Glenn Beck: Shirtless

No, don't worry; Glenn Beck does not reveal his nipples to anyone but his wife and apparently even covers them with pasties when shaving shirtless in the mirror.

The Offending Image

I know I said I was taking a hiatus, but was in the car and I got sucked in. On the Friday, 8/1 radio show of Glenn Beck, Glenn had his panties in a bunch over this picture:



He was aghast. What sense of propriety was this?

And then, predictably, he compared it to this picture:



And said this was all staged, just like Putin's image, and that a dance/techno song someone composed proclaiming "Putin is our man" was "just like" the Ludacris song about Obama. Note to Glenn: Ludacris does not do techno.

The Question

"Who was the last president...?" he trailed off, "How far back would you have to go?" of course, implying that Obama is some sort of radical, pseudo-euro nude beach freak because he took a dip.

Okay, Glenn, how far back would we have to go?

The Presidents

Admittedly, we have no Bush (43 or 41), but we do have another recent candidate for president actually exercising:



Oh, for shame. No Republicans would ever have a picture of them without a shirt on, though.



Okay, that's not fair. John McCain was in a POW camp and didn't have the luxury of choosing whether or not he had a shirt on just then.

But since we're on candidates and Glenn let the rant dip into respectability, I cannot in good conscience allow this to skip the post:



Giuliani in drag. Classy. Granted, I've done drag. Twice. Lose a couple of pounds and I might just do it again.

But I'm not running for president.

But maybe Glenn is right, maybe there are no presidents that...wait. No.



Clinton action, Bill of Nipples and Hillary One-Piece, their arms scandalously around each other and - wha-what? - dancing? Oh, the humanity!

But maybe Glenn's point is that there are no Republican presidents that...wait. No. Awwww snap!

Ladies and Gentlemen: the case in point, pièce de résistance, every Republican's cream pie wet dream on a pedestal: Ronald Reagan!



And I do believe I see a nipple. Ronald's too.

But we can't stop there - I know you all want more presidential nipples. How far down the rabbit hole does the depravity go?



Gerald Ford? With the press? In a pool? This is Washingtonian Nipplature at its finest. And they're drinking, dear Lord.

Who wants some Richard Nixon?



Hair dickey alert! A Repub topless (granted only VP at the time the pic was taken). Let's pull a Glenn Beck and around the same circa de soleil we've got none other than...



Chairman Mao. That, of course, means Nixon was a communist.

Couple more to go, folks!

We've got a delicious young JFK in the military



and reaching back as far as we can, we've got a true scandal:



The first two folks on the left looking all chummy would be Earl Miller, the private security detail for Eleanor Roosevelt, shirtless, leaning up against none other than the president's wife. Needless to say there were at the time back room whispers about those two, you know, fucking.

And just because his wife's out trolloping about at the beach doesn't mean FDR can't get in on the fun too!



Granted, he appears to be wearing the Sears & Roebuck No-You-Can't-See-My-Nipples-That-Would-Be-Improper Tank, soon thereafter tagged the wifebeater after he found out what Eleanor was doing to Earl. They did not, however, rename Eleanor's shoes nutcrunchers. And you thought he got polio.


So after that joyous romp through men's nipples and bastardized history, we have only one thing to say to Glenn Beck: WTF? Please get a lackey to do some fucking research before you start ranting about shit that is so obviously wrong.



NOTE: If you can find any of the missing presidents - I could've sworn I've seen a more recent JFK one - flashing off their man-teats, send a link and I'll post it and credit you! Yay!

UPDATE: Freida, you drove me to it.


Daddy Dick

(photoshop from Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog)