Some New and Old News - Sex, Religion, Killin'

Octomom porno? I'll wait while you cause yourself great pain to block the memory of reading those words. Reality show? Believe it.

Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) is worried capping CO2 will take away plant food. Seriously.

SHIMKUS: It’s plant food. … So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? … So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Even better to watch:


Obama's administration dropped the War on Terror rhetoric. Officially. Hells yeah.

Last week OPEC said oil had nothing to do with climate change. In related news, cigarette manufacturers said smoke is nutritious, and AIG released a report that borrowing money you cannot afford to borrow increases life expectancy.

Bob Barker came close to a career in porn. Just scratch out one eye, so you can read the rest of the post. Unless that happened at Octomom. Better to be blind.

Apparently Americans are still dying in Iraq.

And if I remember my Catholic School upbringing, it's Good Friday, so 9am to 12pm represents the walk up the hill, then Jesus hung out (hehe) for 3 more hours, and it's 2:59, so 3...2...1. Jesus just died.

!SPOILER ALERT!

No worries; he comes back to life on Sunday morning.

Have a happy Easter.

You Know What They Say About them Chinese in Texas...

No?

Think Progress has this one, telling us about how Texas State Rep. Betty Brown recently stated "during House testimony on voter identification legislation:"

Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?

Betty continues to back her comments, refusing to apologize, even in the fake, non-apology way most politicians do.

And the Republican party wonders why they have a continual problem attracting minorities.

Storm o' Gay Commin' ta Getcha

National Organization for Marriage has put out this video because in the last week both Iowa and Vermont have made the very rational decision that "separate" is not "equal" when it comes to same sex marriage.

[UPDATE (thanks, Namoi!):the District of Columbia's City Council approved, 12-0 (w00t!), that the District will recognize same-sex marriages from all 50 states.]

Some people are afraid of teh gay, and because they can't just say "we just don't like them queers" they want to make you afeared as well so everyone can be scared together and blame a common gay enemy. So their argument is by giving same sex couples the same rights as straight couples, straight people will lose their rights. What rights? Well, don't worry about that. Explanations are just for those elitist homos anyway.

Try not to throw up in the back of your throat while being slathered with mediocre production values and ignorant bigotry.



[UPDATE AGAIN!]: Think Progress packed in a couple of the Anti-gay screen test auditions for those fake doctors and mothers reading thorough the scripts. Yes, it will make you even madder.

Legend of Zelda Trailer!

No, not really. Well, really, but it was IGN's "tits" 2008 April Fool's joke to the world. And if you haven't seen it, take a look.

It actually looks a little better than a SciFi Original. I'd torrent it.

ShamWow: You'll Say "Hooker, Gimmie My Fucking Tongue Back" Every Time

The Smoking Gun is my hero today.

You know Vince from ShamWow, right? How about a refresher on the mug:



Wait! Holy asshats, Vince? Why do you look so disheveled?

Turns out that Vince picked up this girl:



Wait! Why does she look like that?

Can I tell the fucking story? Cause ya know we can't do this all day.

Vince was propositioned by the girl above, took her back to his hotel, gave her $1000, and apparently at first kiss, she clamped down on his tongue which prompted him to struggle and then repeatedly beat her about the face and head at which point she finally let go. Vince ran down to the lobby, bleeding, cops got involved, and they were both stitched and booked. Not surprisingly, it appears they were both drunk.

Ah, Vince, 15 minutes can be so short. Ya won't find Billy Mays whoring it up like that.

Hannity, Catholic, Obama, Notre Dame Bullshit

Rut-roah. Obama's inflaming the Catholics!

Well, not all Catholics. Obama is set to deliver the commencement speech at Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a Catholic school. And Obama is openly pro-choice. OMG!

The truth of the matter is that there are and have been Obama detractors out there looking for any damn thing to pin their dislike of Obama on (you know, besides that he's black). Our case in point is my favorite assclown and yours:



Last week Sean Hannity went into a tirade about how wrong it was for Notre Dame to allow Obama to speak at commencement. He then proceeded to remind listeners that he had received his own flap from Catholics for saying that he prefers birth control over abortion.

The problem here is not with Obama's politics but with a mix of detractors and Catholic doctrine. The pro-choice argument is bullshit; Obama is a man and has not and will never have an abortion, will never commit that sin. And by Hannity's own admission, he himself has said things against Catholic doctrine and should not be allowed to speak at Notre Dame. How about anyone who's not Catholic? By doctrine, they are sinning against God. How about a war hero who killed people in battle? Where do you draw the line?

Well, when you're trying to implicate someone you simply don't like, it appears you just draw the line at Obama.

Note to whiny Catholics: shut up and look in the mirror. I think Jesus said something about that too, didn't he? Without sin and all that? Then again, Catholic doctrine tends to focus more on the Vatican's rules, pomp, and circumstance than on stuff that guy said in that one book.

UPDATE: Pat Buchanan, in an address to the choads who spoon up the Human Events newsletter by sackful - an Irish Catholic himself - dumped this bullshit in a brief bit entitled "Is Notre Dame Still Catholic?" :

To Catholics, abortion is the killing of an unborn child, a premeditated breach of God's Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The case is closed for all time. Any who participate in an abortion are excommunicated. Catholic politicians from Nancy Pelosi to Joe Biden who support a "woman's right to choose" have been denounced from pulpits and denied Communion.

First point: no one's excommunicated from the church anymore, except in perhaps very rare circumstances. So Pat knows very little about his own religion.

Second point: Neither Biden nor Pelosi have ever been physically, in-person denied communion. Bishops have whined and threatened and shook their fist in the air, but no one has refused to give either that flavorless Necco wafer we all call a piece of Jesus's flesh.

So Pat lied. And that makes him a sinner. And that might just preclude him from speaking at Notre Dame. So I guess Notre Dame's still Catholic. Are you Pat?

And I am a Dork

So I was playing Mass Effect - my new Xbox addiction - and I took out this rogue virtual intelligence and an army of bots and when it dies, it takes over all airwaves in binary over and over with this:

01001000
01000101
01001100
01010000

And without looking it up, I knew it translated to "HELP."

Reminded me of a photoshop in my archive. No, featured image is not me.

Censored

I've been a fan of the Project Censored emails I receive in my inbox from time to time for a couple years now. So I was quite surprised to see that they had a blog, The Daily Censored.

The Daily Censored focuses on under-reported stories and generally features a liberal tilt, which is why it's so lovely.

What's on the front page: Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress Bill O’Reilly Show looses UPS advertising thanks to Think Progress, CIA Reports Predicts Israel Will Fall In 20 Years: Zionists to emigrate from Israel to US, Europe and Russia, and G20 protests: Cry havoc - and let slip a rainbow alliance of summit protesters.

Blogroll soon. Take a look. It's some seriously good reading.

Welcome New Folks!

It appears that I've been placed in Mike's Blog Roundup over at C&L. An unexpected and lovely surprise!

For those of you new to the area, I'm an unapologetic, godless liberal who has plenty of moments against the grain (shut up about AIG!) and on occasion I use my real-world expertise as a web and graphic designer to do things like this:



And, mmmm..., I love this:



Enjoy, read through the varied posts, comment if it strikes you, and have a great day!

What They're Saying About High-Fructose Corn Syrup

If you've seen the ads put out by the Corn Refiners group where some actor-playing-douchebag says "Well, you know what they say about high-fructose corn syrup" (apparently aware of all foods that contain it but not what the concern is) but cannot come up with one thing that "they say" and the other person intelligently and succinctly states some crap about it being natural, you might have had two thoughts concomitantly: 1) What is it who's saying about HFCS? and 2) Ooh, it must be natural and ignorant whackos are causing a fuss.

And that's what the Corn Refiners group would like you to think.

But here's just one of the things "they're saying" about why HFCS is some funky shit:

A new study in mice sheds light on at least part of the reason for the insulin resistance that can come from diets high in high-fructose corn syrup, a sweetener found in most sodas and many other processed foods.

Fructose is much more readily metabolized to fat in the liver than glucose, and in the process can lead to nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. NAFLD in turn leads to hepatic insulin resistance and type II diabetes.

Researchers showed that mice fed a high-fructose diet could be protected from insulin resistance if a gene known as transcriptional coactivator PPARg coactivator-1b (PGC-1b) was "knocked down" in the animals' liver and fat tissue. PGC-1b controls the activity of several other genes, including one responsible for building fat in the liver. This suggests an important role for PGC-1b in the pathogenesis of fructose-induced insulin resistance.

But, hey, what's so bad about insulin resistance and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease?

Anyone else find it weird that people who are supposed to sell corn are selling medical advice that benefits their bottom line?

MSNBC and Ed Schultz? Tasty!

Speculation abounds about Ed Schultz getting his own show on MSNBC:

Speculation about Mr. Schultz’s future role at MSNBC has focused on two time slots: the 6 p.m. hour (currently anchored by David Shuster) and the 10 p.m. hour (which currently features a repeat of Countdown with Keith Olbermann).

I think it would be a fine addition to the rapier wit of the current Olbermann/Maddow lineup. He's one of the few radio hosts I can listen to - on either side - on a regular basis.

Keep your fingers crossed; this could get tasty.

Sexy, Sexy Slime. Naughty Square Enix!

I got an email this morning. Here is the picture that greeted be before coffee:



Does this strike anyone else as a thinly-veiled attempt at piquing the interest of our subconscious sex drive by tossing the letter Q into "Sex Toys?" When has Square Enix EVER abbreviated their name as SQEX?

And then there's the whole idea of DragonQuest (or Dragon Warrior) sex toys. Video game porn, anyone? And I will leave that to you in the comments.

Two Video Thursday!

No, this won't be a regular feature. Or it might be. I'm just wont to say it will because some days I get busy and some lazy and some days I want to curl up in the fetal position under my blankets with the fan on high (I know, weird, huh?) and wait until the sun goes away again.

There's something epic and beautiful about the tragedy that is the rise and fall. Maybe it was Shakespeare. Maybe it was Goodfellas. Maybe I should see a shrink before I decide to go over one ledge or another (figurative ledge, of course).

Now you're saying: Ricky, you walking vag purse, could we see some videos?

So, hey, how about those videos!

This is sheep. And LEDs. And dogs. I think it's cool, but shouldn't the sheep be sleeping at night and not running around fields with light nets strapped to their backs? I know if someone tried to strap lights to my back at night with the intent of making me run around in a field I'd be all "Dude, I'm playing Mass Effect." Or I'd be sleeping and when they woke me I'd punch them and then go play some Mass Effect because I'm up anyway.




And then there's this bit of interest. I didn't vet it, but it appears mostly correct in its numbers. Maybe I just think its suspect because it came from my father and - while not 100% shitty - most of the stuff that comes from certain people I know needs to be pushed through Snopes. Wait. This didn't come from my father at all. It came from Dr. Mercola. Oh, wait. He's on the list too.

Interesting? Yes. Astonishing? Not unless you live in a cave. And if you've been living in a cave for a while, you probably think everything that has to do with modern technology is astonishing. So then this might be. But if you did live in a cave, shower, then watch this. You stink.

Adopt an Actor: Michael Rappaport

I've seen it around and, really, am late to the party by like 2 years, but I have decided to Adopt an Actor per I, Splotchy (who I guess began the project).

And as soon as I decided, the choice was obvious: Michael Rappaport.



I first fell in love with Michael Rappaport's work in what has become, over the years, what I refer to as "My favorite movie:" True Romance (1993). Patricia Arquette was, of course, hot. Christian Slater was fab. But who made the movie? The character roles like Brad Pitt, Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, Bronson Pinchot, and the most delicious Gary Oldman. Hell, even James Gandolfini and Samuel L. Jackson hit with that.

Michael's work has gone through respectable character roles through the years appearing as voice talent on blockbuster video games and recurring roles on Friends, Boston Public, My Name is Earl, and now Prison Break. Michael's appeared in films such as Higher Learning, The Scout, Basketball Diaries, Cop Land, and Hitch. I jokingly used to call him "the hardest working actor in Hollywood."

At first, when seeing the Adopt an Actor program, I honestly thought it was a "has-been" joke. Now I realize that it's much more about unsung heroes. When I see Michael Rappaport on screen or hear his voice, it's something familiar, something close to home. And I appreciate that.

Thank you Michael Rappaport. May your films and roles ever grow. Visage on the right.

Enough About AIG. Seriously.

Seriously. Shut the fuck up. I know you're pissed. I'm pissed too. But maybe we're not pissed about the same thing.

See, I'm a very liberal person when it comes to politics. I am also a business owner who works very hard for the money I earn in today's economy. America, and even Obama today, is expressing outrage over AIG's couple hundred million in bonuses. And it's the most absurd symbol of all the skullfuckery going on in our economy to date.

I'm not pissed about AIG's bonuses. Sure, perhaps they shouldn't have them since American taxpayers own 80% of the friggin' company, but Chris Dodd (D) is the one who put language in the stimulus bill that says any contract in play before Feb. 11th is to be honored. That's our guy behind the source of the outrage.

And the saddest thing is that everyone's pissed about AIG's couple hundred million dollars. Let me say it again: shut the fuck up about AIG. Last year we dumped $700 billion into banks and whatever-the-shit with no checks, no balances, and no accountability under the auspices of The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. And we don't know where much of that money is right now.

So what happened in this stimulus bill? Did we learn from what George W. Bush did with the war bill? Did we learn from what happened last year? Did the Democrats with a commanding lead in congress grab the reins and inject rules and provisions and accountability into this bill?

NO! Congress - our Democratically-led Congress - pulled the same shit they did last year. Obama pulled the same "gotta happen now or DOOM!" bullshit Bush pulled with the Iraq War legislation, pushing a bill through that was physically impossible to read in the allotted time before voting. We've tossed another $700 billion into the air and Congress is only NOW saying "hey, we should've put something in there about what if it's windy...."

This isn't a problem with our President; he's as hopeful and optimistic as anyone can be in an economic time like this. This isn't an issue with accountability or learning our lessons; if Congress wrote the bill again and America wasn't dealing with misplaced aggression, they'd do the same shit again. This is a problem with Congress.

You want Change with Obama, we start with the Legislative branch. House? 2 terms. Senate? 1 term. Then get the hell out. Without the worry for extended re-election, we won't have to deal with as much bullshit and lying. Without the potential for a full-on career in DC, you'll only get people who want to do the job.

Will it have problems? Sure. But last month our government took a shit-ton of our money for a second time in 6 months, stuck a pole up our asses and didn't even have the courtesy to give a reach-around.

Shouldn't we do something other than shake our fist at a company that has a fart-in-the-wind role in the process?

Did they muck up the financial waters? Yep. But when everyone was getting fat and happy, no one was shaking fingers. Did they take a ton of taxpayer money? Yep. But no one tied any strings. Are they handing out bonuses with that money? Yep, because a Democrat said they could.

If you're going to be angry, at least be angry at the right thing.

Six Minutes of Ass-Kicking Awesome

I like to think that, in a bind, my viewing of videos like the one embedded below, would allow me to take control of the situation. Truth is, I haven't been in a fistfight since I was ten or so and in that one, I got my ass handed to me. Kind of. One kid bruised up his hands by repeatedly punching me in my forehead (hardest part of your skull) while the other one held me in a full nelson. I cried, both while being pummeled and then that night when I told my parents about it. You see, I was with my friend (no help) with whom I was traveling at the time. We were going with his parents to see the new Bond film, The Living Daylights. The kid who beat on me was my next-door neighbor, and I'm guessing he's in jail now. Or dead. He was sent to juvie six months after the beating because he fired his dad's gun in his backyard. We were home to hear it and watch the cops take him away.

Sorry that turned into a sad trip down Lame Ave. You know what would cheer you up? 6 minutes of ass-kicking awesome.

The Lost Generation

AARP commercial (do not let that dissuade you). And because I love language, it's awesome. And inspiring.

The Rush Billboard Vote

Democrats (i.e., the Democratic Party) is taking the fight to the streets. Or at least viewable from the streets.

On this page you can vote for one of five phrases for a billboard put up by the Democratic party that look like the one above.

* "Americans didn't vote for a Rush to failure"

* "Hope and change cannot be Rush'd"

* "Failure is not an option for America's future"

* "We can fix America, just don't Rush it"

* "Rush: Say yes to America"

However, do not vote for the last one.

Why, Ricky? Why not?

I guess Obama lured all the good linguists to the White House.

Yes, the last one, "Rush: Say yes to America" can translate into "Hey douchebag, please say 'yes' to America." However, it can also translate into "By choosing Rush you are saying 'yes' to America."

(and for total inclusion, it can also be translated into "Rush is a fucking awesome band and if you don't recognize that then you hate America, you terrorist.")

So if you would like to keep the spirit of what the Democrats are trying to do, avoid the duality and avoid the last one. But vote!

Taking Pause - a Reality Rant

Oh, stop it. For a day. And it's not even a pause because I'm actually posting. Really. You're reading it right now.

I'm making some French Onion Soup and sniffling from that and still have a couple calls to make for business purposes and nothing really caught my eye or ear and dragged me to the computer and smacked me in the back of my head and shouted "Blog about it!" Which is what happens most days.

Wait a second, have to stir the onions. Yummy. Starting to caramelize.

Okay, so I was talking about how I didn't really have any impetus today, no driving political or religious purpose to tell you how Obama is totally sweet or Limbaugh sucks or the Pope's a douchebag. Honestly, I'm still reveling in yesterday's post on Rush Limbaugh and laughing my ass off every time I see that photoshop. **small pat on the back**

Okay, okay, let's take a look at Drudge.

Bullshit, bullshit, Rush is lovely, Obama's not, ugly cats, Russia wants to kill us, China wants to kill us, Palestinians are terrorists and they want to kill us, and no one - still - gives a shit about Michael Jackson. Nothing new.

So the point of all of this was not to have a point at all. I haven't done a free-form, stream-of consciousness thing for a long time. Ever? I don't know, but it's liberating, in an odd way. I don't necessarily have to write about anything yet the act of writing about not writing about anything is, in fact, writing about something.

So, go hit that Rush article. Just don't choke on your poi when you see the pic.

The Limbaugh Mind Meld Hula on Obama Fail

There's been much hullabaloo surrounding Rush Limbaugh and his calling out the Fail Whale (Wail) on Obama. Pundits say he did, he says he was misquoted, blah blah, insert sanctimonious bullshit.

The regular conservatives openly want Obama to fail. Remember all that bullshit they spewed during the election that Democrats want the troops to fail so their argument wins? Add some truth to the angle, and you've got what Republicans need right now: Obama fails means they win. But because most of them are smacking with one hand and begging for stimulus handout with the other, it's kind of a two-faced mess.

Rush, on the other hand, is not beholden to stimulus money, so he has concocted a much more devious rhetoric. Coming from Rush Limbaugh's mouth on today's radio show, he does not want Obama to fail; he wants Obama's plans to fail.

Let's follow the lack of logic, shall we? Limbaugh's entire argument is built upon the pretense that Obama's plans (stimulus, etc.) are not designed to help America. Entertaining any other thought on this premise or reflecting on what success means and how it affects "helping America" is cut off as "a trap" in his language.

This is the setup. A setup to what, you ask? To the two possibilities that drape Rush with success like purple-print muʻumuʻu.

Possibility One: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in the shitter worse than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America and Obama's success was America's downfall. My dear, faithful listeners, I fear I was right.

Possibility Two: In 6 months, perhaps a year, if our economy is in much better shape than it is now, Rush laments. Obama's plans were not good for America. And by a combination of Obama failing and the perserverence of the private sector, America has prospered. My dear, faithful listeners, I'm glad I was right.

Of course, this is the worst form of flawed logic. He's telling all his listeners that he's playing chess. He knows enough to know he's not playing chess, but he also knows his listeners don't know how to play chess. And anyone calling bullshit on his stunt will suffer an ad hominem attack parallel to the sandbox bully shouting "dummy" at you. Only this bully has many, many parrots.

So, to be clear: Rush is setting himself up for a path to success despite what the outcome of reality is. And anyone who attacks his custom-made Puff-a-Lump Beanie Baby Easy Chair is nailed by him as trying to trap or trick him.

Congratulations, Rush. Well-played. Now, if we could get the media off the semantics of misquotes and into the nuance of your bullshittery, we might be on to something here. Unfortunately, a lot of folks on our side don't know how to play chess either.