"I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them, and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."
- Jefferson to H. Tompkinson (AKA Samuel Kercheval), July 12, 1816
Okay, I get Glenn Beck peddling food insurance, bringing out the crazy, end of the world bullshit to sell gold and backpacks full of freeze-dried food that'll last 10 years. But this video is from a .gov website:
Is it weird that I'm making a juvenile joke because the man's name is Balzac but visually he looks a little like Ron Jeremy? I believe there's a form of irony there somewhere...
There's a growing fervor over the TSA photographing and groping and leaking body scan photos. I'm lucky I don't have to fly soon - I'd probably mouth off and get held just long enough to miss my flight. So here's my top 15 things I'm not going to say but would like to if I were flying and got searched and didn't mind losing my flight:
I guess I never realized TSA stood for Testicle Stroking Authority. Maybe they should rethink that - you kinda suck at it.
I'll show you my penis for a dollar.
I'd love a cigarette but then I'd have to go outside, come back in, and go through that again. Okay, I'm going to have a cigarette. Save my seat.
Where's my rape whistle?
FYI, I dress to the left.
I was led to believe I would receive a Happy Ending?
You gonna think about my balls when you fuck your wife?
Do you charge extra for a pinky in my bunghole?
Thank God I'm drunk during this!
This ain't no pansy-party; get on up in there n make sure I ain't no turrurrist!
(While grinding) Smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Oh noooooo!
How many balls would you say you touch in a day? Do you like 'em? You should call Guinness - there might be an opening for a daily ball-handling record.
If you want to put it in me, it's gonna be extra.
Do you tend to caress, squeeze, or bob the nuts?
You call that a reach-around?
And then, doing that while wearing this tshirt:
That would be an awesome day. Okay, it would probably suck, but hell would that be a story to blog about.
What inappropriate statements would you make? Comments is wide open :)
UPDATE: Blueberry left an obvious omission:
I heard something about some guys (as a protest, or just for fun) planning to opt out of the screening in favor of the manual check, and they will be commando and wearing kilts.
What the fucking fuck? You know sometimes that I espouse the base beliefs of Republicans, one being keeping the goddamned government out of our lives? This is a clear example of that.
Four Loko hit the news a couple weeks ago because with it's 12% ABV and loads of caffine, it made a couple college kids vomit. The Hill reports:
Drug czar Gil Kerlikowske said he welcomed a ruling by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that would effectively ban drinks like Four Loko and Joost, which have come under scrutiny for their alleged role in several cases of alcohol intoxication on college campuses.
Yes. Their role. Because binge drinking, college kids wanting to get wasted, and alcohol poisoning can be traced to one source: Four Loko.
I bought the drink once, partly because I like the booze but mostly because I'm a sucker for a novelty. I saw a caffeinated blue-raspberry drink with 12% alcohol for less than $2 and I was all "Fuck yeah - party time!" But no. It was awful. And I'm not talking "My fine wine and whiskey palette could not tolerate such an outrage" snobbery bullshit. This was eight-year-old blue-raspberry cotton candy dissolved in turpentine with a hard shot of gag reflex and enough HFCS to bring the liquid to a saturation point. I got through 3 little sips and was done forever with the foul beast.
But that doesn't mean the government should be allowed to ban it. College kids get drunk; that's the other half of their job. They will always gravitate towards the cheapest ways to alter their consciousness. That's why weed's less popular than alcohol and Hennessey is less sucked down than Natty Light.
Note to our government: Everyone sees that this is posturing, but it's laughable posturing. It's like someone walked into the office of the FDA and said "Listen! This is DANGEROUS!" and everyone was like "OMG Yeah!" and then they took it to the White House and said "Mr. President! This is not only what they world cares about but if you address this everyone will love you!"
And you know why you're being fed this?! It's the fucking November Book! This is the time of year (along with others) where TV Ratings will determine viewership which will determine a station or network's ability to price their commercials. Wonder why you generally turn on the news and hear "The Mount Adams Puppy you can't miss!" but about 4 times a year the headline teaser is "You probably have AIDS - Tune in at 11 to find out for sure!"? Ratings!
President Obama: You are a damn fool, a naive sucker to come out and say this is a health issue. What's next? A ban on red bull in bars (because that's about the same, just more expensive)? Perhaps a ban on sweetened alcoholic drinks? Then a ban on alcohol? Maybe a ban on college? Where does this silliness end? Should everyone call this an attack on the poor because you're eliminating one way for poor folk to get drunk? I mean, they still have Thunderbird. But you backed a federal ban on something based on a fabricated "epidemic" based on television stations trying to get viewers.
I am an ardent supporter but, for now, I laugh at you. I laugh because you're being a sucker, I laugh because you were suckered by the media sensationalism you have so often knocked down, but mostly I laugh because Four Loko, when faced with an alcohol/caffeine ban responded by saying "Okay, we'll get rid of the caffeine."
They're still serving sugary booze-ness to everyone and you've wasted thousands of taxpayer dollars just talking about it!
Don't we have more important things to worry about like wars and health care?
UPDATE: I got this Know! email from the Drug-Free Alliance:
"Blackout in a Can" is what some people are calling Four Loko: a dangerous, new alcohol energy drink that contains nearly as much alcohol as a six pack of beer and as much caffeine as a 12-ounce cup of coffee, all in one supersized serving (24-ounce can).
Alcohol energy drinks are no new concept and have long been a concern. However, alcohol-infused energy drinks like Four Loko, are especially dangerous because they contain an incredibly high amount of alcohol mixed with caffeine. Medical experts say that combining a depressant (alcohol) with a stimulant (caffeine) is hazardous to both the body and brain, and it makes for a, "wide awake drunk," as the caffeine masks the typical effects of alcohol.
Um, if your kids are getting their hands on this can, you've got much bigger problems than just talking to your kids. Alcohol + Caffeine exists and will be consumed legally in bars by anyone over 21. In excess in some cases. Just be a good, open, and accepting parent and you won't have to worry about insanity. Add the Drug-Free Alliance to the fear-mongering list of fools.
So Drudge decided to post some college kid's poor camera film of raw satellite that's like 7 minutes long and entitled Katie Couric RAW: Leaked footage of Couric Making Fun of Sarah Palin (FULL). OMG it's gotta be so crazy nasty and KC's going to lose her job over it OMG! Um, no. There's one reference that Katie makes while reading Sarah's kids names: "Where the hell do they come up with...?" And that's all. Yeah, that's it. But the comment-trolls fresh from Drudge act like it's apocalypse: She's an Obama tool, she can barely read, she thinks she's such hot shit. There's a special place in hell for Repub myrmidon trolls.
Speaking of apocalypse - as in the retarded "end of the world" version and not the "revealing" that it really means - the sun kinda exploded the other day. Seriously. Okay, not totally exploded. That'd be like saying I explode every time I have a coronal mass ejection. But that only happens sometimes.
"On 1 August, almost the entire side of the Sun that faces the Earth erupted in a blaze of activity known as a 'coronal mass ejection'." Holy shit! The "entire side of the Sun?" And that's the limit of the confirmation because we couldn't see the other side? Aurora as far south as Michigan? And that was just a low-powered glancing blow? Fuck, I think we've got a nasty peak activity cycle coming.
Oh, and Janet Napolitano has lied to you and saved and turned your nekkid airport scans into her personal shower-quality masturbation material. Sorries! I wonder if she's one of those women who, you know, ejects coronal mass when she explodes. Now that I might incorrectly call Apoca-lips.
If you've missed some of the recent goofy "Obama it the Devil" blasts over the past week or so, might want to take a look at this one talking about how the EPA has classified storage of large amounts of milk as something to be handled carefully, like storage of oil.
Obviously, this post and subsequent re-posts and stories about Milk=Oil were a lovely and timely right-wing sensationalism meant to paint Obama as a killer of industry, ignorer of the Gulf, having priorities wrong, etc.
So let's review a couple facts concerning the supposed slam:
The EPA rule changes equating animal fat (and by extension, milk) storage to that of oil are part of the EPA Emergency Management Spill Prevention, Control, and Countermeasure (SPCC) Rule.
The SPCC Rule was enacted in 2002 (under Bush), with implementation deadlines for facilities (including farms) by November 2009.
Since Obama took office, in June 2009 an extension was added to give facilities until November 2010 to comply.
Also, November 2009 amendments made to the rule currently under consideration include exemption of milk storage.
If we're going to sully an administration' s reputation on an absurdity of government handling, let's get the right administration.
Seriously - the goon(s) who set the whole thing up basically tried to use firecrackers to ignite propane tanks that aren't even open and bet on gas canisters to make it go "boom."
The media is (barely) using the word "amateur." I would use the word "retarded." Irish Dancer (my daughter) could probably build a more effective bomb.
My biggest worry is not that the media is reporting the "dangers" of the stupidity of what was going on but what our government is doing right now.
We may be looking at a simple, retarded version of terrorism.
We may also be looking at a retarded version of terrorism that is a purposeful misdirection. Not a good one, but something altogether different.
If I was the US Gov't, I'd be focusing on what comes next, what this might be hiding.
But I'm sure they have plenty of operatives that do that...
Of course, if I had to deal with the Republican asshats in the Senate I'd probably drink pretty heavily too. But not when I was going to be on teevee. Even if you don't consider CSPAN teevee.
I've been a registered voter for 14 years. Yet while my sister-in-law has been picked for jury duty 5 times in that time, I have yet to get one call or mail notice. Mrs. Shambles received one a few years ago that turned into "You don't need to show up tomorrow."
This is a personal blurb. Feel free to skip, though I'll go light on the glurge.
My mother-in-law is 58. 32 years ago, she began showing symptoms and was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. That's where your body sees the cartilage between the joints as an enemy to be attacked. 26 is absurdly early for symptoms and diagnosis.
She's had shoulders, knees, and elbows replaced and rebuilt, some twice. Once your cartilage goes completely, your bones will actually fuse together. Her wrists are fused, ankles and parts of her spine in process. Her fingers are curled tightly and almost immobile. She can barely get up from a sitting position, let alone do anything more complicated than that. She's been studied by doctors all over the world. She is 58.
This weekend we were in Cleveland to keep an eye on her in the hospital because she'd come down with pneumonia. It appears to be clearing, but the big issue that came through the family discussions was disability. Despite her limitations, she is still a licensed nurse and was working as of 3 weeks ago (interesting note: she is certified in CPR to do compressions with her elbows because she can not do them with her hands).
So stubborn as she is, she has finally agreed to go on disability. But you can't just go on disability. Short term disability is not quite the obstacle course, but since she is not yet 62, she can't just stop working and collect Social Security. So that's where disability comes in. And it turns out that even with some 30 years of records of limitations and surgeries and remedies and descriptions of her condition, there is about a 95% chance she will be turned down in the first round of long-term disability application.
And the reviewers work in groups. And when the group reviews the case and the Denied stamp goes on the application and is resubmitted, another member of the group is assigned to it for round 2. And since group dynamics in a working environment generally don't put you in a position where you are comfortable pointing to your colleague and saying "you're wrong," round 2 denial comes at a chance of about 99.9%. I guess that's a combination of job security and the governmental sieve to weed out some of the cheats by effort level.
Now, once denial 2 comes around it goes to court and as soon as they see her wheeled in, it's an immediate win. Unfortunately, that stage can take several months, enough time to leave a gap between short term and long term.
And then we spin out into a multitude of issues like rent, day-to-day care, inability of kids to support her, inability of her mother (with whom she lives) to take care of her, and - always - where is this money going to come from?
But I shall not bore you or trouble you with that. I haven't written since Van Mural Wednesday and thought I'd give you a taste of my world for the past couple days. But I guess if it were a real taste, you'd get a back-of-the-tongue lapping of that antiseptic, hospital, hand-cleanser-and-rubber-gloves that chokes you a bit and makes taking down food a little more difficult. And I wouldn't want that for anyone.
This is Rep. Alan Grayson asking the Federal Reserve Inspector General about trillions of dollars of YOUR money and whether anyone's keeping track of where the money is and whether or not there are losses in the lending. Her answers are not encouraging.
Duuhh...ummm...I don't know. This is why we can't have anything nice. This is why, even if Obama's efforts are 100% genuine and could 100% fix the mess we're in, it won't. Everyone jumps up and screams FIRE and they bring out the money shooter and only months later do they say "Hmm. Is someone keeping track of this?" Of course because everyone assumes that someone's got the oversight thing handled, no one's got the oversight handled.
One day, in a futuristic, Planet of the Apes scenario, when we're pounding the beach in front of a decaying Statue of Liberty, maybe then we'll get it.
Keeping with a campaign pledge “not continue to fund abstinence-only programs,” President Obama’s 2010 budget — further details of which were released today — cuts funding for “Community-Based Abstinence Education” and several other abstinence-education programs
Finally, someone who understands that "Just Say NO" doesn't work.
If you've seen the ads put out by the Corn Refiners group where some actor-playing-douchebag says "Well, you know what they say about high-fructose corn syrup" (apparently aware of all foods that contain it but not what the concern is) but cannot come up with one thing that "they say" and the other person intelligently and succinctly states some crap about it being natural, you might have had two thoughts concomitantly: 1) What is it who's saying about HFCS? and 2) Ooh, it must be natural and ignorant whackos are causing a fuss.
And that's what the Corn Refiners group would like you to think.
But here's just one of the things "they're saying" about why HFCS is some funky shit:
A new study in mice sheds light on at least part of the reason for the insulin resistance that can come from diets high in high-fructose corn syrup, a sweetener found in most sodas and many other processed foods.
Fructose is much more readily metabolized to fat in the liver than glucose, and in the process can lead to nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. NAFLD in turn leads to hepatic insulin resistance and type II diabetes.
Researchers showed that mice fed a high-fructose diet could be protected from insulin resistance if a gene known as transcriptional coactivator PPARg coactivator-1b (PGC-1b) was "knocked down" in the animals' liver and fat tissue. PGC-1b controls the activity of several other genes, including one responsible for building fat in the liver. This suggests an important role for PGC-1b in the pathogenesis of fructose-induced insulin resistance.
But, hey, what's so bad about insulin resistance and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease?
Anyone else find it weird that people who are supposed to sell corn are selling medical advice that benefits their bottom line?
So do we laud Obama's team for plasticating the windows in the White House, or do we rail them for not doing it well enough that it doesn't waver and show up in the shot?
I was reading this article about how shady New York Republican politics have been shitting on a man's sense of accomplishment and duty, when I ran into this paragraph:
A member of the Passamaquoddy Tribe in Maine, he said he is being discriminated against because of his national origin and retaliated against for having sued the state.
The stimulus plan has all the creeps coming out of the woodwork, most of them tossing everything - including the kitchen sink - at the Obama administration cause day wont day monies!
Las Vegas, which by some accounts already glitters, wants $2 million for neon signs.
Boynton Beach, Fla., is looking for $4.5 million for an "eco park" featuring butterfly gardens and gopher tortoises.
And Chula Vista, Calif., would like $500,000 to create a place for dogs to run off the leash.
These are among 18,750 projects listed in "Ready to Go," the U.S. Conference of Mayors' wish list for funding from the stimulus bill moving through Congress. The group asked cities and towns to suggest "shovel ready" projects for the report, which it gave to Congress and the Obama administration.
Let's just call bullshit on all that fuckery. Now and forever.
You want to dance around the money game? You want to propose projects the Federal Government should fund? Fine: line item how much it should cost and how many jobs it will create. If you get that money and do not create those jobs, you are accountable for creating those jobs within 2 months. If you do not create those jobs, you lose 50% of funding to the state until you do.
Accountability. How are we going to get anything done if it's just a bunch of liars and cheats?
Sarah Palin has started her own PAC with the stated purpose of "building America's future, supporting fresh ideas and candidates who share our vision for reform and innovation."
The actual purpose, of course, is part of the "Pack it in like Kobayashi" strategy so that in three years she can shit out an Alaska-sized hunk of political capitol all over America. Or that's one of the guesses. When asked what a PAC does, Palin only replied "Ms. Pac-Man is sooooo fun!"
Seriously, though, what's up with the logo? Alaska in the middle of the US?
The imagery represents:
Blowing an Alaska-sized hole in the breadbasket of America "'cause carbs just don't sit well on my hips."
"Alaska's big and America is big so that means I'm qualified to be President."
"When I'm President, this is the area we'll fence off for all America's enemies."
"Swimming pool!"
"I can see North Dakota from my house."
But those are just a couple thoughts. What are yours?
My friend Brent who does not have a blog or a Twitter or a website woke his ass up super early and made it to the Capitol side of the Washington Monument. One more reference and he'll get his own blogger label.
This is the image he sent me.
The reason they're staring away from the Capitol Building is that you can't see anything from that far away and the closest Jumbotron was in that direction. He said, as you'd expect, that it was amazing.
I look at those images, the Mall in D.C., not one patch of green visible in any direction, the smiling, excited faces, cheering and chanting, and my eyes well up. Partially because I'm excited too, and partially because I see these masses as I might see my own daughter, smitten with a new love.
And I just want to put my hand on his shoulder and say "You've already got our hearts. Please don't break them."
Can't wait for his speech. Because that Nazi Youth Pastor was a little over the top. Ooh, Aretha Franklin!
Lest anyone - gods forbid - think I am a left wing mouthpiece, allow me to hit on two things that have been mentioned in the media in the past couple days.
Democrats in the U.S. House have been conducting hearings on proposals to confiscate workers’ personal retirement accounts — including 401(k)s and IRAs — and convert them to accounts managed by the Social Security Administration.
Triggered by the financial crisis the past two months, the hearings reportedly were meant to stem losses incurred by many workers and retirees whose 401(k) and IRA balances have been shrinking rapidly.
Holy box of fuck, NO! Stop! I'm the furthest thing from right wing, jizz-clappy, Reagan-idol-worship, but this is not right. Ever. Even if all the money drains from every 401(k): wrong.
You see, when you take the initiative to invest in a retirement plan, you are given all the tools you need to make your choices. If you choose to NOT study up or take more risk than you should, then you're at a loss. If you invest in a low-yield, low risk funds that will weather this storm, you're in luck (honestly, if you're not retiring in the next 10 years, leave everything alone - you'll be back on your feet before you know it, or lose everything when the world ends in 2012).
But the Government does not have the right to take private funds and control them. Does anyone else have any other information on this? I'd like to hear it because the story scares the hell out of me.
The Fairness Doctrine
The right's chattering, the left has mentioned bringing it back. Stop. For the love of the hairy balls of Jesus H. Christ, stop this madness.
The fairness doctrine, for those who do not know, was abolished in 1987 as a way to present controversial issues in a "balanced" manner for anyone who has a broadcast license. After it was gone? Hundreds - nay, thousands - of political talk radio shows have been spawned, most of them polarized.
Right now, the right wingnutters hold the scepter of broadcast talk radio. And that's fine. Why? Two reasons:
Would you prefer that political douchebags like Limbaugh and Hannity mask their abject disgust towards democrats and gays and, occasionally, colored folk or allow them to dump their bigotry for all to see?
Liberals, for the most part, already own the internet. Why? I'm not sure, but it appears that the ingenuity and learning required to become tech-savvy beyond logging onto your AOL email or typing "www.google.com" into MSN's search box eludes these folks. TV is going to go digital and lose millions of viewers to confusion in about 2 months. If that ever happened to radio, goodbye Rush.
So note to democrats: Stop. During this election cycle, the Nazi right pulled a lot of shit to make us sound like government-takeover nutjobs.
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