The Right to Marry: Prop 8 & DOMA

(sidenote: you hashtag FB and I'll pull your nosehairs)

I'm getting a little oversaturated with this week's SCOTUS questioning of California's Prop 8 and DOMA. The reason is that, for me, it's very cut and dry: every consenting adult should have the right to marry another consenting adult despite the sex of that person. Anything less is bigotry and discrimination, caused by ignorance and fear, and justified by hiding behind the shield of "freedom" or religion.

Some of the awful defenses we've all heard too much of:

The Bible!
Seriously? We're still doing this? There is NO sacred tradition of marriage in the Bible. Women are property; Solomon had 700 wives, etc. And even if there was a single, unified message of the Biblical definition of marriage?




It's Sacred!
Shut up. If it were so sacred you'd be fighting to ban divorce as vehemently as you are fighting same-sex marriage.


The Tradition!
There is no solid tradition in marriage. If anything, the definition of marriage has always been mutable. From the Bible to every period in history from women being solid property to being decidedly subservient to the development of a very equal marriage and now we've finally developed enough as a society to be okay with a man marrying another man. The people claiming tradition are the same ones calling for a return to the "idyllic" lives everyone lived in the 1950's.


It's Unnatural!
If we're looking to nature for examples to forge a definition of marriage, that's kind of a wide spectrum out of which monogamy is actually out of the norm. Females with competing mates and multiple partners? Check. Homosexual relationships? Check. Bang whoever's around for procreation? Check.

What else is unnatural? Polyester, cable TV, and corrective lenses. Ironically, some of the clergy preaching about unnatural acts are the purveyors of one of the few "relationship" statuses that does NOT exist in the natural world: celibacy.


The Natural Order!
This one is similar to the one above, but generally eschews any religious backing to specifically state that marriage is a natural institution for the sole purpose of procreation. This, of course, is absurd, and would limit marriage to two members of the opposite sex who are provably fertile and potentially void every marriage after menopause or male sterility.


Fine, I'll Marry My Dog!
This is the most ignorant. This is about two consenting adults being denied a right specifically because of their sex and sexual orientation. This does not open the door to polygamy or bestiality or the normalization of pedophilia. You will never be able to marry your dog, no matter how much you enjoy the way it licks the peanut butter off your privates.


Christians will be Persecuted! / Christianity will be Illegal!
Fox News: Stahp.
Christianity is a huge majority and every version of every equal rights bill that has been introduced includes provisions for religious institutions to be exempt from a mandate to perform a marriage. Anyone you hear this from is either purposefully spreading fear or parroting someone who does.


What is not being clearly stated (or purposefully lost in the chatter) is that this is not a religious issue; it's an equal rights issue. If I need to get a marriage license, I go to the county, not a church. If I want to get married, nothing requires me to have it done by a priest; just someone the state deems qualified to sign the county-issued piece of paper. There doesn't even have to be a ceremony! As a non-denominational, licensed minister, I can meet a couple at Starbucks, sign their paper, and as soon as the Secretary of State receives it, they're officially married.

And because this is a civil institution and a civil definition of marriage, it is also a civil right. No matter how ignorant or scared or bigoted or religious a person is, every single argument against marriage being offered to two consenting adults of the same sex.

That Lying Malkin and Catholic Hospitals

Michele Malkin, like most of the right-wing conspiracy nuts, is more than pleased to stretch the truth and leave out inconvenient facts in order to drive the "ACLU is the Devil" and "War on Religion." This past week on GOPUSA, she penned an ignorant rant entitled The ACLU's Unholy War on Catholic Hospitals. Malkin writes:

Civil liberties activists have a particular vendetta against devout Phoenix Catholic Bishop Thomas Olmsted, who recently revoked the Catholic status of a rogue hospital that performed several direct abortions, provided birth control pills and presided over sterilizations against the church’s ethical and religious directives for health care.

Through all her blathering, Malkin got one thing right: there is an Unholy War on Catholic Hospitals. But that war is coming from the Catholic Church itself.

Let's take a look at the actual facts of the story of St. Joseph's:

• Founded in 1895 by Sisters of Mercy (yeah, not exactly "rogue")
• Performed an abortion as a last resort to save the life of a mother - who already had 4 kids - because severe symptoms of pulmonary hypertension would have killed her.
• The child could not have survived out of the womb, i.e., would have died either way: due to abortion or because the mother was dead.
• Bishop Thomas Olmsted excommunicated the nun involved in the decision.
• Bishop then stripped the Catholic status of the hospital based on this one event.

Malkin is out of touch and a liar. Bishop Olmsted is a sanctimonious moron.

As opposed to this being a story about the ACLU, this is a story about how far removed from reality the patriarchy of the Catholic Church is in our world. A lot of people in the Catholic Community are upset about this event, and not because an abortion was performed. On the contrary, Catholics nationwide are wondering how a bishop could choose doctrine over life, could publicly say that in the eyes of God it is better that a woman and her unborn child die and leave four children motherless than make the best of a terrible situation. And on top of it? Let's damn a nun to hell. Nice.

Catholics are splintering off, creating their own congregations, or simply no longer attending church because more and more people are realizing that in the arcane structure of the Catholic Church the Rules of Man take precedence over the Grace of God, that volumes and volumes of guidelines lose the most basic tenets of the simplest things Jesus ever said. "Treat others the way you would like to be treated." "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven." Stuff like that.

So that's the story, Michele. I realize that anything that comes from the right is suspect, but this was just deplorable. It's not the ACLU or Barack Obama or George Soros or lefties or Democrats that are in the wrong here; it is the Catholic Church.

Terrorist Popcorn Retards Unite!

Note: I do not intend to insult retarded people, only terrorists. Thank you.

Today I was reading about the complete moron and failure of a terrorist Faisal Shahzad and how he got a life sentence in court today as a terrorist and overall bad guy.

For those of you unfamiliar with or harboring short attention spans, Faisal Shahzad (not to be confused with Fievel Mousekewitz) is the "terrorist" who filled a Range Rover with propane tanks and low-grade fertilizer and basically started the car on fire. Smoke alerted bystanders something was wrong. They snagged Fievel trying to leave the country.

~~F-Shaz~~ has a retarded knowledge of anything terrorist and a wonderful mastery over poking us Americans - verbally - in the ass. Is that what they're teaching those kids in terrorist camps these days? He is an epic FAIL in bomb-making and hurting people but was able to convince a judge - by words - that he's a terrorist, hates America, would've joined the jihad on 9/11-- this guy's a goddamned wannabe! A Poseur! He shows up to a NIN concert in '99 like Pretty Hate Machine was just released and he's the only one who's heard of it!

*groans with hands over temples*


Let's work with a hypothetical for a second, shall we?

I am a retarded terrorist. I've read all the crazy extremist stuff I could find on the internets and want to burn down America. So where do I start? Well, I rent a Range Rover (cause, seriously, who can afford that shit in this economy?) Wait, sorry. I have to rent a van because I already made the graphic and don't want to change it.

SO I rent a van and build a large cage in the back of the van lined with window screen I got from Home Depot. I hired a Hispanic to put it together. But then I had to kill him because he'd know my plan. NO! Wait, sorry, skip that Hispanic part - it complicates my plans. Say, now, I put my cage together and lined it with window screen.

...and filled it with popcorn kernels.

BUT! about halfway full (I don't know, like 400 of 800 lbs of kernels) I put a firecracker in there and I'd already twisted a really long wick on it so I could put the end of the wick out of the screen and light it after the other half of the kernels are loaded.

So now I've got a huge cage in the back of a van and I'm a crazy terrorist and I drive to The Empire State Building and park the van and light the wick and run like a crazy but stealthy madman and ...nothing happens. But I don't know that because I'm already on the way to JFK, yo!

(NOTE: Alternate version: I set a bag of Pop Secret on fire in the back of the van and run like hell!)

SO right now, I've illegally parked, been mad about the US, and ran to the airport. But when the police search my van, they find I've dropped my master plan:


Of course, the back has my name and contact information on it

SO they tag me at the airport, but they're not quite sure why yet, but it's BIG because ABCCBSNBCNAFTA are all over it and despite the fact that my logistics are completely off and any respectable terrorist could build a basic bomb - even if medicated - it doesn't matter all that much because I just scream something about "Allah!" when they apprehend me. Hey-yo! Terrorist superstar!

I mean, come on. I'm a terrorist, tried to blow some shit up, and still alive. How many of us are there? The shoe-bomber? Beause those liquid bullshit guys just had drawings and no plans. So I need to gin it up to be a legend so no one remembers I have no technical knowledge or abilities to do any real damage aside from maybe something I read on the internets and couldn't accomplish even if I were given real training.

So I say things like "I hate America" and "I wish I was with those 9-11 guys!" and I get nailed for a life sentence where someone's going to kill me in jail because I'm a terrorist and I get to be a martyr. Yayyy!

--END HYPOTHETICAL--

So this guy set a car on fire and because his intent was to harm people he gets a life sentence and a world stage to pronounce his hatred?

Seriously, why are we spending our time and money on lauding our successes over terrorism on guys like this? Why don't we do an alternate public humiliation sentence, well-advertised to promote some tool to show up and just shoot him?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy, but, well...

Wait, don't we have more important work, like finding the only 6'4" terrorist in the Middle East?

Beckatopia: The Stupid on Saturday

I was tuned in to Glenn Beck's masturbatory mess on Saturday morning, once I was able to discern that it was only being fully covered by C-SPAN.

(NOTE: If you'd like to watch it in its 3-hour entirety for free, hit C-SPAN. Glenn is using his radio program to shuck his paid, premium service just to hear the damn thing. So much for being about the people.)

The first fifteen minutes began with Glenn talking about Manifest Destiny, Divine Providence, and carting out:

• A man, pastor, apparently direct descendant of the pilgrims who landed on Plymouth Rock
• A man and woman, apparently direct descendants of the Native Americans who greeted those pilgrims on our eastern shores.
• A Jew.

So the pastor was clad in modern garb, you know: like a suit. And the Native Americans were dressed like Disney's "Pocahontas." And the Rabbi? Suit and all, but why was he there?

So the Christian got the mic first and started wailing into it about the "One True God" of Jesus Christ.

I had to change the channel. Why this fable of the Thanksgiving story? How'd they get these Native Americans to do the Indian Uncle Tom costume getup for a rally where most of the assholes in the audience think Mexicans are foreigners? Why the Jewish guy? Why the screaming of the Christian to immediately ostracize any form of unification, including Glenn's Mormonism? Where was the representation of the Chinese, Vikings, and Philippine visitors to the USA who were here before Columbus and the pilgrims?

But you know I had to go back; I like punishment like that.

So I went back to hear Glenn pontificate and worship himself, Sarah Palin blabber incoherently, and listen to the token African Americans appear as Glenn himself hijacked MLK Jr.'s Dream Day while saying he wasn't hijacking it while playing film and quoting MLK Jr. and forgetting repeatedly to use the "Jr." to discuss him.

And you know he talks to God. You may have heard the jokes, but Glenn admittedly, specifically, speaks to God. I'm guessing it's the Mormon God passing himself off as the Christian God, but hey, that's just me. He talked about Moses and the Burning Bush, saying this event was everyone's burning bush moment, to get back to God.

And Glenn reinvented uselessness on Saturday by talking about the original Purple Heart medals, how they stood for merit, and then inventing his own medals for those pictures of the Founding Fathers that God had him paint: Faith, Hope, and Charity. And Hope went to a Dominican Republic baseball player Albert Pujols because immigrants are OK when they can play ball and even start charities.

Wait a second, what would happen if an Iranian moved here and started a charity? Holy shit!

Eventually, Mrs. Shambles cut me off about noon because it was getting too tiresome. Too horrid. Too terrifying.


FOLLOW-UP:

Reports from the rally range the attendees from 80,000 to 600,000. That was the serious report from CNN on Monday.

Glenn Beck, on Monday, in an apparent bid to knock down claims that he's a fear-mongering media whore, said that Saturday's true message was to "Get behind the 'Shield of God'" because it's time to say bye-bye to the world as we know it; the end is a-comin'. He again fake cried.

Right wing nutters all over in the last 2 days have used a very brief mention of Beck's rally with no conformable numbers to declare how "amazed" they are, that they've never seen organization of conservatives like this, etc., etc., etc.

The sad truth, conservatives, is that this was not you. It was the Tea Party. And you and them are not the same, except in perhaps a shared hatred towards minorities and immigrants. But that's another post.


SO - while you do a great spin on Mormon O'Beckerson's Scattershot Akimbo Vague Religion Rally, you have already lost. See you in November.

* Tolerance Does NOT Include Islam

The Anti-Defamation League's Statement On Islamic Community Center Near Ground Zero

New York, NY, July 28, 2010 ... The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) today issued the following statement regarding the proposed Islamic Center near Ground Zero in Manhattan:

We regard freedom of religion as a cornerstone of the American democracy, and that freedom must include the right of all Americans – Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and other faiths – to build community centers and houses of worship.

We categorically reject appeals to bigotry on the basis of religion, and condemn those whose opposition to this proposed Islamic Center is a manifestation of such bigotry.

However, there are understandably strong passions and keen sensitivities surrounding the World Trade Center site. We are ever mindful of the tragedy which befell our nation there, the pain we all still feel – and especially the anguish of the families and friends of those who were killed on September 11, 2001.

The controversy which has emerged regarding the building of an Islamic Center at this location is counterproductive to the healing process. Therefore, under these unique circumstances, we believe the City of New York would be better served if an alternative location could be found.

In recommending that a different location be found for the Islamic Center, we are mindful that some legitimate questions have been raised about who is providing the funding to build it, and what connections, if any, its leaders might have with groups whose ideologies stand in contradiction to our shared values. These questions deserve a response, and we hope those backing the project will be transparent and forthcoming. But regardless of how they respond, the issue at stake is a broader one.

Proponents of the Islamic Center may have every right to build at this site, and may even have chosen the site to send a positive message about Islam. The bigotry some have expressed in attacking them is unfair, and wrong. But ultimately this is not a question of rights, but a question of what is right. In our judgment, building an Islamic Center in the shadow of the World Trade Center will cause some victims more pain – unnecessarily – and that is not right.

The Anti-Defamation League, founded in 1913, is the world's leading organization fighting anti-Semitism through programs and services that counteract hatred, prejudice and bigotry.

Maybe we should all make a point of stopping by the ADL contact page and letting them know you disagree - if, of course, you do. I did.

Your position on the Islamic community center and mosque proposed for New York City has made you a self-parody and seats you in the front of crowd of intolerance and hate that has been spewed by right wing media and well-known racists across the US. You should be ashamed. You have stripped yourselves of any credibility. "...to secure justice and fair treatment to all?" You should probably insert an asterisk to make clear that that position comes with a heaping helping of "However, ..."

Popehat! Turning Wording into Whine

Last week, many people - including myself - were up in arms about the Comedy Central bullshit where they censored not only the "image" of Mohammed, but in part 2 (episode 201), bleeped every time the name Mohammed was used bleeped over the entire final speech. (Even though Season 5's "Super Best Friends" can still be found with a normally-illustrated Mohammed and no fanfare whatsoever - but that was before 9/11 when the terrorists apparently did win 'cause dey scurred us.)



And everybody, especially the Christians, were outraged at the double standard imposed in the world of religion.



One guy I heard on one of my right-wing AM masochism sessions actually said "Islam is the only religion you can't make fun of."

Yeah, so fuck that, right? Everyone else has a great sense of humor, let's it roll off their back like piss on a duck, right?



Not so fast there, Catholics. A fake memo, circulated by a 23-year old satirist - admittedly as a joke - is getting a lot of attention this week. What was in it?

The memorandum, apparently written by staff planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

And the Pope flipped the fuck out in usual sanctimonious bullshit mode. The tempest in a teacup was jumped on by all the Catholic myrmidons in the western world and called anything from "despicable" to "a foolish document." The Pope's visit to the UK is in jeopardy and the Vatican wants to know why no one's been sacked yet.



Oh, for fuck's sake! I agree that death threats over depictions of Mohammed, innocuous or not, are total bullshit. But you, you hypocritical Catholics, glom on to that bullhorn in one breath and in the very next are calling for the hounds of hell to pluck this satire-driven man from the face of the earth for comments that oscillate between mildly humorous and trite!

So the WTF Award goes to the Pope. Again. Though this whole thing could've been a bit of a ruse to kill the UK trip all together. Everyone knows Richard Dawkins is going to arrest the Pope as soon as he sets foot in the UK. You know, that whole religion-wide molestation coverup thing?


And one last note on the Mohammed South Park debacle. It's prompted at least one cartoonist to declare May 20th, 2010 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" in defense of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.



However, following the mad viral reaction of the internets over her cartoon, has disassociated herself with the movement and the cartoon, and many links can be found in this story from Facebook groups to where to submit your drawing for May 20.

I'll be posting my own graven image and encourage you to do the same. Maybe one of Jesus too. And the Pope. And Krishna. And Buddha. Then it's fair ;)

Monday Jesus: The Cleveland Diocese FAIL

This has nothing to do with the Pope's sex scandal coverup, but it will make you angry if you are at all familiar with Catholicism. Or just hate stupid.

(Note: I am not nor have I ever been a member of St. Peter's. As soon as I heard the story, I did some hunting and digging to obtain the information presented here.)

Here's a story...

...of a few dozen Cleveland parishes (churches) that, because of the economic downturn and attendance downturn, had been ordained (no pun intended) to be unworthy of the Catholic Church's operating costs. In other words, despite historical significance or beauty of the building or the commitment of the congregation, several churches are just not pulling their weight. Here's a list of closed/closing churches, 30 in Cuyahoga County alone.

Bishop Dick


Bishop Richard Lennon: 'Heyyy..whaddya want from me? Salvation?'

Turns out that after a few churches had been officially closed by the diocese, word spread quickly that Bishop Richard Lennon was the diocesan form of Galactus, eater of worlds. The bishop would celebrate the final mass at the church and immediately afterwards made sure everyone was out of the building. Bodyguards by his side (I'm not kidding), generally with some or all of the congregation still lingering, Bishop Dick would drop a padlock on the front doors and - I'm guessing - laugh like a drunken Dr. Evil.

"Oh No You Di-int!?"

Some of the congregation of Historic St. Peter's Church in downtown Cleveland caught wind of this cruel / evil / inhumane / irreverent practice used to shut down churches and they got together and said they were going to boycott the April 11th closing mass. In order to maintain a place for congregation and fellowship and to continue the mission of the church, they rented a warehouse nearby.

Grumpy Dick

Bishop Richard caught wind of a slight scent of something that didn't smell overwhelmingly like money or obedience and sent every member of the congregation a letter of, well, I guess you'd call it a letter of disapproval with undertones of warning. Feel free to skim it, but here it is in its entirety and it's a right piece of scolding sanctimonious bullshit:

Dear -,

Because of the responsibility given to me as Bishop of the Diocese of Cleveland, I have taken difficult but necessary steps to ensure the vibrancy and vitality of our Diocese going forward. In order to provide for presence and pastoral care in an equitable manner throughout the Diocese, a number of beloved parishes are closing and others are merging so that the work of building the Kingdom of God in the Diocese of Cleveland will continue. The men and women who founded these parishes sacrificed much, giving out of want in order to build the Church in Cleveland. With the same sense of commitment to the Catholic faith that was shown by those who built our early parishes, we move forward in faith.

I encourage you as a parishioner of St. Peter Parish to look to the future with a renewed commitment to your Catholic identity and to register at another parish in the Diocese following the mass that I am scheduled to celebrate on 11 April 2010 at St. Peter Church. Much has been done through the efforts of your Pastor, Father Robert Marrone, and through the laity of St. Peter to provide outreach to the poor of Cleveland and presence and various forms of assistance to the young people in a local public school in Cleveland. While the physical edifice that is your parish church will close, you are encouraged to continue the good work done at St. Peter's by joining parishes with other Catholics in the Diocese.

To maintain communion in Christ with the pastors of the Church and with the faithful is one of the most serious obligations we have as Catholics. Lumen gentium, the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church promulgated by the Second Vatican Council, states that the baptized are in full communion with the Catholic Church when joined with Christ in its visible structure by the bonds of profession of faith, of the sacraments and ecclesiastical governance (LG, #14).

It is because of my concern for you and your salvation an for the good of the Church in Cleveland that I write this letter. It has been brought to my attention that there is a document on file with the Ohio Secretary of State establishing "The Community of St. Peter" and that space has been rented on Euclid Avenue in Cleveland under that name. Further, it is my understanding that the establishment of "The Community of St. Peter" and the new website that is under development by that community which "will soon house information on all of our new programs and serve as a primary communication tool in our new service organization," has created confusion among parishioners of St. Peter Parish.

Gleaning from information I have received, some see this as a way for the current parishioners to continue their good works in the city which I can support; others are wondering if this means they will be worshiping together at the new address.

It is my hope and my prayer that there is no attempt on the part of some to set up an alternative parish outside the jurisdiction of the Diocese of Cleveland. Please know that I will not approve of a priest celebrating the sacraments in any space other than an approved site within the Diocese.

Most importantly, we must never lose sight of our Catholic Faith which we profess on Sundays and days of great celebration when we say "We believe in the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church." When we became member's of God's Church we became members of the unified body of Christ. So important is this reality of unity that Jesus prayed the night before He died "...that they may all be one, as you Father, are in me and I in you."

When there is a breaking of unity and communion with the Church, there are consequences which affect one's relationships with the Lord, with His holy Church, as well as with other members of the faithful.

We are the Church together. We come together as family in challenging times. The Church is our spiritual family. We are called by Christ to work together. If we work together, we will be healed together. The participation of every parishoner of St. Peter in the family of the Church in Cleveland is essential if we are to bring the hope and peace of Christ to our community.

Sincerely yours in Christ,
(+ Richard Lennon)
Bishop of Cleveland

Synopsis: Holy Bullshittery Batman!

The gist of the letter is "I'm not sayin' anything solid or permanent, but if you stray from a sanctioned, official Catholic church, it might mess with your bond to God and everyone knows that means you go to hell." Amongst other things.

But how backwards is that? What happened to the humanity of faith? The compassion of Christ? What about "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name...?" People all over Cleveland are losing their places of worship. One woman I met is 92 years old and has only ever attended one church. And that church is closing. And instead of empathy and understanding, she gets Bishop Dick and The Meatheads on their Door Lockin' Tour and the message is "Get yourself to another church before you lose your soul!" WTF?

(Sidenote: she's also slowly losing her grasp on the presence of reality, so while her home church may give her comfort and a few moments of solace, a new parish would fill her with confusion if not terror. Good job Dick!)

Personal Rant / Conclusion

It is an excellent example of why I strayed from the Catholic faith so many years ago.

The purpose of most religions is to foster a connection between yourself and a higher power, whether for the purpose of personal enlightenment, betterment of the world, or just getting to Heaven because Dante wrote how shitty Hell was. And the Catholic church takes that core tenet, that raw energy of the goal of faith, and they put it in a box that says "mystery" on it, held by a priest who is your "go between guy" (and it can never be a woman). So at the very start, you're never allowed to touch it. That's locked into a church that must be validated by the diocese and is wrapped in Bishops and Archbishops and Cardinals and rules and nuance and dogma and doctrine and "Vatican II" and a filthy rich Vatican City that's its own country headed by a guy who was a member of the Hitler Youth and had a hand in covering up cases of pedophilia and molestation the world over!

And they wondered why I didn't want to go to church on Sunday.


I'm guessing many of you have never gotten in this deeply to the world of Catholic doctrine, dogma, disillusionment, etc. I hope, if nothing else, I opened your eyes to another facet of society that has gone horribly wrong.


UPDATE: The good people of St. Peter's Parish have found a new, temporary home and held their first celebration of worship this weekend. Thanks to John in comments for this link of what was a joyous moment for them all.

Jesus Monday: A Book, a Play, a Bastard Pope

Big week in Jesus news to be sure.

Philip Pullman, author of the "His Dark Materials" has written a new book, a work of fiction, entitled Good Man Jesus, Scoundrel Christ about how Jesus had a twin named Christ that did all the exaggerated scribe work and how that played out in creating a lasting memory through the church. Looks like good stuff. Of course by "good stuff" I mean paired with sanctimonious bullshit protests and misplaced aggression of sheep-like churchies.

At Tarleton State University in Texas, a student - in participation of a theatre class - chose a play entitled Corpus Christi about the life of Jesus and the apostles...except they're all gay men. Hrm? That sounds like some good stuff! And by "good stuff" I mean the Lt. Governor douchebagging a reprimand across the airwaves, misinforming the public that the play would use taxpayer dollars after having, well, NOT read or seen the play. And...scene. The professor cancelled the performance, folded like a house of cards under a Texas-sized ass.

Ah, but the real story is all the flack Popehat is pulling down on himself and the Church because a couple hundred priests molested a couple thousand little boys. No biggie, right? Nothing that can't get swept under the rug, right?

Let's do a quick recap from last week's post: Pope Ratzie lambasted the Irish Church in saying they handled things incorrectly when dealing with the molestation cases. But Ratzie himself was the one holding the broom when he himself was an archbishop, holding strong to the line of "keep it secret."


Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan appears as a caricature of religion and faith in his goon robe and wooden throne.

The archbishop above came out and called the Pope's predicament much like that of Jesus being accused unjustly. Um, no; calling someone to task for covering up and/or not reporting a crime to the proper authorities is the very definition of justice. The "unjust" part of the story might have been the priests who abused their power and authority to steal the innocence from little boys.

Even Sinead O'Connor has an op-ed piece in the Washington Post dissecting some of the bullshit and calling the original apology letter "hollow."

It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. Will the Pope step down? Will the magnitude of the scandal collapse the backbone of the whole Catholic structure? We can dream.

Get a Diaper: The Republicans Are Shitting Everywhere

Today Republicans are shutting down ALL hearings in the Senate, including discussions on homeless vets, feeding children, and our military status with North Korea.

To all the Republican Senate: Grow a fucking sack you goddamned eunuchs. You are full of bullshit, everyone knows that, and you are now playing the key role of the whiny little baby.

On second thought: keep on ya bastards. No one's going to re-elect some temper-tantrum mess of a human being. And that's exactly what you all are: a sad excuse for a politician and a sad excuse for a human.

I hope your spouses get used to your diapers quickly; no one likes a shitty-smelling senator. Even if you've always smelled like that.


Sidenote: Palin is touting reloading on her Twitter, PAC is target-happy and Beck is thinking out loud about picking up a gun. I give it 5 days until another violent act is committed based on government actions and fueled by these right wing nutters.

Jesus on the Suds, Gay, & Beck

Jesus likes to crack one open and have a smoke now and then. He's just chillin' - he had a tough life. If he didn't like the sauce, why would he turn water to wine?

Seriously though, in a cursive writing exercise in a book in India, apparently the above image appeared next to "I for idol." And probably the same goons who decried the Islamic response to a cartoon of bomb-headed Muhammed are not only outraged and demanding apologies, but some groups are looking to file suit. So who are you going to sue? The publisher did not force the books on the kids - they were purchased by the school. Are you suing the school? Overreaction in the truest sense.

Worst bit of bad reporting? It took me 10 tries to find a piece of reporting that was about outrage over a picture that actually included the picture. Thank you BBC.


Elton John said:

"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems," he stated. "On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East -- you're as good as dead."

Queue religious outrage.


And FireDogLake has a great post about Glenn Beck at CPAC talking about a "come to Jesus" moment for the Republicans. Beck, of course, is horribly misguided in his use of language. Surprise!


And one last thing. I was scanning through the news for this post and saw the words "One True Crutch!" But then I did a double-take. It actually read: "One True Church!" Same difference, I thought.


Last last - I think Jesus would drink Schlitz and smoke Pall Malls. You?

Michele Bachmann: Welfare Socialist!

A story was released today saying that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal subsidies for her family farm. These farmer subsidies come from our community tax dollars, leading us to ask the question, is Michele Bachmann a secret socialist?

Here's the link. I can't listen because I'm not ready to download Silverlight to my computer. Damn you Microsoft!

But I'm not going to leave you in the lurch. Here's the vid from Young Turks:



Over a quarter of a million dollars in gov't subsidies.

Sur-prise, sur-prise!

Let's get her to run with Palin.

Stupid Shit I Bitch About

This morning I woke up in a state. Grumpy. Angry. Well...hungover a bit to tell you the truth. It was 5:30am. But worse off for the media I imbued during the first 30 minutes of my morning.

I saw the Orbitz Valet commercial. And that killed me. Originally, it went like this:


"Ah, the Hernandez ...'s ...ez"

Brilliant! Hilarious! But apparently someone phoned in and pissed in someone's ear and the commercial I saw this morning went "Ah, the Hernandez's."

Who the fuck ruined that comedy moment? Fuck them!


And then I turned the channel to Headline News and caught the end of a story of some foul, stupid shit where the reporter stated:

"Some Santas are dropping their jokes that bad kids will be getting socks for Christmas. The kids are actually asking for socks in this economy, not video game systems, asking for library cards..."

Asking for library cards? What the fuck place do they live in? What the fuck kids are they talking about? Where did they find the humility that they're reporting on?

What kid is humble to ask for socks? Even if they're barefoot, they're still asking for a fucking Xbox360, begging for a PS3, living on the dream of a DSi. Most kids would eat cardboard while standing barefoot on glass to play a solid video game system.

NO ONE IS ASKING FOR FUCKING SOCKS!

What kid is asking Santa for a fucking library card? THEY'RE FREE!!! Kick Santa in the nads and ask Mom or Dad to take you to the library for your FREE fucking card!

Jeez. Sorry. It was a bad morning.

Continue rocking. Nothing to see here...

Huckabee, Clemmons, and Hypocrisy

You can read a little more about the issue here, but the rundown goes like this: Clemmons was 16 when he was sentenced to 106 years for violent acts. 47 years later, Huckabee was governor of Arkansas and commuted his sentence. Clemmons moved to Washington state and killed 4 police officers. Huckabee say it wasn't his fault. It was Washington's.

WTF?

Standard Republican line: Every criminal, especially violent ones, should be locked up and the key should disappear. Bad enough then it's off with their head, despite that we're in agreement with the same countries we despise when the Good ol' USA breaches the topic of the death penalty. Empty prisons because of overcrowding? Hell NO! Tax and spend and build some more.

I think then-Gov. Huckabee had a Liberal moment, which is kind of like a senior moment but instead of being built on senility, this was built on understanding and compassion, something not generally exhibited by Republicans. Hell, I would've done the same thing.

So why am I even writing about this?

Because of the double standard. If it had been a member of the Democratic Party that had commuted this sentence, the Right Wing, their talk show army, and the Fox footsoldiers would've been all aflourish in and drunk on schadenfreude: Liberals ruining the country, the bleeding heart of the Liberal causes real bleeding, Liberals hate cops, etc. But when a Republican does it, he issues a non-apology and our alleged left-leaning press barely covers the issue.

I guess the silver lining of all this bullshit is one more down. I'm guessing this event, no matter how glossed over, is going to hurt him for Repub nomination 2012, which means my preferred DreamGirl and ClownLady, Sarah Palin, is one step closer to making a complete fool of herself as the nominee.

So what's your take on this whole debacle?

Rush Limbaugh is STILL a Big Fat Idiot

You know me and my talk radio.

Well, today I got to hear a particularly fierce breakdown of Rush when a caller challenged him on what he called the "covering up" of those idiot scientists who decided to play with the data in global warming and how their candid conversations would hurt the science behind the theory.

The caller in question said that he was surprised that Rush was all in a tizzy about this, but when the Bush Administration repeatedly censored papers and scientific findings about global warming and its effect on the environment (and the effect carbon emissions were having on the environment), there was not word one from him.

And then Rush got angry. He said that there couldn't be censorship because global warming is a hoax. Then he went on to my paraphrase here:

"There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming (repeat 3x. oh, let's just do it)! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no such thing as human-caused Global Warming! There is no need for health care reform! There is no need for Obama. There is no need for you! You are a menace to our country and a threat to freedom and liberty! There was no censorship because it didn't exist! Those censors did us a favor because it's all a hoax! And they'll come for you first ...because people like you will give up their freedom as long as you put Bush in jail!"

I may have to hunt the actual transcript down because my rendition is pretty damn close, but for the record: the real thing is the very definition of blowing a golden fucknut and frying it in batshit crazy.

So, to clarify: If you believe what is being censored does not actually exist and suckle at the teat of one administration, it is not malicious, governmental overreach of power, but a gracious act. And when the next administration calls it censorship...well, you get it at this point. Rush is still a Bush ball boy and will say ANYTHING - regardless of how mad it sounds - to piss against the Obama wall, even if it's absolute madness because his listeners are so blind, they'll believe anything.

Case in point, an unreported listening last week where a caller stated "I just need you to tell me how I should feel about" health care or something. WTF? And he didn't even correct them, just verbally patted them on the head, sat them on his lap, and told a tale. Like he does every day.

It's getting worse and worse. But the crazy is all good. I'm still hoping for a Palin/Beck 2012 ticket. Yeah, that's what people really want: bring on the tea parties! When it comes down to it, a little too weird and crazy is still a little too weird and crazy and your average American doesn't subscribe to crazy.

Ret. Lt. Allen West's Letter: Tragedy at Ft. Hood

This bad boy's been floating around the internets and inboxes all over the place. Allen West is running for congress in Florida. I find the letter unfocused and misguided, but think it needs to be read in its entirety for what it is. Let me know your thoughts.

Tragedy at Ft Hood
by Allen West
11/09/2009

Last Thursday, 13 American Soldiers were killed and another 30 wounded at a horrific mass shooting at US Army installation, Ft Hood Texas. As I watched in horror and then anger I recalled my two years of final service in the Army as a Battalion Commander at Ft Hood.

My wife and two daughters were stunned at the incident having lived on the post in family housing. A military installation, whether it is Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, or Coast Guard, is supposed to be a safe sanctuary for our warriors and their families. It is intended to provide a home whereby our “Band of Brothers and Sisters” can find solace and bond beyond just the foxhole but as family units.

A military installation is supposed to be a place where our warriors train for war, to serve and protect our nation. On Thursday, 5 November 2009 Ft Hood became a part of the battlefield in the war against Islamic totalitarianism and state sponsored terrorism. There may be those who feel threatened by my words and would even recommend they not be uttered. To those individuals I say step aside because now is not the time for cowardice. Our country has become so paralyzed by political correctness that we have allowed a vile and determined enemy to breach what should be the safest place in America, an Army post.

We have become so politically correct that our media is more concerned about the pre-shooting stress on the shooter, Major Nidal Malik Hasan. The misplaced benevolence intending to portray him as a victim is despicable. The fact that there are some who have now created an entire new classification called, “pre-virtual vicarious Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)” is unconscionable.

This is not a “man caused disaster”. It is what it is: an Islamic jihadist attack.We have seen this before in March 2003 when a SGT Hasan of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) threw hand grenades and opened fire into his Commanding Officer’s tent in Kuwait. We have seen the foiled attempt of Albanian Muslims who sought to attack Ft Dix, NJ.

Recently we saw a young convert to Islam named Carlos Bledsoe travel to Yemen, receive terrorist training, and return to gun down two US soldiers at a Little Rock, Arkansas Army recruiting station. We thwarted another Islamic terrorist plot in North Carolina which had US Marine Corps Base, Quantico as a target.

What have we seen done with all these prevalent trends? Nothing.
What we see are leaders paralyzed and refusing to confront the issue, Islamic terrorist infiltration into America, and possibly further into our Armed Services. Instead we have a multiculturalism and diversity syndrome on steroids.

Major Hasan should have never been transferred to Ft Hood. Moreover, he should have been administratively discharged from the Army. His previous statements, poor evaluation reports, and the fact that the FBI had him under investigation for jihadist website posting should have been sufficient proof. However, what we have is a typical liberal approach to find a victim, not the 13 and 30 but rather the poor shooter. A shooter who we hear was a great American, who loved the Army and serving his nation, and CAIR stating that his actions had nothing to do with religious belief.

We know that Major Hasan deliberately planned this episode; he did give away his possessions. He stood atop a table in the confined space of the Soldier Readiness Center shouting “Allahu Akhbar,” the same chant as the 9-11 terrorists and those we fight against overseas in the Iraq and Afghanistan theaters of operation.

No one in leadership seems willing to sound the alarm for the American people. Our Congress should suspend further action on the preposterous and unconstitutional healthcare bill and resolve the issue of “protecting the American people”.

The recent incidents in Dearborn Michigan, Boston Massachusetts, Dallas Texas, and Chicago Illinois should bear witness to the fact that we have an Islamic terrorism issue in America. And don’t have CAIR call me and try to issue a vanilla press statement: they are terrorist apologists, not a civil rights organization.

We have Saudi Arabia funding close to 80% of the mosques in the United States, one right here in South Florida, Pompano Beach. Are we building churches and synagogues in Saudi Arabia? Of course not. Because they aren’t allowed by the Saudi government. So much for peaceful coexistence.

Saudi Arabia is sponsoring radical Imams who enter into our prisons and convert young men into a virulent ideology….one resulting in four individuals wanting to destroy synagogues in New York with plastic explosives. Thank God the explosives were dummy. They are sponsoring textbooks which present Islamic centric revisionist history in our schools.
We must recognize that there is an urgent need to separate the theo-political radical Islamic ideology out of our American society. We must begin to demand surveillance of suspected Imams and mosques that are spreading hate and preaching the overthrow of our Constitutional Republic……that speech is not protected under First Amendment, it is sedition and if done by an American treason.

I make no apologies for these words, and anyone angered by them, please, go to Ft Hood and look into the eyes of the real victims. The tragedy at Ft Hood Texas did not have to happen. Consider now the feelings of those there and on every military installation in the world. Consider the feelings of the Warriors deployed into combat zones who now are concerned that their loved ones at home are in a combat zone.

Ft Hood suffered an Islamic jihadist attack, stop the denial and realize a simple point.

The reality of your enemy must become your own.

Steadfast and Loyal,
Lieutenant Colonel Allen B West (US Army, Ret)

Sexist White Republican Men

Because that stereotype is a bunch of bunk. Right?

Actually, no. Last Saturday Repub asshole males talked over Democratic Party women talking about health care refrom and how it would benefit women. And a couple Republican women got in on the game to show they could be stupid and censor just as much as the Good ol' Boys Club.

5 minutes of Republican censorship and douchebaggery:

In Short: Drudge and Climate Change

That biased fool pushes every blurb of "colder than thou" at every chance he gets.

Today? "OMG It's snowing in Colorado in October!" Guess what? It usually snows in Ohio in October, but today's an unseasonably warm 74 F in Cincinnati. Colorado has fucking mountains. Surprise! It snows there! It's altitude!

I need to calm down. I'm pushing my exclamation point quota through the roof.

Point: Drudge is farting a biased view of reality carefully crafted to that everyone who's conditioned to believe him will eat his feces and say it tastes like yummy stew.

Gross.

Poppin' a Paper Boehner

Oh, such drama spouted over Boehner and his paper pile! Republicans are appalled by the length of the bill and the height of Boehner's penis paper pile. OMG it's SO BIG!

I want to know what the hell Boehner printed that fucker on. I recall reading Stephen King's unabridged version of The Stand at over 1100 pages and it was about 3-4 inches of book with a thick cover. And it was not rice paper or bible-thin sheets inside. So how does a Republican increase the weight of his ...prop? Printing on heavier paper, of course! Why the spectacle would be amazing! Some estimated 14 inches of paper? Brilliant! We'll fool everyone! Let all Republicans know that printing on heavier paper makes the pile bigger! We'll rule the world!

I think his prop is bullshit. And even bigger bullshit? He's railing about the bill and - I would bet a great deal of money - has not actually read the bill himself. Even bigger bullshit than that? They passed the Patriot Act (remember that bill that stunned half of the Bill of Rights?) and most of them admittedly didn't read that one - and that was less than 500 pages.

Republicans are asshats.

Bring the public option then change it to single payer and maybe things will be set right in the health care industry.

Are All Anti-Science Nutters Out For Darwin?

Charles Darwin was a brilliant, religious man who meditated on his scientific proof and discoveries for decades before publishing Origin of Species. He knew the work would have huge implications for the worldview of the existence of life.

But his theories are irrefutable. The actual force of evolution is directly visible in hundreds of papers and tomes on how animals adapt and survival of the fittest. The Beak of the Finch is a brilliant read of evolution visible within a couple of generations. And I personally feel that the ignorance over "we're not monkeys" comes from a human mind that cannot comprehend the idea of thousands of years, let alone millions that would effect a change that profound. And because those people cannot imagine it, they collapse it and say that we're not monkeys and that God did it.

Which is why I laugh when I get emails from groups like The Conservative DVD Club (Through Human Events so I can see what the political right nutters are thinking and they spam their readership with books and DVDs) shucking me a "documentary" entitled "How the Cambrian Fossil Record Disproves Darwin."

Now, I've had my fair share of evolutionary biology and psychology in college, so hang with me here.

Darwin's basic idea was that, over time, traits more favorable to environmental pressures like food or weather or attraction would manifest themselves in future generations of their species because they would live to or be more successful in mating and having offspring. Take the finches for example. If there was a lack of rainfall for a season and water could only be found residing in deeper cracks, the finches with longer beaks could reach that water, survive, mate, and next generation the average length of a finch's beak goes up.

Flying in the face of gradual evolution is the Cambrian Explosion. So about 530 million years ago the fossil record was composed mostly of single cells or colonies of cells and then BLAMMO over the next 75 million years - give or take - we had the precursors to organized cellular construction of life in the fossil record.

Again, that's 75 million years. Uncomprehendable to most humans. But there it is. One of the ideas floating out there is referred to as Punctuated Equilibrium: everything's chillin' along, small changes taking place all the time and then w00t! - London calling! - and a huge change blows up in relatively short order, some say to radiation. Niches get filled. Life goes on.

So maybe Darwin wasn't 100% right. But evolution isn't wrong because of it. Evolution is just a little different than we thought.

But these asshats will provide the following, illogical argument: Darwin said this. Fossil records show this. Darwin was wrong. Since Darwin talked about evolution, evolution is wrong. God benevolently created the world 4000 years ago or some shit.

But what these assclowns should also keep in mind is how much Darwin devoutly reflected on God and Christ and Christianity. I guess all that's bullshit too?

In Short: Sean, Stop the Religion BS

Sean Hannity: Please stop trying to debate religion. With anyone. You sound like an asshat, quote scripture at a bare random affiliation with something a caller just said and then warp it out of context and then, when someone directly quotes another part of the Bible, word for word without interpretation, you say "I think you're misinterpreting that." But according to you and other Christians, the Word is the Word.

Caller: "Jesus gave his life - "
Sean: "And I appreciate that but..."

What a tool.