Ricky's Commercial for the 100th Post!

I finally have a commercial!

Okay, it's for Subaru, but it's got serious animals saying my name.



Winner: Tittering porcupine with an honorable mention to the moose. But since the moose could kick the porcupine's ass (with necessary nose and hoof piercings), I'm at an impasse.

And for those who are counting, this is my 100th post. So who buys me a beer?

Impromptu interview with the writer by the writer:

RICKY: So, what's been going on lately?

RICKY: I've moved from Winston Salem, NC to Cincinnati, OH with the wife and kid. It's a great city with much to offer. One word: Skyline.

RICKY: And your blogging?

RICKY: It's going well. I've just hit 100 - Woo! - I'm still doing posts for All Things Democrat, and may accept an offer to mobile blog for 80108.com, should they accept me.

RICKY: So why do you hate God?

RICKY: Hate God? Wait, who's conducting this interview?

RICKY: You are part of the liberal, drive-by media. Why?

RICKY: Because only liberals are fighting for the Constitution of the United States of America right now. Are you serious about the drive-

RICKY: So you think illegals should overrun our great country?

RICKY: Who the hell are you?

RICKY: Ann Coulter said-

RICKY: That's it (scuffle)

RICKY: I'm sorry, our interviewer has been "detained" under the Idiot Act. For those of you unfamiliar with the act, it sanctions nipple clamps hooked up to a car battery for anyone unfamiliar with the Constitution.

And that's where I get off.

More to come. Enjoy. Sign up for the Feedblitz to the left of this post if you love it so much you want to marry it. Or just make occasional, sweet love to the words.

The words is all you get. Sorry.

Roy L. Pearson, Jr., Embarrasing Humanity and Washington

At a time when SCOTUS is pissing away reason concerning free speech, religion and campaign finance cases, a new judicial plague is a foot; actually, it's a single judge as plague manifest: Roy L. Pearson, Jr. You've probably heard, but here's a brief synopsis:

• Roy takes suits to Custom Cleaners, owned by Ki, Jin and Soo Chung
• Roy picks up suits, notices pants are missing from one suit
• Roy wants $1,000 for the suit
• Chungs say "no"
• Roy sues for $67,000,000
• Chungs try to settle for $12,000
• Roy says "no," eventually bumps down suit to $54,000,000
• Court says Roy's a choad
• Choad may yet appeal

Roy Pearson is a U.S. Administrative judge (although currently not hearing cases?) who has seriously financially damaged a hard-working family. I'm pleased that the court ruled against him, but I can't leave it alone. This should probably go further.

Surfing this morning, I was searching for some information to post here and came upon Planck's Constant. Delicious. Just what I was looking for:

If you would like to leave a message expressing your outrage you can snail mail to:

Pearson, Roy L Jr
3012 Pineview Ct NE
Washington, DC 20018-1617

Or leave a message on his answering machine (he doesn't answer his phone directly anymore): (202) 269-1191

Or send him an email: roypearsonjr@verizon.net

...
According to Marc Fisher of the Washington Post, a legal defense fund has been established. You can contrubute through the Chung family's lawyer, Chris Manning.

Chris Manning
Manning & Sossamon PLLC
1532 Sixteenth Street NW
Washington, DC 20036
202) 387-2228
202) 387-2229 (Fax)
Email: cmanning@manning-sossamon.com

Remember to always be kind when expressing outrage.

Now, if CNN would just shut the hell up about Paris getting out of jail (sur-prise, sur-prise, the exemplar of journalism scat, Nancy Grace, covers the Paris release on her show tonight. Whee!)

Fight Hate Crimes with the Human Rights Campaign

Watch this:



Weep.

Now go to the Human Rights Campaign and add your voice.

Christ on a Bun! $190 Million: That's Alotta Church

What would Jesus build? Would Jesus spend $190 million on flash and glass? From the California Catholic Daily:

According to the Oakland Tribune, the city’s rising Cathedral of Christ the Light complex is "the most expensive in American history." The complex, which includes the nuclear reactor-like church itself, chapels, a plaza, a mausoleum, a conference center, diocesan offices, "gathering places," and Bishop Allen Vigneron’s residence, is currently running about $190 million – $10 million more than the Los Angeles archdiocese’s Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, which opened in 2002.

What pomp, pride, and excess. But not everyone's happy about it.

Some have criticized the project, saying the money could be better spent elsewhere – on schools, for instance, or services for the poor. The diocese, however, says the monies for the cathedral ($91 million raised by last December) will not come from diocesan funds but from earmarked contributions.

Good job diocese; you've verbally exemplified your illogical puffery! Who cares where the money came from? Who cares where or in what building you worship? If you are in charge of the diocese, you are in charge of God's mission on your little piece of Earth.

God's mission is not to win architectural awards; it is love and compassion for others, perhaps just like the Vatican's Guidelines for Pastoral Care of the Road, released the day after this overspending report. The Vatican's release focuses on the "pastoral care of road users, pastoral ministry for the liberation of street women, the pastoral care of street children, and the pastoral care of the homeless."

This is exactly what $190 million could be used for.

"Neither shall they say, Lo here or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you."
- Luke 17:21

Perhaps they should take some time, read their own book.

Free Genarlow Wilson

Demand Attorney General Thurbert Baker drop his appeal.

Genarlow Wilson remains in prison for a victimless crime: participating in consensual oral sex with a 15 year old when he was 17. After a Superior Court Judge voided his conviction on Monday, Georgia State Attorney General Thurbert Baker appealed the ruling over the outcry of thousands of Americans, with no reasonable justification.

Keeping Wilson in prison does nothing to keep Georgia safe. It simply continues the unnecessary destruction of a young man's life. Join us in demanding that Baker withdraw his appeal now.
_____

The inhumanity of some humans has long since ceased to amaze me, but has not numbed me to the sick feeling in my gut every time something like this comes up.

Go to the Free Genarlow Wilson page on the ColorOfChange website and add your voice to the outrage.

Then call/fax:
Thurbert E. Baker
Attorney General
Phone: 404-656-3300
FAX: 404-657-8733

Remember to be professional when voicing your disgust.

China Attacks with Tech Geeks...and Russia?

A little more to feed the Chinese obsession/paranoia. From the Telegraph:

China's People's Liberation Army had established units to develop viruses to attack enemy computer systems and networks, the Pentagon said.
...
The clearest example so far of cyber conflict came earlier this year when Estonia claimed that state-sponsored Russian hackers had attacked official websites in retaliation for the removal of a Soviet-era monument in its capital, Tallinn.
...
The Chinese foreign ministry rejected the Pentagon's report as "brutal interference" in internal affairs and insisted that Beijing's military preparations were purely defensive.

So China's planning, Russia's already executed, and they're all buddy-buddy?

Denial of service attack reports pop up from time to time, like military exercises by armed forces. A focused attack by powers outside and daemons inside the country? Well, if a Russian techno-fart could take down secured banking websites in Estonia, I think there's something there to be worried about.

Mr. Wizard, 1917-2007

Don Herbert, better known as Mr. Wizard, has passed away. I don't know what to say. Heard this from Phil Plait over at Bad Astronomy, Yahoo obit via BA. He popularized science in the 50's and 60's, but I was a child of the 80's and Mr. Wizard's World on Nickelodeon was my bread and butter. It was directly responsible for my love of all things science. If Mr. Wizard had been my college chem teacher, I may have stuck around to become a biochemist.

Mr. Wizard, you will be missed.

I didn't know an 80's television show intro could make me weep:



And yes, you can get it on DVD now. Here's the promo:



Mr. Wizard on (old) Late Night with David Letterman:



...and one more. Mr. Wizard's 1988 Energy Facts PSA:



You can see his official website at http://www.mrwizardstudios.com/.

More on China, Big 5 is 6 and Growing...

This is crossposted from my rant at All Things Democrat. I just started writing and researching and came up with too much good information for it not to be here as well. If this is paranoia and not conspiracy, it's mad uncanny.

Let's do a little focusing on China and why they're doing a little bit of scaring the hell out of me. China has a population of 1.3 billion. They have 2.25 million active troops in their People's Liberation Army with over 7 million troops total. They are a nuclear power with a spending limit that is growing by bounds and bounds every time we blink because their trade surplus is skyrocketing, recently bumping $22.5 billion (our trade profile uses the word "deficit"). This has to do with our trade practices (Wal-Mart itself imports 10% of all China's products) and our invariant deafness to still-shady human rights practices when someone's flipping a wad of Bennies in our ear.

China's feeding an already corpulent army with our fatback patronage. Some people are linking this to a history of threatening Taiwan, should they decide to get all batshit crazy and declare formal independence. So what are we doing? Surprisingly, nothing new: we've been Taiwan's primary supplier of arms since 1979; they're asking for more and we're saying they want even more than that.

Looks like we're building our own pickle just so we can be in it.

We're feeding the beast at both ends with complete ignorance about both halves and a blind eye to the military reality of the situation. We don't see the other pieces. China, this growing behemoth, is not just hungry for wealth, but to placate the masses, they must also devour oil. And today they were talking to Iran about becoming oil buddies. You remember Iran, who wants to wipe Israel off the planet? That country that Senator Lieberman (I) would like to attack?

Well, Ahmadinejad in Iran talks to Nicaragua in an "anti-US summit" and has a past of buddying up with Chavez in Venezuela (called Bushy the devil), and we call all three of them "tyrants" (or so say the Turks). Chavez is also deepening ties with North Korea, because they have a budding nuclear program and Chavez wants a piece of world domination. There is an apparent improvement in ties between Iran and North Korea, and they are both being supported by China. Russia and China are now entering their second ten-year period of "strategic partnership," Putin's got ties with Venezuela at "peak level," and last week increased marine ties with Iran were the order of the day. And this was all in the news in the last two weeks.

It appears to me that there is a growing group of malcontents who are only malcontent with us. We don't really like them and they don't really like us; they put up with us because we're big. But they're getting pretty buddy-buddy - carpooling to the office, happy hour on Thursdays - and they're coming into an understanding that if they all got together, they'd be hella-strong, like Voltron on crack. And hey, if the Ro-Beast keeps driving out to the desert every weekend, why not just keep hanging out, growing ties, and pooling resources.

And pretty soon? Well, they just came to the party to drink some oil and kick some ass. And it looks like we're all out of oil.

Kate Chase is right about Russia: there is a larger picture here. It is a web that includes China, Iran, Venezuela, Nicaragua, North Korea. Syria's not entirely out of it either.

Our only hope (besides Obi-Wan Kenobi)? Doughnuts. Yes, doughnuts. The doughnut chains are making it to China. Our best bet is to allow the delicious yet deadly pastries to infiltrate the country and hope fat travels like the clap in a trailer park. Lack of motivation and resolve will follow and they they'll be on par with us and our administration. If only we could make them stupid too...

VA Abandons Friend, Veteran - Needs Help, Insurance

By now you know that except for the tastiest of intermittent morsels, I don't do much writing about my personal life. The antics and idiocy of our political and religious leaders offers more than enough potato gun fodder for the masses to consider.

However, today I write about a friend of mine, a veteran of the Gulf War. Because of bureaucracy, he may lose his legs. Allow the letter I've written to my members of congress speak for itself:

Dear -----,

A very close friend of mine is a Veteran of the Gulf War. One day soon, he will need to have his legs amputated because Veteran's Affairs has abandoned him under a blanket of bureaucratic nonsense.

David was honorably discharged from Little Creek Amphibious base in 1998. He later married, had a son, and maintained a lucrative union manufacturing job. At the time that he held that position, the rules governing Veteran's eligibility were changing. In order for someone to get medical coverage, they had to register to be grandfathered in. Having excellent union insurance coverage for his family, David did not register. Soon thereafter, he unexpectedly began experiencing back pain. After a few treatments, the doctors said he could not work, and now he takes care of his son full time at home. In a shady move, his insurance company held on to a check until the coverage lapsed, sent it back, and canceled his insurance.

David's back is tolerable right now thanks to the treatments he did receive. However, David is also diabetic. With a house, bills, and insurance for herself and their son, David's wife is barely able to make ends meet. Adding him to her insurance would would be a preexisting condition, and would be excessively expensive because of it. Independent insurance is cost prohibitive. Purchasing any medication without insurance is laughable. Were David to get a job, it would barely be able to cover the cost of daycare for their son. Back to the plant could put him in a wheelchair.

But that's what he's looking at anyway. Without insurance, David cannot afford the testing supplies and medication necessary to control his diabetes. A couple months ago, blood began to pool in his legs due to poor circulation. Amputation is not far down the road. David gets the same answer from the VA: he is not eligible for any coverage because his wife makes too much money. I do not know the math behind this decision, but I do know what his wife makes.

I'm not asking for a handout for my friend;I am asking for his due. David honorably served our country during wartime. He has just about lost hope that anything can be done.

When did we stop taking care of our own?

You can keep a father, a veteran, my friend, your constituent, out of a wheelchair. Won't you?

See letter online (http://utteroutrage.blogspot.com/2007/06/va-abandons-friend-veteran-needs-help.html).

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Ricky Shambles

I am in the unique position as of now to be able to write 4 Senators and three members of congress with residences in two states (FYI, writing a senator or member of congress is sometimes made impossible unless you are a constituent).

As I said in the letter, I'm not looking for a handout. But I am looking for publicity. If you'd like to write your representative about my friend, I'd appreciate it. If you do, please comment about your experience below.

Members of Congress I have written with the above letter:
Senator Elizabeth Dole
Senator Richard Burr
Representative Mel Watt
Senator Sherrod Brown
Senator George Voinovich
Representative Jean Schmidt
Representative Dennis Kucinich (c/o relatives)

Thank you all.

Russia, Iran, China, Venezuela, North Korea ISO U.S. Ass to Kick

This image is being reposted for posterity. The topics that follow are not so recycled.



I have made these connections before (Jesus Built My Hot Rod But Muhammad Pumps the Gas, Putin's Pedestrian Poisoning, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Leaf Blower). It just seems like everything is ramping up as of late.

• Russia: U.S. keeps dry humping their missile defense cock against Putin's knickers and he's not having any of it, despite the polite lip service we saw at the G8. Russia's spies are at cold war levels. Are ours? Oh yeah, lotsa nukes.
• Iran continues to further its nuclear program, although reports of weapons are a little Pre-Iraq-Intelligence for my palette. He's got oil, he's got game, and now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad uses the word 'countdown' to describe Israel's end. And we still have newscasters who joke about the pronunciation of his name. Most Likely to be Invaded Before the Next Election Award goes to...
• That wacky, "ronery" Kim Jong Il is still launching missiles like a bandit and still abusing human rights in that wall-up hermitage he calls a country. Nuclear power. Most Likely to go Nuts Award.
• China continues its constant military buildup, reinforcing the People's Liberation Army over 2 million strong. Human rights abuses. Nuclear power. Wait. How many did you say?
• Looks like good ol' Chavez has the 5th largest armed force in Latin America. Venezuela is also the 5th largest supplier to our crude oil habit, making up over 10% of the top 15. He could cripple us and potentially put up a pretty good fight, especially if he's just backing his buddies. On/off talks with Iran ('bout nukes?).

The issues have shifted some, but the point remains the same: We need to watch our ass. While everyone's pointing their dick at the Middle East, the rest of the world still goes about its business. If these five countries continue the camaraderie I've pointed out before (it's been going on and it continues to do so), the U.S. could be in for a serious ass-whoopin'. You don't need all five players to join forces to get that whoopin' done either. The most interesting thing about a bar brawl are the unexpected players that jump in; and when the shit goes down, they're not always on your side.

Surgeon General: An Appointment for Bush

"Gays concerned by surgeon general nominee"

Ooh, watch it MSNBC and the several hundred other news outlets spitting out very similar headlines. It's not just those wacky, socially deviant queers that are concerned about Kentucky cardiologist Dr. James Holsinger. He's got us married straight freaks all in a tizzy too. He's a right whack job.

From MSNBC:

Sixteen years ago, he wrote a paper for the church in which he likened the reproductive organs to male and female "pipe fittings" and argued that homosexuality is therefore biologically unnatural.

"When the complementarity of the sexes is breached, injuries and diseases may occur," Holsinger wrote, citing studies showing higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases among gay men and the risk of injury from anal sex.

Pipe fittings? What the hell kind of analogy is that? Pipe fittings: bump one hole against another, turn and screw. That's typical: he's down with the tribbin' but thinks the man sex is dirty.

And did I mention that he "believes homosexuality is a matter of choice and can be 'cured.'"

And this is the man the president would like to be "America's chief health educator." Someone should tell President Bush that the best place to hide a bottle of whiskey is not under his skull, even if there is enough room.

And the person currently acting as Surgeon General? The person this insecure, bible-thumped homophobe will be replacing?

Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu.

Yeah, sometimes I'm 10.

Exploring the Americas: Tastes Like Chicken

...or Polynesians. Or Polynesian chicken. What?

From LiveScience:

Popular history, and a familiar rhyme about Christopher Columbus, holds that Europeans made contact with the Americas in 1492, with some arguing that the explorer and his crew were the first outsiders to reach the New World.

But chicken bones recently unearthed on the coast of Chile—dating prior to Columbus’ "discovery" of America and resembling the DNA of a fowl species native to Polynesia—may challenge that notion, researchers say.

But I heard something a while back about the Chinese explorers:

After reading "1421," Liu Gang, a Chinese lawyer, realized the potential significance of a map he'd purchased for his private collection. Dated 1418 and clearly depicting the outlines of both North and South America, the map could be used to support Menzies' theory if it proves legitimate.

Authoritative? Not by any means, but enough to suggest there may have been at least one other...hold on, I'm getting some information from the first double aughts A.C.E. Seems that there's some evidence the Vikings may have been involved in exploration as well:

The latest evidence confirms that Scandinavians reached the North American continent almost 500 years before Columbus. Find out where they came from, how they traveled, what they did in America and how long they stayed.

So there are at least three civilizations that have a reasonably - if questionably - credible claim that they were in the Americas before Mr. Columbus.

Why do we still worship Chris Columbus, even if he never set foot in what is now the United States? Why is Columbus Day (Oct. 8th in 2007) a federal holiday?

He wanted to spread Christianity, you silly.

Christ on a Bun! Discovery Pimps Joyce Meyer, Jesus

How is it that I turn on The Discovery Channel one fine morning to find Joyce Meyer Ministries?



I flip through my favorites, longing for science and knowledge and I get this:

Joyce Meyer Ministries has a God-ordained mandate to impact the world. We are called to present the Gospel to the lost, disciple nations, feed the hungry, clothe the poor, minister to the elderly, widows and orphans, visit prisoners and reach out to people of all ages and in all walks of life. God requires that we teach people how to apply biblical truth in every facet of their lives, and encourage Christians to influence every aspect of the world around them.
...
Our goal is to reach every nation, every city, every day with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hot damn. WTF?

Immediately, I thought it was the evil doing of Time Warner Cable, the monopoly moneybags pimp! So I called. I had to go from general call center to customer service to technical support to find out that it's not the necessarily evil provider of cable, but the Discovery Channel itself that is the woman of ill-repute, la bête du jambon, who is selling it's air time and spending early mornings whoring out the jesus junk to millions of science-seeking viewers.

Hold on. Perhaps the myrmidons of the Time Warner RoadRunner had infiltrated the tech support office and were feeding me misinformation. But there it was, right on Discovery Channel's FAQs:

Why do I get infomercials instead of programming?
During certain late night hours of each day (for example, 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. ET/PT for Discovery Channel), some of the Discovery Networks may contain paid programming or infomercials. Please go to the "TV Schedules" on our website to see the specific programming schedules for your favorite Discovery Networks.

Why is this a bad thing?

Joyce on evolution:

I encourage you not to swallow every story you see, hear or read about man’s origins. Check things out for yourself…do some research on the subject of creation so that your foundation of faith in God is sound, secure and immovable.

Whether it's Time Warner or Discovery, putting someone who disregards science and the scientific method on the television, it is not appropriate. Joyce Meyer does not belong on the Discovery Channel, just like "intelligent design" does not belong in the science classroom.

Feel free to visit Discovery's Viewer Relations page and kindly explain it to them.

UPDATE:
Here's my letter:

Why, in the name of all things science, would The Discovery Channel sell time to Joyce Meyer Ministries? Her money may be as green as everyone else's, but her science is not. The "Ministries" part of it should have given that away. If you are still unsure, please visit http://utteroutrage.blogspot.com/2007/06/christ-on-bun-joyce-meyer-discovery.html, as I have outlined the mess of anti-science inherent in the poor judgment I have observed. I am not anti-religion, but when a science channel pimps their time to an anti-science organization, it is a disgrace to all things reasonable.

Thanks for your time,

Ricky Shambles

[In reference to a check box labeled "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" :]

p.s. "Would you like us to use your e-mail address for Marketing Promotions" is not a question without the "?" and does not indicate whether checking the box would imply a "yes" or "no" answer, should anyone actually perceive it as such.

Asshats.

Feedblitz: Ricky Shambles in Your Box!

You know you want it: No more waiting longingly for your RSS feed reader to catch up or pounding F5 like you're powering up in Archery in Track & Field II before you got the NES Max.



So after you get over that delicious old skool Nintendo reference, take a look to the left, under the "View my complete profile" link. If you put your email in that text field, click the button, fill out a captcha, and verify your subscription, you too could have Ricky Shambles in your box.

I first learned of this magic called FeedBlitz after subscribing to Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy. Now, every time he updates his blog, I get an email containing all updates from the day before. We could be like that, you and I. Shhh. Don't think. Do or do not; there is no 'try.'

Other Changes
I know you don't like changes. But these are for your own good. I promise.

I have changed Link-o-rama to Linktastica! That really shouldn't matter to anyone except those with a o-ramaphilia which is - please note - completely different from Obamaphilia. Amazing how one letter will take you from a rally party to a party rally. Okay, I'm done.

I must welcome xkcd (A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.) to my Linktastica! Why? Because it's fucking brilliant. And don't ask again.

Once more: If you like this blog, keep up by FeedBlitz. If you love this blog, you cannot marry it, but you most certainly better put your email in that box! And if you hate this blog, you better subscribe to monitor what nefarious, liberal, progressive, evil-ities I will conjure up next. That would leave Homeland Security: Have at it, ya buggers.

Thank God for British Comedy: Spoons

So sometimes - no, all the time - I feel like this:



The American version of me, but you get the point.

Here's a taste:

...or how you better not have another drink because you never used to get hangovers but just recently you've been feeling rather groggy, and I really can't afford not to be at my best tomorrow because I've gotta do a presentation for some people who are coming over from Holland and it's a Big Fucking Deal, so I better just have a Diet Coke...

Quit the shit, let's get to the meat of life/politics/religion.

No, sir, the Queen in Virginia is not a valid topic.

Texas Kids Protest TAKS Decision, Look Silly

From WFAA in Dallas/Fort Worth:

About a dozen young people, carrying signs and chanting, began picketing at 8:30 a.m. Thursday. They represent the 613 Fort Worth seniors who did not pass the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.

Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.

"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."

No, dear. The only reason to be at commencement is to get the little piece of blank paper that represents your diploma. You did not graduate. You don't get a diploma and, by extension, you don't get a fake diploma. You don't get to walk.

But there is more: the picture used in the online story.



What can I even say about that? Kids: Just go home and stop embarrassing yourselves.

Worst. Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show. Evar.

"Are UFOs and bible stories and space aliens real?"

Check it out at The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show! It's a bit old, but if you haven't seen it, prepare yourself.
(better version in Update below)

This show has it all:

Mr. Gray the singing alien


"Chip the Black Boy!"


...and much more! Complete with Bible readings, extended remix improv songs, reverb, space angels, puppetry apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child, and production values as beneficial as necrotizing fasciitis (apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child preoccupied with puppetry).

This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen on the internets. And I'm familiar with goatse and tub girl.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

UPDATE: I just had to dig, didn't I? More Videos...
Chip the Black Boy explains Aliens
I Love Christmas Jam Session
Larger YouTube version of primary video VVV

Wait, what am I doing? This is the internets. Here.

It's Write Your Congressman Day! Melvin Watt (D - NC)

It's fun for the whole family!

Today I decided I was going to write my congressman. He's been a non-entity in the world of Winston Salem (he's also got to worry about Greensboro through Charlotte). I went to Congressman Melvin Watt's website, filled out the form, and wrote the following:

Dear Congressman Watt,

I can't say I know much about you or have ever even really heard about you; until I looked it up, I thought Virginia Foxx was my representative.

I can't say I respect the gerrymandered district you represent. But that's not your fault.

And while Katrina suffering is important, repeated attempts to ban flag desecration (although you voted against H J RES 10?) only furthers limitations to free speech and wastes my tax dollars.

My question to you, sir: where is the legislation for your constituency? What are you doing about gas prices? What are you doing about our wasted time in Iraq? Why isn't your voting record on your website? Now that I've found it elsewhere, how did you end up as one of three members of congress not to vote on H R 1591 (that was a pretty important one)?

Fair banking practices also concern me. Congressman Kendrick B. Meek (FL) introduced legislation last year to boost financial literacy in the form of H.R. 4413-15. How did these bills not win popular support? Oil, insurance, and banking institutions are bleeding Americans dry. What is congress doing about it? What are you doing about it?

I'm sure being a member of congress is a complicated job, but I feel abandoned by my representative. That is what you are: a representative of the people of your district. Please do not forget that.

Your constituent,

Ricky Shambles

p.s. Push Inslee-Manzullo Internet Radio Equality Act, H.R. 2060, and stop an Iran war before it starts.

And then I clicked the Submit button.

And it showed me a 404 (error: page not found).

Disappointed, once more
Disillusioned, encore
I think I love you, for sure

Wait, no. Nix that last line. I was fucking pissed. Mr. Absentee (in voting and regional showmanship) has again punked his constituents.

So Congressman Watt: WTF?

Background
Here's the district:


Here's the original manifestation of Gerrymandering:


Any questions? While I'm quite happy that we can pull a democratic district out of the ass of a Bible, Guns, 'n' Muddin' South, what is this guy actually doing in congress?

From this Yankee-turned-Southerner-pre-re-Northerner: not much at all.

p.s. Fake update: I called Senator Richard Burr and Senator Libby Dole about saving internet radio. Sen. Burr's secretary was more than willing to give me the time to speak my mind and "pass it on to the Senator." Libby Dole's dance card was full. Nothing but busy signals. Yay Legislative Branch!

Christ on a Bun! Jesus Gets a Hand Job

That guy there? The statue? Yeah, the one giving a little wink-wink-nod tit shot of the sacred heart, and a hand out like some toothless, homeless hooker asking for a five-spot for a taste? That's the lord. And he done broke. But not in that way, exactly.

Who wants some Denver Post?

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.

Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." A-ha! But if that same lightning bolt hit the statue and Jesus started pissing Berry Blue Kool-Aid out his eyes and shitting Twizzlers, that would be an Act of God. Little bit of a double standard there, sister.

So if God controls everything because He's, um, God, then why in the heavens would God strike down a statue of his son?

Idol worship? Tacky carving? Revenge of Zeus? Hookers?

You let your little imagination run crazy with that one.

UPDATE! Bonus! Synchronicity! License plate seen less than 2 hours after posting:



With those bedroom eyes, how could you say no?

Movin' On Up, to...WKRP

I must apologize for the intermittent transmissions from last week and those coming. I am in the process of moving to Cincinnati.



Yay, Cincinnati! Home of the Reds, Bengals, and the 2001 Race Riots!

Can we get a Wiki?

Cincinnati was founded in 1788 by John Cleves Symmes and Colonel Robert Patterson. Surveyor John Filson (also the author of The Adventures of Colonel Daniel Boone) named it "Losantiville" from four terms, each of different language, meaning "The city opposite the mouth of the Licking River." "Ville" is French for "city," "anti" is Greek for "opposite," "os" is Latin for "mouth," and "L" was all that was included of "Licking River."

John Filson was a fucking showoff and trying way too hard.

In 1790, Arthur St. Clair, the governor of the Northwest Territory, changed the name of the settlement to "Cincinnati" in honor of the Society of the Cincinnati, of which he was a member.[5] The society honored General George Washington, who was considered a latter day Cincinnatus—the Roman general who saved his city, then retired from power to his farm.

Much better.

But more importantly than all the historical or meaningful crap, we something up there that we don't have down here:


Sweet Mercy

...and:


Notice Frank Bonner's own brand of the Shocker

I do, however, believe the biggest upside to moving to Cincinnati will be my ability to have more impact and a stronger voice in the crucial state of Ohio in the 2008 election. Expect more activity and activism as a result of the move.

I will, of course, still be here. Just a little less often for the next couple weeks.

And don't forget that if you're into the blog, subscribe! It's the funny-lookin' orange thingies on the right. Cheers!