Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Notes on the State of the Union Address

A day late, but this is primarily pure outrage; if someone paid me a great deal of money (and by that, I mean like $1000) back in January of 2007 to concoct the most outrageous, ignorant speech - going with naive, not snarky - containing a bizarro-world amalgamation of exactly how not to run America, how not to take Americans' best interests into account, with the very distinct focus of simply pissing myself off, I could not have come up with the disastrous anger-fest that was George Bush's final State of the Union Address. I'm glad I put my daughter to bed before this yearly session of Congressional Calisthenics began because I have not shouted such foul language at the television with such frequency and vigor in a very long time.

Short short version: President Bush either has not a single damned clue as to what is happening in America and the world at large or is purposefully deluding himself and the 15% of Americans who actually believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

And now, more snark, now with more bullets!
  • President Bush apparently did not get the memo about his tie: during an election year, blue = democrats.

  • Nancy Pelosi showed up in a lovely washed-out mauve, was seen soon after either making fun of stroke patients or chewing the inside of her lips, and later was seen completely enveloped in what I'm guessing was a copy of the speech or a seating chart, but was entertained as a copy of the Constitution, the Official SotU Program, or the drink menu for the afterparty.

  • The IRS "accepts both checks and money orders," i.e., fuck you, America, wish in one hand, shit in the other and all that, heh, heh, heh.

  • Americans should have to balance a budget, the government should too. Is that before or after the creative accounting that doesn't really count the asshorde of money being shipped - sometimes in cash - over to Iraq on a daily basis?

  • We need to "trust Americans" with home ownership. Actually, G, it's the trusting of Americans with ownership and letting banks run rampant over them that caused the current crisis. Tried it and it didn't work, but he wants to dump money into Ginnie Mae and Freddie Mac to exacerbate the issue just after he raised the rate for Sallie Mae loans for college that might actually result in personal betterment. But then the populace wouldn't be under the thumb of stress that they need to be in order to be properly complacent.

  • "Epidemic of junk medical lawsuits." It's not an epidemic, but a perfect example of the language of people being puppeteered by Big Insurance. They've got him too! Damn you special interests!

  • No Child Left Behind: "trust children to learn" and "no one can deny the results." In a way, he's right: NCLB is an unmitigated disaster, hands down; it has resulted in dumber kids who know only how to fill in bubbles - not to think - and will have less success in college because of it. You couldn't build a more dependent underclass with the faux air of betterment if you planned it that way. But maybe only Cheney knows those ropes.

  • "Pell grants for kids." Stop trying to put more money in the hands of religious organizations and let's work on making K - 12 institutions of thinking and college affordable.

  • "Reducing our dependence on oil." Since when? The last time he said that, it was "clarified" by complete revocation after the Saudis shouted "shenanigans." Then again, he probably primed them on his recent trip: "Hey, so I'm gonna say that oil independence bullshit again, but you gotta be all hush-hush about it, k? Not so damn loud; we've got an understanding. Hey, look at that goat humpin' that other goat, heh heh."

  • "Reverse the growth of greenhouse gasses" and "combating global climate change." Unfortunately, the only thing Bush has done in the last 7 years is reverse the growth of science and combating any reports that said global warming was a reality.

  • "Al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq and this enemy will be defeated." Is this a rerun? I thought this was live.

  • Don't dare bring up Israel and Palestine now. You haven't given a shit in the last 7 years and this feigning sympathy is making you look like an asshat.

  • "America opposes genocide in Sudan." We're just not going to do a damn thing to stop it. Ever.

  • Bush dictionary: "Zimbowey" - some place in Africa where black people dance in the dirt.

This was sickening to watch and angering to listen to. The best pundit response, admittedly, came from Chris Matthews in post, who said it was like that last minute New Year's resolutions you never got around to, like "I'm gonna learn French this year."

No initiative he spoke of means anything, nor does the appearance of suddenly caring - after seven years - fool anyone into a false sense of "hey, yeah, I think he's got his shit together. I think we'll be okay until next year." We are in free fall and only the man behind the podium thinks he's sitting on the beach.

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