Sorry About the SOTU

Eh, wanted to compile a point-by-point, but news moves too fast and that gig is already irrelevant. I provide only the following post.

Hey Crazypants, I'm Back!

I was stunned to see that it's been about nine months since I last posted.

That. Ends. Now.

I'm going through the end of a 12-year marriage, seeing someone new, and have Little Shambles between HS graduation and college in the fall.

Lots of shit going on. And yet there's this ache in me, this looming reality of conservative fuck-y'all that needs to be addressed, and I have been truant in my mission, my thoughts, that materialized when beginning this thing.

I started it and refuse to let it drop off.

If any of my readers are still out there, please say hello. It'll help me keep to task and hold me accountable.

This week is the intro. Next week on I'm aiming for at least 3 posts a week.

See you soon - and thanks for still paying attention.

RS

That Other Blog and My Daughter Almost Dying

I'm sorry that I've let this go. It will come back in the next few weeks.

I don't know if you've seen my newest blog about my separation, but I ask you to check out my latest post at least. It's scary but with a hopeful ending, and the most important thing that has happened to me in the last few years.

Politics and van murals will resume next week.

Thanks.

Divorcing Kindly

Hey, if anyone wants to follow along with my personal reflections and whining while I go through this marriage break, I went ahead and started Divorcing Kindly in attempt to purge. I'm hoping it'll let me flush out the in-process stuff - and get me back to blogging some of the better CFC content I've been ignoring for the last few months.

It's in progress and will get prettier, but I just started tonight.

Thanks for sticking. Hopefully I'll be around a bit more :)

Ricky Shambles: Social Media Numbers (1500 posts!)

As a web developer, I'm enthralled by numbers when it comes to posts, web visits, and other tasty statistics. So here's my way-late update on my own benchmarks along with some other stuff that might be of no interest to you :)

Posts

This is officially my 1,515th post.

My first post ever was on 1/25/06 and it was about the travesty of Million Little Pieces - the travesty of the media, anyway. I thought the public shaming of James Frey in light of a little embellishment was unfounded, sanctimonious bullshit. So started Cause for Concern.

Which means I've been going for almost 6 1/2 years!

I added the widget to show the most fav of all time posts in the lower right - mostly sex n boobs. But since it's not quality and Google ganked up the widget display, I'll probably kill it this weekend.

I have 81 followers.

Sidenote: Twitter!

Yes, you can touch my Ricky Shambles Twitter any time you like. Just follow that link or come here often and catch the widget in the right column.

Here's how that looks:

1,059 Tweets
182 Following
147 Followers

And, as you can guess, I use that to spout opinion, troll idiot politicians, retweet stories, and sometimes speak irrationally while intoxicated.


Blogging - STAT!

Since I started:

192,260 people visited this site

Visits: 205,254

Unique Visitors: 192,260

Pageviews: 253,288

Pages/Visit: 1.23

Avg. Visit Duration: 00:00:25

Bounce Rate: 83.17%

% New Visits: 93.67%


Of that, I have had visits from 190 countries worldwide.


Mini-Sidenote: Tumblr

Ooh yeah, and I even tried my hand at Tumblr - Boehner Has a Sad, though it flounders as there are only so many pictures of John Boehner crying in existence. Check it out!


Conclusion

I'm awesome.

Or at least enjoy what I'm doing enough to have other people notice and continue this mess.

Thanks for reading. I truly appreciate it.

Yay! A New Conservative N-word!

Caught this comment on a conservative blog post earlier today:

I once made a wrong turn leaving the Philadelphia Zoo with my wife and son in the car and we got swarmed at a red light by Obama sons so I just floored it and blew right through the light. At the next corner I could see another large crowd of Obama sons gathering around so I barley even slowed down at the light. I preceded to blow through about seven traffic lights that day as I made my way to I-95 because on every corner there were Obama sons looking for trouble.

So to recap: an effort by our president to compel solidarity and compassion from an onlooking America two broken parents did not only become ridiculed as completely unnecessary (and race-bating and divisive), but is apparently now "Obama sons," the new racist euphemism to avoid that pesky N-word everyone gets so worked up about.

I Can Has Boehner Tumblr?

I'm not one to brag, but I started a Tumblr.

Boehner Has A Sad

I promise more sad quotes, pics, and videos based entirely on Boehner.

I love Ohio.

N00b Love, Long Overdue

As I slouch towards the Babylon Bethlehem of 1500 posts and 6 full years doing this, I realized yesterday that I'm up to 75 followers! W00t!

[EDIT: I was attempting to quote Yeats "The Second Coming"

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

]

Because it's been so long, some of the shout-outs are people who have been following me for a bit, so not all n00bs, but damnit - recognition is due!


(for purposes of this post, everyone after Jan 2011 is a n00b)

I see Massey
and Kyna at Crystal Coast Gardener
and Zev at Swords Into Plows
and Karla Marx.
Ooh, there's GEORGEPER
and CramCake at Finding Meaning in the Everyday.
Why it's Cake Betch at The Hot Mess Chronicles
and Goofy Girl at There is Grandeur...
and Courtney
and Mikeb302000.
I spy Jang chub Ozer at Mocksure (and others)
and Mike Spicer
and jane j Chiccoreal.
Hello Kris Bunda!


Link juice to you all through my post and Linktastica Magic Box! blogroll.


...I'd still like to have a Superman day...

Guns, Guns, Guns!

Hey, if you've got a good blog and I don't TOTALLY disagree with you and you're not trying to spam, and have something relevant for me to share with my readers, I'm happy to do it. Yay!

So today we've got http://mikeb302000.blogspot.com/ and Mike B talks, for the most part, about gun control - and our need for more. That makes me happy. And he's been at it since '08! Nice.

So take a look at his place, see what you think, comment there, comment here.

Incidentally, the title of this post is the title of an audio parody I'm working on for a gun show commercial. Seriously, folks: gun shows - WTF?

Yous Likes 'em Short or Long?

Here's a question to which I would really like some feedback:

Do you enjoy the "Read More >>" function for its ease of perusing several titles in one quick stream or is it kind of a pain in the ass when you get to something good to click that and go to a separate page only to click the back button when you're done?

Looks like Google (Blogger) implemented that a while back and it escaped my notice.

Whatcha think?

More New People? Yay!

I've got that lovely little box on the right that shows me a smattering of the last few people who have decided to publicly follow me. And I like to take time out and say hello. Why? Because I'm motherfucking friendly, that's why.


(for purposes of this post, everyone after 9/1/10 is a n00b)

I see Rawknrobyn
and Dave who runs Dave's Travel Corner and others
and Genny Yarnbomb
and Sally at Between Here & There
and Silliyak
and Matt at Shadow of Iris
and Molly who's Just Pleasantly Floundering Around
and lunamother at Queen of the Universe

Cheers and link juice to you all!


...I'd like to have a Superman day...

I'm Not Dead; I Was Just in LA

Been a while, huh? Oh, sure, I've always been erratic (I said erratic!), skipping 2 or 3 days here and there, posting 4 times in one day occasionally, but never for so long before.



Well, I was in Los Angeles visiting my brother, working some business leads on the West Coast. Yeah, I know being in LA and being dead and being in hell can all be synonymous, but I had a great time there. 9 days, and here's some thoughts, reflections, and events.

• There are douchebags and kind souls everywhere, just in different densities. Never forget that.


• Palm trees and mountain views near the ocean, however, are not everywhere. I could probably live there.


• I walked 2 feet from a bum slumped-over forwards at a crowded bus stop one morning. 30 minutes later I saw a fire truck and ambulance; the medics pulled him onto the stretcher. He did not move and his neck and shoulders were stuck "slumped" straight up, refusing to fall to the pillow, as they wheeled him into the ambulance.


• 30 minutes later another fire truck, police cars, etc. passed through the same intersection. Someone wasn't paying attention and plowed into an LAPD SUV. The ambulance in the caravan paused, medics quickly checked to see if everyone was okay, and then continued on with the first group.


• Last 2 seen at Sunset and La Brea because my brother's poor and got rid of his internet and I worked from Starbucks. Luckily they do not charge rent. Good news: I got my phone to tether to my laptop and use that connection for internet...to actually work on the last day I was there.


• Everyone in LA is not beautiful. However, there is a higher concentration of slim, attractive people in LA. In other words, as opposed to my Kroger's here, I can fill my spank bank to capacity in one trip to any Ralph's in Hollywood.


• With that also comes a much higher incidence of scary Skeletor and/or super-surgery ladies. I can't stand superlips, fake breasts, or forced emaciation. In other words, my libido can fall deathly ill in one trip to Ralph's.


• LA is the only place you'll find a bar coaster selling you on the DVD of the last season of Big Bang Theory


• While there is a large Latino immigrant population, there is also a large Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and other Asian faction in the city. Armenian, Indian, and Ethiopian as well. This means unlimited varied cuisine throughout.


• It also means normal (non-cable) digital stations can be found in English, Spanish, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Armenian. There is one Spanish station with Korean subtitles.


• And why can I get almost 10 Christian stations (3-4 English) with just a digital antenna?


• Driving in LA isn't so bad. Scariest part is keeping an eye out for pedestrians and bikes and light cameras. Drivers are slightly douche-y. Boston, now those drivers scared the shit out of me.


• We drove the Pacific Coast Highway about 45 miles north of Santa Monica and my brain is still trying to process the beauty in every mile.


• There is a sports bar called Big Wangs within walking distance of another named Happy Endings. I neither saw penises or received a handjob.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when it took me 40 minutes to drive 2 miles and find parking.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when you're feeding a meter and just about every man in the city is skinnier than you.


• Parking is ass. Take your time to learn the signs: there's street-sweepin' curb switchin', variations in how the meters are set to collect and differences when the meters are off (anything from free to tow your ass), and hourly restrictions sometimes in columns M-Th, F-S, Sun that'll make your head spin. Get out of the car and read.


• Double and triple check your flight info. I accidentally got dropped off at Terminal 1, realized I had to be at 6, ran to lower deck, caught "A" shuttle, and traveled over 15 minutes to 6, then upstairs to check in. LAX is fucking big.


• This past Monday I was there when Downtown LA hit 113° F, breaking every other temperature record evar. Yes, it was hot enough for me. (sidenote: I sweat at 78 or so; I like it cold. I don't care if it's a drier heat than in Cincinnati, it still fucking sucked the monumentally prolific sweat pouring from my back and balls)

That's enough for now, yes?

Say Hi to the Wonderful N00bs!

Looks like I keep picking them up.



Yum!

So everyone say hello to:
Kay at Kay's Thinking Cap
Badger at Vienna for Dummies
Ashley at Beyond Passing Time
The Domestic Minx
Nikkolas at Skeptical Eye
Zaki's Corner
Geof at Enter the Man-Cave
...and Josh, who doesn't have a blog, but likes to read others'.

Cheers to all!

Say Hi to the Fab N00bs!

Last person of my following bunch I said hello to was Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. Hey there again!

And since then we've got a few more! So let's all give a hardy CFC Welcome* to (if there be no link, there be no blog):

Pearl
Camila Alvares
Debra, She Who Seeks
The Invisible Seductress
Chris at Rabid Intuition

Visit, comment, love.


*(Despite the tone you may have interpreted on this blog "CFC Welcome" is defined by clapping or commenting, not a pearl necklace and a Cleveland steamer.)

Accepting Suggestions for Free Time

It's 4:19am. Mrs. Shambles has just left for the airport. Irish Dancer is visiting relatives.

I've got until Monday evening at 11pm - about 90 hours of alone time. And darn it, it's supposed to rain some every day until then, so I can't cut the grass or wash the deck.

I was going to spend my non-productive hours with my friends: Internets, Beer, Xbox360, and Wings (yes, Reading and Writing can come too but only if you bring Whiskey), but was wondering if you, fair readers, had any more constructive (or destructive) suggestions.

Take It or Leave It Award ...Cal!

Cal, it starts with you. This is a test. I may have to post this somewhere else because somehow it might violate Photobucket's something or other - and if it does I'll let you know. But steal it and save it for yourself just in case.

So on behalf of a complete lack of taste and judgment (on my part), I do hereby present Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness with the "I'd Fuck That Blog With My Own Dick" Award from Cause For Concern for a rich and neverending stream of wonderful, geeky, lovely, paranoid, and downright delicious posts. I'll never stop reading.

(if this is so totally nasty that no one will put it on their blog, I'll gladly revise it with something more innocuous but equally offensive)



Cheers!

Holy Shit I Made Mike Church's Facebook!?

It's true! If you go to Dude's Wall, Cause For Concern's post on Mike Church getting things wrong is listed with a lovely bevvy of his myrmidons commenting on my blog. It's delicious!

Apparently the trite, post-humorous host that swoons his followers with "dude" and words that begin with "über" was bored enough to ego-troll-surf to find a post over 2 years old. Ironically, shouts of "automaton" are spouted by Anynomous goons filtered to this blog by means only meant for silly listeners. I respond to those troll comments in my comment.

Most mentioned nag: I swears too much! OMG!

As with most right-wing readers, they swarm in with ad hominem attacks and fail to address the questions at hand (and those that do are laughable).

As I've said and exemplified many times over: I may bill myself as a Godless Liberal, but spend most of my listening time to the right side of the dial, and not just for sniping and attacking. I actually listen to both sides. The left just makes much more sense the majority of the time.

And my original post of 2 years ago stands: the words he spoke and I heard were either misleading or wrong. Nothing else.

That said, I always enjoy it when my points are proven by the ignorance of the responses. I'm sure I'll get more. Stay tuned!

Popehat! Turning Wording into Whine

Last week, many people - including myself - were up in arms about the Comedy Central bullshit where they censored not only the "image" of Mohammed, but in part 2 (episode 201), bleeped every time the name Mohammed was used bleeped over the entire final speech. (Even though Season 5's "Super Best Friends" can still be found with a normally-illustrated Mohammed and no fanfare whatsoever - but that was before 9/11 when the terrorists apparently did win 'cause dey scurred us.)



And everybody, especially the Christians, were outraged at the double standard imposed in the world of religion.



One guy I heard on one of my right-wing AM masochism sessions actually said "Islam is the only religion you can't make fun of."

Yeah, so fuck that, right? Everyone else has a great sense of humor, let's it roll off their back like piss on a duck, right?



Not so fast there, Catholics. A fake memo, circulated by a 23-year old satirist - admittedly as a joke - is getting a lot of attention this week. What was in it?

The memorandum, apparently written by staff planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

And the Pope flipped the fuck out in usual sanctimonious bullshit mode. The tempest in a teacup was jumped on by all the Catholic myrmidons in the western world and called anything from "despicable" to "a foolish document." The Pope's visit to the UK is in jeopardy and the Vatican wants to know why no one's been sacked yet.



Oh, for fuck's sake! I agree that death threats over depictions of Mohammed, innocuous or not, are total bullshit. But you, you hypocritical Catholics, glom on to that bullhorn in one breath and in the very next are calling for the hounds of hell to pluck this satire-driven man from the face of the earth for comments that oscillate between mildly humorous and trite!

So the WTF Award goes to the Pope. Again. Though this whole thing could've been a bit of a ruse to kill the UK trip all together. Everyone knows Richard Dawkins is going to arrest the Pope as soon as he sets foot in the UK. You know, that whole religion-wide molestation coverup thing?


And one last note on the Mohammed South Park debacle. It's prompted at least one cartoonist to declare May 20th, 2010 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" in defense of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.



However, following the mad viral reaction of the internets over her cartoon, has disassociated herself with the movement and the cartoon, and many links can be found in this story from Facebook groups to where to submit your drawing for May 20.

I'll be posting my own graven image and encourage you to do the same. Maybe one of Jesus too. And the Pope. And Krishna. And Buddha. Then it's fair ;)

Phallic Blog Award Question

If I started handing out blogging awards that said

I'd Fuck Your Blog With My Own Dick

Do you think there would be clamoring?

Yeah, you're right. I guess it would depend on the badge design. I'll work on that. I'd stick with initial caps, though.

A Cave Girl for a Friend

I ran into this image today and it's called "Cave Girl" by Calvin Wong, a San Fran illustrator.

And I immediately thought "Cave? Calvin? Perfect!" This one's for you, Cal.