Marco Rubio ...or Is He?

Here's a picture of Marco Rubio, Florida Senator who is aiming for the Republican nomination in the race to the White House.



Here's a picture of Michael Weatherly, known for his work as Dinozzo on NCIS.



Here's a picture of Timothy Olyphant, known for his work on Hitman, Live Free or Die Hard, and Justified.



So how can a guy look so much like two well-versed, attractive, and just downright cool actors - and still be such a douche?

ALSO:



Christ, Rubio, what is that? You're dotting the "i" with our nation? What sort of self-aggrandizement symbolism are we supposed to pull from that?

And what the hell did you do to Alaska and Hawaii!?

SOTU STFU

Getting back in stride, figuring out what is important, and CFC is on the short list. I'll venture an "I'm back, baby!" when I hit a few more posts.

I'm working on a Ricky-appropriate response to the State of the Union Address, but until I get there, here is my immediate take on what I heard last night - and the Republican Response.



Cheers and see you soon!

e-Card on Voting Republican

Fox Guest: Fox Acting as "Wing of the Republican Party"

I think we're starting to see some reason seep into the cracks and fissures of the Right that Obama's election has created. Excellent video of the exchange here:

Papa John: Poor Baby

So this giant mansion owning Republican douchenozzle is crying about Obamacare. Boo. Hoo. He says Obamacare is going to make bad things happen. How bad? It's going to add $0.14 per pie. (Even though HuffPo has some lesser numbers.)

OMG, Papa John must despise democrats and Obama because the policies of the last four years have been a disaster for his company. I mean, right?

No. Papa John's stock this time in 2008 was bottoming out at $15 due to Bush's policies. After almost four years of Obama presidency that same stock is floating near $50, only recently affected by his own public dickery.

So, Papa John, are you better off four years later? Oh, your lips say "no," but your mansion says "YES."



See?

Abortion in the Bible: God Makes Exceptions

(Oh, the conventions have me busy and my younger cousin just got killed in a freak accident - shit's all kinda crazy. So sorry and mind the gap.)

With all last week's RNC platform bullshittery and the conservative nutterswarm going on this week - and watching these normally conservative folks I know on Facebook strike out for batshit - I'm about to swear off watching or hearing about politics until the day after the election.

But with all the far right anti-ladyparts RNC hubbub all the way to the fem-shaming of Fluke we got to see today after her rockin' speech last night, I thought it might be a good time to bring something to the surface that I just learned last week: God provides an exception for abortion if the female has been unfaithful.

No, really. Soak it in.

11 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 12 “Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘If any man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him, 13 and a man has intercourse with her and it is hidden from the eyes of her husband and she is [a]undetected, although she has defiled herself, and there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act, 14 [b]if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has defiled herself, or if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has not defiled herself, 15 the man shall then bring his wife to the priest, and shall bring as [c]an offering for her one-tenth of an [d]ephah of barley meal; he shall not pour oil on it nor put frankincense on it, for it is a grain offering of jealousy, a grain offering of memorial, a reminder of iniquity.

16 ‘Then the priest shall bring her near and have her stand before the Lord, 17 and the priest shall take holy water in an earthenware vessel; and [e]he shall take some of the dust that is on the floor of the tabernacle and put it into the water. 18 The priest shall then have the woman stand before the Lord and let the hair of the woman’s head go loose, and place the grain offering of memorial [f]in her hands, which is the grain offering of jealousy, and in the hand of the priest is to be the water of bitterness that brings a curse. 19 The priest shall have her take an oath and shall say to the woman, “If no man has lain with you and if you have not gone astray into uncleanness, being under the authority of your husband, be [g]immune to this water of bitterness that brings a curse; 20 if you, however, have gone astray, being under the authority of your husband, and if you have defiled yourself and a man other than your husband has had intercourse with you” 21 (then the priest shall have the woman swear with the oath of the curse, and the priest shall say to the woman), “the Lord make you a curse and an oath among your people by the Lord’s making your thigh [h]waste away and your abdomen swell; 22 and this water that brings a curse shall go into your [i]stomach, and make your abdomen swell and your thigh [j]waste away.” And the woman shall say, “Amen. Amen.”

23 ‘The priest shall then write these curses on a scroll, and he shall [k]wash them off into the water of bitterness. 24 Then he shall make the woman drink the water of bitterness that brings a curse, so that the water which brings a curse will go into her [l]and cause bitterness. 25 The priest shall take the grain offering of jealousy from the woman’s hand, and he shall wave the grain offering before the Lord and bring it to the altar; 26 and the priest shall take a handful of the grain offering as its memorial offering and offer it up in smoke on the altar, and afterward he shall make the woman drink the water. 27 When he has made her drink the water, then it shall come about, if she has defiled herself and has been unfaithful to her husband, that the water which brings a curse will go into her [m]and cause bitterness, and her abdomen will swell and her thigh will [n]waste away, and the woman will become a curse among her people. 28 But if the woman has not defiled herself and is clean, she will then be free and conceive [o]children.

WTF? I don't know. Maybe you guys have a little better insight than I do? Any is welcome.

Hillary for VP? Just a Repub Lie

If you're interested, I put together a nice post over at All Things Democrat discussing the ghost the conservatives have cobbled together feigning chaos in the Democratic party by insinuating there's a big decision between Biden and Hillary in the works. Spoiler alert: They're lying.

Republicans? Get in that Vagina!

From Funny or Die:

Ohio's Republican War on Women: Planned Parenthood

It may be entertaining to look at the Republicans rearranging deck chairs as the Titanic sinks and chuckle to ourselves and know how November goes down after they haven't done a damn thing about jobs but managed to alienate the entire female population, but there are real-world consequences for their actions.

State-level Republians have carried the torch of their war on women and bludgeoned the patsy of Planned Parenthood in several states, and Ohio has become the new battleground. In a mid-budget review bill, state republicans have inserted language that would functionally defund Planned Parenthood. Nice work on the unemployment numbers, guys! And here's a link to sign a petition because sometimes that has an effect. If you live in Ohio, PLEASE contact your state representatives and give this a voice.

SIDENOTE: One of the commenters in the link above aptly notes that this legislation alteration comes within one day of Ohio returning to capital punishment. Yep, one day we serve a grown, living human being an IV cocktail of death - next day we're crying bloody murder over a bundle of cells. Yay Ohio: showing the world how backwards we are every damn day.

MoveOn's War On Women Ad is Awesome

Republican Response: Women Don't Count

Last night I watched the whole SOTU and Republican Response. The item that left the biggest impression for me was when Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), near the beginning of the official Republican response, stated

One in five men of prime working age…did not go to work today.

Immediately after that, my brain went into a repeating loop of questioning stupid. Did he just say that? What sausage-fest proofed that speech? Did he really mean it? What the hell is "prime working age?" Was the intent to really address only the working men of our country?

I can find the quote a couple of places through Google and full text on his campaign page (he does not have an official twitter himself), but no one seems to be addressing the misogynist angle that's pretty damn apparent.

Hannity's Conservative Tomfoolery

Sean Hannity is choosing ideology over Democracy. Is that the right message?

If anyone submits themselves to the torture of listening to Sean Hannity's radio show as I do on a regular basis, you might be aware of his insistent retort any time someone "mistakenly" refers to him as a Republican. It goes a little something like this:

I'm not a Republican. I am a registered Conservative.

Aww, isn't that so ...maverick of him?

One of the other things Mr. Hannity insists on is that - right now - he's still not backing a single horse in the race; he's holding out to see where it goes. This is, as one might recognize, a total cop-out to make sure he's both not looking stupid and following the Fox playbook.

What no one seems to mention, though, is that it doesn't matter which Republican he decides to back, he cannot vote for them.

Sean Hannity, if he tells the truth, is registered with the Conservative Party USA dedicated to "true" conservative values, ending corruption, and a bunch of other things no politician will ever go for. And it's great for upping some Tea Party cred. But there are NO candidates running in the Conservative Party.

So Sean Hannity, registered in the Conservative Party, will, like someone who is a registered Independent, be unable to vote in the Republican or Democratic primaries; he will be unable to back his "support" with an actual vote.

What kind of message does that send?


(crossposted at All Things Democrat)

The Language of the Right: New English

Sure, it's been going on forever - language gets twisted and changed in ways that strike a nerve ("hot dogs") or are just laughable ("freedom fries"). I'll use Mario Piperni's delicious graphic as a reference:



It's funny, but allow me to enlighten the language some for those who don't listen to right wing radio. It's not called "crony capitalism" when republicans do it, obviously (last week I hear an "I've never heard" outcry from Hannity about Congressional insider trading with specifically Democratic references), but there's a new language from the Ay-Am band radio hosts making its terribly un-funny debut: Crony Socialism.

The Solyndra issue might be pushed through the crony mold, but it has nothing to do with socialism. At all.

Take note, now and forever: the language they use has effects - and sometimes it even sticks.

Republican Debates Make Me Angry

Meow! Romney and Perry!

But besides the suspect bullshit like Santorum's recalling of DADT and the weird Republican "OMG, what is this internet and Google thing?" for the proles, two items hit me pretty hard.

Bachmann on Religion

She figuratively said that all religious expression should be awesome and open to the public. No one mentioned her "scary Muslims" thoughts and ideals. So Michele, is it okay for Muslims to pray in public? I didn't think so.


Cain's Cancer

Honestly, I was unaware and AWESOME for him. However, he used his personal issue to say that Obamacare would have killed him.

So how about a thought experiment: if you were poor and unemployed and had no insurance, what would have been your chances then without universal healthcare? I know it's Rich People Problems, but, really? You basically said that because you're rich enough to pay for mad scannings and treatments you survived?


Overall

Perry won, except for his "badminton" remark. Romney made reference to the "side" people in the debate. Fox marginalized everyone else.

The most interesting part of the debate was the positioning of the candidates, the marginalizing, the posing of the questions to either push up or drop down certain candidates.

The only one missing was Jesus, the question: What is your position on killing prisoners? *Jesus gets booed*

Awesome.


Update:
Perry lost. His bit of jabbering was not endearing to the W crowd, and apparently everyone on the right wants to push Mittens. I would love to be there when they decide in their secret bunker that he's the candidate and someone says "Wait, will a Mormon pull the Evangelical Christian vote?" and everyone shits their pants.

Santorum Waxes Stupid on Marriage

Rick Santorum explains why marriage is marriage and gay marriage isn't. Or something.



Between Santorum Stupid and Bachmann Batshit, the right doesn't really stand a chance come 2012.

Maybe There's an Opening for a Chimney Sweep?

Republicans are full of fuckery. They took a normal, expected, non-fanfare issue - raising the debt ceiling - and owned it and lied to America and whined and pissed and moaned and lied and got many ignorant Americans to back them.

So what if America is being downgraded and there are STILL no jobs? Let's do a sing-along!

Couple of Notes on the Stupid Right

Today I heard Sean Hannity get really upset with the Republicans because there was a hint of some sort of deal that didn't drive the Democrats into the ground. It was cute, almost quaint in its madness. "They're not seeing the forest for the trees and right now Obama owns the forest and it's burning down!" Fucking adorable, really, in that "knuckle sandwich" "fisticuffs" "burns me up" throwback to Ward Cleaver language. It was somewhere between listening to a 4-year-old why he peed his pants and a 15-year-old trailer park baby-daddy read a love poem to his 35-year-old girlfriend on Jerry Springer.

Quick question: Are Cain and Bachmann getting crazier by the second? Yesterday I read that Bachmann openly prayed about being in the end days 6 years ago, and Herman Cain is hot and heavy on banning Mosques. Republicans won't run a Mormon, Black, or Woman anyway, but why make it so easy to say NO?

The budget thing is pretty basic: without borrowing, we'll have money to pay a good chunk of stuff that needs to be paid. But a whole bunch needs to be cut. We're talking large ticket items like Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid, Military, FBI, CIA, and all those fat legislators. So when Obama says "Social Security checks might not have funding" and Republicans say "Social Security will absolutely get funded" they're both improv-ing. No one has made those decisions yet.

The Republican plan is to KEEP IN POWER. This has so far been moderately successful. By cutting unions, making it more difficult for the poor, elderly, and disabled to live - let alone vote, and giving the rich more jerk-off money, they're setting up a powerful drive to create a two-class country, disenfranchise millions of people, and make us invent the better guillotine.

Few thoughts to toss around.

Jesus Babies: The Real Conservative Crusade

You've heard conservatives lament the horror of Anchor Babies: children born on American soil, making them American citizens, to the parents of illegal immigrants. It's the theme, purpose, and strategy of the immigrants and it must be stopped!

You may have also heard the paranoid rantings of some elected officials blathering on about Terror Babies. These are the Taliban counterparts to their Hispanic compatriots and should completely scare the crap out of us because, um, terrorists, duh!

(Your mission: draw cute, cartoon-y versions of stereotypical illegal immigrants and terrorists - as babies. Awwww...watcha watcha intafada taco? Brrth?)

But the real point of this post is that the sometime raving and ranting on the right over the Anchor and Terror Babies betrays the real reason for their perplexing focus of women's health care and Planned Parenthood: Jesus Babies.

It's the same reason (in my opinion) Christianity and other religions encoded into their doctrines the need to consummate a marriage and avoid birth control: more babies means more Christians. Some estimates have white people as a minority in the USA by 2042, and that scares the shit out of the rich, white right wing. More babies, more Whites, more babies, more Christians.

And yet they're wrong again. The growing secular population in America paired with the growing liberal - moving forward - crowd will actually mean less Christians, less 100% white people. It will mean more abortions - legal or not - and more deaths and more illness and more orphaned children.

In their heads, the brown people are winning the population race. And they don't know what to do about it. So? Apply Christian doctrine to law!

This is just me, but:

"Liberals look back at the last 50 years, figure we've done pretty well moving forward in the rights of women and minorities, but know there's much yet to do. Conservatives look back 50 years and are horrified that it still doesn't look like that now."

-Ricky Shambles


Sorry conservatives, but "Where's Mammy with my mint julep?" is never coming back.

Dear Washington: You're Assholes

You're all assholes.

Republicans: You lie and rely on your crazy wing and AM fakery to scare the shit out of everyone.

Democrats: You fold like a wet card castle and then whine about it.

America: You keep voting for people who want to be politicians.

We need to take representation like jury duty.

Why do things suck right now? WE made it this way.

Today in Reality...

The homosexual agenda is being pushed through anti-bullying efforts. (here)

Teachers have it easy - half days and summers off. (any RW-AM)

Jesus and/or Gaia caused the tragedy in Japan (Beck!)

Japan deserves it because of Pearl Harbor (seriously, don't look [new hobby - trolling people who tweet about Pearl Harbor - check the Twitter feed on the right!)

Just because nuclear plants in Japan are going haywire, it's still way better than those dirty solar panels and wind turbines. (Hannity)

We can control our immigration problem ...by shooting immigrants like pigs from helecoptors (here)

Gingrich still had a bunch of affairs, Mitt still passed Romneycare, and Palin is still a moron.

Just sayin'