Thursday, May 27, 2010

New Righty Rules for America

Muslims across America are being harassed and denied a chance to build or expand Mosques. Seems there's a trend going on here from the right.

New (Righty) Rules for America:
  1. Freedom of Religion is guaranteed by the Constitution and the founding fathers, but only if you're a Christian. Jews will be tolerated as long as they don't get too loud. Hindus - Hahaha! Ah, Hindus.
  2. Freedom of Speech is guaranteed by the Constitution, but only if you're patriotic and Christian enough not to be shut down by the Right; attacks on Mosques and Muslims are protected speech.
  3. The workings of government follow written rules unless Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck say differently.
  4. Double standards do not exist while criticizing Barack Obama in relation to what any other president has done; Obama is BAD
  5. Guns, guns, guns! Get your ass down to the convention center to our gun show! We've got big guns, small guns, guns for babies, guns for girls, guns for God, illegal guns in pieces (shhh!). We've even got guns made of candy! But be careful - they'll kill you! Why!? They're guns!
  6. Our history as a nation of immigrants does not extend to those with brown skin.
  7. Since people who talk about our military are uncomfortable with them homosex'shls, gays will not be able to fight for our country unless they lie and hide who they are. We are working on a permanent pigment for brown-skinned soldiers and dildos for women. Unless they're hot lesbians.
  8. Sarah Palin is a serious, intelligent, viable political candidate.
  9. Anyone who does not abide by the above items can and will be tied to Hitler.

God Bless Amerikkka.

UPDATE: Question on my jest of guns made of candy came up in the comments. I am unfortunately able to provide examples. Chocolate guns, and even a misguided attempt by PEZ:


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Candy guns? What new weird fuckery is this?

Ricky Shambles said...

Debra - post updated with actual candy guns. :(

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Well now that you have written the rules I don't want to hear anymore of your Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist balloon juice. And bring on the hot lesbians.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh. My. Gawd. The chocolate "favours" are bad enough, but that Pez gun? Oh. My. Gawd. And that was from the 60s, when I had my very own Pez dispenser! It was Yogi Bear, if I remember correctly.