Friday, August 10, 2007

Rush Limbaugh is a Trememdous Douchebag

I am certainly not trying to trump one of my posts from January, Glenn Beck is a Tremendous Douchebag, but there I was in that self-abusive mood, streaming Rush on the local 550AM. Some tidbits:

"You know what organic means? Feces. That's what it means."

"A market correction is defined as the market dropping 10%."

"You do know Bill Clinton and Al Gore were pro-lifers."

After listening a couple weeks ago to him tout his wasteful energy practices as keeping South Florida warmer than the cooler than average global-warming-hype rest of Florida on that day, I just couldn't take the arrogant, wasteful Jabba larva any longer.

Organic does not mean feces; he knows that, but resents it in the face of his fast food, ludes, and little dudes. Market correction happens when stocks - like Rush's head - are over-inflated and over-valued. And while Clinton and Gore at one point or another were against federal money paying for abortions under certain circumstances, they were never for the limitation of a woman's right to choose.

I think that somewhere in his brain he knows that these facts exist, but like any well-deluded neocon, never the twain shall meet; the reality and the bunk are strictly and efficiently segregated. When you sling shit for a living, you get very good at slinging shit, and protect your livelihood with any an all physical and psychological devices that will permit you to continue slinging shit.

Unfortunately it's disheartening to hear a shit slinger talk about his audience as the most educated in America, and then hear the enamored myrmidons panting, panting on the phone, mentally scrambling to tongue the cack off his cock.

More Gay Republican Blowjobs

Bob Allen
(Ham Radio Bob Allen - no, I'm not Photoshopping a dildo into his hand)

Speaking of conservatives and blow jobs, we've got State Rep. Bob Allen (R) of Florida who tried to buy a hummer for a 20-spot in the stall of a men's bathroom. From another man. He's a noted anti-gay politician and part of John McCain's Collapsing Campaign: Florida Force.

This news is almost a month old and Joe. My. God. has the most delicious and informative posting I've seen on it, but the more Bobby BJ says he didn't mean anything by it and he was just afraid of the dark people (seriously, he said that), and he will not resign, the more the story keeps bubbling to the surface. It's got Ted Haggard juice dripping all over it.

Most recently, I saw it on BET.com. What I cannot figure out is why BET left out the part where Allen is a part of McCain's campaign. I'm guessing omission, but it's a pretty big omission to make.

Will the joy of Republicans, gay sex, and bigotry ever end? My Magic 8 Ball definitively proclaims "No."


And I'm not promising anything, but any horribly distasteful photoshop will have to wait.

UPDATE:

(Not Safe for Work)
Bob Allen Photoshop

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Bush's Press Conference - Money, Woah

Bush held a conference today touting his "American Competitiveness Doctrine." Reporters didn't give a crap. They were out for Pakistan, infrastructure, Iraq, Tillman, housing market.

On the market: "...liquidity in the market..." It's just fun to hear him struggle verbally with "liquidity" and mentally with the concept of what the hell he's saying.

On Guantanamo: "We don't torture." Of course we don't. We have foreign contractors who do that.

On Iran: "Put up yer dukes - heh - that's an old boxing expression." That's when the press erupted in laughter like a class with a teacher who's a total asshat, glancing around knowingly "Did you frickin' hear that? What a tard! Drinks later!"

On the tax code: "...a simplick - simplification of" the tax code.

But the one I really enjoyed was when Mr. POTUS was talking about raising a gas tax for bridge repairs; he was in favor of reallocation: "That's not the way to prioritize peoples' money."

But this is:
Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)

It's about time I had that in my margin.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

A FOX in Green Clothing

For anyone not under the seductive spell cast by the bedroom eyes of John Gibson's bouffant, FOX News's record of "oh, it's cold today; global warming is debunked" is quite clear. For a synopsis of the outrage, I turn to the lovely folks at FOX Attacks:


[Alternative YouTube Link]

With that in mind, imagine my surprise when spying this headline on TV Week: Emmy Academy Vetoes Fox’s Green Carpet Plan. Thought process: I think I know what this could mean but it can't possibly because it's FOX.
In a move that would have parted with decades of broadcast tradition, Fox wanted to roll out a green carpet during its presentation of the 2007 Primetime Emmy Awards.
...
Changing the carpet color was an unannounced part of Fox's green-themed Emmy Awards presentation strategy, which includes employing hybrid vehicles for event transportation, using recycled materials and reducing carbon emissions from the production.
I read the article, I'm excerpting the article, and I still can't believe what I'm reading. FOX, the network in the video above, the network constantly spouting against the scientific reality of climate crisis, is whining that it can't be green enough.

Some days, my head, it hurts so badly....

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Linktastica!, Analytics, LS Blogs, and Mashed Potatoes

What, are you new?
Just a lovely welcome to Balls and Walnuts now in Linktastica! I try to keep that list down to the blogs I visit on a regular basis and BnW has become one of my regular train stops in the past couple weeks.

Analytics
If anyone's wondering how cutting edge they are, I regularly reel in about 200 visits a week with normal, organic traffic (haven't toyed with paid ads yet). If I pimp myself to Crooks and Liars, I can peak a day at 500 or so. And this one time, someone pinned me on Digg, about marijuana, and I got 10,000 hits in one day.

But - hey! - that was just a fluke. I want that to be clear, because, you know, what you an me got, well, that's personal. And as soon as I'm pulling a K a day, you think I'll lose you in the traffic, that I'll forget about you. But it's not like that, baby. This is special. "Now" is special. Trust that.

LS Blogs
LS Blogs will give you multiple directory listings with no necessity of a reciprocal link. They're so nice, I put their little chicklet in my left column. See how that works?

Mashed Potatoes
I recently posted on the Democratic YouTube CNN debate and added one of the greatest quotes of all time. It deserves reposting:
[alt audio link]

Love you long time. See that thing on the left that wants your email? You, to, can have Ricky Shambles in your box. You know you want it.

Monday, August 06, 2007

PDB Blogswarm: George, Harriet, and a Legacy of Reactance

I love birthdays!



This is part of the PDB blogswarm going on today. For those of you unawares, on August 6, 2001, the president was officially warned, in a Presidential Daily Briefing, that Bin Laden was poised to attack, to bring the fight to America, and that it would "follow the example of the World Trade Center bomber." Seriously. GWB 8/6/01 PDB PDF!

The PDB speaks for itself; that the President of the United States was deaf to the alarm bells is - now near the end of this eight years of black comedy/reality show - no surprise.

As with any anniversary, it is a time of reflection, a time of looking back on an aspect of this failure of a leader. In my estimation, the most poignant aspect of our "Protecting America" Bush administration has been the systematic knee-jerk reaction of the policy-makers: Nothing happens to prevent something dangerous until that thing happens and is deemed dangerous.

September 11th? Stop all air traffic, and be more careful when you start it back up, sometimes including an Air Marshal on the flight. Ooh, and no more box cutters, except sometimes you might be able to find them in the airport store.

Shoe Bomber? Ground flights, eh, maybe not, and from now on everybody takes off their shoes. And absolutely no lighters or matches...okay, you can have matches and we'll even replace a lighter with matches if you're cute...okay, you can have lighters again. But take off those shoes!

Alleged Liquid Bomb Terrorists? Duh, no liquids! No water or juice or K-Y lovin for you. Detain and flagrantly threaten mothers - whatever you have to do. No, the explosively flammable liquid version of butane you find in lighters does not count.

And how would these foolish antics be carried out? By underqualified, underpaid, underappreciated employees, the LMSA: Little Man Syndrome Army. (Note: I know someone who was accepted as an Air Marshal. The words retard and potato gun could easily combined in a single sentence to describe his credentials.)

Summer Terrorist Chatter? There may or may not be any chatter that may or may not be directly or indirectly related to something that does or does not exist. Remain vigilant!

I remember hearing the horrors of Katrina and reliving the viewing of the Discovery Channel special entitled something like: "Holy Shit! What if a 3-4-5 Hurricane Hits New Orleans!?" It emerged from a pool of reports and specials that is slowly fading in my memory, one that contains the potential openings for terrorist attacks: Water supply, public aerosol chemical/bio weapons, nukes in shipping containers, chemical plant weaknesses, nuclear plant weaknesses, power grid, information infrastructure, public transportation, and the fucking Mall of America.

And then what happens? The PDB should be our warning: not a warning of a terrorist attack, but a warning of what our government is capable of and where their priorities lie.

Because one of those old Datelines will one day pop out of that pool of memory into a slot for a reality comparison to a terrorist attack. American flags will fly; patriotism will be questioned; fingers will be pointed; we will invade a country - the plan will already have existed; and should it be bad enough, the impetus will be clear, and we will be goose-stepped straight into honorable marshal law, dutiful suspension of the Bill of Rights and all the juicy bits of Dick Cheney's wettest dreams.

Sometimes I feel like all the people who are supposed to be looking out for our best interests are standing around a rooftop swimming pool at night, all dressed in suits, smoking cigars, and sipping Johnny Walker Black, quietly chuckling to each other with false pretenses. A meteor is falling out of the sky, and we - the bloggers - look back at the crowd, our necks craned, our voiced slightly raised "Um, guys?"

So Happy Birthday, PDB! May the lessons we learned be strong enough to unite us against tyranny and oppression, because the administration learned way different lessons.


Quick shout outs: Blue Gal, source of my info about the PDB blogswarm, Tengrain over at Mock, Paper, Scissors for the lovely image at the head of this diatribe.

ABC's of Republican Politics in Iowa

Honestly, I didn't do as good a job making notes or even watching the Iowa GOP Debate on ABC Sunday morning. I'm much more of an evening person. But a couple of things stuck out through the Bush 'n' Iraq hummers being passed out by the majority of the all-white-male AARP panel as they crowded out reason on that stage.

Goofy-lookin' bridesmaids, though.
The Cracker Crew
Same-sex marriage hits DC: The Romney-Giuliani Union

  • Mitt Romney's one tall bastard. Dag. (And that means lifts and apple boxes for McCain.)

  • McCain: Hydra-headed? When related to radical Islam, McCain was obviously making a reference (which how many of the populace would get?) that when one head is cut off, two grow in its place and how it's almost completely unmanageable. The nuance I'm certain Mac's overlooked, however, is two-fold: 1) the Hydra was successfully "dealt with" by one man - Hercules - as he seared each beheaded neck (yes, his cousin Iolaus handed him the brand/torch), showing wisdom over brute force. 2) the Hydra could not be destroyed completely and its immortal head was literally buried under a very heavy rock.

  • Rep. Tom Tancredo: As president, it's not his job to educate our youth or provide health care. Michael Moore couldn't have written it better - sick and dumb doesn't allow for much in the way of practicable democracy, and provides the perfect, unchallenging, work-force mentality to provide the cannon fodder for what Tom's focus is: WAR. What a douche.

  • Tommy Thompson
    Tommy Thompson: What did you hit on the way to the debate and for the love of God, why did you put it on your head?

  • Tommy Thompson: Eradicate breast cancer by 2015? In 8 years? Yep. Right after he makes HIV drugs affordable in Africa. WTF?

  • Cheney have too much power? Blub-ah-blub...credentials, preparedness...blubba.

  • Giuliani: What 911 needs is 911 and if we can't 911 then what about 911? Then the terrorists win.

  • Ron Paul: Traditional conservative, anti-neo-con, against a prolonged, illegal war in Iraq. Which debate am I watching? Obviously the Kucinich of the group (but Dennis in '02 or earlier, more lashing, less concise, but no less concerned or credible). I like him.

That's about it. The rest was "criticizing" the administration without actually criticizing the administration, case in point with the Cheney bit.

I've pined for and made goo-goo eyes at Dennis Kucinich for a couple different stances of his, but the most important is his support of not-for-profit universal health care. When I watched the Democratic YouTube Debate, I was surprised at how silent the other candidates were about America being financially raped by insurance companies; system's broken, needs some overhaul. This debate pushed it one step further: you can be assured that with a Republican president, there will be NO change in the "shortcomings" of the current health care system.

And we will focus on war, war, war.

I almost can't wait for 9/17 (Repub YouTube Debate).