Friday, May 30, 2008

Protecting the Holy Sausage Party

Pope Owns the Earth

I remember back in the late 80's, early 90's reading an article about an increased call for women to have the right to be priests in the Catholic faith. At that time, Pope John Paul II called bullshit on these devout women and invoked the Infallibility Clause, stating that by being the Pope, he is receiving this direction straight from God and since God is infallible, what he's saying must be right. Because these women believed in the faith and, by proxy, the power of the Pope, they had no recourse but to snap their fingers and grumble "Nuts!"

Well, Benedict didn't want to be left out of the scuffle. Namely:
The Vatican insisted Friday that it is properly following Christian tradition by excluding females from the priesthood as it issued a new warning that women taking part in ordinations will be excommunicated.
In other words, if you are a female and love Jesus so much - in the Catholic tradition - that you want to serve in the best way you know how and become a pastor to spread the word and love of Jesus, and if you're not happy with just becoming a nun, we're going to remove your connection with God.

This is equatable to me loving America so much that I worked very hard to build the support of my ideas and ran for President of the United States, and instead of the media just ignoring me, the US Government said "You are not allowed to do that; you will no longer be allowed in the United States."

Except that it's God, and personal salvation - not citizenship - at stake. The Pope is giving women who love him and love Jesus and love God and the Catholic religion and want to express that by becoming stewards of Jesus himself and giving them the red card to Hell. Because they're women.
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing

So, with that in mind: How is the Catholic religion even relevant today?


Freida Bee said...

But, a woman can't wear a tiny Popehat on her penis, and that's an essential part of being a priest.

Ricky Shambles said...

Exactly. And until the Vatican is willing to invest in the production of the "bean hat" for the clitoris, there is simply no viable option for the ladies. And should that ever happen, there are still the fashion implications...