Monday, June 27, 2016

Dealing With Telemarketers

I got a call today from a crowded call center explaining in a thick, Indian accent, "Windows is alerting us you have several hacking events on your computer. I am calling to show and help you how to fix that."

This is a common scam: Say "Windows," be exempt from the no call list as you're in Calcutta, and scare someone into buying a product or allowing them remotely into your system where they can make a damn mess. It is dangerous and targets, for the most part, elderly folks who can barely check their email. So fuck those callers.

Me? I animatedly enjoyed the conversation, injecting many "oh yeah?" and "wow!" celebrations while making absolutely sure the very detailed instructions would not directly hurt me. She sent me to the Event Viewer and showed me common errors and warnings not important even enough to show up on my screen. I was very nice and very patient, and when she lied about what those warnings were and the dangers they presented, I asked her to "wait" when she gave me the next instruction, carefully cupped my hands around the mouthpiece, and in my best demon voice said:
WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS SCARING AND HURTING OTHERS. STOP OR YOUR FAMILY WILL BE CURSED. STOP OR YOUR FAMILY WILL BE CURSED.

So... to much? What have you done to play with telemarketers?

4 comments:

Silliyak said...

I had an idea for, "Grandpa, do you know who this is?" basically accuse this relative of heinous acts against his "grandmother" and ask to speak to his jailer and suggest things that could be done to him. (we are not gandparents)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Good one!

Anthony Hunter said...

I see a number that I don't recognize, especially one with a + indicating that it originated internationally, and I will answer the phone "Agent Thorne, Cybercrimes" Several times, I've heard "Oh no", in that distinctive accent just before they hang up.

Chris said...

I answer the phone 'Chris speaking' When I suspect it's a telemarketing call I cut them off during the pitch and ask "what your emergency?" Typically they respond with confusion and then I tell them "You've reached a crisis intervention line, I'm the on-call counselor, what is your emergency?"

The call ends fairly rapidly after that!