Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Christ on a Bun! Jesus Gets a Hand Job

Cabrini Jesus

That guy there? The statue? Yeah, the one giving a little wink-wink-nod tit shot of the sacred heart, and a hand out like some toothless, homeless hooker asking for a five-spot for a taste? That's the lord. And he done broke. But not in that way, exactly.

Who wants some Denver Post?
The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.
Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." A-ha! But if that same lightning bolt hit the statue and Jesus started pissing Berry Blue Kool-Aid out his eyes and shitting Twizzlers, that would be an Act of God. Little bit of a double standard there, sister.

So if God controls everything because He's, um, God, then why in the heavens would God strike down a statue of his son?

Idol worship? Tacky carving? Revenge of Zeus? Hookers?

You let your little imagination run crazy with that one.

UPDATE! Bonus! Synchronicity! License plate seen less than 2 hours after posting:

Say Yes To Jesus Christ

With those bedroom eyes, how could you say no?

2 comments:

Blue Gal said...

Seriously. This is of great theological import. If Jesus appears on a dirty dog door, people worship that. But when Zeus decides he's had enough and castrates the cement idol... that's different.

well, it's all worshipping matter instead of spirit, innit? Bites yer butt every time.

Anonymous said...

Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." Well, that's pagan talk isn't it?