Saturday, January 09, 2010

Mentalist Fight: Amanda and Robin

Mrs. Shambles and I watch The Mentalist with that strapping Aussie Simon Baker who was in that terrible show The Guardian that gave me a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw it listed on the DVR. Wait - did we have DVR back then? I don't know. I don't remember the cable situation then. I do remember the sad, empty feeling though.

Anyway, I was thinking about my previous post mentioning the Oliva Munn / Morgan Webb post from a while back, and then The Mentalist popped up. It's a good show, nothing like The Guardian.

So, readers, feel free to chime in: I'm not putting any qualifiers on it like fight or beauty. Who wins? Why?

Robin Tunney

Robin Tunney


Amanda Righetti

Amanda Righetti

Personally? Well ...I'll let you mull over it and I'll update the post with my thoughts and any particularly clever comments next week.

Van Mural Saturday?

Yeah. What can I say. Feeling guilty about being busy. So here's your Van Mural action to make things better. I know: it's like a peck on a bruise when you're hoping for them to go down on you. Take it for what it is.

Found this gem and was almost hesitant to post it. I mean I'm not a surfer, so maybe it's cool. The art doesn't suck, though the van itself says "Collar-poppin Douchebag" to me. Not sure why. Judge for yourself.

Surf Van Mural Douchebag

But I know your expectations when it comes to vans here at Cause For Concern is not centered around talented art and quality craftsmanship. You want a big pile of suck with generous, dripping side of schadenfreude.

At your service!

Jesus Garland Scrapbooking Van

Now let me admit, up front, that I am well aware that this is NOT a mural in the purest sense. A mural is generally painted, though mixed media is not out of the question. This is neither. This is shiny garland and tape. This is the scrapbooking version of Van Mural Wednesday.

But it does suck. And that we can appreciate. Or at least laugh at.

...and who the fuck gave smiley faces the right to get a driver's license? Jesus! Next thing you know, we'll be giving them to immigrants.

Holy Snickers! Traffic Update

Yesterday I was tooling around with some of the stats from my other clients and I thought I'd take a look at the numbers for this little corner of the blogosphere and - Holy Shit! - I've been getting between 200 and 400 visits a day. WTF?

Some Statties

Top referring Keywords:

naked (5.69%)
julianna rose mauriello (3.43%)
olivia munn maxim (3.43%)
shake weight for men (3.20%)
glenn beck is a douchebag (2.73%)

Shows you what kind of party I'm throwing. Although I tend to speak politics quite a bit, so perhaps it's a better representation of the people on the internets.

For those of you who don't know, Juliana is the pink-haired leading lady on a kids' show called Lazytown. She is a very attractive young lady and in May she turned 18, which makes that previous sentence slightly less creepy. Olivia is the female host of Attack of the Show on G4 and I once pitted her up against Morgan Webb - with mixed reviews. Shake Weight is always a party pleaser. And Glenn Beck is always a tremendous douchebag.

But #1 keyword is naked? You dirty birds.

The fun part about the internet and search engine mechanics is that by me posting about posts and linking the right text to my own blog - even from my own blog - it alters the numbers in the aether and may bring even more traffic, kind of like if I went back in time to my sophomore year in college and told myself to grow a pair and just pounce on K. on our first date she might not have later broken up with me because I didn't pounce on her on our first date. Okay, maybe not anything like that. Sorry. My soft-spoken college days sometimes haunt me.

But enough about me. Who wants more numbers!?

(last 30 days)

8,557 Visits
10,746 Pageviews
80.88% Bounce Rate (meaning they entered and left on the same page)
00:00:21 Average time on a page (yes, that's seconds)

And an interesting note: a full 25% of my traffic comes from Google Image Searches that lead to my page. Images are important! In fact, here's one apropos of absolutely nothing, an old favorite of my own making:

Liquid Jesus Beer
Liquid Jesus Beer

So overall, good numbers. Crazy numbers. And certainly tells me that I've got to focus on offering more to you good people, especially my regulars, on a ...well, regular basis. Even if I'm busy. So hopefully I'll get a couple more catch-up posts out today, some tomorrow, and my goal: To post 5x a week at minimum. Let's see if I can keep up.

Keep reading, keep commenting, even if you're here for non-existent naked pics :)

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Learn to Speak TeaBag

This one's a little older, but delicious, as is everything at Mark Fiore's site. Enjoy!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

A Retort: Guideline for Conservatives

I love getting comments. Granted, most of them are humorous or insightful bits from my regular readers. But every once in a while - every couple days or so - I get something from a conservative either (rarely) actually agreeing with something I said, (occasionally) contributing thoughtful criticism to my post, or (often) parroting Beck or Limbaugh and calling me stupid.

I respond to most of them, mostly to let them know that they are ignorant and what to do in order engage me in actual conversation. I generally do this quietly, commenting and leaving it alone.

But sometimes, like today, I'm going to place in my first post of 2010 an excellent bad example of how to comment and my reply as a guide to those conservatives who still don't get that independent thought might actually make others think a little.

The post was Right Wing Glurge SPAM: Political Correctness in which I discuss some junk mail that came through and the dubious claims of origin and how nowhere on the internet could there be found proof of such origins.

Someone said they loved the dubious definition. I called them a sycophant, and someone else - Canoebutt - replied:
About as educated a sycophant as one that would list his astrological sign on his bio page as if it actually meant something. How is life in your mother's basement?
I believe my reply covers it:
Sorry to disappoint, but I own my own home and my own business.

One of the things I tend to discuss from time to time is the technical ineptitude of conservatives. Thank you for proving my point.

For your education and benefit: Google inserts the astrological sign if you input your birthday as an obfuscation of the actual birth date.

Also: your attack, which is generally referred to as ad hominem means you have no argument against ideas and resort to attacking the person. But as we've already covered, you cannot even do that correctly.

Remove yourself from the Limbaugh man-teat and speak intelligently about things you actually understand. People might take you seriously.

Note to the trolls: Just plain mean or insulting will get your comment deleted. Parroting talk show hosts and Fox News talking points or ad hominem attacks will get you called out. Stupid might win you ridicule.

You think I'm wrong and you're right, then argue a solid point with decent backing. I will read. I will reply. We will converse.

If you don't think you can do that, while it may reduce my enjoyment, you might want to reconsider posting a comment. You'll just be proving all the zombie myrmidon stereotypes we already know to be mostly true.

And for the love of all things holy, try not to reference anything having to do with the internet. It's just better that way.