Hungry Like a Wolf-o-witz

I'm on the hunt, I'm after news.

Today WaPo reported the finally ending saga of Paul Wolfowitz. Here's the short version:

"...a committee report found that he broke ethics rules in awarding a substantial raise to his girlfriend." But Wolfowitz raised a stink: he would not resign, forcing the rest of the world in a vote against America in a World Bank high noon showdown. Unless...they said nice things about him. Everyone else: eh, okay:

In a statement released last night, the board conceded that "a number of mistakes were made by a number of individuals in handling the matter under consideration," and the bank would need to improve its ethical procedures. The board declared that Wolfowitz "assured us that he acted ethically and in good faith in what he believed were the best interests of the institution, and we accept that."

The statement added: "We are grateful to Mr. Wolfowitz for his service at the bank. Much has been achieved in the last two years."

That's the job I want: screw the World Bank, go all kinds of unethical, just to get my girlfriend a raise, and then get a raving review after they proved it just to see you go. Holy damn.

Don't know how many of you have seen Shaha Riza:


This is apparently the only picture ever taken of her.

So to recap a story that has already been told in so many ways: America gets what it wants, looks like douchebag; Rest of the world shrugs, looks weak.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Stays True to Crazyhate

Why all the crazy, Bill? Why all the hate?

As I mentioned yesterday, crazy Bill Keller said voting for Mitt Romney is a vote for satan and his whole Mormon cult. And he's back today to defend it.

I'm disappointed, really. This defense is nothing more than a whiny tirade saying he doesn't care if his donations go away, Mitt Romney will lead people to hell. Here's the conclusion (caps not mine):

I REFUSE TO TRADE IN A FEW YEARS OF POLITICAL POWER IN THIS WORLD THAT WILL ONE DAY SOON NO LONGER EXIST FOR THE ETERNAL SOULS OF THOSE WHO WILL END UP JOINING THE MORMON CULT AND BURN IN HELL!

In His love and service, Your friend and brother in Christ, Bill Keller

Aside from the inherent misspellings, grammar, and punctuation errors that pepper the 2600 word rant, that's about it. You almost feel sorry for the little bitch, especially when his promo shot looks like this:


But if you do feel compelled to read the whole of the logorrhea, don't miss the link on the side and the bestest conversion story of all (almost as good as a Chick Tract): Harry Potter finds Christ! The kids'll love it. Then they'll burn their books.

Christ on a Bun! I've Found Jesus!

He's ...preaching? Really?



Really.

The Church of Satan. Catholicism. Put-'em-together-and-what-have-ya-got? Bippidy boppidy ...Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda. Time has recently done a report on this guy.

"...his apostles have taken to tattooing "666" on their hands."

Damn, yo.

His believers believe there is no sin. They base it on scripture. No one is hurt. I say shut your hole and let 'em be. Creepy? Yes. Governing a country and sacrificing human beings for a war based on a lie? Not there yet.

Page seven, please.

Christ on a Bun! Bill Keller Brings Crazy to the Masses

We've got some hot livePrayer.com action for you today:

If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for satan! This message today is not about Mitt Romney. Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God's Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith's cult began that it was a work of satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell. This message is about the top Christian leaders in our nation who are supporting this cult members quest to become the next President of the United States.

You like your religious extremists with an American flavor? You've come to the right place! 31 flavors of fundamentalist fucknuttery for you to sample. Giddyup!

Jesus was a radical, but respected the beliefs of others. He wanted to change the world for the better, not dominate it. He sent his apostles to deliver a message, not lay siege. But this is what we see in fundamentalist America. We see a crusade of hate, a campaign that will disembowel America just to burn the "bad parts," a sticking the hand in the boiling pot to prove our sanctity. I call Bullshit on Bill Keller.

This statement is so absurd and hateful that it hearkens Team America: "It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too." Bill Keller is putting out a fatwa on voting for Mitt Romney. WTF?

Exactly. Bill Keller gets the WTF Award today.

Bonus:
I get to tell you tomorrow what the DoppleChrist mouthpiece is spouting as he's preparing a double bonus SuperJesus response in his Daily Devotionals to the crazyhate. Yay! Crazyhate with all the trimmings!

Extra:
On their "About the Reich" page:
"The most compelling reason to support Liveprayer.Com however is because every dollar is going directly to personally minister to hurting people worldwide."

Hahahaha!

Gerunds make baby Jesus cry. A jihad on gerunds!

Holy Spider-Goat, Batman!

I'm a dork. Phew. It's good to be out.

I was reading a Sci-Fi Channel post this evening about superhero powers and reality's manifestation and came across this:

BioSteel: Spin Your Own Web
Our beloved arachnid can do more than scale walls so you'll need the ability to sling webs, too, if you want to be a legit Spider-Person. Nexia Biotechnologies is eager to assist your pursuit of power. After injecting spider genes into a goat, researchers were able to extract a silk-like material, dubbed BioSteel, from the goat's milk. Because of its compatibility with the human body, BioSteel appears to have some remarkable real-life applications (artificial limbs, tendons and ligaments). Stronger than steel, and with a breaking strength of 300,000 pounds per square inch, wannabe webheads will undoubtedly dream about using the technology for a swing through New York City.

This is writing about real science, not trying to tip the producers of SpiderMan4 in a certain direction? You wouldn't, by any chance, happen to be fucking kidding me, would you? Spider genes injected into goats to make them spin their own web, harvested from their milk?

No. Nextia is producing Bio Steel. They reside in Canada and specialize in goat ...stuff. Science of goats, genetically manipulating goats, feeding goats out of balls with holes? What kind of place is this?



So take a mammal that attacks with a hard head butt, eats just about anything, and juice it up with genetic wonkieness. One word: Neigh-ay-ay-ains!

If you're outraged and want to yell at someone (in a calm and reasonable manner, cleverly working in the phrase "Oh, the humanity!"), you can hit their email web form here. If you're a more vocal person, check out the other info:

Nexia Biotechnologies Ltd.
P.O. BOX 187
Branch Jean-Talon
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
H1S 2Z2

Phone: 780-486-2317
Fax: 514.371.7880

Just do it before it's too late. I'm going to have to get Max Brooks on this.



...before it's too late.