Wedding Disastrous

Because you deserve it.


I said keg stand, not keg lean. Get on up in it.



I am not drunk, I have not been crying, and yes I took this from the bar. And it's MINE.



Unwrapping isn't as much fun when you stare at the present all night.



...in an elementary school classroom.



That's how we do it in mothafuckin' M-trop, bitches!

Mutant Skeeters or Crazy Allergies?

So I was out in Cali 2 weeks ago, checking out the view of the Valley from Mulholland Drive near dusk, and while the sight was spectacular, I was spending some of my precious attention batting a few pesky (and rather large) mosquitoes. The next day, a half dozen requisite bites appeared and were just slightly itchy. My brother got some too.

Yesterday morning I awoke to find the mosquito bites I had all but forgot about were now flared, red, perfectly round, and about the size of a quarter each. This is the bugger between the pinky and ring knuckles of my left hand:



The curious spread I figure is from the the fact that I use my hands typing all day, so whatever my body doesn't like is getting to spread out a bit there. My brother does not have the same symptoms.

SO WTF? I understand that a toxin in the mosquito saliva causes the original bump, redness, and itching and affects different people different ways. But I got these bites 14 days ago. And they reacted like always: itch for a couple days, then go away. They hadn't bothered me in a week. What would make them all go nuclear 12 days after being bit?

Don't worry, I'm not being a typical stupid man about it either. I've already been to see the doctor if for no other reason than Cortizone10 was doing dick for the itch and I was either going to scratch them all until bloody or go absolutely mad thinking about scratching them all until bloody.

The doc said things like "weird," "I've never seen anything like it," and "Thanks for being my freak of the day" (we have a pretty casual relationship). And so it's antibiotics because of the timeline and off-chance of infection, topical steroid for immediate relief (knocks that itch down about 60%), and an oral steroid for overall inflammation control.

But it's all generalized guesswork, so I turn to you, my dear readers: Have you ever heard anything like this? Bites following a natural fade then BAM! 12 days later they get as big as quarters and itch 3 times as badly?

Brad Goehring is a Liar & Typical Rightie

Brad Goehring sent me an email today through GOPUSA's email list (yes, I'm a subscriber) and the subject title was "It's Liberal Hunting Season."

Ah, yes, you nod, now you remember Brad Goehring; he's the California Republican running for a House position that's catching flack for the hunting and gun references when describing what's going on in our country.

And so he's outright capitalizing on that absurd fame. "It's Liberal Hunting Season*
Time to Load Up* Conservative Candidates' Bank Accounts" and "PULL THE TRIGGER* FOR A TRUE CONSERVATIVE" adorn his funding letter. The asterisk? *Note to The Politically Correct Liberal Police (Specifically Keith Olbermann): The above sentences with asterisks are metaphors.

Like most Republicans, Brad does not understand how language works. Yes, Brad, those would fall into the category of "metaphor." Green check-mark on the grammar. But because something is a metaphor does not make it innocuous. What's a metaphor exactly? "A figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity."

To Brad:
Do you understand the function of a metaphor now? Do you understand that by making those statements, the intent - by function of the linguistic device - is to create a similarity between putting money in your campaign account and the physical act of killing liberals with a firearm.

And that's your right. You can go ahead and use that because it riles up the libs and the righties love it and, all-in-all, it probably benefits your campaign to follow that line. But don't - for just one second - pretend you don't know what you're doing with an aw shucks shrug.


Sidenote:
Brad-Brad's website home page, save for the address buried in the lower right, is oddly void of any reference to the state of California. Isn't he proud of the state he's working to represent? Yet no graphic, no mention. I'd suggest this is intentional; capitalize on the notoriety of the gun metaphors without that pesky obvious reminder that most of the right-wing, riled-up goonery is not actually from Cali and might think twice if they were overtly confronted with the fact.


Final note: Anyone who openly agrees with the idea the the Democrats are purposefully trying to deconstruct the country and turn it into a welfare state is out of their damn mind and lying to scare the bejeezus out of their base. Frightened constituency is always more giving, after all.


Okay, just one more note: You can follow Brad Goehrning on Twitter too! As of this posting, he's following 0 and being followed by 8. Note to Brad: You're doing it wrong.

Drunk-Dialing FreedomWorks

A heavenly thanks to Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. This made my day!

Disney Heroines as Comic Book Heroines

No, I'm not kidding. Here's one of half a dozen.



Um...

Politics Meh!

Meh! I say!

Why? Same shit's happening this week that was last week. Here's a recap in case you've been living in a cave with Bin Laden the last week:

• Republicans are backswitching and -pedaling and plain lying about Kagan's past accomplishments, policies, and rulings. The "better angels" of the right have reduced the conversation to whether she's a lesbian, a man, or too darned androgynous.
• Rush, Beck, and some of our particularly petrol-soaked politicians are downplaying the worst oil disaster in history, saying things like "Where's the oil? I don't see it!" and "The ocean'll take care of itself." and "Yeah, come to our beaches and swim and fish!" No, their job is to ignore the tragedy, the blame, the destruction...and instead focus on how Obama is going to use this to achieve world domination!
• Eric Holder didn't read the fucking law. 10 pages. 17 pages. Whatever. But he didn't read it, commented on it, and got called out. And because he didn't take 15 minutes of his day to get edjumakated, the right is playing the video of his admission 24/7. No matter that the law is unquestionably racist or wrong or opposed, because the USAG didn't read the damn thing, THEY get the fuel to burn their lie fires (note how the right talks about "plain language" except when they need to "read deeper" to reveal Obamarific deception). Eric Holder is still an asshat for that one.
• We're still at war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They're still killing Americans. We still shouldn't be there. And now that the right can call it "Obama's War," they can finally talk about it as the clusterfuck it is.
• Gingrich is still seemingly floating a 2012 GOP bid for POTUS. Hehe *snort*
• Drudge is still manipulating perception of what is in stories by the titles he gives them, always with that crazy, righty spin of his. (NOTE: Today Afghanistan "Grim milestone: 1,000 Americans dead" but 3K in Iraq under Bush ignored)

That is all.

Jesus News: Capitalism & Lungs

This week, we'll make it quick and let you comment:

Yes, a man legally named Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car.

A great commentary on some douche that claims Jesus was a Capitalist.

A guy pines on spikes and (while starting with Shrek) asks what would've happened if Jesus was never born. Don't pay too much heed; it's not a historical model so much as it degrades into "we'd all be in hell."

And in a fit of pareidolia, we've now seen Jesus in a lung. Quick! Kill that person! Obviously the war of good and evil happened in the womb and the evil body consumed the twin!

Till next week...