Best Internets Photo Evar

I was allowing Picasa to troll through photos on my system for a project I'm working on and found this gem.

And it is a gem.

Love it.

You Have Been Left Behind?

Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye, two fundamentalist whack-nutters who have used those who have interpreted the quixotic and relative book of Revelation as a message for the End of Days and made a happy profit on spreading their mental disorder have spawned a business.

The website, You've Been Left Behind, offers a service: for a fee, you are able to compose letters to your beloved, yet un-saved, relatives, friends, and co-workers, and save them on the server attached to email addresses. Six days after the Rapture - when Jesus meets all his followers in the sky to leave the unbelievers behind to endure the Tribulation - you will get your email, explaining why Jesus loves them more and you're Left Behind.

Question (Series) One: Is not the presumption of Salvation of yourself and judgment of another's actions as lesser than yours Pride? Isn't paying money to join a service assuming others sin guaranteeing your place in hell?

Question (Series) Two: How does the server know when to send the emails? If this place is run by Believers, would there not be a lack of Believers after the Rapture and, therefore, no one to execute the order? If run by non-believers, how can you trust them? And, finally, if you trust your emails and the potential salvation of un-saved loved ones to believers who, with their website, are making a promise of potential salvation to you and God, and they are Raptured, are they then sent back for lying when the basic premise is violated?

The message of this post is: Believers running the scheme can never be proven to deliver on their promise, if it is even possible to do so, and anyone subscribing is a sucker.

Suckas!

Cincinnati Cicadas - The Noise

No pics, as promised, although they're moving a lot between trees and bushes right now. No swarming yet.

But the noise is something I didn't expect. In "Independence Day," there's that one scene where the President gets overwhelmed with psychic noise of an insect nature. It's like that, but constant. And oscillating.

Right now, when it's at its peak, you can't hear people right next to you speak. And it rings in your ears. It's got an oscillating wave of about 5.5 seconds between peaks and at the peak it's enough to drive you crazy if you're not ready to just experience it and feel in awe of it. Much like the theory of taking acid: if you're not ready for anything, stay inside.

Unfortunately, I have no recording equipment to bring the pain to you. Or acid. Actually, that's probably fortunate on both counts.

Cincinnati Cicadas in Notation Only

It appears that they taste like cold asparagus, but only if they're eaten when in the Albino stage.

My dog, Gracie, ate 20 of them on her last bathroom outing.

I don't know if they'll make your pee smell like asparagus.

I may just have an answer tomorrow.

Cicadas..Just Kidding: Politics!

So last night we were looking, waiting to see if Hillary would drop out and she said "Hells no!" Barry-O was to be graceful in supposed victory and he's all "I will be the Democratic candidate fo sho." And John McCain, completely in line with what we have all come to expect, was a lying douchebag.

Let's do a quick rehash using some demonstrative images from their respective speeches.

John McCain



McCain, with his background, now apparently represents the Green Party. But the real star of the show was Smilin' John's Shit-Eating Grin. The speech itself was angering and unenlightening:

• Democrats are baaaaad and hate America
• I love America and won't let'em ruin it
• Show off the wooden teeth and allow the automatons applaud
• Rinse off the poop and repeat.

It was lack of vision, lack of substance, lack of character.

Barack Obama



Expectedly, Obama pulled the necessary delegates and the media drooled and jizzed all over the story and coverage. His speech was strong, decisive, and inspiring. And that's what got him where he is.

I guess the Obama staffers were in a rush to portray the pale white support that Obama has because - I know it's not as good a shot as the television - they had represented everything from strawberry blonde to deep auburn. That's right, Barack Obama has the full support of the redhead coalition:


And finally... Hillary Clinton



Hillary, while a bit reserved in her speech, was overshadowed by her supporters. As opposed to the Obama Redhead Alliance, she was able to pull in a few African-Americans, a questionably Indian gentleman, white men, and the token homosexual male in yellow stripes pictured here.

The best part of the entire speech was immediately after this image was taken: Mr. Flamboyant was optioned by the African-American on his left, at which time his exuberance flatlined and he mouthed "what?" His leash tightened, he was at heel within seconds.

Estimation of the conversation of Hillary supporters behind her back:

Stripes: Woohoo! Yeah! Hillary 4-ev-R!
Dignified African-American (DAA): Dude!
DAA: Dude!!!
Stripes: What?
DAA: You're on fucking national television. Behave yourself.
Stripes: Really? You're --
DAA: Do you want Hillary to lose?
Stripes: Um...no.
DAA: Behave.
Stripes:Um...okay.

Yet Obama still wins...until the convention. Crazy bullshit in play, much politicking to go around, and Batshit McCain to spread more lies. I think we have a long way to go.

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 5 - Brood XIV

For those of you who are avoiding my blog because you are sicked out by the Cicada pictures, I apologize. I really do. Mrs. Shambles is - at the very least - irritated by my fascination for these 17-year insects. It's not looking likely, but if they mate and take to swarming, she'll be in the basement for the next three weeks.

So if you don't want to see pictures of bugs, please bear with me one last time. Yes, this is the last one. I promise. Unless they swarm. One guy I talked to yesterday said when they hit Cincinnati the last time (2004), you could drive down the street, not even very fast, and 50 could hit your windshield at once. Let's just say I filled my washer fluid reservoir today. Not really, but I should've.

So today's Cicada excitement comes in a couple forms. All of them photographic.

NOTE: All images used in my Cicada posts - good or bad - are all original photography and I did not watermark it because that's a pain in the ass. If you want to copy and post it yourself, I ask for two things: 1) Make a mention of my blog. A link would be nice. 2) Don't leech; that means: copy the image and save it yourself and upload it to your image hosting (I use Photobucket) or blog site itself.


Cicada husks in the shrubbery. Bastards!

So let's go through some life-cycle action:


What it looks like after emerging from the ground


At first I thought "Albino Cicada!" but that's the emergence.


Emergence with an early riser in the background.


Believe it or not, same cicada as in the previous 2 pictures about an hour and a half later.

So how do you feel about this series? Gross? Vile? Enlightening? You hated bugs already and now hate me? Let me know. My comment box is always opened and never monitored.

Still working on the noise...

That's Mr. T-Shirt Hell to You

Have you heard of T-Shirt Hell? If you're not jumping up and down, flashing gang signs, and holla'n "Heall yeah, mothafucka!" then you're probably someone I would like to have a conversation with. Can't stand bad grammar.

So T-Shirt Hell. This is not a "funny t-shirt" site. This is a blatantly offensive t-shirt site. And it just happens to be funny. If you are easily insulted or offended, do not - I repeat - do not go there.

But, if you do, please note that if you go there by clicking one of the links in this post or the soon-to-be-added link on the left - and you purchase a shirt - I get credits towards free shirts.

If you don't buy any shirts and forgo the previous warning about offensiveness, then, hey, free entertainment. We know where you live.

Shirts I own:



...and another that has been discontinued (and is therefore imageless) that says:

TOOL
Not the band, I'm just a tool.

...and I was going to put the most offensive shirt I could find right here but Sesame street characters, suicidal and taking recreational drugs, dead Muppets, jokes about eating pussy, sucking cock, and angry pirates: it's all just humor to me and the subjectivity of our world dictates that you will probably be offended by something and that thing will be different for each person.

So how about I recant my previous warning and you just go there to see if there is something that actually does offend you. I dare you. Prude.

So enjoy the site, buy a shirt, and don't toss any "I'm offended" sanctimonious bullshit in my direction.

Cincinnati Cicadas, Round 4 - Brood XIV

More pics and scientific information this time.


Got a picture of one of them emerging, before the molt.


The ground appears as swiss cheese, or at least like the brain of a mad cow.


...and the husks continue to pile...

And teh science on Cincinnati Cicadas (or at least the news)!

"Individual songs can be heard right now," Kritsky said. "They will start chorusing over the weekend and be at their peak by June 7. By July 4, they'll be gone."
...
"I once measured the sound of a cicada singing in a tree at 96 decibels," Kritsky said. "That's louder than the planes flying over my Delhi Township home."
...
For cicadas to emerge from their 17-year subterranean slumber, the soil needs to reach 65 degrees.
...
As with every cicada emergence, the fundamental things about these insects apply: They do not carry disease. They do not sting or bite humans. They do not taste good.

"I ate one from the last brood in 2004," Kritsky said.

He rated the cicada for mouth feel: "Like eating something squishy from a cold can of asparagus."

And taste: "The juice from that same can."

Mmmm...asparagus!

So it looks like 5 or so days to the peak. The noise is currently at an antagonistic annoyance level - cranking the Sirius much higher this past week. Hopefully I can figure out how to get you wonderful readers a sample of the noise. It's really quite lovely.