Teh Gayz Driving Conservatives Crazypants

On Monday, the Supreme Court decided not to delay same sex marriage in Alabama, and conservatives are flipping their shit.

The huge flip-out is brought to you in part by Justice Clarence "Pubes on a Coke" Thomas. In his dissent on the Alabama case, he may have dropped a hint that SCOTUS is going to lean pro-LGBT in upcoming rulings.

In just two days, Alabama has turned into a disaster. SCOTUS struck down the state's ban, meaning immediately same-sex couples can get married. But Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore was all "Hell naw, not in my 'Bama!" and ordered probate judges to ignore the highest court in the land and NOT offer marriage licenses. Some are complying and some are defying that order. And now a woman has been arrested for officiating a same sex marriage. Wut?

The walls of bigotry continue to fall, and it couldn't happen at a faster pace. Hell, even Nebraska took their lumps and decided they loved guns more than they hated gays and by proxy recognized same sex marriage.

But that doesn't mean the anachronistic creepers aren't going down kicking and screaming. Sam Brownbeck, governor of Kansas, took a break from dealing with the budget nightmare he created to issue an executive order removing LGBT from the state's protected class list. Because sometimes slashing pensions and cutting education needs to be punctuated with an announcement to the nation of "Don't worry folks, Kansas still hates fags."

And now we even see congress getting in on the action. Ted Cruz, recent ex-Canadian and potential presidential candidate, has re-introduced the State Marriage Defense Act which would require the federal government to defer to state law in deciding if people are married or not. This is, on its face, insane: imagine getting legally married in Alabama and receiving all the normal state and federal tax benefits and then moving to Ohio with your job and suddenly you're not married, lose all protections, and can't even visit your partner in the hospital. It'll never make it to Obama's desk. But Teddy's aiming for the White House and doesn't want anyone thinking he's okay with them queers.

We are living in a monumental time. SCOTUS will be deciding if the Constitution guarantees the right for same sex couples to marry by June, and based on Thomas's hint, it's going to change the law federally. It is going to be a sight to behold, and finally give me a chance to officiate same-sex marriages here in Ohio (or Indiana, or Kentucky).

Let's just hope that the sullied character of the bigots desperately grasping at straws and straw men don't do too much damage in their sad attempt to keep hold of a time long past its expiration date.