Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Overheard: California Douchery at the Bar

I was in the bar the other day and was sitting near a self-professed filmmaker and producer (I know, in Cincinnati?) who was talking to a woman exuding vapidity. Both their accents were so stereotypically LA and conversation so tragically void of reason I had to take some notes.

Note: I've spent time in LA, have a brother who lives there. And many - MANY - of the people who live there are solid, reasonable, interesting folks. These were not two of those folks.

Also note: these quotes are all from the guy because the gal didn't say much in the presence of Director Diarrhea-Mouth and are not exact, but all real.

Dude looked like Joaquin Phoenix all hairy, though he was better-groomed, wore a vest, and a scarf, and an overly-trying trendy jacket.

  • Producers? They make people comfortable.
  • You have a yoga physique.
  • I love it! (repeat 50 times)
  • Yeah, I climbed Mt. Whitney with that guy. [Mt. Whitney is the tallest mountain in the 48 contig at 14.5k feet.]
  • OMG the Spider-Cam [Can-Am Spider] is a beautiful machine.
  • So I go back in the sauna then the shower and back - when ya go from hot to cold like that your body makes amazing noises. AMAZING!
  • Evolutionarily speaking, yoga is the BEST thing for you.
  • You know, the Scandinavians invented sauna.
  • (Suicide Story) He's like barfing on my hand and I told him to call 911. ...in a weird psych unit - all dark - and they wouldn't let me in, but someone came through the door and I snuck in and I saw [Jim] on a gurney in the hall - alive. And I say "We can fix this." And I'm with a chick, so...
I love it!


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Did you manage not to laugh while you were listening?

Silliyak said...

Reminds me of an old joke. How do you say "F**K You" in Southern Calif? "Let's do lunch"

Ricky Shambles said...

Debra- It was difficult and I did audibly chuckle a couple times but I was staring at my phone so, you know, text or something. :)

Silliyak- HA!

Professor Chaos said...

I feel like I need to point out that that is specifically LA douchery, not California in general. You wouldn't hear shit like that in SF or Berkeley. Or Fresno, for that matter.

Ricky Shambles said...

Prof- I suspected as much. I've only heard that bullshittery in LA. Move as close as San Diego and it disappears.