Happy belated 4th of July where, just like the rest of America, you can celebrate your right to sit still in your camping chair and observe the big fireworks but not legally participate in their creation or explosion. Awww, don't be sad. Here: you're allowed to have a sparkler.
But, hey, let's not get all down on America on America's birthday (I said "get all down" - of course we'll go down on her later), the midwives of our country like Washington and Franklin and Hancock didn't know what kind of douchebags would be running the country some 200 years later. Instead, let's celebrate America:
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