Playboy Virgin Mary, Bearing More than a Child

Just when you stop thinking about something, just as it loses pop culture and post-modern significance and relevance, it pops back into the world's waking state.

Playboy. Who woulda thunk?

LOS ANGELES, Dec 12 (Reuters) - A nude model resembling the Virgin Mary on the cover of the Mexican edition of Playboy magazine, published only days before a major Mexican festival dedicated to the mother of Jesus, prompted the company's U.S. headquarters on Friday to apologize.

The magazine, which hit newsstands on Dec. 1 as ceremonies began leading to Friday's pilgrimage to the Mexico City shrine of the Virgin of Guadalupe, showed a model wearing nothing but a white cloth over her head and breasts.

She is standing in front of a stained glass window with the cover line, "We Love You, Maria" in Spanish. The model's name is Maria Florencia Onori.

I have to say: Good show, Playboy! Marketing gold.

Here's probably how it played out:

Marketing Guy's Boss: But the Virgin Mary? In Mexico? Before the Guadalupe thing?
Marketing Guy: We will probably have to publicly apologize, but we will sell every copy we print, re-assert our relevance to an internet-porn-addicted public in both spirit and print, and offend the sensibilities of people who have never and will never buy our magazine. Except now, because it's naughty, they might.
Marketing Guy's Boss: We totally have to kiss now. Then raises for everyone!
Marketing Guy: Just remember that lotsa saliva is never sexy.

Good for you, Playboy!

Christmas Dress Up Jesus!

Can't quite get into that holiday spirit? Looking for some Xmas cheer? Christmas Jesus Dress Up is here to help!



This is your palette for a fabulous Flash app that allows you to build your very own Jesus in your image, adding features like a corn-cob pipe, snowman belly, and even a Christmas dress. I did not include all the costumes because the discovery of all the bits and pieces is more exciting in person.

Wait a minute?! Where's the Freddy Kreuger claw? you ask. How come no ball gag?

Simmer down, there, folks. Those buttons on the left will lead you to the Original, Celebrity, Holiday, Halloween, Villains, Oz, and BDSM Dress Up Jesus. No, I'm not fucking kidding.

Wait, there's more?

Yes. After you have your fun playing on the computer, you can kick over to this site and, as an answer to your prayers, make this joy manifest as fridge magnets. I know! Just in time for Xmas!

Thank you Normal Bob Smith; you have brought joy to this day and holiday season.

Music! Booth and the Bad Angel

What happens when you mix Tim Booth of James and Angelo Badalamenti, famed for composing the Twin Peaks music? Fabulousness. Enjoy.

Han Solo for Wildlife Preservation

Joking aside (just for a second), this Wild Aid / CAWT PSA with Harrison Ford is meaningful and striking for a very good cause. Take a look:



So who saw the alligator frozen in carbonite?



Han Solo rules.

Time for Jesus (or Hamsters): Walk on Water!

Again, from DVICE:

Indiana Jones Bracelet

Ever get in a fix where a 20 foot 550lb cable would save your life? Think that might happen in the future? Buy this.

The Survival Bracelet is made up of 15 to 20 feet of 550-pound test paracord. If you ever need it, simply unravel it and use the hook that's on one end. When you're done, you can send it back in to the manufacturer and they're rewind it back into a bracelet for you. Not a bad accessory for the adventurer on the go.

From DVICE.

Blagojevich Blowjob

Look at it one more time:

Blagojevich

Anyone else see "blowjob?" Every time?

Maybe it's just me.

Yes, Virginia, there are idiot douchebags on both sides of the aisle.

Building Christmas

This is my Christmas Tree. Every year, Mrs. Shambles - who spent a couple years decorating the trees in Cleveland's Galleria - wraps our five foot tree to the hilt, and every year it gets a little more intense and I have to run to the store to buy more lights. This year, we're up to around 1300 lights.

It is a wonder to behold. None of that half-assed couple strings to hit the ends of the branches. Mrs. Shambles digs deep and illuminates the entire tree.

Problem we had this year was we actually found a topper - a lovely star that actually shows up in the Home Depot commercial. It's something we've been looking for for years. This year, the topper and the end table we usually use are in conflict, as the 20 inch table pushes our lovely star into the ceiling. The table is necessary to make sure the entire tree is not lost by the 15 inches under the sill.

Result? Ricky Shambles, who is relatively handy, owns power tools, and measures everything twice before cutting has built a table. It couldn't have worked out better.

We had no time for a lumber trip, as I declared the build as soon as we ran into the problem. Measurements put our three-footed tree at a little less than 21 inches between toes and around that from the center of that point to the toe of the third.

By some miracle, I went into the basement to measure the only plank we had for the base of the table and it was 11" wide by 31" long. I almost peed myself. That means that if I cut 10" off the end, the resulting piece will be 21" and wide enough for the 2-toe support. Center the 10" piece and join it to the back and I've got another 21" to support the back toe.

I'm not going to go into more detail, but I've got a 5-leg table, built from leftovers from the last owner that, with a box of wood screws and some Gorilla Glue made the whole thing happen.



The slight bend in the front of the stand you see there is actually the warp in the board I was using. And, yes, I did compensate for that in the front legs so that all five are solidly on the ground.

Best building evar. Merry Christmas!

I Am Not Dead - Just Took a Geek Vacation

I'm sorry - I disappeared for a while.

Last week was a kind of hell I have not yet known and I let the blogging slack.

You see: I'm a member of Mensa (I know, I know). We had a regional gathering this past weekend. I was on the board. I was speaking about the internets.

The lead-up was devilish and punishing, the work was ever-present, but damn I had a good time while I was there.

Sorry. Won't slack like that again.