Hey, Little Girl, Come Here...

It's been a while and this isn't even a mural, but hearkens back to the roots of my weekly phenomenon. Click the [Van Mural] tag below to see some past mural posts. Enjoy!

Cthulhu Sex

I'd like to post the picture here, well-knowing my blog is generally pretty NSW, but instead I'll just give you the link and you can click it. Then it's your fault.

Seriously, I'm warning you. They're called Necromicox. Or maybe I just enticed you.

Cthulhu sex-toys! (via BoingBoing)

...I told you :(

FOX News Aaaah! Angry! Yelling! Stuff!

All the world's news agencies had about the same story going earlier today:

BAIL MADE: Assange granted bail, but Swedish authorities have since appealed the bail, and Assange must remain behind bars until he returns to court on Thursday.

Okay, not so crazy, not wacky or nutty. Ah, but then there was FOX News' headline this morning on "Fox and Friends":

AMERICANS HATING AMERICA: Michael Moore offering bail money to Wikileaks perpetrator Assange.


Note to FOX: Assange, as much as it makes you so shake-your-fist squint-your-eyes clench-your-firearm angry, is not in jail for anything having to do with Wikileaks, nor has he been charged, censured, censored, or spanked on the bottom because of Wikileaks.

"But he's gots a Fernch-soundin' name and pretty hair and he's givin' away our sekrets on a Wiki and ...what's a Wiki anyways?!"

Second note to FOX: Even Secretary of Defense Gates doesn't think the whole "leaks" issue is anything to worry about. At all:

Now, I’ve heard the impact of these releases on our foreign policy described as a meltdown, as a game-changer, and so on. I think – I think those descriptions are fairly significantly overwrought. The fact is, governments deal with the United States because it’s in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us, and not because they believe we can keep secrets.

"Woll, then Michael Moore likes doughnuts ...cause he's fat and Assaounnnge's a fag and Obama's a stupid ni-- naughty stupid head and that makes you a fat gay dummy."

Yeah, that's kinda where the arguments always end up, isn't it?

3 Year Old Crying. She Loves Justin Bieber. Duh.

But it's okay... (sorry, I guess I just posted the first movie again for a bit - Fixed!)...

Louis C.K. on being White

Hilarity.

New Old ...What?

This elf appears ready to spread a little more than holiday cheer.


In the song "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" the last lines are

Everyone's dancing merrily
In a new old fashioned way

What is the "new old fashioned way" and why does that phrase grate on my soul to the point of not just ruining what is a pretty festive and enjoyable ditty but sours my outlook for hours?

Up, Down, All Around: I'm a Karmic Pinball?!

Today was a good day. Today was a bad day.

I launched out of the house a little after 5am to go visit my sister who is in prison. Yes, the Big House. Addict issues. She's been there for a few months and it was my first visit. Unfortunately, after 2 1/2 hours of driving there, I found I was not on her list of accepted visitors, despite my confirmed reservation. I drove home sad for my inability to see her, but more for her because I know she was excited to see me and it was an oversight on her part and I know she would be devastated knowing my other sister was there and finding out it was her fault I only made it to the parking lot.

I was worried and stressed about seeing her, figuring "What could be worse?" in visiting her. This was much, much worse.

On the way home I stopped at the Sprint store because I need my old phone to tell my replacement about all my contacts. And they could do it - if they had one of my old phones to use because the touchscreen is dead. Against all odds, the 4 repair shops in the region were void of my phone. Boo.

The good? I finally got the cable remote control to talk to my TV. That was actually the height of my day because it was the only thing I accomplished and completed on a positive level.

I'm not a bad person, so I can't imagine it's a karma thing, but as far as energy balance goes, I'm planning on having an amazing weekend with a few nerdy Mensa friends of mine.

Is it Friday yet?

Conservatives Blind While Staring Rich in the Face

Last week while listening to a Limbaugh or Hannity stand-in, I heard a caller say this:

You can't tax the rich because they'll just cut jobs to keep making the money they make.

Rah rah! Accolades! Brilliant! ...was the response.

I agree completely. But how is it that conservatives can see that so clearly - that rich people get rich by not spending when they don't have to and are motivated by profit - but be so blind to the opposite sentiment that they actually all support?

If you CUT taxes on the rich, they will NOT create jobs because they're making more money. They will simply buy more stuff. And who started the idea that all the rich people in the US are even in the situation where they COULD create jobs?

Oh yeah, the rich.

That List - Dig Out of Depression

(NOTE: This is gonna get a little personal, so feel free to skip)

(NOTE2: This will grow. I just added to the DOs. I also just added to the intro notes by writing this. Check back.)

So having gone through a rough down-slope, I recently mentioned I was working on a list of sorts. That list starts with a schedule and has some serious DOs and DONTs. For your approval, though not nearly thorough enough.

The Schedule

If you don't have a schedule, you have nothing. Even if it's rough, write it down. Somewhere. Keep it between your condom that expired 12/95 and your Subway rewards card in your wallet. But do it.

I wake at 5am every morning to make Irish Dancer her lunch and a pot of coffee so Mrs. Shambles can leave before 6:30 with a mug. Here's my roughie:

• 5am: wake, make lunch & coffee
• 5am - 6am: clear emails, catch up on a show
• 6am - 7am: stretch, meditate, exercise
• 7am - 11:30am: work
• 11:30am - 1:30pm: work, eat, take at least 30 minutes to flake/rest
• 1:30pm - 5pm (maybe 7pm): work
• * Stretch at least every hour
• * Nibble healthily

DOs

• Eat! (sometimes I forget)
• Snack healthy
• Exercise at least 30 min a day
• Take breaks to breathe, center
• Drink coffee
• Smoke a cigarette (I know, I know. I rarely smoke, and only when I'm drinking, but if I have at least 1/2 a cig early in the day I tend to ward off apathy)
• Catharsis: Cry. Cry like your dog or cat just died. Watch your favorite cry movie (even if that's your wedding tape or Short Circuit 2) to emote it. No. "Cry" is not right. Weep. Every week or month or two just dig down there and fucking lose it - but only for a few minutes. Let it out. Lose your shit and bang on the pillows (sheet rock is expensive) and scream "WHY!?!?!" Then get it together and understand you're better for it and ACTUALLY be better for it.

DONTs

• Lay on the couch in front of the TV (If I feel like I need to drop out, do it in the bedroom where it's dark and I can talk myself out of my spiral)
• Drink early or much (obvious, right?)
• Keep a messy desk (self-defeating)
• Think blogging, anxiety, or angst are substitutes for work.

Success?

Today I ate, focused, exercised, and rocked out 5 solid hours of work and made almost $800. Success? Yes. Could I have done more? Yes. Should that example be a case in point for myself for creating and following this list? Yes.


I'm prone to depression from my grandfather down, "badges" on my wrists from college, a few of their little sisters on my arms and legs live as reminders as well. Sometimes I like to wrap myself in blankets on a cloudy day and wish the world would just fall apart around me (give me a gun and a zombie apocalypse and I'm good). At least I don't have the passive suicide daydreams of "turning the wheel and going off a cliff" of yore. For that I'm thankful.

I'm past the dangerous stuff. I made it through. I have no pity for whiny bitching - in myself or others. And I think the biggest thing I've learned, the most important thing I can pass along is:

STAY ABOVE IT

It's all in the state of mind and can be changed in a second: Everything we do, everything we deal with, every single part of our lives from joy to chaos to drama to too many people to meeting with expectations is noise. When you're down, when you feel beat, you're looking up at it all, it's covering you, encompassing you, suffocating you like an awful, killing comforter (oxymoron, eh?).

But even though none of that shit, none of that - noise of expectations or the sky's too gray or the sky's too grey or your sister's in prison or you need to make rent or the cat box hasn't been changed in a week or you forgot to put your good shirt in the wash last night or the goddamned dog needs to be boarded and you not only hate taking her but hate missing her - even though none of that shit in your life changes: YOU CAN.

Dig deep, think mentally of how those things are affecting you. They're all above you, stilting you, snuffing you out. NO! They're not! Change that. Change the game. You are above that, literally, mentally floating above it all to deal with it as you please. Yes, it still sucks, but being above it at least you can see the sun. And you might be able to see how you can drive that bus.

Get above it. Own it. Push its nose in the doodie. Drive that bus. Make me proud.

Republicans: Um, "I Like Money"

That quote is from the Mike Judge movie Idiocracy. The whole quote goes "I like money. I can't believe you like money too. We should hang out." It's a funny movie and if you haven't seen it, get it. Now.

As I've been contemplating for the last few weeks: The Bush Tax Cuts were justified as a means to institute a different version of the "trickle-down" effect. Of course, that's bullshit; the "trickle-down" effect was invented by rich bastards to get richer. When millionaires get more money, they keep it or spend it on themselves. That's why they're millionaires.

If the Bush Tax Cuts worked, we'd have jobs instead of depression, employment instead of people without health care living in their cars.

Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) takes it home on CSPAN. Enjoy.

TSA's Nuthuggin': 15 Things NOT to Say at Security

Is it weird that I'm making a juvenile joke because the man's name is Balzac but visually he looks a little like Ron Jeremy? I believe there's a form of irony there somewhere...

There's a growing fervor over the TSA photographing and groping and leaking body scan photos. I'm lucky I don't have to fly soon - I'd probably mouth off and get held just long enough to miss my flight. So here's my top 15 things I'm not going to say but would like to if I were flying and got searched and didn't mind losing my flight:

1. I guess I never realized TSA stood for Testicle Stroking Authority. Maybe they should rethink that - you kinda suck at it.
2. I'll show you my penis for a dollar.
3. I'd love a cigarette but then I'd have to go outside, come back in, and go through that again. Okay, I'm going to have a cigarette. Save my seat.
4. Where's my rape whistle?
5. FYI, I dress to the left.
6. I was led to believe I would receive a Happy Ending?
7. You gonna think about my balls when you fuck your wife?
8. Do you charge extra for a pinky in my bunghole?
9. Thank God I'm drunk during this!
10. This ain't no pansy-party; get on up in there n make sure I ain't no turrurrist!
11. (While grinding) Smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Oh noooooo!
12. How many balls would you say you touch in a day? Do you like 'em? You should call Guinness - there might be an opening for a daily ball-handling record.
13. If you want to put it in me, it's gonna be extra.
14. Do you tend to caress, squeeze, or bob the nuts?
15. You call that a reach-around?

And then, doing that while wearing this tshirt:


That would be an awesome day. Okay, it would probably suck, but hell would that be a story to blog about.

What inappropriate statements would you make? Comments is wide open :)


UPDATE: Blueberry left an obvious omission:

I heard something about some guys (as a protest, or just for fun) planning to opt out of the screening in favor of the manual check, and they will be commando and wearing kilts.

OMG I'm totally doing that.

Four Loko: Yes, The Government is Retarded

What the fucking fuck? You know sometimes that I espouse the base beliefs of Republicans, one being keeping the goddamned government out of our lives? This is a clear example of that.

Four Loko hit the news a couple weeks ago because with it's 12% ABV and loads of caffine, it made a couple college kids vomit. The Hill reports:

Drug czar Gil Kerlikowske said he welcomed a ruling by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that would effectively ban drinks like Four Loko and Joost, which have come under scrutiny for their alleged role in several cases of alcohol intoxication on college campuses.

Yes. Their role. Because binge drinking, college kids wanting to get wasted, and alcohol poisoning can be traced to one source: Four Loko.

I bought the drink once, partly because I like the booze but mostly because I'm a sucker for a novelty. I saw a caffeinated blue-raspberry drink with 12% alcohol for less than $2 and I was all "Fuck yeah - party time!" But no. It was awful. And I'm not talking "My fine wine and whiskey palette could not tolerate such an outrage" snobbery bullshit. This was eight-year-old blue-raspberry cotton candy dissolved in turpentine with a hard shot of gag reflex and enough HFCS to bring the liquid to a saturation point. I got through 3 little sips and was done forever with the foul beast.

But that doesn't mean the government should be allowed to ban it. College kids get drunk; that's the other half of their job. They will always gravitate towards the cheapest ways to alter their consciousness. That's why weed's less popular than alcohol and Hennessey is less sucked down than Natty Light.

Note to our government: Everyone sees that this is posturing, but it's laughable posturing. It's like someone walked into the office of the FDA and said "Listen! This is DANGEROUS!" and everyone was like "OMG Yeah!" and then they took it to the White House and said "Mr. President! This is not only what they world cares about but if you address this everyone will love you!"

And you know why you're being fed this?! It's the fucking November Book! This is the time of year (along with others) where TV Ratings will determine viewership which will determine a station or network's ability to price their commercials. Wonder why you generally turn on the news and hear "The Mount Adams Puppy you can't miss!" but about 4 times a year the headline teaser is "You probably have AIDS - Tune in at 11 to find out for sure!"? Ratings!

President Obama: You are a damn fool, a naive sucker to come out and say this is a health issue. What's next? A ban on red bull in bars (because that's about the same, just more expensive)? Perhaps a ban on sweetened alcoholic drinks? Then a ban on alcohol? Maybe a ban on college? Where does this silliness end? Should everyone call this an attack on the poor because you're eliminating one way for poor folk to get drunk? I mean, they still have Thunderbird. But you backed a federal ban on something based on a fabricated "epidemic" based on television stations trying to get viewers.

I am an ardent supporter but, for now, I laugh at you. I laugh because you're being a sucker, I laugh because you were suckered by the media sensationalism you have so often knocked down, but mostly I laugh because Four Loko, when faced with an alcohol/caffeine ban responded by saying "Okay, we'll get rid of the caffeine."

They're still serving sugary booze-ness to everyone and you've wasted thousands of taxpayer dollars just talking about it!

Don't we have more important things to worry about like wars and health care?




UPDATE: I got this Know! email from the Drug-Free Alliance:

"Blackout in a Can" is what some people are calling Four Loko: a dangerous, new alcohol energy drink that contains nearly as much alcohol as a six pack of beer and as much caffeine as a 12-ounce cup of coffee, all in one supersized serving (24-ounce can).

Alcohol energy drinks are no new concept and have long been a concern. However, alcohol-infused energy drinks like Four Loko, are especially dangerous because they contain an incredibly high amount of alcohol mixed with caffeine. Medical experts say that combining a depressant (alcohol) with a stimulant (caffeine) is hazardous to both the body and brain, and it makes for a, "wide awake drunk," as the caffeine masks the typical effects of alcohol.

Um, if your kids are getting their hands on this can, you've got much bigger problems than just talking to your kids. Alcohol + Caffeine exists and will be consumed legally in bars by anyone over 21. In excess in some cases. Just be a good, open, and accepting parent and you won't have to worry about insanity. Add the Drug-Free Alliance to the fear-mongering list of fools.

Hawt Denny's Brawl - Video

Just kidding. It's not really hawt. If anything, it's trash, but it's scantily-clad Halloween trash.


[via Gawker TV]

I bet they didn't tip either.

A Bad Case of the Gangster Midgets

(Seriously, internets? I hit Google Image Search for a little person [Yes, I know 'midget' is offensive - the title is in reference to childhood perception.] dressed as a Gangster. You know, pin-striped suit, fedora, tommy gun? But 20 pages of results and the douche from Pit Boss is the closest I can get? [Yes, Pit Boss guy would be a douche at any height - not a slight at size, he's just a dick.] So why nothing in 20 pages of results? Because it was full of "gangsta"s, not gangsters, some little people, some big, all hood rats. [note: always turn GIS safe search back on after searching 'alyson hannigan' and before searching 'gangster midget.' If not? Holy little people ghetto cock party.] So, on to the actual post.)

When I was a kid, I had this strange nightmare that my father was standing on our dining room table trying to fix a stained-glass hanging lamp. I was trying to tell him to be careful but at some point he bumped his head on the lamp and started crying uncontrollably. My stomach dropped and then things got worse. I heard a rumbling and a clatter and turned around to see about a half dozen little people gangsters (You know, pin-striped suit, fedora, tommy gun?) dropping from the chimney into the fireplace, emerging from the sooty entranceway, and advancing on us. I moved back towards the table but it wasn't safe there either because the protectorate that my Dad should've been was wailing and streaming with tears.

I'll never forget that dream or that feeling: hopelessness, despair, acute anxiety, overwhelming desire to disappear.

I bring that up because over the past few weeks I've had a bad case of the gangster midgets. Whenever my depression manifests itself, I get the same feeling I did in that dream, only instead of a quick sampling of it that fades when I wake, it is prolonged and draining and manifests wholly in my conscious hours. I seem to be pulling out of it somewhat, surfacing above the clouds, but it's hard - as lost as I get when I drive through those moods, there's something comforting about darkness and silence and solitude.

So I'm working on a list, a schedule of sorts, to keep me on track to maintain this upswing. I've identified most of the things I should do, things I should avoid. Now I've just got to get it on paper - and stick to it.

And for you? That might just mean me getting back to posting more regularly.

Ann Coulter's a Moron, But You Knew That

Ann Coulter is a moron. Read from one of her recent bullshit email spooges about repealing the 26th Amendment:

Adopted in 1971 at the tail end of the Worst Generation's anti-war protests, the argument for allowing children to vote was that 18-year-olds could drink and be conscripted into the military, so they ought to be allowed to vote.

But 18-year-olds aren't allowed to drink anymore. We no longer have a draft. In fact, while repealing the 26th Amendment, we ought to add a separate right to vote for members of the military, irrespective of age.

Is she seriously saying that our military should automatically get to vote because they're in the military? Yes, she is.

That's the equivalent of saying shoemakers should be allowed to vote at 16. NOTHING about being in the military makes one more qualified than another to vote, any more than IQ, BMI, or HDL.

Hannity's Childlike Rage: Bachmann Overdrive

Sean Hannity was all over the place today, overstating the significance of the Republican win, fostering his own leg tingle while frustratingly attacking Chris Matthews because of one small event of the evening:


"Crazy Eyes" Bachmann

Last night, Chris Matthews had a chance to interview Michele Bachmann live. He asked her about a well-known quote of hers:

What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think the American people would love to see an expose like that.

[On Obama]Absolutely, I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views.

Yes, that's crazy. And Chris asked her about it, if she was going to push it. And she said NOTHING about it but answered as if something else entirely was asked. And so he asked her again and she talked about what the Republicans were going to focus on. And he asked her again and when she once more not just sidestepped the question but completely ignored it, the chuckles of the panel were audible and Chris's next question was "Are you hypnotized? Has someone put you under a trance?"

So Sean today was pissed because his lady Bachmann was slightly ridiculed and he blurted out mocking Matthews about being hypnotized. He sounded like an angry child shouting "Yeah, you're stupid, Stupid!"

Cause, you know, when you make a serious policy statement and serious allegation like "Un-American," if someone brings that up again, it's a "gotcha" question.

I will enjoy watching Sean psychologically collapse in 2 years when the Repugs can't close the deal. Yums.

And, if you haven't seen it yet: Top 10 Crazy Michele Bachmann Quotes.

Dear Ohio: WTF?

The Republicans blamed 400,000 lost jobs on every incumbent Democrat in office - and won most places because of it. For governor? 2 years out of Bushrape of the economy (where Ohio was beaten like a red-headed stepchild), we knocked out Strickland for Kaisch, a Wall Street tool who bankrupted seniors through Lehman Bros. and helped push jobs out of the state and country. Nice, Ohio. For Senate, you gave pretty-boy Portman Voinovich's seat, which wasn't a total surprise. But could someone tell me how Jean Schmidt keeps her damn job? At least they kept Kucinich up in Cleveland. But...Ohio's Tan Man Fake-Cry Boner will probably be taking the Speaker role. Good times.

So as we went, much of the country went (Ah, but so good to see Crazypants Angle and Batshit O'Donnell lose races). Right Wing Talk Radio sounds like 3-hour blocks of the Happy Ending portion of their weekly massage.

But not to worry. They will soon fall apart. You've got McConnell focusing on nothing but ousting Obama in 2 years, a handful of Tea Party folks and some extreme Republicans looking at everything from a full repeal of health care to privatizing Social Security to dismantling the Department of Education. Some say "meet in the middle" while others say "We'll shut down the government!" They control the House but not the Senate. They are schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder wrapped into one.

So, in other words, somehow even less will happen than it does now and in 2 years the Republicans will be taken to task for not just failing to get America back on track, but making it worse than it is now. Because the only thing they have the ability to do is make rich people richer, disenfranchise voters, and send jobs overseas.

I Voted: Let the Right Fall

I know, I know. The ConservaTea Party in their Pants isn't going anywhere soon. A couple of the Right Wing nutters will probably make it into office. And that makes Baby Jesus cry because, well, it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to walk through the gates of Heaven. Or some other shit Jesus said that wasn't about hating fags so it's totally ignored.

The huge difference between me and the nutters on the right? The box of asshats we know as Hannity and Beck and Limbaugh - as well as the whole brainless trust over at FOX - are adamant that everything left or liberal is BAD and every conservative candidate is the glowing, halo-ed image of Jesus Christ himself riding a dinosaur and eating the CO2 to ward off any reality of Global Warming.

I, however, know that Government in general is a problem and actually equate it to the assholes we elect. No Democrat (except maybe Kucinich) is perfect. All have a hand in special interests. And when it's time to go, it's time to go. But none of them have such a fierce, fisting hand up Money's ass as the whole of the conservative movement.

And I just heard Rand Paul called for the now-officially-handicapped state to my south: Kentucky. A man silent about his history and batshit crazy on policy (Civil Rights Act = BAD) has won a state.

At some point I'll be moving to Europe. I'll let you know; we can rent a villa.


Ed Schultz: "This is a message to the White House." Yes: America is fucking insane.

45% of Indiana supports the Tea Party? WTF country did I - wait, is this Fringe night? Am I "over there?" Holy fuck.

What's the course correction? Course correction? You need to shut down the Right Wing Noise Machine. Not because they're controversial, not because they're well-funded, but because they're LYING about basic facts and what they're not lying about they're heavily insinuating just enough to get the limited imagination of many, many voters to go into freak-out panic mode. I guess they're chuckling now, but when the gun-toting militias come knocking on their door because they're not conservative or Christian enough? They really should pay attention to the small monster they're suckling right now. It will grow, and they will have no control. And then - and only then - will our founding fathers turn in their graves. Did I mention Europe?

Sorry...I'm live blogging. I'll just take my crazy notes and report back later.

MF'ing Tea Party Represent!

On some of my forum lists, I get some crazy right-wing folks that rebut everything bad about the Tea Party or the GOP in general with "it's a left-wing plot" or "well, [insert Democrat name here] did something similar." But we're going to the polls on Tuesday. All of us. And here's a list, albeit small (comments about crazy I missed welcome - I will update). This is why the Tea Party scares the shit out of me:

• Rand Paul supporters stop on the head of a female protestor - stomper identified as Rand's campaign coordinator. Rand himself has stated that he wouldn't have voted for the 1964 Civil Rights Act and wants to abolish the Americans with Disabilities Act.
• Juan Williams was fired from NPR for compromising his integrity as a journalist. His other sealed deal was at FOX News. NPR Received a bomb threat.
• Glenn Beck inspired wannabe domestic terrorist Byron Williams who went to California to kill members of the ACLU and Tides foundation.
• Glenn Beck attacked Kathy Tate-Bradish from the League of Women Voters for not being enthusiastic about reciting the pledge (because it was not included in the fomal debate format agreed to by candidates beforehand) at a debate with candidates from 8th District in Illinois. She has since recieved death threats now being investigated by the FBI.
• Sharron Angle believes in the complete banning of abortion. In cases of rape or incest, she believes if pregnancy occurs it is part of God's plan and lemonade should be made out of such lemons. She once spoke out against flouride as a communist plot and suggested support for making alcohol illegal as recently as February of this year. She believes it is unacceptable and wrong for both parents to actually hold jobs simultaneously. She continues to use stereotypical images of scary Mexicans (one proven to be a stolen stock photo of Mexicans in Mexico) to drive her campaign.
• Christine O'Donnell had some experience with witchcraft years ago. While I don't find a problem with that, I do find a problem with every ultra-Christian sweeping it under the rug when - were she a Democrat - it would be open season on "How Christian is She?" She was filmed in the mid-90's for MTV speaking out against masturbation. In her last debate, she repeatedly voiced a lack of understanding of the meaning (and existence and location) of what is commonly known as the separation of church and state. She was unclear on which Amendments to the constitution she might want to repeal saying "I’m sorry, I didn’t bring my Constitution with me." She also is apparently unable to name even one Democratic Senator.
• The Tea Party Nation thinks there is only one Muslim member of congress (K. Ellison) and that he's not just a Muslim but supports terrorists. Kareem Abdul Jabar was not contacted for comment.
• Ken Buck, running in Colorado, says "I disagree strongly with the concept of separation of church and state. It was not written into the Constitution." He has said he wants to get rid of the Department of Energy and gut the Department of Education. He agrees with Sharron Angle on rape and incest.
• Joe Miller, running in Alaska, talks about privatizing social security and medicare. Agrees with total abortion banning despite rapre or incest, wants to kill the Dept. of Education, and thinks unemployment benefits are not "constitutionally authorized." He illegally used government computers for political purposes, lied about it, lied about it again, then, cornered, admitted it and resigned. (Wait, are they changing the state motto to "Alaska is for Quitters"?)
• (FYI, imagine a world where Bush the Lesser succeeded in privatizing social security, as was a well-spoken goal, just before the downturn)
• Stephen Broden, running for Congress in Texas, said that if the GOP doesn't take the win, then the violence option "is on the table," saying "we have a right to get rid of that government and to get rid of it by any means necessary."
• As to violence, locally Rep. Driehaus was threatened when his home address by a right-wing blogger - after a reported death threat. Oops! Rep. Tom Perriello's (D-VA) brother's address was posted by a Tea Party blogger (potentially out of ignorance) and the gas line outside his house was cut. Nine members of the "Hutaree militia," reportedly associated with a radical right-wing patriot movement, were arrested for planning a government overthrow. Rep. Raul Grijalva (D-Ariz.) said in a statement he shut down his Yuma district office after staff members discovered a bullet had shattered a window there. Authorities said U.S. Judge Susan Bolton received hundreds of threats at her downtown Phoenix court offices after issuing the injunction.

So it appears violence is accepted, bloody revolt is hinted at, the strength of someone's Christian faith will only be measured if you're a Democrat, every Muslim is a Satanic Terrorist, science isn't science if it hinders oil corporations, and some other things that can only be described by a reasonable society as crazy are in full effect.

Scarier: some of these people are going to win.

Scarier even: These are examples. There is no broad brush. The Tea Party is all over the map on policy and intensity and the RNC is treating this schizophrenic pit bull like a lap dog. It's going to bite.

My only solace in Republican winnings on Tuesday is that America is fickle, more and more fickle and responsive as time goes on and attention spans drop off like a Republican's pants in an airport bathroom stall. 2 years ago America shouted "Republicans suck!" And now, because of that attention span and Republican obstructionism, they're saying "Change is good, but not fast enough!"

Let them take it on Tuesday. They America will see the plan-less suckshit in full effect. And with a condensing attention span and no reliable candidates, they'll be done in 2012.

A Weekend of (not so good) Movies

I've been rocking some funeral action the past couple days (Mrs. Shambles' grandma), so I haven't been around so much. But before all the craziness began I had a slow weekend of movies, movies, movies. Here's a list, lite reviews, no real spoilers.

Let's imagine a baseline x-axis line representing time and the y-axis at zero to mark indifference where anything above is pleasurable and below is poop. How about a crappy image to better explain it:



So averaging the basic feel of the movie over time, we can come up with a high of 5, low of -5. Let's get going!

Hereafter



Theatre time! Yay: popcorn, pop, stadium seating! And a mediocre movie. The acting was fine, the directing worked well, special effects in the beginning were solid, but the pace sucked the life out of me. We went with my parents and my mother at one point let out a honking blurt of a snore, probably seconds before I would've. Dragging is an understatement. I would've wanted to punch Matt Damon and Clint Eastwood in the dick after the movie, but my eyes were half closed and I just wanted to sleep. The only redeeming portion? You're looking at her above: Bryce Dallas Howard. For all of 20 minutes :(

I'll give it a 0.75 - not much negative, but a whole lot of zero.


MacGruber



One of my friends turned off this movie after 20 minutes, referring to it as a diaper bag. I decided it was my personal mission to make it through - with force if necessary - the entire movie. And honestly, the first 20 minutes were pretty good compared to the rest of it.

2 mildly tolerable items: The scene in the coffee shop in the preview where the woman is screaming and everyone thinks she's crazy? Funniest. Term "Upper Decker" - taking a dump in the tank of the toilet instead of the bowl. Humorous. The rest of the movie was deplorable from the writing to the humor to the acting to the concept that it is supposed to be a parody. I would've been angry but the movie sucked my will to live with its redemption-less badness.

-3, and probably only that high because I was drinking beer.


Jonah Hex



Comic book adaptation - if you like that Wild Wild West kinda thing, it's for you. Mostly action, short on story, alternate history science fiction fun! It's got Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, and not nearly enough Megan Fox. Gadgets, 'splosions, and a couple laughs. One of those "enjoy it for what it is" movies. Please don't look for answers to great mysteries; you will be disappointed.

2.25 as none of it was painful and I have a soft spot for comics, sci-fi, and special effects.


The Ruins

Spring break kids find an old ruin with bad plants. There's really nothing more to the story except watching them die.

1.0 for an interesting concept and the kid from the Black Donnelleys.


The Happening



Yeah, more on the plants. M. Night Shyamalan did this one. What a twist! End of the world...but for what? Yay Zooey, yay special effects, mild boo to the working of an atmosphere of fear.

1.25 for no solid negative and it didn't totally suck. Worth an hour+ of your life, but for god's sake don't buy it - borrow or steal.