No Time to Blog, Damnit!

I'd like to sit down and have a nice talk with your about politics or religion or the world or spirituality or why our president is being a pussy about some photos, but I can't right now because my sister's in town for my wife's college graduation. She's bored, Mrs. Shambles is making dinner with a sour eye in my direction because of my extended work day, and there's just not enough time. Or not enough me time.

So I'll be back on Friday. Tomorrow. And we'll talk then.

Have a great evening!

I Don't Know Nothin' Bout Trackin' No Monies

This is Rep. Alan Grayson asking the Federal Reserve Inspector General about trillions of dollars of YOUR money and whether anyone's keeping track of where the money is and whether or not there are losses in the lending. Her answers are not encouraging.



Duuhh...ummm...I don't know. This is why we can't have anything nice. This is why, even if Obama's efforts are 100% genuine and could 100% fix the mess we're in, it won't. Everyone jumps up and screams FIRE and they bring out the money shooter and only months later do they say "Hmm. Is someone keeping track of this?" Of course because everyone assumes that someone's got the oversight thing handled, no one's got the oversight handled.

One day, in a futuristic, Planet of the Apes scenario, when we're pounding the beach in front of a decaying Statue of Liberty, maybe then we'll get it.

Michael Savage and Sam from Today's Special

I just recently hit on this as a part of one post, but thought it needed a little more attention and therefore have created an account with icanhascheezburger.com and this image:



If you don't know about Michael Savage, you need to get out of the cave and listen to at least two shows at least until you have to vomit. If you don't know about Today's Special, I can give you this link and show you this clip of the intro:


(holy fucking box of shit, I haven't seen this in over 25 years and watching it was like an acid trip back to my parents' basement in '85)

But if you haven't seen it, the reference simply won't be as funny. If you have, then you may just have shit yourself.

The Ladies Love Obama

Some folks are seriously dedicated to President Obama. In fact, here are two from Cincinnati:



These two are so dedicated that one of them ran into someone's house to steal a picture of him. So dedicated that the getaway driver would bring her 3-year-old son on the burglary trip with them. So dedicated that they are now in jail.

The weirdest thing is that they sought to abscond with a picture. This isn't a rare 19th century Daguerreotype. It's a picture that, if digital or scanned, could be recreated for less than $1. Images in our society are ubiquitous.

Ah, but that's Cincinnati for you. :(

Thoughts For Sunday: Caffine, Energy, Mustard, and Bible Hate

Friday night I bought a 12 of Miller Lite. The caps have now gone gold and are being touted as flavor savers or some shit. I think we all know it just means Miller Lite has gone caffeine-free.


I believe a leaf blower is a horrible affront to our environment, wasting gas or electricity to do something a little elbow grease and a rake can do.


(tell me you get this)

Also, I cannot afford a leaf blower.


I'm making meatloaf right now for my wife on Mother's day. I used a recipe that did not have measurements and I added too much mustard. I'm hoping it will be okayh. But it means that I've been spending the past hour, on Mother's Day, wondering if I cut the mustard enough.


If you're ever listening to someone spout Bible Hate about homosexuals, please remind them that Leviticus 18:22 says "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." but Leviticus 19:19 says "...neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee" and ask them if they're wearing a blend.

That is all.

Martin Jetpack: 90 Seconds of Untouchable Awesome

That's right folks, not for another year or so:



I keep thinking he's going to land feet first with the momentum still carrying the pack forward as the engine throttle is released, crushing him into meatbag mash.

Of course, then he would re-animate and we'd have a jet-pack zombie, which is deliciously horrifying.

Ah, Teens and Their Porn

One of the first trips I made on the internets this morning was to MSNBC. I saw the above graphic and read Teens Cutting Back on Porn. "Really?" I thought.

So I continued my visual scan: Like others, Elkhart's porn culture feels recession.

Sounded interesting, but I was not necessarily interested enough to click. "Guess the recession's hitting just about everything," I thought.

About ten minutes and half a cup of coffee later I looked at it again and my brain corrected its Freudian slip.

Obama Makes a Stand to Help Teen Pregnancy

Found at Think Progress:

Keeping with a campaign pledge “not continue to fund abstinence-only programs,” President Obama’s 2010 budget — further details of which were released today — cuts funding for “Community-Based Abstinence Education” and several other abstinence-education programs

Finally, someone who understands that "Just Say NO" doesn't work.

Thank you President Obama for killing stupidity.

This is kind of how today feels...

I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

Name the movie without Google and I'll Photoshop you an award! Cheers!

A Couple Items to Catch the Eye

Ah, Good ol' Gordon Brown, PM of Britain, in an unfortunate juxtaposition to a high school project.



Brilliant.


The UK has said Michael Savage is banned from the UK. Michael Savage will officially reply with litigation. Michael Savage's real name is Michael Weiner. I do not believe Mr. Weiner would leave the loose borders of his beloved America. And WHY do news resources such as The Independent keep using the almost-hip sunglasses pic of Mr. Weiner when the following is an old pic?



The man is about 2 weeks from meat falling off the bone.



...and he looks like Sam from Today's Special.



US teacher broke law by describing creationism as 'superstitious nonsense'

Judge rules remark was 'improper disapproval of religion' and violated first amendment of US constitution.

Good on that teacher. Of course, he should have just said that it has no base in scientific fact and no place in public schools. And he probably should've been a science teacher. European history? Kind of a stretch, even if I completely agree with his statement.

Cum and Cat Piss II: Spring in Bloom!

Last year I posted about how the Bradford Pear tree blooms smell like cum. You know it when you smell it.

But last year at this time I was wowed by the lack of understanding and comments and information I could get on why I keep smelling stale cat pee. And now it's back. But I dug deep, sniffed hundreds of plants, and have an answer.

What's my deal? Juniper. It sometimes grows high and narrow, sometimes low and wide; it's everywhere (although I think somehow specific to a specie in Cincinnati/Southern Ohio/Northern Kentucky). Apparently just bugs me. Smells like cat pee. Stale cat pee. It's wafting in my window right now.

Anyone else smelled this way?

Conservatives: This is Why You Can't Have Anything Nice

Hey, guess what?

Jay Severin, the fiery right wing talk show host on Boston's WTKK-FM radio station, was suspended yesterday after calling Mexican immigrants "criminaliens," "primitives," "leeches," and exporters of "women with mustaches and VD," among other incendiary comments.

I guess he missed "lazy." Oh, sorry, that's black people. (that was a joke, folks)

It is people like this - and the fact that they keep showing up (or cracking their shimmery outer crust) - that detracts from ANY argument that minorities should be on the side of conservatives or Republicans.

And who says shit like that except raging, seething racists? Oh, and while I realize conservatives read this blog, please refrain from telling me "he's just racist against Mexicans." I've heard that argument before and it's a complete retardation of thought, like saying "That guy's just a pedophile for blondes." (No, I am not calling Severin a pedophile.)

Very high-end Republicans with NO record of bigotry need to stand up and repudiate stuff like this. Although the former end of the last sentence may leave a VERY small pool. Ah, well. Good on us liberals then.
___________
UPDATE: Rep. Steve King calls Black and Hispanic Congressional Caucuses "separatist groups" and House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) released a fearmongering video juxtaposing Chavez and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus.

Gary Oldman Goes Full Dwarf

Thank you to my friend, Mr Terrific, for alerting me to this video. And FilmDrunk for more information on it.

Shows I'm Currently / Recurringly Watching

For no apparent reason and in no apparent order, these are the shows I currently watch on the teevee. Yes, I watch too much teevee.

Lost
The Amazing Race
Survivor
Numb3rs
NCIS
CSI
CSI: Miami
Reaper
The Mighty Boosh
Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!
Robot Chicken
Eureka
The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Fringe
Dollhouse
The Mentalist

That is all.

Mighty Boosh - Vince Meets the Crack Fox

I've been catching Mighty Boosh's 3rd season on Adult Swim, and when I saw this bit last week, I just about peed myself. Squishy Boots.

Enjoy!

The Green Pizza Box of the Future!

No, this is not a "did you order sausage with that?" video. Nor is it a box for green pizza. Contain your disappointment.

Not Exactly "Just" In...

Caught this on the teevee a few minutes ago and because MSNBC doesn't have a live online feed, took a picture.



The first problem is with the verb agreement: "Centers for Disease Control Holds" does not fly with me. Centers hold; centers do no holds. "for Disease Control" is a prepositional phrase. CDC holds. "Things fall apart; the center cannot hold.."

The Gestalt of the language is also problematic. "This Just In" connotes news that has just popped up. "Centers for Disease Control Holds Press Conference on Swine Flu Outbreak" did not just pop up. A press conference is an ongoing event; just in means a punctuation. If you had news that they were "going to" hold a press conference, that would be just in. But by the time the CDC guy at the podium starts speaking, you must alter your "Just In" subtext to the contents of the news he is delivering as the press conference is already going on.

Just a thought.

Swine Flu: Ohio Represent!

That's right, motherfuckers! Oink! Oink! Ohio's in the mix. One of only 6 states to be visited by the piggy sickness.

I know you're jealous.

Prop 8 - The Musical

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

Hey, Homeland Security: What the Fuck?

Perhaps you've heard of the recent release by United States Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano of a brief entitled "Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment." (click here for the PDF)

Awwwshiit. What did we just do?

Now, wait a second. You may have heard the calls of the right wing radio nutters that this is classifying veterans and pro-lifers and end times bible prophecy goons as terrorists. Well, not entirely, but...yeah. It is. To be clear, the document (and I suggest you read it. Now.) defines "rightwing terrorists/extremists" as primarily hate groups and in a kickback to the 90's reminds us of Oklahoma City and (indirectly) of Waco with a nod to today's economy and a black president.
...
How about some excerpts just as a sampling?

The possible passage of new restrictions on firearms and the return of military veterans facing significant challenges reintegrating into their communities could lead to the potential emergence of terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks.
...
The high volume of purchases and stockpiling of weapons and ammunition by rightwing extremists in anticipation of restrictions and bans in some parts of the country continue to be a primary concern to law enforcement.
...
Prominent among these themes were the militia movement’s opposition to gun control efforts, criticism of free trade agreements (particularly those with Mexico), and highlighting perceived government infringement on civil liberties as well as white supremacists’ longstanding exploitation of social issues such as abortion, inter-racial crimes, and same-sex marriage.
...
Antigovernment conspiracy theories and “end times” prophecies could motivate extremist individuals and groups to stockpile food, ammunition, and weapons. These teachings also have been linked with the radicalization of domestic extremist individuals and groups in the past, such as violent Christian Identity organizations and extremist members of the militia movement.

Okay, that's about enough.

When Bush was president, did the administration monitor "people of interest" that included just about every person who had something bad to say about the president (hey NSA guys!)? Yes. Were they dumb enough to put it all down in a document so the fucking world could jump down their throats? No. Granted, they had Patriotism on their side, so all they had to do to activate their myrmidons was issue a press release saying "Hey, if anyone - your neighbor, cousin, or mother - is doing something suspicious, it's your Patriotic Duty to report the potential threat."

My thoughts? I know; that's what you're here for.

I think Napolitano and Biden wrote this thing on 48 hours and 6 gallons of 40 proof Kamchatka Vodka and she released it on a hangover.

From an organizational perspective (coming from a degree in Writing), this is a hack job. The organization sucks, flow is non-existent, repetition is rampant, and implications/non-implications/this-is-what-we-really-meant would confuse the bejezus out of anyone.

From a political perspective, it's a bomb. It wasn't right for Bush to turn half+ of America into potential terrorists and it's not right for Obama's administration to do the same thing. It's terrifying and it's wrong. Granted, I personally believe that people that stockpile food and guns because they think Jesus is coming back to turn our Black president White are a bunch of fucking nutters. But - first off - it's their right to believe that and act on any impulse that does not harm others. Secondly, the language used here is a conversation you have in a bar when you're sure you're amongst liberal friends, not something you put to paper (or PDF in HUGE font) and release as official government policy.

I think Napolitano needs to retract the document and resign. This is a bullshit move by an administration that was running on No Bullshit, a Bushesque move by an administration promising to be different. Demonizing ...any American citizen at this point is a betrayal of that.