Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Oil Leak Bizarro World You Must Visit

The funny thing in this thought challenge or experiment is that - well, there's nothing funny about it except perhaps my writing, shielding the reality with the parody or reductio ad absurdum and thus revealing the ultimate sadness inherent in being a right wing radio talk show host. Without such magnanimous delusional egotism, I surmise suicides would be much higher in their field.

Today's Experiment: Obama & Oil

Scenario 1:
President Obama spent all Memorial Day weekend with the families of those killed in the rig blast and those already suffering the effects of the death of the fishing industry in the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What's Obama doing? He's just placating them! He doesn't give a hoot about the crisis or about solving it - he just wants to make face time and look like he gives a crap. This is egotistical showmanship, nothing more.

"And besides, what about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans either, those who gave their lives to guarantee our freedoms. Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"

Scenario 2:
President Obama invents a time machine and goes back to the beginning of the crisis to let BP know that if they drop the Top Hat, they should warm the top hat to avoid the creation of hydrates that might block the tube. The Top Hat solution vacates 90% of the oil spewing into the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What is Obama doing? Is he suddenly Bill Nye the Science Guy? What does he know that BP doesn't? Sure the flow is stemmed, but it's only 90% - 10% is still ruining the lives of those who make their living from the Gulf.

"Obviously, he doesn't want a complete fix because then he wouldn't be able to take over the oil industry in America! Just like Hitler!"

Scenario 3:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack and flies to the Gulf personally, dives to the bottom of the sea and with his super-heated welding materials, cuts the broken pipe and bends it shut, stemming the flow permanently. He takes the rest of the weekend to spend with families who have been affected by and will be affected by the disaster.

Right Wing Response:
"Who elected this show-boating goon? He's obviously making a play for governmental takeover of the oil companies and playing the 'face time' game with these families. If Hitler had a jetpack and supersuit, he'd have done the same thing!"

Scenario 4:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack, fixes the oil leak, creates a pact with Israel for peace, destroys all Russia's nuclear weapons, forges peace with China and North Korea, kills Ahmadinejad, catches Bin Laden, feeds every starving person in the world with mana from heaven.

Right Wing Response:
"What about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans of America or America herself while he's out hot-dogging the world! Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"

To bastardize Yoda for Obama:

"Try or try not. There is no win."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Or, to bastardize Lord Vader:

"You don't know the power of the Dork Side."