Popehat! Turning Wording into Whine

Last week, many people - including myself - were up in arms about the Comedy Central bullshit where they censored not only the "image" of Mohammed, but in part 2 (episode 201), bleeped every time the name Mohammed was used bleeped over the entire final speech. (Even though Season 5's "Super Best Friends" can still be found with a normally-illustrated Mohammed and no fanfare whatsoever - but that was before 9/11 when the terrorists apparently did win 'cause dey scurred us.)



And everybody, especially the Christians, were outraged at the double standard imposed in the world of religion.



One guy I heard on one of my right-wing AM masochism sessions actually said "Islam is the only religion you can't make fun of."

Yeah, so fuck that, right? Everyone else has a great sense of humor, let's it roll off their back like piss on a duck, right?



Not so fast there, Catholics. A fake memo, circulated by a 23-year old satirist - admittedly as a joke - is getting a lot of attention this week. What was in it?

The memorandum, apparently written by staff planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

And the Pope flipped the fuck out in usual sanctimonious bullshit mode. The tempest in a teacup was jumped on by all the Catholic myrmidons in the western world and called anything from "despicable" to "a foolish document." The Pope's visit to the UK is in jeopardy and the Vatican wants to know why no one's been sacked yet.



Oh, for fuck's sake! I agree that death threats over depictions of Mohammed, innocuous or not, are total bullshit. But you, you hypocritical Catholics, glom on to that bullhorn in one breath and in the very next are calling for the hounds of hell to pluck this satire-driven man from the face of the earth for comments that oscillate between mildly humorous and trite!

So the WTF Award goes to the Pope. Again. Though this whole thing could've been a bit of a ruse to kill the UK trip all together. Everyone knows Richard Dawkins is going to arrest the Pope as soon as he sets foot in the UK. You know, that whole religion-wide molestation coverup thing?


And one last note on the Mohammed South Park debacle. It's prompted at least one cartoonist to declare May 20th, 2010 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" in defense of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.



However, following the mad viral reaction of the internets over her cartoon, has disassociated herself with the movement and the cartoon, and many links can be found in this story from Facebook groups to where to submit your drawing for May 20.

I'll be posting my own graven image and encourage you to do the same. Maybe one of Jesus too. And the Pope. And Krishna. And Buddha. Then it's fair ;)

Monday Jesus: The Beatles!, Ugly Army, Turin Turnin'

Beatles and Satan

The Beatles, this week, got a nod from the Vatican:

Offering the band complete absolution, the article, entitled Seven Years That Shook Music, L’Osservatore Romano said: “Its true they took drugs, lived life to excess because of their success, even said they were bigger than Jesus and put out mysterious messages, that were possibly even Satanic.

“They may not have been the best example for the youth of the day but they were by no means the worst. Their beautiful melodies changed music and continue to give pleasure.”

It went on: “Forty years later the Beatles still astound with their originality and they are a consolation against the continual assault on music lovers by the record industry.”

Someone's a fan. But does that sound back-handed to anyone?

Ehh...Satanic? No problem! They made good music! WTF?


End Times

Some folks think it's neigh. The END, that is. And the worst thing is that the article is written because these anti-gov't choads think it's so:



Wrong answer, Chris Kattan!


Turin in His Grave?

The Shroud of Turin is back on display. Yay! I mean, whatever. I'm going with fake. Durr.

Monday Jesus: The Cleveland Diocese FAIL

This has nothing to do with the Pope's sex scandal coverup, but it will make you angry if you are at all familiar with Catholicism. Or just hate stupid.

(Note: I am not nor have I ever been a member of St. Peter's. As soon as I heard the story, I did some hunting and digging to obtain the information presented here.)

Here's a story...

...of a few dozen Cleveland parishes (churches) that, because of the economic downturn and attendance downturn, had been ordained (no pun intended) to be unworthy of the Catholic Church's operating costs. In other words, despite historical significance or beauty of the building or the commitment of the congregation, several churches are just not pulling their weight. Here's a list of closed/closing churches, 30 in Cuyahoga County alone.

Bishop Dick


Bishop Richard Lennon: 'Heyyy..whaddya want from me? Salvation?'

Turns out that after a few churches had been officially closed by the diocese, word spread quickly that Bishop Richard Lennon was the diocesan form of Galactus, eater of worlds. The bishop would celebrate the final mass at the church and immediately afterwards made sure everyone was out of the building. Bodyguards by his side (I'm not kidding), generally with some or all of the congregation still lingering, Bishop Dick would drop a padlock on the front doors and - I'm guessing - laugh like a drunken Dr. Evil.

"Oh No You Di-int!?"

Some of the congregation of Historic St. Peter's Church in downtown Cleveland caught wind of this cruel / evil / inhumane / irreverent practice used to shut down churches and they got together and said they were going to boycott the April 11th closing mass. In order to maintain a place for congregation and fellowship and to continue the mission of the church, they rented a warehouse nearby.

Grumpy Dick

Bishop Richard caught wind of a slight scent of something that didn't smell overwhelmingly like money or obedience and sent every member of the congregation a letter of, well, I guess you'd call it a letter of disapproval with undertones of warning. Feel free to skim it, but here it is in its entirety and it's a right piece of scolding sanctimonious bullshit:

Dear -,

Because of the responsibility given to me as Bishop of the Diocese of Cleveland, I have taken difficult but necessary steps to ensure the vibrancy and vitality of our Diocese going forward. In order to provide for presence and pastoral care in an equitable manner throughout the Diocese, a number of beloved parishes are closing and others are merging so that the work of building the Kingdom of God in the Diocese of Cleveland will continue. The men and women who founded these parishes sacrificed much, giving out of want in order to build the Church in Cleveland. With the same sense of commitment to the Catholic faith that was shown by those who built our early parishes, we move forward in faith.

I encourage you as a parishioner of St. Peter Parish to look to the future with a renewed commitment to your Catholic identity and to register at another parish in the Diocese following the mass that I am scheduled to celebrate on 11 April 2010 at St. Peter Church. Much has been done through the efforts of your Pastor, Father Robert Marrone, and through the laity of St. Peter to provide outreach to the poor of Cleveland and presence and various forms of assistance to the young people in a local public school in Cleveland. While the physical edifice that is your parish church will close, you are encouraged to continue the good work done at St. Peter's by joining parishes with other Catholics in the Diocese.

To maintain communion in Christ with the pastors of the Church and with the faithful is one of the most serious obligations we have as Catholics. Lumen gentium, the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church promulgated by the Second Vatican Council, states that the baptized are in full communion with the Catholic Church when joined with Christ in its visible structure by the bonds of profession of faith, of the sacraments and ecclesiastical governance (LG, #14).

It is because of my concern for you and your salvation an for the good of the Church in Cleveland that I write this letter. It has been brought to my attention that there is a document on file with the Ohio Secretary of State establishing "The Community of St. Peter" and that space has been rented on Euclid Avenue in Cleveland under that name. Further, it is my understanding that the establishment of "The Community of St. Peter" and the new website that is under development by that community which "will soon house information on all of our new programs and serve as a primary communication tool in our new service organization," has created confusion among parishioners of St. Peter Parish.

Gleaning from information I have received, some see this as a way for the current parishioners to continue their good works in the city which I can support; others are wondering if this means they will be worshiping together at the new address.

It is my hope and my prayer that there is no attempt on the part of some to set up an alternative parish outside the jurisdiction of the Diocese of Cleveland. Please know that I will not approve of a priest celebrating the sacraments in any space other than an approved site within the Diocese.

Most importantly, we must never lose sight of our Catholic Faith which we profess on Sundays and days of great celebration when we say "We believe in the one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church." When we became member's of God's Church we became members of the unified body of Christ. So important is this reality of unity that Jesus prayed the night before He died "...that they may all be one, as you Father, are in me and I in you."

When there is a breaking of unity and communion with the Church, there are consequences which affect one's relationships with the Lord, with His holy Church, as well as with other members of the faithful.

We are the Church together. We come together as family in challenging times. The Church is our spiritual family. We are called by Christ to work together. If we work together, we will be healed together. The participation of every parishoner of St. Peter in the family of the Church in Cleveland is essential if we are to bring the hope and peace of Christ to our community.

Sincerely yours in Christ,
(+ Richard Lennon)
Bishop of Cleveland

Synopsis: Holy Bullshittery Batman!

The gist of the letter is "I'm not sayin' anything solid or permanent, but if you stray from a sanctioned, official Catholic church, it might mess with your bond to God and everyone knows that means you go to hell." Amongst other things.

But how backwards is that? What happened to the humanity of faith? The compassion of Christ? What about "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name...?" People all over Cleveland are losing their places of worship. One woman I met is 92 years old and has only ever attended one church. And that church is closing. And instead of empathy and understanding, she gets Bishop Dick and The Meatheads on their Door Lockin' Tour and the message is "Get yourself to another church before you lose your soul!" WTF?

(Sidenote: she's also slowly losing her grasp on the presence of reality, so while her home church may give her comfort and a few moments of solace, a new parish would fill her with confusion if not terror. Good job Dick!)

Personal Rant / Conclusion

It is an excellent example of why I strayed from the Catholic faith so many years ago.

The purpose of most religions is to foster a connection between yourself and a higher power, whether for the purpose of personal enlightenment, betterment of the world, or just getting to Heaven because Dante wrote how shitty Hell was. And the Catholic church takes that core tenet, that raw energy of the goal of faith, and they put it in a box that says "mystery" on it, held by a priest who is your "go between guy" (and it can never be a woman). So at the very start, you're never allowed to touch it. That's locked into a church that must be validated by the diocese and is wrapped in Bishops and Archbishops and Cardinals and rules and nuance and dogma and doctrine and "Vatican II" and a filthy rich Vatican City that's its own country headed by a guy who was a member of the Hitler Youth and had a hand in covering up cases of pedophilia and molestation the world over!

And they wondered why I didn't want to go to church on Sunday.


I'm guessing many of you have never gotten in this deeply to the world of Catholic doctrine, dogma, disillusionment, etc. I hope, if nothing else, I opened your eyes to another facet of society that has gone horribly wrong.


UPDATE: The good people of St. Peter's Parish have found a new, temporary home and held their first celebration of worship this weekend. Thanks to John in comments for this link of what was a joyous moment for them all.

Popehat Steps in it Again: FAIL

From the annals of BAD PR:

At a solemn Good Friday service, Pope Benedict XVI's personal preacher likened the tide of allegations that the pontiff has covered up sex abuse cases to the "more shameful aspects of anti-Semitism." But within hours, facing a storm of criticism at the comparison, the Vatican felt it necessary to distance the pope from the preacher's remarks.

Holy shit. Really? Didn't anyone tell him everyone's hating on the Jews right now anyway?

Kidding aside, how the hell does the Vatican get this deep into the scandal? Oh yeah, because their creepy pontiff had a hand in covering up decades of sexual abuse. Defrock them all!

Oh, and Happy Easter!

Jesus Monday: A Book, a Play, a Bastard Pope

Big week in Jesus news to be sure.

Philip Pullman, author of the "His Dark Materials" has written a new book, a work of fiction, entitled Good Man Jesus, Scoundrel Christ about how Jesus had a twin named Christ that did all the exaggerated scribe work and how that played out in creating a lasting memory through the church. Looks like good stuff. Of course by "good stuff" I mean paired with sanctimonious bullshit protests and misplaced aggression of sheep-like churchies.

At Tarleton State University in Texas, a student - in participation of a theatre class - chose a play entitled Corpus Christi about the life of Jesus and the apostles...except they're all gay men. Hrm? That sounds like some good stuff! And by "good stuff" I mean the Lt. Governor douchebagging a reprimand across the airwaves, misinforming the public that the play would use taxpayer dollars after having, well, NOT read or seen the play. And...scene. The professor cancelled the performance, folded like a house of cards under a Texas-sized ass.

Ah, but the real story is all the flack Popehat is pulling down on himself and the Church because a couple hundred priests molested a couple thousand little boys. No biggie, right? Nothing that can't get swept under the rug, right?

Let's do a quick recap from last week's post: Pope Ratzie lambasted the Irish Church in saying they handled things incorrectly when dealing with the molestation cases. But Ratzie himself was the one holding the broom when he himself was an archbishop, holding strong to the line of "keep it secret."


Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan appears as a caricature of religion and faith in his goon robe and wooden throne.

The archbishop above came out and called the Pope's predicament much like that of Jesus being accused unjustly. Um, no; calling someone to task for covering up and/or not reporting a crime to the proper authorities is the very definition of justice. The "unjust" part of the story might have been the priests who abused their power and authority to steal the innocence from little boys.

Even Sinead O'Connor has an op-ed piece in the Washington Post dissecting some of the bullshit and calling the original apology letter "hollow."

It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. Will the Pope step down? Will the magnitude of the scandal collapse the backbone of the whole Catholic structure? We can dream.

That Pope Could Use a Little Irish

And by "Irish" I mean a punch in the fucking mouth.

Pope Ratzie recently wrote a letter to the Irish Church, bitching them out for the mis-steps in handling the rampant cases of child abuse.

What he doesn't mention in the scolding letters is the role he himself played in hushing up the scandal as Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger of Munich by demanding abuse cases be reported to the Vatican in secret (and no mention of proper authorities). Not to mention that whomever is two farts away from an oxygen machine in that little Reno in Rome is constantly sending out mixed messages about who's to blame and what should be done about the issue while victimized families all over the world wait with baited breath for order and accountability that'll show sometime around 2210. The two Irish bishops currently offering their resignations? Popehat won't accept them.

I don't believe much of anything good has come out of the Vatican in a very long time. And they wonder why Catholicism's popularity is waning. Irrelevant? Irreverent? Unaccountable? Horribly disorganized? Pick one.

Papal Support of Censorship

No, I'm not going to start calling this blog The Pope Follies. I've got a political itch coming back and will be talking about it very soon.

So that goon Benedict and his bullshittery:

"The Assembly of Catholic Ordinaries of the Holy Land has publicly expressed the disdain and protest of Christians over a television programme transmitted in recent days by the Israeli private television station 'Channel 10', in which the Lord Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary were ridiculed with blasphemous words and images."

So what was the issue? It turns out that Channel 10 in Israel had a late night show that did a spoof on religion.

In the show, Mary is said to have become pregnant at 15, thanks to a schoolmate.

It said Jesus could never have walked on water because "he was so fat he was ashamed to leave the house, let alone go to the Sea of Galilee with a bathing suit".

Boo fucking hoo. So someone on a show known for comedy makes a joke about religion. A bunch of sanctimonious Christians whine which is backed up by the sanctimonious Catholic papa and gets a sanctimonious apology from the Prime Minister of Israel.

Which just goes to show: you can make up a bunch of shit and put it in a book and cook it in dogma and blind belief for 2000 years to the point that when someone makes a joke about that book the world takes notice and the leader of a sovereign nation makes a public apology.

See, the late-night show just needs a book and a couple millenia and everyone will be okay with it. Until someone makes a "Jesus was so skinny..." joke.

It's Your Home! A Moment With the Pope and God

Another bit on the Vatican because...damn.

From the Vatican Information Service:

BENEDICT XVI ASKS GOD TO WATCH OVER THE VATICAN

The man who supposedly has a direct connection with God and owns the lineage of His corporeal time on Earth, and he feels the need to issue a press release in which he asks God to watch over the only country or international entity that can be called "God's Home?"

Doesn't God already live there? What did Benedict do? Walk up to His room and ask him to keep an eye on the place?

BENE: Hey, God, you got a minute?
GOD: Always for you, Ratzie.
BENE: I wish you wouldn't -
GOD: I know. You know I know. Why complain?
BENE: Could you at least put down that book when I'm talking?
GOD: Sorry omnipresence isn't enough for you.
BENE: I never said -
GOD: You did in your heart.
BENE:...
GOD: You were bugging me for a reason? This Asimov had his shit together. Seriously.
BENE: Yes. I was wondering if you could keep an eye on the place.
GOD: And omnipresence - seriously?
BENE: Over Vatican City?
GOD: Who's the next Pope going to be?
BENE: Well, I think there are several good - Wait, don't you -
GOD: Gotcha!
BENE: If you'd just -
GOD: Are you still here? I've got a book and a bottle of bourbon to finish.
BENE: You drink too much.
GOD: You don't know me! You can't know me!
BENE: God, sorry, I -
GOD: Yeah, I'll watch. You want me to do anything if anything happens? Put a giant force field over the joint? Wag my cock at the bombs? Or just watch. Cause I'm already doing that.
BENE: Bombs? Sorry. Watching will be fine I guess.
GOD: Good. Go get me my slippers.
BENE: Yes. Douche.
GOD: I heard that. Before you said it.
BENE: I'm sure you did.
GOD: Dick.

The Vatican Cracks Me Up

Oh, that crazy Pope.

The Vatican Information Service summary for February 7-9 came yesterday and the following headlines elicited such snark that it was my duty to comment upon them.

ABSENCE OF GOD IS MANKIND'S MOST PROFOUND SICKNESS

I would argue that one of humanity's utmost illnesses is over-reliance on the structure of organized religion, the heeding of the barker at the tent of worship for our two pence. You can still have a relationship with God from outside the tent. If God couldn't see you outside, He wouldn't be God. If he doesn't want to listen to you if you don't pay the toll, He's a Dick.


APPEAL FOR PEACE IN MADAGASCAR



Hell yeah, peace! That zebra always be bustin' shit up and don't even get me started on them penguins.

Don't even.


PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN POPE AND GERMAN CHANCELLOR

POPE: Seriously?
CHAN: Really. It happened. We have proof.
POPE: Damn. For reals? I always thought the Holocaust was an old wives' tale.
CHAN: Nope. Pretty serious shit.
POPE: So that bishop thing -
CHAN: Way wrong move.
POPE: Cause, ya know, I'z -
CHAN: You'z was not just playin'.
POPE: ...no. I'z wasn't.
...
POPE: So we cool, though, right?
...
Click.

Holy Fucking See Popehat! The UN?!

Some nuances of international relations do escape my grasp, that "good handle" I feel I have from time to time. I was skimming over the Vatican News Release thing I get every couple days and came across this:

VATICAN CITY, 19 DEC 2008 (VIS) - Yesterday afternoon was made public the declaration of the delegation of the Holy See to the 63rd session of the UN General Assembly on the theme: "Human Rights Questions, Including Alternative Approaches for Improving the Effective Enjoyment of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms".
...
"In particular, the categories 'sexual orientation' and 'gender identity', used in the text, find no recognition or clear and agreed definition in international law. If they had to be taken into consideration in the proclaiming and implementing of fundamental rights, these would create serious uncertainty in the law as well as undermine the ability of States to enter into and enforce new and existing human rights conventions and standards".

My first question, having just grasped the gravity of this, is: What the hell is the Vatican doing at the United Nations?

The short answer is that the Vatican has held a non-member Permanent Observer position at the United Nations since 1964. However, as evidenced above, "Observer" apparently also means speaker and commentator on just about anything that concerns them.

Let me put this another way: The United Nations has given Celestino Migliore, Titular Archbishop of Canosa, a representative of a single religion - Catholicism - that just happens to be mildly organized and sick fucking rich, a chair with a placard and room to speak on any items of concern to the Catholic Church. And while the Holy See has stood up for some great humanitarian causes, it also has a history of degrading every other religion in the world, disempowerment of women, and, as above, the slighting of equal rights for GLBT communities.

How exactly does that work? Celestino Migliore writes his name on a list and gets to bitch slap all the gays in the world? This is a man who represents a religion and has an unflappable conviction that homosexuals are sinning against God and will spend all of eternity burning in hell for their transgressions because if they were just steered in the right direction they could make the right "choice" and not be gay. And the UN offers him a few minutes to address representatives to the countries of the world on how this human rights issue should be handled?

WTF?

And where's the Permanent Observer for all the other sects of Christianity? Hindu religion? Or Islam, Buddhism, Judiasm, Zoroastrianism, and all their respective sects? I'm sure they'd all have some interesting things to say about things that happen at the UN.

...but I guess those folks don't have as fat a wallet as the Pope.

Yes, his is the one that says...

That Hypocrite Pope

Today:

Benedict says that "now with the collapse of big banks we see that money disappears, is nothing and all these things that appear real are in fact of secondary importance." He urges those who build their lives "only on things that are visible, such as success, career, money" to keep that in mind.

This is, of course, because Pope Benedict is the head of an organization that benefits when everything goes to shit, when people are tired of the political spin and don't quite understand what's happening. They go to church; they drop more into the ushers' baskets.

Uncertainty breeds money for The Holy See.

Christianity is, at its base, supposed to follow the teachings of Christ, who renounced all things in the physical world for the spiritual world, and taught his followers to do the same. Ironically enough, the purported stronghold of Christ's teachings, the Vatican, is worth billions in the physical leanings of priceless art, artifacts, treasures, and manuscripts.

Perhaps, Pope Benedict, if you were able to divest yourself of some of those worldly holdings and aid in helping those in need - you know, like Jesus would do - then perhaps you'd be less likely viewed as a hypocrite. Don't tell me I'm not following Jesus' path by having a 401(k) plan when a fart from the Vatican vault could help thousands.

And if the world were to follow your advice and value nothing physical and focus on only their spiritual development? Well, then, the Catholic Church would again become an enormous power to be reckoned with, wouldn't it?

Isn't worldly power...worldly?

Might want to read that Bible again, Benedict.

Papal Logic

In today's Vatican email, a little bit of papal logic:

WHO FEARS GOD IS NEVER AFRAID

Wait. What? But if they...

[sigh]

Protecting the Holy Sausage Party

I remember back in the late 80's, early 90's reading an article about an increased call for women to have the right to be priests in the Catholic faith. At that time, Pope John Paul II called bullshit on these devout women and invoked the Infallibility Clause, stating that by being the Pope, he is receiving this direction straight from God and since God is infallible, what he's saying must be right. Because these women believed in the faith and, by proxy, the power of the Pope, they had no recourse but to snap their fingers and grumble "Nuts!"

Well, Benedict didn't want to be left out of the scuffle. Namely:

The Vatican insisted Friday that it is properly following Christian tradition by excluding females from the priesthood as it issued a new warning that women taking part in ordinations will be excommunicated.

In other words, if you are a female and love Jesus so much - in the Catholic tradition - that you want to serve in the best way you know how and become a pastor to spread the word and love of Jesus, and if you're not happy with just becoming a nun, we're going to remove your connection with God.

This is equatable to me loving America so much that I worked very hard to build the support of my ideas and ran for President of the United States, and instead of the media just ignoring me, the US Government said "You are not allowed to do that; you will no longer be allowed in the United States."

Except that it's God, and personal salvation - not citizenship - at stake. The Pope is giving women who love him and love Jesus and love God and the Catholic religion and want to express that by becoming stewards of Jesus himself and giving them the red card to Hell. Because they're women.

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing

So, with that in mind: How is the Catholic religion even relevant today?

Pope Blames Priest Rape on Society

I'm not kidding. In front of tens of thousands of followers and other assorted religiophiliacs, in direct reference to the Priest scandal - you know, that whole pedophilia thing - Pope Benedict XVI said that the degradation of society's values are to blame.

"Children deserve to grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and its proper place in human relationships. They should be spared the degrading manifestations and the crude manipulation of sexuality so prevalent today."

Perhaps he should make that clear to the priests that fuck little boys in the ass.

Pope: Everyone Has an Inborn Need for God

From the Vatican Information Service:

Turning then to consider the Gospel account of Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well in Sychar, Benedict XVI highlighted how at a certain point the woman asked Jesus for water, "thus showing how everyone has an inborn need of God and of the salvation that only He can achieve".

Yes, and Billy Budd was a Christ-like character. This is what we refer to as literary analysis and symbolic representation and is the trunk of the tree of the Catholic bureaucracy.

Does every person have an inborn need for God? I don't think so. I do believe that deeply embedded in our psyches is a natural inclination to ask "Why?" and to look for answers to the big questions in the world and/or the universe. For some people, stopping asking that question is something they're comfortable with when they find God. Others keep asking.

But in the same article, something a little more creepy to fit with Benedict's personage:

"In how many circumstances, rather than meekly conforming ourselves to divine will, would we like God to accomplish all our designs and fulfil [sic] all our expectations. In how many occasions does our faith appear fragile, our trust weak, our religiosity contaminated by magical elements of merely earthly origin?"

Ah, yes. Blessed are the Ori.

i.e., "Fit in my fucking power structure mold or I will eat your soul!"

Jesus wept.

St. Peter in Chains - One Hour Delay

I was monitoring the school delay listings today and spotted one rather curious entry: St. Peter in Chains School. Obviously, my mind immediately flitted to BDSM pornography, then to the Jesus and Mary Chain, then Tori Amos singing "Crucify" (cha-i-a-i-a-i-a-i-ains, who-oah) before I finally realized I had no actual reference for why this obviously Catholic School (Catholics are retarded for saints) had taken such a curious name.

Well, Simon Peter, a.k.a. St. Peter (denied Christ, first pope, yada yada) was imprisoned by Herod Agrippa who was going to kill him. But before he could be killed, an angel - yes, an otherworldly entity - woke him, allowed his binding chains to fall, and let him walk straight out of prison. And - surprise, surprise - it even has its own Feastday.

FYI: "San Pietro in Vincoli (Saint Peter in Chains) is a basilica in Rome, best known for housing Michelangelo's statue Moses." And he looks a lot like Zeus. Christians had to get their limited-use God-face from somewhere, silly.

So back to Yay! St. Peter was saved! Of course, not long after that, he was again captured. Legend has it he did not believe he was worthy of dying in the same manner as Jesus and was crucified upside down in Rome. Which, of course, leads to the line of questioning: if the founder of the Christian Church was crucified upside down, why is that a symbol of evil? Why not use an upside down cross as the prime religious symbol (you know, maybe without the corpse nailed to it)?

Why? When your religion has enough bureaucracy to fill its own country, you do not get to ask why; your beliefs have been modified and fortified and formulated and heated and put in a nice, neat bottle for you. All you need to do is suck.

Popehat Growls at Science: Grrr...

We've got a lot of catching up to do. I use FireFox because Internet Explorer is the devil, and about two weeks ago I got a new plugin that is a quick click to a "read it later" bookmark folder. I'll delve into it more tomorrow, but for now, feel free to chew on the Popehat's bile from the Vatican's 1/28 press release:

"Human beings have the specific ability of discerning what is good", the Pope concluded. "In our own time, when the progress of the sciences attracts and seduces for the possibilities it offers, it is more necessary than ever to educate the consciences of our contemporaries to ensure that science does not become the criterion of good, that man is still respected as the centre of creation, and that he does not become the object of ideological manipulation, arbitrary decisions, or abuses."

What the Popehat is trying to say, of course, is that as long as science doesn't get too science-y, and as long as people who have dedicated their lives to studying the measurable and empirical take into consideration the invisible and intangible - ooh, and make sure you prove life starts at conception - then science is a good thing.

You know you've heard this type of thing before: if the high courts of America overturn liberal laws, they are interpreting the Constitution; if they overturn conservative laws, they're out-of-control activist judges, legislating from the bench.

The Pope Mentally Masturbates on Marriage

On December 30th, 2007, the Emperor Pope said

we celebrate the mystery of a God Who chose to be born of a woman, the Blessed Virgin, and to enter this world in the same way as all mankind. Thus He sanctified the family, filling it with divine grace and fully revealing its vocation and its mission

First we have "the mystery of a God Who chose to be born of a woman." C'mon, now. So God, who supposedly designed the entire universe, specifically how things are born and "enter this world" chose to reference his own blueprint when he decided to pop in for a visit. That's a real head-scratcher.

Secondly, "thus he sanctified the family." By impregnating an unmarried woman against her will and forcing a shotgun wedding to a man who was not the father, God showed us what the family is all about? WTF? And while it does fit a modern profile of the family unit, the Pope and Republican leaders in this country are so focused on preventing people of the same sex who truly love each other from getting married that they are blatantly blind to the fact that the current, standard version of the institution is frostbitten, rife with gangrene, and slowly dissolving in its own juices.

But I guess it is part of the human condition to fantasize about and elevate something that you can never have or be a part of. Pope Benedict XVI, you're so emo.

Pope Benedict Criticizes Atheism in Encyclical

This past Thursday, I railed against Pope Benedict for paying lip service to preventing AIDS - one day before World AIDS Day - when Catholic doctrine is strictly against the use of condoms.

Today I almost sharted when I read the story about Pope Benedict's Encyclical attributing the "greatest forms of cruelty and violations of justice" ever known to atheism, citing Marx and Lenin. It is followed-up by the Pope's "self-critique" of Christianity:

"We must acknowledge that modern Christianity, faced with the successes of science in progressively structuring the world, has to a large extent restricted its attention to the individual and his salvation," he wrote. "In doing so, it has limited the horizon of its hope and has failed to recognize sufficiently the greatness of its task."

Yes, that piss-poor, job-interview-esque "what's your greatest weakness" of an answer is what the Pope considers "self-critique" of Christianity.

I reiterate what I wrote to the Pope concerning condoms and AIDS: How fucking dare you?

How about the treatment of non-Christian Romans after Constantine adopted Christianity? How about the Spanish Inquisition? How about the burning of witches? How about Hitler was raised Catholic and did continue belief in Christianity during his killin' days? How about that self-critique? And since Popehat is specifically targeting atheism, how about all the wars in the history of the world that were fought, not because the other tribe or ethnic group or country didn't believe, but because they believed something different?

I'm not very fond of organized religion, but I recognize the value it has in billions of lives and the potential good that it can do. And while I see Catholicism specifically as an anachronistic, non-bending, slowly sinking ship in the 21st Century, Bill Donahue take note: I do not hate the Catholic Church. But for the Pope to state that atheism is the cause of pain, war, tragedy, and horror in the world past and present is like King Henry VIII of England berating Bill Clinton for his indiscretion, and is way beyond the scope of pot/kettle territory.

The Encyclical, appallingly entitled "Saved by Hope," can be viewed online at the Vatican website.

So shame on the Pope and shame on AP Reporter Victor L. Simpson for (writing the article and) blindly being his mouthpiece.

Pope Promises to Do Nothing About AIDS

December 1st is World AIDS Day. From the Vatican Information Service:

At the end of today's general audience, which was held in the Paul VI Hall, the Pope launched an appeal for everything possible to be done to halt the spread of AIDS.

"December 1," he said, "marks World AIDS Day. I remain spiritually close to everyone suffering from this terrible sickness, and to their families, especially those who have lost a loved one. To everyone I give assurances of my prayers.

"Furthermore, I wish to exhort all people of good will to increase their efforts to halt the spread of the HIV virus, to combat the disdain which is often directed towards people who are affected by it, and to care for the sick, especially those who are still children."

Unfortunately, since the use of condoms (or any contraception) is strictly against the ever-aging doctrine of the Catholic Church, we have an insulting, damaging non-message here. And without the suggestion of the use of condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS, I have one brief message to send to the Pope:

How fucking dare you?