Blue Laws: Etymology Edition

(image CFC original)

Back in the day here in Ohio, you couldn't buy alcohol before 1pm on a Sunday (certain stores: NO ALCOHOL ON JESUS DAY). Now it's settled down a bit, but there are still these "blue laws" on the books to keep us from buying (state-controlled) liquor on a Sunday or Federal holiday.

Anything under the flag of "Blue Laws" tend to refer to control of alcohol or relate to antiquated "still on the books" stuff like banning sodomy. Some (more British) phrases speak of porn as "blue movies." So, clearly, any laws that are "blue" have something to do with sin and punishment.

But Why "Blue"?

If you read your terrible internets or emails from Uncle Joe, you may believe that they were called "blue laws" because "back then" they were printed on blue paper. And if you take that in without question, I've a cousin in Nigeria who wants to send you $5,000,000.

I did a minimal amount of searching and found this article on Snopes.

The listing talks about the Puritan colony of Connecticut and that "the Reverend Samuel Peters' 1781 book, General History of Connecticut, described onerous colonial laws in the following manner:

Blue Laws; i.e. bloody Laws; for they were all sanctified with whipping, cutting off the ears, burning the tongue, and death.

Okay, Still, Why Blue?

In the sordid etymology of "bloody," there are many considerations put forth about how people changed "hell" to "heck" and "Christ" to "Crikey" and "God" to "Gosh" in the avoidance of swearing or taking the Lord's name in vain.

Now this is entirely English-degree speculation, but I propose the Puritans did the same to the second degree: While "bloody" laws was a fine descriptor, as noted above, with a British origin, "bloody" also has many secondary, swear-y, uses, even if it is a first-tier morphology to avoid directly referring to the Virgin Mary or the Blood of Christ. So they switched it up to "blue."

Wouldn't want to be punished for a "bloody law" because you said "bloody law," right?

That's the linguistics and my own extension, but what do you think?

England: Grow a Dick

Oh, noes! Tea n crumpets! It's British-Bashing!

In the last 24 hours, I've heard that Obama's "echoes" comparison about how 9/11 showed us our vulnerabilities as did the BP disaster. I've heard Americans everywhere fling verbal poo at BP. And I've heard Glenn Beck call soccer a bunch of names to show what a wuss he is.

England's response? All these things are British-bashing. Bullshit.

I'm an unabashed Anglophile, and this is just unfortunate. Have a fucking pint of Bass and go cry in your Figurehead's crown. C'mon! Stiff upper lip and all that. Where'd that go? Stop your damned whining and pretend - for just a second - that at one time the sun never set on your empire. What? Did the US kicking your ass out and liberty for your other colonies and assassinating Princess Di and the Harry Potter fandom and a draw in the World Cup make your testicles ascend? You've still got Monty Python and The Mighty Boosh and Sting and the Beatles and Mick Jagger and Mr. Bean and good damn tea and icy lollies your own monetary system and part of Ireland (bitches!) and Vivien Leigh for fuck's sake.

Stop your whining and grow a dick.

And So I'm Back, From Outer Space - Post-4th Action

Happy belated 4th of July where, just like the rest of America, you can celebrate your right to sit still in your camping chair and observe the big fireworks but not legally participate in their creation or explosion. Awww, don't be sad. Here: you're allowed to have a sparkler.

But, hey, let's not get all down on America on America's birthday (I said "get all down" - of course we'll go down on her later), the midwives of our country like Washington and Franklin and Hancock didn't know what kind of douchebags would be running the country some 200 years later. Instead, let's celebrate America:


America Rules England Sucks - Watch more free videos

Amen, SuperJesus.

Office of Government Commerce: Down Wit OPP?

The OGC, or Office of Government Commerce, some British governing outfit, released a new logo, placed on pens and mouse pads and other swag. It cost them £14,000 (or almost $28,000) for some lucky ad agency to stick three letters together so they touched. Unfortunately, no one thought to turn it on its side before release.

Wait for it...

...wait for it...



Ah, the Brits are brilliant.

New Tower of London?

From DVICE:

Apparently, by 2015 London will need to provide housing for a million more people. That's no easy task, but as we told you a few weeks ago, the UK company of Popularchitecture is proposing a completely insane 5,000-foot-high tower that'll be able to house all million people in one go, and we recently snagged some more shots of it.

Coolest building that will never be.

Religious Hatred for Islam from Muslims

Last week, British teacher Gillian Gibbons was convicted of religious hatred for letting her Sudanese class name a bear "Mohammed." Last I heard, while Mohammed is a popular name for males in Sudan, it's not to be used for an animal. Or, apparently, a stuffed animal.



In a related story that I just made up, the Sudanese people were also convicted of religious hatred because mobs of people, some wielding large knives and other weapons, calling for the execution of a Brit, make the rest of the reasonable world hate Islam.

As a liberal, I am more than willing to give religions the benefit of the doubt in the depth and breadth of the belief of their followers. Unfortunately, when a mob forms about giving the name of a prophet to a stuffed bear, and they want to kill not the namer but the off-nationality teacher who let it happen, I have to say to Sudanese mob: Hey, you! Get your shit together! You are making Islam look very, very bad and irrational to a world that is already open to that interpretation!

And I don't even like exclamation points.

The Sudanese government needs to either rein in this catastrophe or give the hidden Gillian time served for surviving hiding out and let her go home.

No, I don't like whackjobs of any flavor.

UPDATE: Either the folks in Sudan read my blog or I write unquestionable reason and common sense that needs not be read to be understood: British teacher pardoned. Or, as is true in most of the world, a bundle of whackjobs does not the masses make, much like a Bill Donahue and a Pat Robertson, while inflammatory and offensive and even representative, do not stand for the compassion that many of their followers hold dear.

Reasonable Christians: Jesus is a Little Bit Gay

No, the book is not nearly as good as the cover in this case.

This bursts out of Britan's UK Gay News, gay Jesus flames rocketing it across the pond. It appears that the BBC aired a staged version of "Jerry Springer - The Opera" (yes, I was as surprised as you - not in my town yet?). Someone watching was horribly offended by someone saying "Jesus is a little bit gay" and filed a lawsuit of blasphemy.

Whatwhat? A lawsuit of blasphemy?

You betcha:

Blasphemous libel claims can still be brought against the publication of any matter that insults, offends, or vilifies Christ or the Christian (principally Anglican) religion – whether the publication intended to be blasphemous or not.

Whacked. But the point of this post was to mention that "The Christian think tank Ekklesia has today renewed its call for the repeal of the UK’s archaic blasphemy law."

I spend a great deal of time butting up against some of the more archaic beliefs of organized religions, specifically sects of Christianity. I just want to recognize a completely reasonable group of Christians making all the rest of them just look good.

The Brits and Sinbad's Iraq

Okay, now that we have that out of the way...

BBC is reporting that P.M. Blair will make an announcement today putting forth a timetable for British troop withdrawal.

Reason! Logic! Rationale!

Wednesday's expected statement comes after Mr Blair told the BBC's Sunday AM that the operation to allow Iraqis to take the lead in frontline security in Basra - Operation Sinbad - had been "completed" and "successful".

Okay, not so much. But at least less people will die. Completed and successful how?

This was not even going to be a topic today except for one part that made me perk up out of my AM coma during my morning NPR and say WTF Brits?

Operation Sinbad.

One year I spent a decade teaching English to high school kids in the South . During that time, we read the tales of Sinbad the Sailor. The British military has obviously not.

The setup for futility, 1001 Nights: Queen Scheherazade gets married to a Henry VIII on crack, King Shahryar, who kills his wives after one night with them in order to get a little taste of everything. But Queen Scheherazade is quite clever and tells her husband a tale every night that ends in a cliffhanger, not to reveal the ending until the next night (You may recall the Bugs Bunny version). She does this for almost 3 years.

Sinbad the Sailor is no better a representation for Iraq. He is from modern day Iraq, but that's where it ends. After squandering his wealth, Sinbad goes off to adventure, makes foolish decisions, and people die. After the first adventure, he gets bored with wealth, goes on another trip, makes foolish decisions, people die. He does this five more times. He never learns that when he travels that the ocean is out to get him and people are going to die.

I'm not saying that this is not an accurate representation of the war in Iraq: futility, poor decisions, death. But Sinbad is not a character after which one would name a war effort. It is nothing to emulate or strive for. Might as well be Operation Quixote or Operation Fallstaff.

How about Operation Beowulf? That's English Lit roots and quality hero shit.

But I'm nitpicking. My congrats to Britain for having much, much more sense than us in Iraq. Good show!