Also Authoring Elsewhere - Pelosi's Plane

I've written a piece for All Things Democrat on Nancy Pelosi (More on deplane).

Bauhaus made me do it.

If received well, I'll be making my more perfectly partisan posts there.

Yay!

Israel and Hamas and Fatah, oh my!

Aw, snap!

For over 30 years, the United States has been the patron slut of Israel, or at least would have been had they been Catholic. They have had a lot of fighting to do and we have made a business out of supporting them with military supplies. This is because we had a stake in creating the State of Israel along with the Brits and the UN, and once we stake a claim, we stick to it, no matter the consequences (see War on Drugs, second Iraq War). We have a friend in a hostile region: better to keep them there. Also, Palestinians blow themselves up when they attack. People who blow themselves up are terrorists. We don't like terrorists. Palestinians are edging awfully close to that label. We do like Israel. So we give them guns and bombs and war-making machines. At least we're not beating up Palestinians here in the U.S. Oh.

And we don't "not like" all Palestinians. Hamas has traditionally been the biggest fighter against Israel. Fatah not so much. They actually recognize Israel. And in a brilliant and very recent military stratego-matic, Magic 8 Ball move, we've handed over a shit-ton of weapons, bullets, and other various people-killin-stuff to Fatah. To "provide deterrence and balance" one official was quoted as saying.

Easy enough: We like Israel. We don't like Hamas. We give Israel guns. Fatah is Palestinian, but not so bomb-y. We don't like Hamas. We give Fatah guns. And the oh, snap: Fatah and Hamas are joining forces.

Am I the only one getting paranoid? U.S. (and other nations) fund Fatah just before they shake hands with Hamas, who doesn't recognize Israel, three days before Iran, who not only doesn't recognize Israel, but would like it wiped off the map, is about to announce something big and nuclear
at a time when the whispers of war are heard on the tips of the nips of our administration and Iran is saying "Whatever, bring it on." It smells like thousands of sweaty people running to hit a button to launch a bomb.

Coming soon: A war by the American people, for the American people. American Government (and Bush in particular), WTF?

You just got pwned by a bunch of Muslims.

But at least we're exporting something besides jobs.

A Haggard Idea, the Haggard Cure

Praise Jesus! In a miracle that could only be brought on my the Lord Almighty and several thousand contributing, praying followers, Rev. Ted Haggard has been cured of his homo-dirty-man-sex-(and-meth) thing. One of the Kleezantsun that made sure he didn't go more queer, Rev. Tim Ralph, said that he was "completely heterosexual."

And the drag queen angels are line dancing to "I Will Survive" on the head of every pin in the world. And they're laughing.

The angels understand the human condition. Ted Haggard does not.

One one hand, we are a species of adaptation (I guess all really are, survival of the fittest, Richard Dawkins and all). But in our daily social lives, in the big questions of what we want to do with our lives, what we believe, and how we think we should behave, internal and external pressures (priests, money, etc.) can mold us, shape our world view. Someone subjected to the same torture every day, be it working in a cube farm or being beat with a stick, can learn to get along. But if there's not that much pressure to conform, if there's enough leeway to pop out of the mold, change will happen (sidenote: this is why I cannot believe in Hell; we can get used to anything. If Hell actually existed, it wouldn't be hell because souls would've gotten used to it to a certain degree. Or they would have reached critical mass, revolted, and it is now being run like a frat house).

So while in counseling for three full weeks, Rev. Ted renounced his man sex and his methamphetamine. There's the rub. Social pressures and four reverends made sure he was "set straight" so to speak. Now he's being advised to move into secular work. This will have the opposite effect. It will start with impure thoughts, quickly move to gay internet porn, and before he knows it, he'll be snorting meth off a tranny's cock with a bottle of Kamchatka Vodka shoved up his ass. The bottle will be half empty.

When forced, we are capable of amazing tolerances. When left to our own ideas of limitation, all hell can break loose (that frat Hell kind). Jesus be praised, angels dancing and all, Rev. Ted is headed for something he'd probably describe to his overseers as dirty gay naughtiness. It's coming folks. It has to. He has such a pretty mouth.

Iran Has Big News Coming (oh, and they cured AIDS)

Some whispers breezed by last week, but now it's official. "The Iranian [Fars] news agency said an upcoming dramatic announcement on Iran's nuclear 'rights' would be made on February 11."

After curing AIDS on Saturday, I can't believe we're going to have to wait almost a whole week.

Seriously. Cured AIDS. WTF Ahmadinejad?

I smell bombs.