Thursday, May 21, 2009

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Enemy Combatants?

So now Congress won't give Obama his $80 million to close Gitmo.

(Wait; why again does it cost $80 million to close Gitmo? As Ron Paul puts it: "A padlock costs about 10 bucks and buses are cheap.")

Well, where them terr'rists gonna live? I doan want no Osama bin Laden walkin' roun on my streets.

First off, they're not terrorists; they're enemy combatants. If we were being faithful to the Geneva Convention, they'd be called Prisoners of War. Second, they aren't being released into the wilds of Small Town America. They would go to one of our jails.

But them terr'rists could break out and come get me and my family cause they hate America cause of our freedoms.

There are about 2 million people in America's prision system at any given time. There are less than 250 detainees at Gitmo. Have you ever had an escaped convict enter your home and threaten your family?

Well, no, but they hate America cause they're terr'rists.

But I told you; they're not terrorists. Some of the people in America's prisons are actual terrorists. Like the Unabomber? Many of the other convicts are murders. They hate life. I saw a guy on Discovery the other day who was in prison at 15 and said it was his personal mission to kill as many people as he could before he died.

Aww, he's just a kid. But them terr'rists are tricky.

What about Montana? There's a prison up there that wants the terr- dang, detainees. Says it'll create over 100 jobs.

Yeah, but they'll break out and then it'll be terr'rists on our streets.

It snows a lot in Montana.

Hmmm...that might work. Snow is like poison lava to them arabs.

So we bring them?

Hell no. Osama'll kill my family. Obama- hehe. See what I did there?


He's a Muslim, you know.


I really don't know exactly how to reason with anyone with an irrational fear that someone will break out of one of our prisons and specifically target them. They are retarded. Unfortunately, many of "them" are currently running the country. And a certain number will never vote yea on anything having to do with Gitmo unless it is a bill to pay for 250 bullets.

Let's just say I'm a little disappointed with the Democratic Party as a whole as of late.


Randal Graves said...

Make it 535 bullets for 535 pistols, 535 sheets of 8.5x11 and 535 pens.

Ricky Shambles said...

You, sir, are brilliant.