Perry's Pounce Commercial

Rick Perry might just be the most awesomely-misguided candidate when it comes to his marketing department. Here's his latest video which I refer to as "Pounce."



So I was able to do this:

Perry Push-Up!



Perry Ninja!



Enjoy your evening.

Bad Lip Reading: Newt Gingrich

"NEWT GINGRICH" — a Bad Lip Reading Soundbite - watch more funny videos

Cafe Press: That's No Moon

So I opened a CafePress account finally because I'm fun and create some cool images that people might like on shirts and stuff.

This was actually brought on by finding an image online in reference to a story about Earth's moon. The appropriate response to any reference to the moon is the Obi-Wan quote from Episode IV: "That's no moon."



So I stumbled upon a mediocre Photoshop of René Magritte's "Ceci n'est pas une pipe"



But the 'shop was all wrong: the top of the Death Star was cut off and - *gasp* - it used an image of the Death-Star-in-construction, which only existed AFTER it was destroyed, which was after Episode IV. So I did this:



And now you can buy that on a t-shirt.

(CafePress killed it on an undisclosed copyright thing.)

Yay nerds!

Racist Spelling Bee?

2 years old, but still good.

Mark Simone is a Lying Idiot

In my daily adventures traveling the dark and terrifying highways of the AM band, I'm bound to run into monsters. Many have been demystified; most I've encountered before. But while quietly observing these beasts I may see some new depravity, like a wild creature eating its own feces.

Thus was today's experience with this guy:



Mark Simone's got a gig on WABC in NY but today was subbing for Sean Hannity. The topic turned to Ron Paul because Ron Paul showed up on Leno and said Michele Bachmann doesn't like Muslims. You can see it here:



Oh, the humanity!

(Sidenote: Michele Bachmann, back in '05, in reference to Muslims in France, stated "Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal.")

But we're getting off topic. So we're back on Ron Paul and Mark Simone is jerking the Paul-supporting callers back and forth, putting words in their mouth, extrapolating opinions, generalizing, and changing the subject - for which all right wing nut radio hosts must have a book.

During one call, in order to discredit a caller, Mark said Ron Paul goes nutty, says crazy things, implies you'd have to be nutty to support him. The caller disagreed. Mark Simone then stated (paraphrase):

Ron Paul said that we were to blame for 9/11. Do you believe that? No patriot would back Ron Paul.

Not 3 minutes later, Mark received a call from an active duty member of our military who mis-attributed "No patriot would back Ron Paul" to the previous caller and said that was an awful thing to say.

Mark responded by saying (paraphrase):

I don't know, I didn't hear him say that; that would be a wrong thing to say.

Thus, Mark Simone is a lying idiot.

This is a prime example of the psychological back-talk and denial of reality that has gripped conservative radio for so long. It's obvious; it always is to thinking people. Unfortunately, most listeners are not thinking people.

I Didn't Know Iowa was so French

Iowa state flag

I Can Has Boehner Tumblr?

I'm not one to brag, but I started a Tumblr.

Boehner Has A Sad

I promise more sad quotes, pics, and videos based entirely on Boehner.

I love Ohio.

Boehner Blue n Buzzed

I see you!

Seriously, I need to start a Tubmlr on Boehner pics.

S. 1867: End of America

I wrote my senators today because S. 1867 is going up for a vote very, very soon.

There are only four things you need to know about S. 1867 (PPJ Gazette):

(1) Explicitly authorize the federal government to indefinitely imprison without charge or trial American citizens and others picked up inside and outside the United States;

(2) Mandate military detention of some civilians who would otherwise be outside of military control, including civilians picked up within the United States itself; and

(3) Transfer to the Department of Defense core prosecutorial, investigative, law enforcement, penal, and custodial authority and responsibility now held by the Department of Justice.

(4) John McCain is pissing his pants to pass this thing.

You won't find me getting all teary-eyed patriotic over America all that often, but this is truly affecting me. This legislation is turning the Constitution into toilet paper and our country into a potential police state. Every hear about some journalist or dissident locked up for months or years overseas and think "Holy shit, that place sucks balls." Well, that's what America is about to become.

Contact your Senators. NOW.

N00b Love, Long Overdue

As I slouch towards the Babylon Bethlehem of 1500 posts and 6 full years doing this, I realized yesterday that I'm up to 75 followers! W00t!

[EDIT: I was attempting to quote Yeats "The Second Coming"

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

]

Because it's been so long, some of the shout-outs are people who have been following me for a bit, so not all n00bs, but damnit - recognition is due!


(for purposes of this post, everyone after Jan 2011 is a n00b)

I see Massey
and Kyna at Crystal Coast Gardener
and Zev at Swords Into Plows
and Karla Marx.
Ooh, there's GEORGEPER
and CramCake at Finding Meaning in the Everyday.
Why it's Cake Betch at The Hot Mess Chronicles
and Goofy Girl at There is Grandeur...
and Courtney
and Mikeb302000.
I spy Jang chub Ozer at Mocksure (and others)
and Mike Spicer
and jane j Chiccoreal.
Hello Kris Bunda!


Link juice to you all through my post and Linktastica Magic Box! blogroll.


...I'd still like to have a Superman day...

Gov. Kasich: "I don't read"

Just kidding. That was taken out of context. He doesn't read newspapers in the state of Ohio. The state of which he has been elected Governor. I guess that's why he doesn't understand the constituents in his own state. Oh, so it's not a right wing conspiracy to decimate the Democratic voting base via disenfranchisement; he just doesn't know any better. Silly.

Watch it here:


(via ThinkProgress)

Hannity's Conservative Tomfoolery

Sean Hannity is choosing ideology over Democracy. Is that the right message?

If anyone submits themselves to the torture of listening to Sean Hannity's radio show as I do on a regular basis, you might be aware of his insistent retort any time someone "mistakenly" refers to him as a Republican. It goes a little something like this:

I'm not a Republican. I am a registered Conservative.

Aww, isn't that so ...maverick of him?

One of the other things Mr. Hannity insists on is that - right now - he's still not backing a single horse in the race; he's holding out to see where it goes. This is, as one might recognize, a total cop-out to make sure he's both not looking stupid and following the Fox playbook.

What no one seems to mention, though, is that it doesn't matter which Republican he decides to back, he cannot vote for them.

Sean Hannity, if he tells the truth, is registered with the Conservative Party USA dedicated to "true" conservative values, ending corruption, and a bunch of other things no politician will ever go for. And it's great for upping some Tea Party cred. But there are NO candidates running in the Conservative Party.

So Sean Hannity, registered in the Conservative Party, will, like someone who is a registered Independent, be unable to vote in the Republican or Democratic primaries; he will be unable to back his "support" with an actual vote.

What kind of message does that send?


(crossposted at All Things Democrat)

The Language of the Right: New English

Sure, it's been going on forever - language gets twisted and changed in ways that strike a nerve ("hot dogs") or are just laughable ("freedom fries"). I'll use Mario Piperni's delicious graphic as a reference:



It's funny, but allow me to enlighten the language some for those who don't listen to right wing radio. It's not called "crony capitalism" when republicans do it, obviously (last week I hear an "I've never heard" outcry from Hannity about Congressional insider trading with specifically Democratic references), but there's a new language from the Ay-Am band radio hosts making its terribly un-funny debut: Crony Socialism.

The Solyndra issue might be pushed through the crony mold, but it has nothing to do with socialism. At all.

Take note, now and forever: the language they use has effects - and sometimes it even sticks.

Boehner Has a Sad. Again.

Today John Boehner looked like this honoring Neil Armstrong. I guess someone woke up to scrambled eggs and Merlot this morning.

(from Politico)

Person of Interest

Have any of you been watching the new show Person of Interest where Benjamin Linus from Lost carries a limp and directs Jesus from Passion of the Christ who's an off-the-grid ex-mil man o' mystery towards people matched to Social Security numbers spit out by a super-AI computer program tied into the surveillance grid of all of New York? As weird as what I just wrote sounds, it's pretty damn good; serious A-Team vibe. You should check it out.

But today I'm not here to knock around teevee reviews. I'm here to be silly.

You may recall the 15 minutes of Rebecca Black when that horrid production shop video called Friday came out (if you haven't seen it, please do). Then everyone felt bad because the internet totally hated her because she was so easy to hate on, and she came back with a 5-minute extension of fame, My Moment and holy cookie crisps that sucked too.

We all thought it was over, but somehow she thinks she's doing well -- maybe? And today she released Person of Interest. As you can imagine, not so good.

So you're probably getting where this is going now. I present my remix of the Person of Interest (show) intro with a new, inappropriately TeenNick vibe.

Family Circus, The Other Family

Bill Keane has died.

So what better way to remember than to read one of the greatest parodies of him?



This is The Other Family, and there are about 2 hours of hilarity alt-titling Bill Keane comics. Language NSFW, and if you're easily offended, please avoid.

Enjoy.

Hannity Hypocrisy Cain Sources AAAHHHH!

Today I got a few minutes in the car with my good friend on the AM band, Sean Hannity. And as I've learned in the past few months, with the level of batshit crazy floating out there, a few minutes is enough. To make my head explode.

Can We Discuss the Ladies!?

Just late last week, Sean Hannity was decrying the claims of sexual harassment against Herman Cain, saying that it was categorically false and using it as a Standing Ovation to Conservative Values. Why? Did you see how Liberals attacked those ladies in the Clinton scandal? What OUTRAGE! Liberals are the anti-feminists, of course!

Today? (and I paraphrase) "And so now we've got these women and it looks like this latest one has a troubled history, looks like she's been often switching jobs. I'm not saying that this means anything, I'm just putting these women up to the level of scrutiny that liberals put the Clinton women up to. So what does it really mean she's switching jobs?"

*facepalm*

Out-Sourcing?

So just before I was listening to this drivel from Sean, I was catching up on Gawker posts and saw this one with a lovely clip from The Daily Show exemplifying the foolishness that occurs when the robo-dolls at Fox & Friends attempt to think. Click for the clip, but they decry the validity of the original complaints against Cain because of the anonymous source - followed immediately by an anonymous source backing Cain.

So then I hear Sean saying (and I paraphrase) "So CNN is now saying that the anonymous source is being backed by an anonymous source, her friend. This is reporting nowadays. Anonymous sources? What kind of schleppy news organization calls this journalism?"

Yours, Sean. Yours.


And then my head popped. But then it came back together when I got to vote down Issue 2 this evening. w00t! Suck it Kasich!

Ohio Issues and "All Things Democrat"

Some of you may recall when I wrote on occasion for a blogging outfit called All Things Democrat? No? Well stop on over there. I've been picked up again and will be doing something once a week. This week? Ohio's ballot Issues that'll be showing up tomorrow.

The gist:
Issue 1: Extends max age for judges which will result in a lopsided Republican majority all the way up Ohio's judicial ladder.
Issue 2: Kasich's union-busting bullshittery that will harm all public employees (except Kasich).
Issue 3: Kasich's Anti-Obamacare legislation, cleverly worded to include "preserve freedom" in the language.

Check out more of the outrageous detail over at ATD, and if you live in Ohio, remember: Vote 1, 2, 3, NO.

The Racism Race & Herman Cain

For the last 3 years, the conservative/Republican/Tea Party right has been working diligently to frame Barack Obama as non-Christian (Muslim), non-American (African), not-too-American (Exotic Hawaiian), nuanced (gay?), Capitalism-killing (Communist) America-hater (terrorist). The brush is broad and thick with the paint of the entity that is "the other," a well known psychological and linguistic methodology to indirectly (and incessantly) show that a person or group is "not like you." And with only an occasional slip-up, they haven't driven directly into the "he's black" otherness. But that doesn't mean it's not there. C'mon. I guess solidly half of all criticism of President Obama is an indirect attack that we have an uppity negro in the White House.

But along with all the innuendo and linguistic manipulation, the right has been vehement in one relatively-united message: it's not about race; it's about policy or past or ...not race. Stop saying it's about race. Why would it be about race? God, so NOT race already. Okay. Done. GTFO.

This is three years of constant attacks from all sides for the president orchestrated by hundreds of politicians and pundits and parroted by a plethora of hunt-n-peck bloggers (mmm...alliteration). All the while even the racist-tinged verbal diarrhea gets the notsoracist wash.


Then, two days ago, one single report from the Politico raised the fact that Herman Cain was accused of harassment at one point in his past.

(Subsequently, it was revealed there were two issues of settlements and now a third woman has come forward.)

And ALL HELL breaks loose! Why? Because a strong black man who can represent conservative values and family values can't exist because of the hypocritical left and liberal bias and they will tear him down as an Uncle Tom. Why? RACISM! (Note implied significance: Obama is "other" in that he is not strong and stands for NO American values. Also probably not black enough.)

It's not about his complete lack of political experience, his inability to navigate DC, his being a shitty CEO of Godfather's, his intenable 999 plan, his lack of campaign credibility with lack of infrastructure, his ignorance of foreign policy, the drunk smoker guy, the weird Yellow Flowers cowboy ad, his shady ties, or the man's creepy smile. It has nothing to do with a viable "hey, this has been a problem with a recent president" research into the past of a supposed sexual harassment complaint. It's racism!

Even Sean Hannity on his radio show wants to have a serious conversation about race now and all the negative things people are saying about black Republicans (read: Herman Cain and one other dude) and I caught Sean today in that serious, focused discussion yelling at an African-American caller who said he didn't necessarily think all the quotes he heard were offensive. Hannity replied (paraphrase) "You don't find that offensive? You think it's okay to say "bad apple?" That's not offensive? Oreo?"

So the reference to "bad apple" was Harry Bellefonte calling Herman Cain that. Racist? Meh. And the "Oreo" comment? Well, that was a couple people from the Congressional Black Caucus referring to Cain and Allen West as such (black on the outside, white to the core).

Wait, though, I seem to remember another direct reference to skin color and a cookie that might fit in here:

Well, it — what it’s going to be here, it’s actually a biracial cookie. You’ve got three of the chocolate wafers, and then you’ve got the white vanilla cream — the cream — and then there’s a chocolate cream. So you’ve got, you’ve got three — the stuff, the thing that says Oreo on it, the wafer.

In the midst of all this talk of obesity. And, I mean, every time Michelle Obama goes out there and talks about healthful eating, the food industry responds with, "Oh, yeah? Take this." And Kraft comes up with the Or-Bam-eo, the triple double-dipper.

- Rush Limbaugh

Now, I know, I know, that's not admissible because it was a conservative - a figurative colleague of Sean's of all things - who said that.

Ooh, I know. Wasn't there that whole "Barack the Magic Negro" song controversy? Oh, sorry. Rush was running that one too.

What about "Our blacks are better than their blacks?" Damn. Ann Coulter.


So, Sean, I guess the message is that if you want to actually have a serious discussion about race and politics, cherry-picking the few somewhat-ambiguous things tossed at Herman Cain and Allen West isn't going to cut it. Ignoring the sheer volumes of overt racist antics that have been hurled at our president would be hurdle #1.

You see, we, the liberals - the other - have a pretty good nose for bullshit, and when you stop making diarrhea come out of our speakers we might actually listen.


UPDATE: Holy Snooki, Cain's smoking campaign manager is calling out the Perry campaign for the leaks which makes this even weirder.

Drunk Rick Perry Just Lost the Primary

Every second is worth it. Addressing folks in NH:



Gets kickin' at about 2:00, and escalates horribly from there.

Pass it around.

via Gawker