Teh Gayz Driving Conservatives Crazypants

On Monday, the Supreme Court decided not to delay same sex marriage in Alabama, and conservatives are flipping their shit.

The huge flip-out is brought to you in part by Justice Clarence "Pubes on a Coke" Thomas. In his dissent on the Alabama case, he may have dropped a hint that SCOTUS is going to lean pro-LGBT in upcoming rulings.

In just two days, Alabama has turned into a disaster. SCOTUS struck down the state's ban, meaning immediately same-sex couples can get married. But Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore was all "Hell naw, not in my 'Bama!" and ordered probate judges to ignore the highest court in the land and NOT offer marriage licenses. Some are complying and some are defying that order. And now a woman has been arrested for officiating a same sex marriage. Wut?

The walls of bigotry continue to fall, and it couldn't happen at a faster pace. Hell, even Nebraska took their lumps and decided they loved guns more than they hated gays and by proxy recognized same sex marriage.

But that doesn't mean the anachronistic creepers aren't going down kicking and screaming. Sam Brownbeck, governor of Kansas, took a break from dealing with the budget nightmare he created to issue an executive order removing LGBT from the state's protected class list. Because sometimes slashing pensions and cutting education needs to be punctuated with an announcement to the nation of "Don't worry folks, Kansas still hates fags."

And now we even see congress getting in on the action. Ted Cruz, recent ex-Canadian and potential presidential candidate, has re-introduced the State Marriage Defense Act which would require the federal government to defer to state law in deciding if people are married or not. This is, on its face, insane: imagine getting legally married in Alabama and receiving all the normal state and federal tax benefits and then moving to Ohio with your job and suddenly you're not married, lose all protections, and can't even visit your partner in the hospital. It'll never make it to Obama's desk. But Teddy's aiming for the White House and doesn't want anyone thinking he's okay with them queers.

We are living in a monumental time. SCOTUS will be deciding if the Constitution guarantees the right for same sex couples to marry by June, and based on Thomas's hint, it's going to change the law federally. It is going to be a sight to behold, and finally give me a chance to officiate same-sex marriages here in Ohio (or Indiana, or Kentucky).

Let's just hope that the sullied character of the bigots desperately grasping at straws and straw men don't do too much damage in their sad attempt to keep hold of a time long past its expiration date.

Overheard: California Douchery at the Bar

I was in the bar the other day and was sitting near a self-professed filmmaker and producer (I know, in Cincinnati?) who was talking to a woman exuding vapidity. Both their accents were so stereotypically LA and conversation so tragically void of reason I had to take some notes.

Note: I've spent time in LA, have a brother who lives there. And many - MANY - of the people who live there are solid, reasonable, interesting folks. These were not two of those folks.

Also note: these quotes are all from the guy because the gal didn't say much in the presence of Director Diarrhea-Mouth and are not exact, but all real.

Dude looked like Joaquin Phoenix all hairy, though he was better-groomed, wore a vest, and a scarf, and an overly-trying trendy jacket.

• Producers? They make people comfortable.
• You have a yoga physique.
• I love it! (repeat 50 times)
• Yeah, I climbed Mt. Whitney with that guy. [Mt. Whitney is the tallest mountain in the 48 contig at 14.5k feet.]
• OMG the Spider-Cam [Can-Am Spider] is a beautiful machine.
• So I go back in the sauna then the shower and back - when ya go from hot to cold like that your body makes amazing noises. AMAZING!
• Evolutionarily speaking, yoga is the BEST thing for you.
• You know, the Scandinavians invented sauna.
• (Suicide Story) He's like barfing on my hand and I told him to call 911. ...in a weird psych unit - all dark - and they wouldn't let me in, but someone came through the door and I snuck in and I saw [Jim] on a gurney in the hall - alive. And I say "We can fix this." And I'm with a chick, so...

I love it!

The Bro/Brah Douchebaggery Ascendancy

(by me)

Juggalo Season Again!?

You may recall this post and video from last year around this time. Yes, that's correct: it's Juggalo Season. Again.

For those of you way out of the loop and not willing to click, Juggalos are a social scene wrapped around the music of hip-hop group Insane Clown Posse. They drink Faygo and some paint their faces like clowns. Scary clowns.

Well, at the just-past Gathering of the Juggalos this year, Tila Tequila (who apparently sings?!) decided to lay her rhythms on the Juggalos. They did not like it and pelted her with bottles and rocks, then chasing her to her trailer, which they rocked and broke out windows.



Oh, and for the record, they fucked up Method Man too :(

Ah, Juggalos.


UPDATE: From AV Club - "Excessive makeup, grating voices, oversharing of all things gross: The Kardashians are the new Juggalos."

Ah, Kardashians.

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