Van Mural ...I Almost Forgot!

Getting all politicky this week, I almost forgot about our standard Van Mural shot for the week. Enjoy!



I hope they wash those feet...

Friday Videos: Daneboe Mashups - and a FAIL

I just found Daneboe and GagFilms and their wonderful video game mashups. So let's hit it with:

Mortal Kombat vs. Donkey Kong




Sonic vs. Pac Man




Contra vs. Duck Hunt




Girl Motorcycle FAIL

I think people would be more surprised if someone posted a woman who could ride a bike.

No You Can't (Featuring John Boehner)

Get a Diaper: The Republicans Are Shitting Everywhere

Today Republicans are shutting down ALL hearings in the Senate, including discussions on homeless vets, feeding children, and our military status with North Korea.

To all the Republican Senate: Grow a fucking sack you goddamned eunuchs. You are full of bullshit, everyone knows that, and you are now playing the key role of the whiny little baby.

On second thought: keep on ya bastards. No one's going to re-elect some temper-tantrum mess of a human being. And that's exactly what you all are: a sad excuse for a politician and a sad excuse for a human.

I hope your spouses get used to your diapers quickly; no one likes a shitty-smelling senator. Even if you've always smelled like that.


Sidenote: Palin is touting reloading on her Twitter, PAC is target-happy and Beck is thinking out loud about picking up a gun. I give it 5 days until another violent act is committed based on government actions and fueled by these right wing nutters.

Those Dang World-Dominating Gays

As you know, homosexuals are trying to take over America and make everyone participate in a big LGBT orgy. If you don't believe it, then you better take a good look at the email I got from Human Events today including these points on the Homosexual Agenda:

*** Special job rights for homosexuals and lesbians. Businesses may have to adopt hiring quotas to protect themselves from lawsuits. Every homosexual fired or not hired becomes a potential federal civil rights lawsuit.

Radical homosexuals will terrorize day care centers, hospitals, churches and private schools. Traditional moral values will be shattered by federal law.

*** Same-sex marriages and adoptions. Wedding-gown clad men smooching before some left-wing clergy or state official is just the beginning.

You'll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to "pick out" a little boy for themselves.

*** Homosexual advocacy in schools. Your children or grandchildren will be taught homosexuality is moral, natural and good. High school children will learn perverted sex acts as part of "safe sex" education.

With condoms already handed out in many schools, Radical Homosexuals will have little trouble adopting today's "if it feels good do it" sex-ed curriculum to their agenda.

Still don't believe it? Check out Eugene Delgaudio's Hardy Boys tale of woe:

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.

As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.

Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.

Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, "Delgaudio what are you doing here?" Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized.

As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, "This time Delgaudio we can't lose."

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

Zounds! They almost had their greasy homo hands all over him!

So what is Eugene trying to get you to do? Fill out an American Morality Survey, of course. The "Public Advocate of the United State's 2010 American Morality Survey. That's right: United State's.



And when you go to the American Morality Survey, they even have it all set up so you don't even have to read any of the questions: Every one is already set to "No." How considerate!

Now, even if you are one of those secret homo-agents and decide to click "Yes" for all questions instead of "No," and fill in your information, you'll still end up on a page that says:

Dear Eugene,

I don’t support the Homosexual Agenda!

Please use my survey to prove to Congress, President Barack Obama and the media that Radical Homosexuals are lying about me! You can count on me to stand with you.

...and asks you to pay for your donation with Mastercard or Visa. Take that you faggies!

To Summarize:
If you're afraid of gay people and don't know how to emotionally deal with that and know you can't go huntin' fags and don't want to think too much, here's your way out. Just hand over your money to Eugene and he'll take care of it for you.

But remember: Public Advocate was founded as a non-profit tax-exempt educational group under section 501(c)4 of the IRC. Because Public Advocate lobbies to stop the Homosexual Agenda, contributions to Public Advocate are not tax-deductible.

And don't forget to beat your wife, watch Beck, and spit on a Mexican today!

Limbaugh Just Makes Shit Up About Net Neutrality

Net Neutrality is how it works now. Here's a little video tutorial:



But last week, Rush Limbaugh decided to tell all his listeners that Obama was trying to cram net neutrality down America's throats, that net neutrality means that when you search the internet Obama wants to mandate that if it is an area of controversy that the search results reflect both sides of the argument.

Wait, what? That's not just misinformation or twisting of actual words or bills, it's a malicious fabrication, a LIE intended to spawn fear and anger in his listeners towards the president because the fear he's instilling in them over health care reform has apparently reached capacity.

His backing argument? It took a while to get his website listed high in the rankings. Well Rush, since you don't know a goddamned thing about the internet, let alone search engines, maybe you should shut the fuck up. (NOTE: Rush's home page contains little content, mostly links, and few conventions of optimization.)

WTF?!

Everyone's entitled to free speech and people are entitled to be wrong, but this is shouting FIRE in a dark movie theater. And that is dangerous.

Health Care: It's a GO!

Kinda. You may recall last week's lethargic cheerleading about the issue, a slight disappointment in Kooch for folding, and a general disappointment with the Democratic Party in letting the destruct-all Republicans run so much of the show.

Right now, behind me, Obama is signing the bill on television. (And yes, I have every belief that Nancy Pelosi will masturbate with the signing pen she just received.) Not one Republican showed up.

But in the words of our president, let me be clear. I do support this bill. I stayed up until 1am on Monday morning watching all the drama and venom and, in the end, success. Here's why:

1. Stupak, in the rebuttal of the motion to recommit, nailed it down: this bill will save lives, and anyone who says they are "for" life should be voting for it. And it will. And all the sanctimony the Republicans can muster for any words spilling out their gobs about helping people will fall flat for years to come because of their absolute staunch anti-support of this bill. It will save lives in both a figurative and literal sense.

2. Nancy Pelosi, on Sunday night, mentioned that a woman getting beaten by her husband is a pre-existing condition. It's true in 8 states and DC. And Glenn Beck was just on the radio making fun of her, making fun of her statement, and calling it all bullshit, "2 + 2 is 5!" he shouted. But it's not. And the Republicans and the talk show hosts are just going to continue to LIE about everything so their awful myrmidon army will continue to believe and re-spout the vomit they ingested. So Glenn Beck? He can suck it. Hannity? Suck it. Limbaugh? Suck it. Neidermeyer? Suck it!


The right will continue to fight against Obama tooth and nail but his win here made him stronger. And the more the right lies and whines and just screams "NO!" like a kid curled up in the candy aisle of Kroger, the more they hurt their own credibility and slowly some of their base will begin to crumble. The rest will stay ignorant, suckling at the teat for the milk of falsehood from the speakers of their pickup trucks.

That Pope Could Use a Little Irish

And by "Irish" I mean a punch in the fucking mouth.

Pope Ratzie recently wrote a letter to the Irish Church, bitching them out for the mis-steps in handling the rampant cases of child abuse.

What he doesn't mention in the scolding letters is the role he himself played in hushing up the scandal as Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger of Munich by demanding abuse cases be reported to the Vatican in secret (and no mention of proper authorities). Not to mention that whomever is two farts away from an oxygen machine in that little Reno in Rome is constantly sending out mixed messages about who's to blame and what should be done about the issue while victimized families all over the world wait with baited breath for order and accountability that'll show sometime around 2210. The two Irish bishops currently offering their resignations? Popehat won't accept them.

I don't believe much of anything good has come out of the Vatican in a very long time. And they wonder why Catholicism's popularity is waning. Irrelevant? Irreverent? Unaccountable? Horribly disorganized? Pick one.