Back in the day here in Ohio, you couldn't buy alcohol before 1pm on a Sunday (certain stores: NO ALCOHOL ON JESUS DAY). Now it's settled down a bit, but there are still these "blue laws" on the books to keep us from buying (state-controlled) liquor on a Sunday or Federal holiday.
Anything under the flag of "Blue Laws" tend to refer to control of alcohol or relate to antiquated "still on the books" stuff like banning sodomy. Some (more British) phrases speak of porn as "blue movies." So, clearly, any laws that are "blue" have something to do with sin and punishment.
But Why "Blue"?
If you read your terrible internets or emails from Uncle Joe, you may believe that they were called "blue laws" because "back then" they were printed on blue paper. And if you take that in without question, I've a cousin in Nigeria who wants to send you $5,000,000.
The listing talks about the Puritan colony of Connecticut and that "the Reverend Samuel Peters' 1781 book, General History of Connecticut, described onerous colonial laws in the following manner:
Blue Laws; i.e. bloody Laws; for they were all sanctified with whipping, cutting off the ears, burning the tongue, and death.
Okay, Still, Why Blue?
In the sordid etymology of "bloody," there are many considerations put forth about how people changed "hell" to "heck" and "Christ" to "Crikey" and "God" to "Gosh" in the avoidance of swearing or taking the Lord's name in vain.
Now this is entirely English-degree speculation, but I propose the Puritans did the same to the second degree: While "bloody" laws was a fine descriptor, as noted above, with a British origin, "bloody" also has many secondary, swear-y, uses, even if it is a first-tier morphology to avoid directly referring to the Virgin Mary or the Blood of Christ. So they switched it up to "blue."
Wouldn't want to be punished for a "bloody law" because you said "bloody law," right?
That's the linguistics and my own extension, but what do you think?
What the fucking fuck? You know sometimes that I espouse the base beliefs of Republicans, one being keeping the goddamned government out of our lives? This is a clear example of that.
Four Loko hit the news a couple weeks ago because with it's 12% ABV and loads of caffine, it made a couple college kids vomit. The Hill reports:
Drug czar Gil Kerlikowske said he welcomed a ruling by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that would effectively ban drinks like Four Loko and Joost, which have come under scrutiny for their alleged role in several cases of alcohol intoxication on college campuses.
Yes. Their role. Because binge drinking, college kids wanting to get wasted, and alcohol poisoning can be traced to one source: Four Loko.
I bought the drink once, partly because I like the booze but mostly because I'm a sucker for a novelty. I saw a caffeinated blue-raspberry drink with 12% alcohol for less than $2 and I was all "Fuck yeah - party time!" But no. It was awful. And I'm not talking "My fine wine and whiskey palette could not tolerate such an outrage" snobbery bullshit. This was eight-year-old blue-raspberry cotton candy dissolved in turpentine with a hard shot of gag reflex and enough HFCS to bring the liquid to a saturation point. I got through 3 little sips and was done forever with the foul beast.
But that doesn't mean the government should be allowed to ban it. College kids get drunk; that's the other half of their job. They will always gravitate towards the cheapest ways to alter their consciousness. That's why weed's less popular than alcohol and Hennessey is less sucked down than Natty Light.
Note to our government: Everyone sees that this is posturing, but it's laughable posturing. It's like someone walked into the office of the FDA and said "Listen! This is DANGEROUS!" and everyone was like "OMG Yeah!" and then they took it to the White House and said "Mr. President! This is not only what they world cares about but if you address this everyone will love you!"
And you know why you're being fed this?! It's the fucking November Book! This is the time of year (along with others) where TV Ratings will determine viewership which will determine a station or network's ability to price their commercials. Wonder why you generally turn on the news and hear "The Mount Adams Puppy you can't miss!" but about 4 times a year the headline teaser is "You probably have AIDS - Tune in at 11 to find out for sure!"? Ratings!
President Obama: You are a damn fool, a naive sucker to come out and say this is a health issue. What's next? A ban on red bull in bars (because that's about the same, just more expensive)? Perhaps a ban on sweetened alcoholic drinks? Then a ban on alcohol? Maybe a ban on college? Where does this silliness end? Should everyone call this an attack on the poor because you're eliminating one way for poor folk to get drunk? I mean, they still have Thunderbird. But you backed a federal ban on something based on a fabricated "epidemic" based on television stations trying to get viewers.
I am an ardent supporter but, for now, I laugh at you. I laugh because you're being a sucker, I laugh because you were suckered by the media sensationalism you have so often knocked down, but mostly I laugh because Four Loko, when faced with an alcohol/caffeine ban responded by saying "Okay, we'll get rid of the caffeine."
They're still serving sugary booze-ness to everyone and you've wasted thousands of taxpayer dollars just talking about it!
Don't we have more important things to worry about like wars and health care?
UPDATE: I got this Know! email from the Drug-Free Alliance:
"Blackout in a Can" is what some people are calling Four Loko: a dangerous, new alcohol energy drink that contains nearly as much alcohol as a six pack of beer and as much caffeine as a 12-ounce cup of coffee, all in one supersized serving (24-ounce can).
Alcohol energy drinks are no new concept and have long been a concern. However, alcohol-infused energy drinks like Four Loko, are especially dangerous because they contain an incredibly high amount of alcohol mixed with caffeine. Medical experts say that combining a depressant (alcohol) with a stimulant (caffeine) is hazardous to both the body and brain, and it makes for a, "wide awake drunk," as the caffeine masks the typical effects of alcohol.
Um, if your kids are getting their hands on this can, you've got much bigger problems than just talking to your kids. Alcohol + Caffeine exists and will be consumed legally in bars by anyone over 21. In excess in some cases. Just be a good, open, and accepting parent and you won't have to worry about insanity. Add the Drug-Free Alliance to the fear-mongering list of fools.
When Mrs. Shambles and I were planning for Ireland for our honeymoon, we knew we were renting a car for 2 weeks, but weren't sure where to go, what path to take. Both being in theatre, we contacted a showman and storyteller who was born on the Emerald Isle and returned there frequently to give us some guidance.
As we were going over our plans and our map with him, I asked him about the demeanor of the Irish in general; what sorts of people would we meet? His eyes lit up. "Let me tell you a story," he said...
A young man from the town of Tipperary walks into a Dublin pub, sits down, orders a pint, and asks the bartender "Excuse me sir. I've just moved here to Dublin from Tipperary and was wonderin' what kinds of folks I might meet here."
"Well," the bartender responded, "what kinds of folks do you have there in Tipperary?"
"Greatest people in the world! They'd give you their last penny and the shirt off their back if it'd make your life easier for just a moment."
"Well son, I've got good news for you: you're going to find the exact same people here in Dublin."
Not long after, a young man from the town of Limerick walks into that same Dublin pub, sits down, orders a pint, and asks the bartender "Excuse me sir. I've just moved here to Dublin from Limerick and was wonderin' what kinds of folks I might meet here."
"Well," the bartender responded, "what kinds of folks do you have there in Limerick?"
"Oh, the most dreadful people in the world! They'd steal your last penny and the shirt off your back if given just a moment to do so."
"Well son, I'm sorry, I've got some bad news for you: you're going to find the exact same people here in Dublin."
Over 10 years and that story still sticks with me. Like attracts like. You have no one but yourself to blame for your friends. Your actions and thoughts are constantly telling the universe what you really want from life and people. Pick one or all; they're all true.
Friday night I bought a 12 of Miller Lite. The caps have now gone gold and are being touted as flavor savers or some shit. I think we all know it just means Miller Lite has gone caffeine-free.
I believe a leaf blower is a horrible affront to our environment, wasting gas or electricity to do something a little elbow grease and a rake can do.
(tell me you get this)
Also, I cannot afford a leaf blower.
I'm making meatloaf right now for my wife on Mother's day. I used a recipe that did not have measurements and I added too much mustard. I'm hoping it will be okayh. But it means that I've been spending the past hour, on Mother's Day, wondering if I cut the mustard enough.
If you're ever listening to someone spout Bible Hate about homosexuals, please remind them that Leviticus 18:22 says "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." but Leviticus 19:19 says "...neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee" and ask them if they're wearing a blend.
KING: Do you have a favorite between the two, the two Democrats?
L. BUSH: My favorite is the Republican.
(LAUGHTER)
KING: Yours, too, I would imagine.
J. BUSH: I don't know.
KING: A-ha.
J. BUSH: But, I mean, you know --
KING: Are you open to --
J. BUSH: Yes, of course. I mean, who isn't open to learning about the candidates? But, I mean, and I'm sure everybody is like that. But I really -- I honestly have been too busy with books to really pay that much attention.
75 years ago, our idiot government had a brain fart long enough to pause a continued stream of stupidity and repealed Prohibition. Today marks the first recovering beer deliveries. From the Beer Institute:
"The last 75 years powerfully demonstrate that a healthy beer industry strengthens our overall economy," said Beer Institute President Jeff Becker. "Looking forward, fair tax policies are essential to ensuring that brewers and beer importers can continue supporting the more than 1.7 million jobs we have created and $190 billion provided annually to the economy."
Fair taxes aside - Cleveland area still enjoys a "sin tax" on all alcohol and tobacco years after the stadium that it was meant to pay for was completed; and you can't smoke there - this is a cause for celebration.
So raise a glass in cheers for those who made it possible, and raise a joint for those working hard to reform the other idiot prohibitions still in existence.
Just a reminder that Daylight Savings Time begins again this Saturday, March 9th, at 2:00am. And if you remember Spring forward, Fall back, you will realize that this is that dreaded day that at 2am it suddenly becomes 3am, so the bartender will be taking your beer at 1:30am (in Ohio, last call is usually at 2am and legally all bottles must be out of customer hands by 2:30).
You'll have to wait for November 2nd for that magical evening when at 2am it suddenly becomes 1am and bars are open that extra hour.
How is it I didn't have an alcohol tag until this post?
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