Hannity Shenanigans/Christ on a Bun Crossover: TMNT

I haven't actually started the Christ on a Bun segment, but what better way to introduce it?

This is from Tuesday, March 28th's show. Curtis Sliwa was in for Sean Hannity (who apparently had diarrhea of some sort). Curtis started the show by raging against California for a bill that would allow men to change their name as easily as women after marriage. He said the men had balls like cocktail onions. He was perfectly consistent with "Barack Hussein Obama" and knocked out some real 5th grade zingers like "Kim Jong Mentally Il" and "beyond the rice curtain." Brilliant!

But sometimes the caller can trump the awe one can have for the idiocy of the host:

CURTIS: Let's go to Tim who's calling from Arizona. Welcome to the Sean Hannity show, Tim.

TIM: Hey. Um, I just wanna say I'm, I kinda, somewhat agree with your wife on the Ninja Turtles thing, but just for the record, it's not for the violence. It's with some of my personal spiritual beliefs that Ninja Turtles is wrong.

CURTIS: No no no, wait a second, hold your horses here guy. Wait a sec. You mean to tell me Raphael, who's now apparently become a metal-plated street vigilante dubbed the Night Watcher, and the party dude Michaelangelo - raise the roof let's party hardy, let's go to the rave music fest - that this violates your spiritual well being? You gotta be pullin' my chain and chewin' my shorts.

TIM: No, it's the fact that they mutated into turtles. I'm not allowed to watch the X-Men either. Bu- it's not because of the violence, it's because of the mutant factor. My mom thinks that's demonic and I happen to agree with that.

CURTIS: Woah, woah, wait a sec. What about the brainy Donatello? It encourages kids to read, to apply themself.

TIM: It also encourages kids to become Ninja Turtles and fight demonic warlords, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. When I was five or six, I used to watch Barney a lot, and I've always been very - my mom, parents have always been very open to make sure that I get to have the experience other kids do, as long as they're not, you know, demonic or anti-law, Christian beliefs. But, the, uh [CURTIS: Tim, Tim, Tim.] I remember crying, I remember crying one episode because Barney made BJ dress up like a girl to make Baby Bop, so that he'd be more sensitive to Baby Bop.

CURTIS: ...First of all, I hate Barney. If I had a gun, I'd shoot Barney. That's right.... So your reaction to Barney had to do because you think it's feminizing young males?

TIM: Yes.

CURTIS: And yet you have a problem with Leonardo because he went into that self-imposed exile after being sent off by Yoda, what was that, Splinter, the sensei? You have a problem with that because it affects your spiritual beliefs.

TIM: No, I have a problem with the fact that they're mutants. I mean, the fact that they're like turtle boys and stuff.

CURTIS:Excuse me, excuse me. Greg, here at the board, flip the script on this guy. I'm losin' it. I mean being opposed to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is like being opposed to Mom, apple pie, and the flag. This is what we want our kids to know: how to defend themselves, to know good values, to be out there to defend, the women, the children, the elderly, the infirm, those who can least defend themselves. This guy was freaky-deaky. Are you sure he wasn't on some kind of psychotropic drugs? He wasn't eating shrooms out there in the desert? Or eating some peyote, claiming it part of a Native American experience?

I don't even know where to start. Let's hit three main points.

• Curtis somehow managed to name each of the four Ninja Turtles and their sensei Splinter exactly once. Spooky.
• "Stop chewin' my shorts and let's go to the rave music fest" will now replace "Damn kids, get off my lawn!"
• Home-schooled, socially retarded kids like Tim should be locked up in a special jail with his parents and sterilized to live long lives of Kodiak chawin' and Mickey's widemouths.

And that's probably enough.