Bush Brand Shocker

"And when he bends over the couch, I have to stick my finger in John McCain's ass like this," he pantomimed.

OR

Apropos of nothing, Bush broke his usual cool to shout "I will fuck Angela Merkel right here, right now, in front of all y'all! I'll eat her pussy on this podium," he said, pointing to it. Obviously flustered, President Bush attempted to break the sudden tension by leaning forward and quipping "Y'all like alliteration, right?" At which point an slow and quiet "ziiiip" could barely be heard as the hooker in the podium fished for a cocktail wiener.

OR

...I welcome your captions.