsuit. The events below involved numerous dental visits, more than are detailed in this summary.The dental injury set in motion a chain of dental and medical events.

When I bit into the olive pit, (unbeknown to me at the time), upon impact the tooth split in half, vertically through the crown and the tooth, below the level of the bone. Externally there was no evidence of a break. This was not about aesthetics. The internal structure of the tooth was rendered nonrestorable.Although the pain was excruciating, I shook it off and I went right back to work.

This tooth is a key tooth which anchored my upper bridgework. The injured tooth and the bone above it became infected. I took a course of antibiotics for the infection, had an adverse reaction to the antibiotics which caused me to have an intestinal obstruction and emergency medical intervention.

Later, my dentist referred me to a specialist who informed me that the damaged tooth had to be removed. A third dentist removed the tooth and I was fitted for a temporary partial. I waited for the bone to heal. An implant was placed, but it failed. Many months later still a second implant succeeded. My bridgework had to be completely reconfigured, a new partial was designed, so this injury did not affect only one tooth, but rather involved six (6) replacement teeth as well. A new crown with a new precision attachment was engineered and put in place. To clarify, no dental expenses were covered by any health plan, nor did I have dental insurance that covered the injury, which, until it was resolved, affected my ability to chew food properly.

The clamor for information about this incident requires that I provide at least this much information. I would have liked to provide such details sooner but did not want it said that I was trying the case in the media. So that is why I declined any interviews about the matter.The parties have exchanged information and after some investigation and discussion have resolved the matter for an amount all parties believe reflects the actual out-of-pocket expenses related to this incident. The terms of the settlement are confidential; however, I feel that the defendants have responded fairly and reasonably. I don't want to have to make another dental visit for a very long time, and will be making no further comment on this matter.

Thank you very much.

You Wish This Was Your Van, Yo!

He AIMs to please. You aim too, please.



Hoooooooooowwwwwwwwwl! Wolf orgy!



Hells yeah it's the m'f'in Dazzler.



Der monsters on me van!

Jayherrod1 & Selena Gomez

Thank you Tosh.0 for the horror that is Jay Herrod.



This is tame. Visit his page to see all 63 videos covering topics from more Selena Gomez to politics to his most recent video [kinda NSFW], in which he appears to be wearing just a loose skirt, announcing his appearance at an Austin, TX club to do a sexy birthday strip tease.

I apologize in advance. But it's a bad you have to experience.



Seriously, dude. WTF?

SOTU Rebuttal Party - From Vapid to Insane

You read the SOTU review already, right?

Okay then. Now we're going to talk about the rebuttals. Hehe, I said butt.

Paul Ryan



It's official! Or just the official response. Honestly, on the kind end, it was as vapid as Jindal's. No ideas, mostly negative, same damn talking points. Negatively, he said basically if we don't do what Republicans say is best, "America's best century will be considered our past century." Ass.

But I couldn't focus for more than a few minutes at a time on his words. Why? Holy shit, Paul Ryan looked like he was stoned off his ass. His droopy, pink-ass eyes made him look like he'd just stumbled off the Mystery Mobile before getting in front of the cameras. I was looking for Scooby Snack crumbs on his suit in HD. Ryan: don't you have someone who looks at you before you get on camera? What if you'd fallen asleep and someone drew a dick on your face in Sharpie? Damn!


That's all I have on Ryan. But we're not done! Oh, no. If you thought the Official Republican Rebuttal was all you got in this deal, you're wrong!


Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann pulled some awesome stupid in garnering the blessing of delivering the Tea Party rebuttal and CNN ate it up.



This is kind of like Ryan's rebuttal, but I'll bullet it for the sake of ...well, everyone loves bullets. (I mean bullet points people! I'm not advocating violence by discussing HTML type layout! JFC!)

• Are you truly starting your speech with a stock photo of the Constitution in the background? Who did this setup? AWFUL!
• Speaking of which, now we're doing graphs. Graphs? Were you living in a cave when Perot did his shit? Even I remember that!
• Slavery ended with our Founding Fathers? Are you in the 1st grade module of your GED?
• Lies and lies and lies and lies and lies.
• If you can't look into the camera, you're FAIL. FAIL all over. Look into the camera! OMFG!
• Did you just say "Iwo Jama?"

It only gets worse from here, folks.


Paul Broun



Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA, failed color spelling as child) had his own little rebuttal. Okay, it wasn't actually a rebuttal. It was more like he decided to NOT show up for the State of the Union and hang in his office man-cave and live-tweet about what he was seeing on the teevee. I'm not fucking kidding. Baby-cakes was grumpy - or pounded a little too much merlot with Boehner tailgating - and sat in his office during the SOTU.

Live-tweeting? You bet. Here are a few delicious bits out of the 24 posts he made after he opened the bottle:

All children will be poor if we continue with Obama's policies #fb #SOTU #TCOT

From my seat, Obama's call for more investments sounds like more govt spending #fb #SOTU #TCOT

I wonder if those kids can read their diploma. A lot of hs graduates cannot.

Mr. President, you don't believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.

Wow, that's some crazy, right? Oh, but not enough crazy. Not nearly enough. He showed up on some awesome right-wing radio to up the ante of nutter-ism:

The Republican Party is the party of K-N-O-W.
...
But we are the party of N-O against socialism and that’s what Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama have been proposing is a greater take over of everything in human endeavor in America.

Ah, so not just irrational and potentially drunk and obviously crazy, but totally fucking paranoid. That's the kind of leadership we need in the country. Hell, we don't even need that type of irrational stupidity in this country. Scary thing is, he's an elected leader.


...and if you call now...

Seriously, not done. Not yet. Why?

Christine O'Donnell

Our resident "not a witch" Christine O'Donnell was booked on Good Morning America. And she was pissed because all the good ideas were actually hers. Durr.




Seriously, next year, when Obama's giving the SOTU, why don't we treat it like it should be treated: a poorly-planned, inappropriate funeral service. Have all the Republicans hang out after the speech and then Boehner - after the President leaves - states "If anyone would like to say something about the speech, please come forward." And Boehner feeds them merlot and everyone can be judged by what they say in one place and feed the needed late-night numbers for all the cable stations.


If you'd like an idea, here's the rest of them:

SOTU - Beer Talk from the Peanut Gallery

Last night's SOTU was lovely. We had the prom scenario, Republicans and Democrats sitting together. We had red and blue and purple ties, and everyone clad in black/white ribbons as a show of support of rememberance of the Arizona shooting. The speech was leaked a couple hours before 9pm EST. I was watching CNN.

The following is a list of things I noticed or noted while watching and drinking beer:

The Event

• Walking in: Jaws? I don't know who this, but he needs to fire his orthodontist.
• Walking in: Hillary: "Great speech!" Obama: "I know; I don't even have to give it." (seriously, this was said - good job on the mics!)
• Obama says everyone can "work together tomorrow." Everyone clap! Love-in! "This is the dawning of the age of..." Oh, but maybe he meant "Tonight: go pound salt."
• Anyone else notice the CNN audio was over-modulated? Shouldn't this sound professional?
• Woohoo! I love Google and Facebook! Friend me! - seriously, if he'd mentioned a Foursquare swarm, everyone would've flipped their shit.
• Ah, Boehner. Speaker Boehner. He was wearing a red tie but then spilled merlot on it tailgating. His facial expressions gave it all away, though:
• Mean jowl curl "Argh, oil and insurance buys my merlot!"
• Lots of zoning out "I'm gonna drink the shit out of some merlot later."
• Confused "But- but- what about...? Who are you? You don't know me!"
• Nose wipe "Shouldn't have done that line with Cantor in the john. Hehe. My name's John."
• Yes, the science fair rocks over the Superbowl (Nerds represent!), but they don't have nearly the quality of commercials.
• South Korea teachers are called "Nation Builders." Sorry, that hints of scary nationalism.
• "Become a teacher!" Really? Maybe when we actually look at teachers like your Ideal Goggles do. I'd lose my house before going back to teach high school in NC where I started at $23,500 minus taxes minus 10% mandatory retirement, out of pocket expenses, and requirements of time and money I don't have for "continued education" classes. Seriously, you might have well said "Ditch diggers are treated like shit. But we need ditch diggers! Become a ditch digger!"
• $10K/yr tax credit for college tuition is going to do nothing to change the general trend of faster and higher tuition rates, a.k.a. the financial rape of college students.
• The POTUS is 100 feet from you and you're really reading the leaked speech as its being given?
• Nice reminder of the things government controls that might be considered socialism but are actually a good idea: speed limits and child labor laws.
• Did the lower-third font guy take a really long shit? Actual labels for audience shots? I could count on them on one hand.
• Napping count: 3. But I wasn't looking that hard.
• Dear President Obama: the Taliban is a bad, bad organization. You pronounced it "Tallie Bonne" and we were wondering if that is a stage comedy, dance troupe, or candy.

Rebuttals

Paul Ryan gave the official Republican rebuttal-- Actually, between the-- trust me, the rebuttals need their own post. Link will be here once I finish composing it.

Or composting it. Click here for the follow-up post.

Piano (Sand) Bar

So there's a piano on a sandbar in Miami. No one knows how it got there. (via Gawker).

I'm not too concerned as long as we don't have to see Harvey Keitel's penis.

SOTU - Tonight!

Tonight the proceedings of the State of the Union Address will begin at 8pm EST with the hoopla and pundits talking over live camera with the actual address beginning around 9pm, concluding around 10pm.

Then, as is normal, Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) will deliver the official Republican party rebuttal to Obama's speech.

BUT WAIT! There's more! If you tune into CNN for your coverage, you'll be treated to Michele Bachmann's (R-Minn.) Tea Party rebuttal. That's right - crazy as a meth'ed up mumbling transient, Michele Bachmann will be addressing the nation.

But wait. CNN?

Yep. Apparently not even Fox has announced that they will air her speech in its entirety. Just CNN. And hell, they've got my vote. I'll be there with pen and paper busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest to make notes on all the crazy.

Sidenote: Tea Party Express will be streaming live on their site, but since conservatives don't know how to work those internets, they'll probably all be watching CNN too :)

SOTU? STFU!

Now that would be a speech.



Update: Boo, Photobucket. Boo!

In Short: Hannity & Child Porn

How many times do we have to listen to Sean Hannity and the rest of the goons on the right disregard well-founded opinions and ideas because the poor caller might not be able to come up with a quote on the spot of something that happened 12 years ago? What about berating callers for not reading thousand-page bills when they had their interns do the markup of the good parts?

"No, give me an example; you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Heh heh."

Today I had the frustrating joy of hearing Hannity address the MTV show "Skins," a fictional new show on MTV that portrays very young, very horny kids. The OMG TMZ WTF flap going on now is that the entertainment media is tossing around terms like "child porn."

Rut-roh, our hero Seannity to the rescue! Only Sean did nothing more than trip over his cape. He apparently had gone through the extent of skimming an article about outrage over a show before offering platitudes about the bigger themes like: the viability of potential lawsuits, how far artistic expression needs to go to get a point across, and lamenting the loss of innocence of children.

But he never saw the show. He had no knowledge that it was an American remake of a British show. He kept calling it a movie.

Note to Sean: offering uninformed opinions is just that no matter what the setting. You want to rail against the show? Buck up and watch the damn thing. Then you can sanctimoniously lead the charge to save the souls of the youth of America.

But right now? "No, give me an example; you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Heh heh."

Assclown.