Photoshop Love: Religion Roundup!

For the coulrophobic theophobic in all of us. At least the kids didn't get bored.

Many stories, all crammed full of Jesus, all in one post. Giddyup!

UPDATE:Hannity's Talons
Hannity uses Religexplodera spell on Obama! To say Hannity has stepped in it would be inaccurate as his shoes are made of it. First the madrasa smear, now Hannity says Obama's Chicago church is more like a cult. His guest had never even been to the church.

Yes, sometimes I do want to punch something.

(Updates also at end of Catholic and below as Mark of the ...Minister?)

Our Taxpayer Monies
Our dearly beloved Combative Supreme Court heard arguments yesterday by a bunch of atheists. Bias: So the hand-picked, right wing lifers recently appointed to SCOTUS still leave it liberal enough to be pegged as combative by the far right, and the Irish Catholics in Boston aren't lettin' atheists get past them.

Here's the story without the bullshit: The President is spending our taxpayer money on religious organizations through his "faith-based initiative." And per the religious tunnel-vision of our Minister-in-Chief, you can imagine that Caucasian churches (not temples, not mosques) are getting the biggest slice of pie. And the least bit of oversight. Many people (ooh, me! me!) don't agree with this. They want to sue the government to stop it. Georgie says no one's allowed to file suit about how he spends taxpayer money. SCOTUS is going to decide whether or not it is allowed. Plain and simple in the center, surrounded by fire and brimstone.

I've Found Jesus. He's in my Trunk!
Okay, I haven't found him, and he's not in my trunk, but an ossuary, or series of them. Researchers have found a grouping of tombs that contained a Jesus, Joseph, 2 Mary's, and ...a son of Jesus, Judah. Dag, yo. If Jesus had a son - ? Stop right there with your dogmatic slippery slope. Nobody is challenging your faith (least of all you). FOX already called them names (sur-prise, sur-prise), throwing out words like "preposterous" and "fraud." If you'd like information about the movie (bankrolled by James Cameron) without the bullshit, you can check it out at the Discovery Channel. March 4th, 9pm (ET).

The Jesus Machine

The Jesus Machine is a'rollin'. "How James Dobson, Focus on the Family, and Evangelical America are Winning the Culture War." First reaction: Must Read This Evil. But then I did some digging. I'm taken aback. The information I was able to find appears to reveal that this book doesn't lean.

"Dan Gilgoff has written an excellent account of the political activities of Focus on Family and its important role in national elections. Fair and factual, this book can be profitably read by allies and adversaries alike."
–John Green, Director, Bliss Institute, University of Akron

It's like this everywhere. I am in awe that someone can write a book about something so charged, something so fundamentally driving the country into subcultures, without saying if it's bad or good. Just telling what happened. There's some Buddha/Jesus action going on just in that.

But the picture on the cover still looks like a John Hagee wet dream.

Cherry-Pickin' the Bible
A pediatrician has refused to treat a child because the child's parents have tattoos.

Hippocratic Oath? Mmm...not so much. Do unto others? Screw that. It's against my religion.

This is the manifestation of what is wrong with religion.

Catholic Shenanigans
We all heard about the Edwards bloggers, Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan, and how they wrote some things that offended Catholics, and how they resigned because Ultra-Bigot Bill Donahue of the Catholic League flipped out on them and the smell of blood attracted the vultures. It hasn't gotten much better.

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the greatest Wednesday of all, ushering in the season of Lent. But some folks' hearts weren't all wrapped in swaddling Jesus love on the high holy day. The problem? The theme for Lent in Orange and LA counties of California was to focus on immigration reform. And that pisses people off, even in church:

"It goes to show you that the Catholic Church has no scruples when it comes to separation of church and state. The church should stay out of government business unless it wants to lose its tax-exempt status," Gilchrist said.

The man has "christ" in his name! But not his heart. Fuck empathy. And sympathy. Right in the butt.

Pope Benedict XVI has officially spoken out against designer babies. No, not the ones with Louis Vuitton embroidered on their foreheads, but the hip new bandwagon all the cool kids are jumping on: embryonic screening for defects. After all, if God wants to give you a baby that will live a miserable existence in order to punish you for your sins, that's His right.

Truthfully, he's afraid. Refining human genetics could jeopardize the advancements he has made in preparation for his Clone Wars.


There are some things only Catholics are good at believing: that saints aren't idol worship, transubstantiation (that's where the wafer/wine actually, physically turn into blood...ewww), and exorcism. Thanks to the last of these and some extra zeal, the Catholic faith is down one nun. 23-year-old Sister Maricica Irina Cornici thought the devil was talking to her. Daniel Petru Corogeanu went all Ol' School Catholic on her ass and she "died of dehydration, exhaustion and suffocation."

Huh? Generally, only one thing is needed to kill someone, and if you are listing the three above, while all three can result in death, suffocation has a certain finality to it that the others don't. But hey, bust out the Pope Juice, 'cause win or lose the life, the evil spirit's gone. Cheers!

Mark of the ...Minister?
Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda says he is God, filled with the actual spirit of Jesus. He has a "666" tattoo and his followers are following suit. Innocuous? No. This church has a twenty year history ...and bullet points.

• Followers have protested Christian churches in Miami and Latin America, disrupting services and smashing crosses and statues of Jesus.


• De Jesus preaches there is no devil and no sin. His followers, he says, literally can do no wrong in God's eyes.


• The church calls itself the "Government of God on Earth" and uses a seal similar to the United States.

That's about 15 lbs. of crazy too heavy for me. Damn.

Crazy for the Environment/Jesus
The Reverend Jerry Falwell says global warming is "Satan's attempt to redirect the church's primary focus" from evangelism to environmentalism. Ha ha hah ha ...um, are you serious?

Nutty Haredis...
Some crazy sector of Judaism is treating women like Rosa Parks. Wait a second, I wrote about this (If I Were a Bitch, Man) two weeks ago. I guess the Brits don't listen to NPR.

Taunting
So in lieu of some earth-shattering denouncement or deduction about how we view religion in America, I've brought with me a gay dog (available for same sex weddings), lesbian koalas, and gay penguins. Who wears the suit? They both do. They're penguins, silly.

And to close? Bad Religion's MySpace page.

"I know I am God because when I pray to him, I find I am speaking to myself"
- Peter Barnes