Friday Videos: Pee Wee, Oz, Slinky, Pee Wee?

Pee Wee Herman voices the new Dark Night trailer.




Oz: The Great and Powerful trailer. Winner or flop?




Not new, but one I just remembered: Slinky on a treadmill




And, well, British game shows are just weird :)




Have a great weekend!

Cat Piss & Cum Shots: Spring Stinks!

It's that time of year again! Oh, the stanks of spring. Cat pee is one of them. Semen is another. Now I love my honeysuckle and my lilac bush, but urine and jizz should not fit in.

You can read my giant treatise on cum bubbles and cat pee here, but here's the gist:

To me - and three other people I've been in contact with online - juniper smells like cat pee. My entire family thinks I'm nuts because they do not experience the same thing. And it's not a faint smell, a subtle waft of something encompassed in a cornucopia of exotic complexity; when I drive to the grocery store that's surrounded by it and my car vents are open this time of year, it smells like one of my cats just took a concentrated, stinking, steaming piss in the back seat. (I would love to talk to anyone who's had the same experience. It took me two years to figure it out.)

The Bradford Pear tree smells like semen. LOTS more people have experienced this one. It's not as horribly strong as the juniper, not like "Who just rubbed one off on my face?" - more like grabbing your laundry the afternoon after you had a wet dream and catching the odor of the semi-dry, cool, musty gob emanate from the pile.

It's spring! You've been warned.

Sexy Sexy Star Wars Tattoo-ine

So I picked up this picture over at Failblog's Ugliest Tattoos page (as a win, of course). It's a few years old, but got a fantastic response. So I wondered: wouldn't there be more images of this tattooed wonderousness elsewhere on the internets?

And, of course, said pictures do exist.

(Other sidenote: the script on her side is the lyrics to Matthew Good's "Waiting for the Destruction" and runs all the way down to her calf.)

So after a little detective-ing, I was able to dig up something salacious. I think here is where I meet but do not cross the obscenity line with a carefully-cropped close-up:



And if you like that line and feel the temptation to cross it, I shall provide the tools but will not give you direct gratification from this blog post - that wouldn't be fair as some people read me at work - or maybe I just hope people read me at work.

Either way, if you'd like to cross that line and see more of this woman's tattoos in a semi-tasteful but not really safe for work version (naked but strategically posed to hide ladyparts), then you can do so here.

Now, if you'd like to Kessel Run past that line in less than two parsecs, you can do so with the following image. Warning: TOTALLY NSFW.

_____
Genuine question: Was that too stalker-y? Too pornographic? I ran it because I was genuinely interested in what other cool, nerdy tattoos this woman had - and they are pretty awesome. Did I go too far and fly right past tasteful and reasonable? I'd like to know what y'all think; I generally don't talk about or link to naked images on the internets even if they are geeky, nerdy, and lovely. To the comments!

Cum Bubbles & Cat Pee: Ah, the Smells of Spring!

I've already written about the natural odors of semen and cat piss that accost me every Spring, so I won't got into all the details of self-discovery, but here's the skinny:


Juniper

This time of year I am overwhelmed with the smell of feline urine, like a poorly maintained litter box, and in this weather it's like a poorly maintained litter box in a warm, damp basement. I have discovered it comes from the Juniper, the fuzzy-looking bush that can grow narrow and tall or low and creeping. And I am apparently one of the very few people whose nose so knows the smell in quite that way. I've found about half a dozen online, but my family thinks I'm a little mad because they don't sense a thing.


Bradford Pear

And every once in a while, if I'm lucky, I get a chance to whiff something familiar, though not something you'd expect while walking about or driving, like getting my nose rubbed into a wet dream: semen. This comes from the Bradford Pear Tree, and appears to be a much more common recognition than the Juniper cat pee connection.

So there you go. That's my olfactory experience of Spring. Every year. Yum!

It's Chinese Boob Squish Friday!

You don't need to understand English to get this commercial. Sound effects are priceless. No nipples, but probably NSFW.

Don't Click This: Tales of Hentai

Sometimes I land on a page (innocently, of course) and I am strangely interested or amazed or appalled or just shocked out of words. Can't share it with my biological family, so I'm tossing it at you.

Hentai: A Japanese slang word meaning perverted or perversion. In the world of manga and anime, hentai refers to the adult oriented titles that present extreme, graphic sexual imagery. A common Western stereotype concerning manga and anime is that these artforms are filled with graphic sex.

Yeah, it's kinda animated or illustrated porn and extremely NSW. And I told you not to click it, didn't I?

Tales of Hentai

Jayherrod1 & Selena Gomez

Thank you Tosh.0 for the horror that is Jay Herrod.



This is tame. Visit his page to see all 63 videos covering topics from more Selena Gomez to politics to his most recent video [kinda NSFW], in which he appears to be wearing just a loose skirt, announcing his appearance at an Austin, TX club to do a sexy birthday strip tease.

I apologize in advance. But it's a bad you have to experience.



Seriously, dude. WTF?

Cthulhu Sex

I'd like to post the picture here, well-knowing my blog is generally pretty NSW, but instead I'll just give you the link and you can click it. Then it's your fault.

Seriously, I'm warning you. They're called Necromicox. Or maybe I just enticed you.

Cthulhu sex-toys! (via BoingBoing)

...I told you :(

TSA's Nuthuggin': 15 Things NOT to Say at Security

Is it weird that I'm making a juvenile joke because the man's name is Balzac but visually he looks a little like Ron Jeremy? I believe there's a form of irony there somewhere...

There's a growing fervor over the TSA photographing and groping and leaking body scan photos. I'm lucky I don't have to fly soon - I'd probably mouth off and get held just long enough to miss my flight. So here's my top 15 things I'm not going to say but would like to if I were flying and got searched and didn't mind losing my flight:

1. I guess I never realized TSA stood for Testicle Stroking Authority. Maybe they should rethink that - you kinda suck at it.
2. I'll show you my penis for a dollar.
3. I'd love a cigarette but then I'd have to go outside, come back in, and go through that again. Okay, I'm going to have a cigarette. Save my seat.
4. Where's my rape whistle?
5. FYI, I dress to the left.
6. I was led to believe I would receive a Happy Ending?
7. You gonna think about my balls when you fuck your wife?
8. Do you charge extra for a pinky in my bunghole?
9. Thank God I'm drunk during this!
10. This ain't no pansy-party; get on up in there n make sure I ain't no turrurrist!
11. (While grinding) Smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Oh noooooo!
12. How many balls would you say you touch in a day? Do you like 'em? You should call Guinness - there might be an opening for a daily ball-handling record.
13. If you want to put it in me, it's gonna be extra.
14. Do you tend to caress, squeeze, or bob the nuts?
15. You call that a reach-around?

And then, doing that while wearing this tshirt:


That would be an awesome day. Okay, it would probably suck, but hell would that be a story to blog about.

What inappropriate statements would you make? Comments is wide open :)


UPDATE: Blueberry left an obvious omission:

I heard something about some guys (as a protest, or just for fun) planning to opt out of the screening in favor of the manual check, and they will be commando and wearing kilts.

OMG I'm totally doing that.

Today's Brunette: Alexi Wasser

You may know Alexi from a bit part in Cabin Fever 2 or her Peppermint Patties commercial. She's so lovely that she'll be picking up a part in a 30-minute comedy called Boycrazy on Showtime. Wonderful!

Boobs on Mars

Okay, so it's just the areola.

(seriously though, awesome new Mars images here)

Ladies & Comics: Dawn & Death

Based on some inspiration from Cal's fantastic blog post on Wonder Woman's new costume, there was a bit of discussion about the oversexualized women in comics (as one aspect of what keeps bringing the boys - and men - back) and I immediately thought of Dawn.

The series of different comics featuring Dawn, goddess of birth and rebirth, and her lover, Death is exactly what we describe when we talk about over-the-top eye candy. And the storylines weren't exactly the most brilliant writing in the comic world.






And in thinking about beauty and storytelling I was immediately drawn to a place I don't return nearly enough. When you take various artists and combine them with the sharp wit and brilliant writing of Niel Gaiman, you get Death, one of the Endless who pull the strings of existence.







Seriously, stare at the Dawn all you want, but if you haven't picked up the Sandman comics you are missing a true piece of literature.


...and then there's someone's take on the Little Mermaid. I have no reason or excuses.

Disney Heroines as Comic Book Heroines

No, I'm not kidding. Here's one of half a dozen.



Um...

Phallic Blog Award Question

If I started handing out blogging awards that said

I'd Fuck Your Blog With My Own Dick

Do you think there would be clamoring?

Yeah, you're right. I guess it would depend on the badge design. I'll work on that. I'd stick with initial caps, though.

Silicone and Penises. Or, Really, Just One Penis

This is real video and interview of what happens after 6 years of injecting silicone into a penis (and apparently balls). NSFW!!!! Evar! Even if you have a home office!

If you do decide to view, just think of it - as described by the carrier of the monstrosity - as a different way to view and understand what a penis actually is.


via videosift.com

Short News: G-Spot, Have a (Secret) Smoke

Um...Gee...

Do you have a G-spot? If you're British, you may not.

A bunch of British scientists did some sexy science and decided that the G-Spot does not really exist. And then the French scientists were like "Oh non, tu fais pas!" because they're the masters of their own baters and their own sexual destinies. Best quote:

The angry French gynecologists said they’d found the real problem with their British counterparts: that they're British.

Ah, those Brits and Frenchies. Always scrappin'.


Put That Out, Drew!

Oh, no. Not in Parma, Ohio! On March 1st, Parma Community General Hospital will begin a new policy: They will not hire smokers.

Okay, so we knew this was coming. No one is surprised.

But the reality of the situation is now wildly apparent. We are heading towards a society where you punch in to your job by standing on a scale and taking a quick blood test to check your cholesterol, drug content, triglycerides, and stress hormones.

Is that okay?

Just wondering.

Mentalist Fight: Amanda and Robin

Mrs. Shambles and I watch The Mentalist with that strapping Aussie Simon Baker who was in that terrible show The Guardian that gave me a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw it listed on the DVR. Wait - did we have DVR back then? I don't know. I don't remember the cable situation then. I do remember the sad, empty feeling though.

Anyway, I was thinking about my previous post mentioning the Oliva Munn / Morgan Webb post from a while back, and then The Mentalist popped up. It's a good show, nothing like The Guardian.

So, readers, feel free to chime in: I'm not putting any qualifiers on it like fight or beauty. Who wins? Why?

Robin Tunney



or...

Amanda Righetti




Personally? Well ...I'll let you mull over it and I'll update the post with my thoughts and any particularly clever comments next week.

What is Sexy?

I thought I had this great idea: look up the word "sexy" on Google Image Search and see if I can find something not sexy. Easy enough, right? Surprisingly not. The survey says: 75% scantily clad women, 20% animated scantily clad women, 1% lady robots, 2% meathead guidos, 1% Dane Cook, and 1% something like this:



And the only reason that showed up was because the pic was named "sexy1.jpg" Terrifying.

Oh, and what else is sexy? This is:



It's a photoshop of a comic cell that Monkey posted a little back. Click his link to see the original. Sexier with or without the monster?


Either way, I believe this will NOT be a regular feature. It took 20 pages of search results with a "break" in the middle to make this post.

But fear not, always new and interesting things from the internets.

(Yes, it was a lady robot break.)

Republicans for Rape

If this does not make you angry, I'm not sure what can. It's worth every second.

Shake Weight for Men

This is ...real? I can see how it might.... But the frantic, two-handed action is.... Just watch, I guess. :-S