Motherfuckin Wizards Never Die

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen on the internets in the last ...month or two? Spinal Tap and Neil Patrick Harris reference included.

Earth Day Makes Me Angry

Well, not Earth Day per se. It's the satellite radio and right wing blogs that make me angry. They're all railing about being inundated with Earth Day and how bad and bullshit it all is. Right now I'm listening to Fox Across America with Spencer Hughes and he's crapping himself about what "brainwashing" his kids are going to come home with because they might have discussed Earth Day in school, because the War Against Global Warming is "war against capitalism" and "war against Western Civilization."



The far right wing has gone from questioning popular and well-accepted science to abject quackery. Many believe the following:

• At the top tier of batshit crazy is those folks who refuse to believe that global warming is even real, often citing the ignorance of Global Cooling in the 1970's and claiming we are going to be looking at more cooling to come. None of them acknowledge that a piece of Antarctica four times the size of Manhattan collapsed into the ocean a couple weeks ago.


• If they do believe that Global Warming is a reality, it is not because of humans, but a long-disputed idea that it is solely because of a complex variety of the Earth's tilt and proximity to the sun. Wingnuts say it is insane liberal egomania to think that little ol' us humans could affect the environment, could affect the planet as a whole. These folks ignore well-established theories, basic scientific understanding, and anything any liberal has to say.


• Not only is Earth Day a horror and brainwashing, but because of alternative and bio-fuel research, we have food riots (and that is the sole reason, of course). This is a first: because of a generalized liberal focus on Global Warming, we've got Conservatives to give a shit about poor people - in other countries.


• Global Warming is a hoax and liberals are purposefully misleading the world in order to make themselves rich, damage American industry/jobs, and institute Socialism. No mention is made of conservatives beginning wars in order to make themselves rich, damage American industry/jobs, and institute a Police State.


• The obviously pagan Liberals treat the Gospel of Al Gore as their Religion.

No, this is not a joke.

And Al Gore is to blame! Understand that most people who think that Global Warming is a hoax are Conservative Republicans. Right Wing whackjobs hate liberals so damned much and, by association, Al Gore. Al Gore has made the world more aware of the problems we face with "An Inconvenient Truth." So at the detriment of the entire planet Earth, conservatives will refuse to agree with a liberal, because to do so might somehow, indirectly lead to admitting that Al Gore should have been the president, legally, about eight years ago.

Wingnuts are not only sadly attacking liberals and science, but their own. The attacks have gone from "try the science" to "I'm throwin' my shoe at the stupid train because it's stupid. Trains 'r' stupid. Trains." Bush recently announced a focus on climate change and then there's Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives, sitting on a couch with - gasp! - Nancy Pelosi addressing - GASP! - Climate Change. Take a look:



And then there's NewsBusters, the self-proclaimed Right Wing equivalent to Media Matters. Unfortunately for them and as is par for all direct comparisons between Liberals and Conservatives on the internet, we're piloting advanced aircraft and they're wearing a shit grin over the two pence kite they just bought. But we're on Global Warming on Earth Day today, so let's address Brent Baker's "NBC 'Green with Envy' Over Swedes for 'Showing Kindness to Planet'."

Let that title sink in for a second, because that's the meat and potatoes of it. Brent Baker is apparently outraged that NBC turned Earth Day into "Earth Week," changed their logo to green to signify something to pay attention to, and did a story on how Sweden pays attention to the planet by lauding and providing an accessible public transportation system, is trying to be fossil fuel (an admittedly-limited fuel source) free by 2020, and keeping the environment clean.

Thank God for Brent Baker for exposing "the network's activist agenda." Earth Day - or Week - is about understanding and trying to eliminate the horrible things us human beings are doing to our environment, an environment that we need to support us: plant trees, stop pollution, etc. You know, the basics.

Based on this outrage for keeping our planet habitable, Mr. Baker is ostensibly shitting on his dining room table, eating from the rim of his toilet, or both.

Athletes are fearing going to China for the 2008 Olympics because of what the Chinese have done to the environment. Of course, it's pure hubris to think that we can affect the planet.

This is the politics of Global Warming. Here's the reality: no matter what you believe, dumping tons and tons and tons of waste into the environment in the form of solid, liquid, and gas is going to affect the environment. Lil ol' us nothin'. No, even if we fired every nuclear weapon in every arsenal we would not "destroy the Earth," but we would make life as we know it impossible. We can affect the planet. We are affecting the planet. And should our houses not be in order very soon, it shall be a plague on both them, Conservative and Liberal alike.

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene

From my brilliant friend Julie who found this over at glumbert:

glumbert - Gay scientists isolate Christian gene

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 4/21/08

If you have a reason, you don't need to shout.

-Zen proverb

The Berate Debate - WTF ABC?

For any of you who watched the debate the other night and thought "WTF?" you are not alone. From MoveOn.org:

Editor & Publisher called this week's ABC presidential debate "perhaps the most embarrassing performance by the media in a major presidential debate in years."

Moderators George Stephanopolous and Charlie Gibson spent the first 50 minutes obsessed with distractions that only political insiders care about--gaffes, polling numbers, the stale Rev. Wright story, and the old-news Bosnia story. And, channelling Karl Rove, they directed a video question to Barack Obama asking if he loves the American flag or not. Seriously.

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Worth every second:

Pope Blames Priest Rape on Society

I'm not kidding. In front of tens of thousands of followers and other assorted religiophiliacs, in direct reference to the Priest scandal - you know, that whole pedophilia thing - Pope Benedict XVI said that the degradation of society's values are to blame.

"Children deserve to grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and its proper place in human relationships. They should be spared the degrading manifestations and the crude manipulation of sexuality so prevalent today."

Perhaps he should make that clear to the priests that fuck little boys in the ass.

NRRRD GRRRL Sofa King Hawt

One of my personal heroes, Phil Plait, posted about this video on YouTube: NRRRD GRRRL, lamenting that he was never able to see ladies like this in college. I know I saw a few, but it was in high school that I dated one...okay, two. And it was wonderful lovely delicious. If only we had a time machine. Watch the video:



The artist is MC Chris, and his new album will be out in May.

I'll be first in line. I don't know if I can wait.

Wal Mart in Drag

You might remember that Wal Mart has a sexist suit against it. You might remember that Wal Mart is ruining America. Either way, this Wal Mart Drag video is lovely.

Right Wing Glurge Spam - Political Correctness

Sometimes you don't know someone's political leanings until you land on their "hay, this iz funny!" forward list. And even after that, you still respect them. After all, how else are you going to know what sorts of ultra-pseudo-patriotic, right-wing "librulz r crap" emails are going around?

This came from one of those friends:

The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was Political Correctness.

The winner wrote,
"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Hahaha. Oh, those righties.

Unfortunately, it has not yet hit Snopes.com, but the first pieces are, unsurprisingly, unverifiable. The Texas A&M website is void of any reference to turds, save one that has nothing to do with the supposed contest. I've also looked at over a dozen blog and web posts of this quote: none of them link to an actual contest and most actually refer to a forwarded email. Good show, folks.

Note to self: Make up quote that quips on the definition of the Constitution or some such fodder that pokes at righties then disseminate quote by emailing a liberal who is known to flagrantly forward unjustified emails to others who will do the same.

Note to self: Make friends with a liberal who is known to flagrantly forward unjustified emails to others who will do the same, should such be found to exist.

Americans and Learned Helplessness

Beginning in 1967, Martin Seligman began a series of studies that helped buck some of the generalized ideas of B.F. Skinner's behaviorism and gave rise to the phrase "learned helplessness." I'm not going to go into the details of the study; you can read it here.

Here's the basis of the experiment:

1. A dog given a periodic electrical shock and a lever to stop it can learn to use the lever and deal with it.
2. A dog given a periodic electrical shock and a lever that does nothing can learn to deal with it.
3. A dog given a random shock and no means to control that shock will fall into stressful depression which, for dogs, consists of curling up in the corner of the sometimes-electrified cage, shivering with stress, and wincing at the occasional shock. This "giving up" and "dealing with it miserably" is what is called Learned Helplessness

This I heard about back in my early college days, but not until I saw the gas prices do their magical dance over the past couple years did I bring it into relevancy.

We are the third dog. Americans. World citizens. Anyone who is not directly in power. Many of us have curled up in the corner of the cage, driving through our daily grind, making sure we have a job, not rocking the boat, just trying to stressfully survive and always, always, awaiting the next shock.

As I mentioned, this thought came to being because when I began driving, you could still find gas for under a buck a gallon. Typing it, it sounds like a fairy tale, sounds like I'm 100 years old, but it was in 1993. Fifteen years later, we're looking at gas quadrupling in price. But steady we could understand.

The gas does a dance, a random dance for those of us very normal Americans who do not have the mental window into futures trading. As it was rising, we'd see a peak of thirty cents in a week. All over the news. Then it would drop fifteen, maybe twenty. All over the news again. But the up and down introduces complacency: "Well, it's a little higher now, but at least it's not as high as it was." And we keep saying that and we keep saying that and it goes up 4 steps and down 2 and up an down. And before you know it, I'm driving to Cleveland two weeks ago and internally audibly said to myself "Wow, $3.19 isn't so bad." But six months ago people were talking gas boycott at $3.00.

Complacency.

This happens in government as well: slowly and slowly our civil liberties are evacuated and someone puts the breaks on the electrical current for a couple minutes and our tail's all wagging. Bush denies that global warming is real and suddenly says he's going to support legislation to aid global warming (details to come, of course). Our taxes go up, our insurance rates rise - but maybe not so much one year - and we're looking at a couple hundred dollars coming to us in May. This is worse than shock; it's shock and biscuits.

So what's the solution? To carry the analogy, one dog could break the leash, crash the door. But we have minders, and before a shit is taken on the floor, we're back in the cage awaiting our next shock.

No, all the dogs must break loose, surround the minders, and in one solid and strong barking voice shout "NO! No more!"

I know. Dogs can't talk. But we can.

We've been led to believe we are a government of the people, by the people, for the people, yada yada. I have yet to see that play out in truth in my lifetime. I'm guessing many of you haven't. And lest we sit around watching American Idol and the Superbowl, we never will.

Any suggestions?

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable."

-JFK

Bend the bars. Make the change.

Rambling: Can Democrats Avoid Criticism?

As my always disclaimer states, I am not a fan of Republicans, but neither am I a mouthpiece for Democrats. I will vote Democrat in November.

That said, we've got Obama's new reason for being attacked:

You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate, and they have not. So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

Okay, this one doesn't need much background and can't really be explained away. The statement is angering because it's true. It terribly fucking true. I'm listening to Sean Hannity rail right now, How dare anyone claim that the great people of the United States of America are anything less than perfect!

But we are far from perfect. Obama said it concisely: Americans feel helpless because of continually being let down by their elected officials, because of seeing the economy fall apart, because of $4.00/gal gas and they can't do it anymore, they can't feel like they can control anything or have impact on how things are run, so they take refuge in things they can control: their religion, their beliefs, their hate. That's how mob mentality gains a foothold and the last refuge for learned helplessness (which I will attack in my next post).

But people - especially people who he is talking about - don't want to hear it; people like Sean Hannity who make their career on making themselves out to be the salt of the Earth like every good, hard-working, abused, and down-trodden American won't hear of it. Because from the Republican perspective, hard-working Americans with low-paying jobs in small towns are tough-livin' freedom fighters, but hard-working Americans with low-paying jobs in urban areas are lazy porch monkeys who don't know how to better themselves.

So Obama said something true about Middle America and everyone's outraged. I don't think he should've said it, but he did. He deserves to hear about it, but not from the angle that right-wing radio's running.

On the other hand, we've got Hillary doing shots in a bar in order to "connect" with Middle America. Crown Royal, to be specific. There are a very few points to make on this drinking op:

• Most Middle Americans do not buy Crown Royal because it's a touch fucking expensive. They drink Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Wild Turkey. Perhaps even Paramount or another well brand. I drink Jameson, but that's because I'm an elitist prat who's not simply scraping by.


• Crown Royal is not an American, but Canadian, whiskey. (It's better than American whiskeys because America has a rule that does not allow the aging of liquor in previously-used barrels; Crown Royal is aged in oak barrels previously used to age cognac, enriching and complicating the flavor.)

This incident is not a huge deal, but I've heard many a parody today on the right side of the dial.

So Hillary, in trying to connect to Middle America, was unable to get it 100% right.

I guess I'm tired of hearing all this prattle about our Democratic candidates on poor word choice or whiskey choice or church choice or gun choice. John McCain being elected will lead directly to the deaths of thousands of Americans and thousands of non-Americans, if not just in Iraq and Afghanistan, then in Iran, and maybe a couple other countries that could exacerbate the rest of the world balance, knocking us into a World War with ...well, everybody.

To the right: shut up about the nuance; the only true threat to our freedom is the possible election of John McCain.

Ricky's Wisdom Today - 4/12/08

I'm writing a graphic novel and will say nothing more at this point other than this is pretty much the defining quote of my novel.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go." Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me!"

-John 29:15

Mike Church - Brainwashing Kids, Blatant Lies

Sirius Radio has given me new perspective on the horrors of right wing talk shows. First it was Andrew Wilkow. I can almost stomach the whole show. Now...

Right wingnut radio neo-con, Mike Church - also known as "King Dude" because of an apparent unhealthy love affair with "The Big Lebowski" but ironically looks like every other straight-laced repub - was spouting flat earth global warming "myth" garbage and bragging about how well-versed his daughters are in the mythos of global warming caused by the proximity of Earth to the sun on Thursday.

Specifically, he talked to his daughters about how the lumber industry is doing the world a great service because if they didn't cut down those trees, those trees would grow old and dry out and die. Or some shit. He went on to say that because of hippie lawsuits, the lumber market is suffering, and that the folks on the show "Ax Men" on the History Channel are actually Canadians because they couldn't find any Americans who were loggers anymore.

Couple things, Mike:

1. Cutting down trees kills those trees. As you stated, those trees are reseeded. This is not a "natural process." Lightning and fires and decay are.


2. The lumber market is suffering because of the failure of the housing market which was artificially inflated by rich, white repub bankers.


3. The History Channel show "Ax Men" features American loggers logging in the American Pacific Northwest. Take two seconds not to sound like a boob.

Oh, Jesus, he just said the Liberals demanding religious tolerance in Tibet have no desire to extend the same tolerance to Mormons here in America. If he's referring to the recent spat in Texas where over 300 kids were taken into custody, Mike must be equating under-age sexual abuse - rape - to something that lives in the realm of acceptable religious practices. For someone with an 11 year old daughter, he should be ashamed.

I could write all day on this, but listening to him spew verbal diarrhea, yelling over the callers, putting everyone on defensive because of a perceived level of intelligence, and showboating musical parody as high comedy is giving me an ulcer.


UPDATE: 2 years later, I've been noticed by Mike Church. Read the comments here, then go to the modern post.

Waterworld Sees Steampunk Resurgence

Late Tuesday night, Lane Chancellor, avid steampunk aficionado and Chocobo breeder, caught the first twenty minutes of the oft-lauded Hollywood flop, Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner.

"I never knew," he said in a first-ever interview. "I'd seen it when it came out, but that was before I was totally into steampunk. It's like the movie was a story about the future - our future in loving on steampunk."

Chancellor shifted in his chair and subtly eyed his mother poking her head into the basement, wondering "what the hell's going on down there with the lights and the talking and the -"

"Shut up, mom! I'm interviewing," Lane shouted.

"Granted," he continued, "the jet-skis are piss-poor mock-ups when it comes to steampunk, but that balloon? Costner's sail rig? That's fucking hot! Steampunk gold, baby."

At which point, Chancellor waved his hand in a sad attempt at a Jedi Mind Trick, muttering "You will leave now. I have more important matters at hand," and lit the welding torch, continuing to work on his steampunk dildo. At which point I was terrified and allowed Mrs. Chancellor to pack me some cookies before I was on my way.

The Time Traveler's Wife

In one of those crazy incidences of synchronicity, this past Saturday night saw me at the home of some of my favorite people. Let's call them Art and Music, for as I am Writer, they eat their names with savor.

Saturday evening, after many a libation, we were visually walking the bookshelf and Art told me about a book she'd been given but never read: The Time Traveler's Wife. The next morning, mildly foggy from the aforementioned evening, I appeared back at my parents' house. Before I went home, without mentioning the previous conversation, I was handed The Time Traveler's Wife and told to read it.



So now I must.

But I don't just spill trivial bullshit on a regular basis, so here's the crux: I've barely begun the book (working on Harry Potter 6 right now as well), but caught this poem in the opening pages. It's called "Love After Love" but is more appropriately entitled "Love During Love." Because we need it. We forget, sometimes, during a relationship and especially during a marriage, that we are solitary figures, that we have an individual personality. We forget to know ourselves, our desires, our dreams. And sometimes we need to give ourselves a giant fucking hug.

(note: I realize this punches in the face the Zen Buddhist parts of my idealistic life, but I'm an admitted walking dichotomy, so get the hell over it.)

I almost cried the first time I read it. I cry now reading it again and again. Because I've forgotten.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.


Derek Walcott

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart

Aaaaaughh.

This is pretty horribly straightforward: A man kills himself. He's an organ donor and his heart goes to another man in need. The suicide's widow is in contact with the recipient, eventually meets, falls in love with, and marries him. Man with the late husband's heart kills himself.

Aaaaaughh.

(source: ABC News)

All Business, Good & Bad

Just a reminder that my other blog, All Business, Good & Bad, is starting to pick up, as far as me posting more often goes.

The original premise of the blog (it was originally "Bad Business") was to provide a platform for me - as well as any other folks who wanted to email their stories - to piss and moan about consumer failures in the marketplace. I've since expanded it to include good business experiences because, well, simply pissing and moaning gets a little tired after a while. Not to mention that I've had some seriously wonderful experiences since moving to Cincinnati, OH.

There are national companies as I deal with them in chains or on the web, and there is some local Cincinnati flavor that can give you, fair reader, a heads-up on what to expect and possibly avoid from your own local service providers.

Posts past and including even today: Crappy Adidas shoes, the plus and minus of Proactiv, airline debacles, and home warranty companies. Much more in the archives. Much more to come (and I promise: more positive!).

Enjoy.

Mario Key Party!

If you're a subscriber to Game Informer, you also get Game Infarcer. From the world of Mario:

We all know that the Mario gang has some of the wildest parties in the industry, but Key Party takes the gang into some saucy new territory. Hey, we all know things can get a little boring in a long-term relationship (Toad and Yoshi have been domestic partners since '92), so why not spice things up with some gameplay that puts a new spin on the term "multiplayer?" Using the Wii remote to select a key from the fishbowl, you'll find out who you'll be hooking up with for the evening. From there, let's just say things ge interesting, and feature some motion control moves we never thought we'd see.

From Princess Peach to Kirby, the whole crew takes it to the next level in this one, and we even find out that some Nintendo heroes we thought we knew had some definite skeletons in their closet. Hey, has anyone seen Link and Wario? Wonder where they went off to...

Now that's a spicy meat-a-ball!

Raise a Glass for Reason in America: Beer!

75 years ago, our idiot government had a brain fart long enough to pause a continued stream of stupidity and repealed Prohibition. Today marks the first recovering beer deliveries. From the Beer Institute:

"The last 75 years powerfully demonstrate that a healthy beer industry strengthens our overall economy," said Beer Institute President Jeff Becker. "Looking forward, fair tax policies are essential to ensuring that brewers and beer importers can continue supporting the more than 1.7 million jobs we have created and $190 billion provided annually to the economy."

Fair taxes aside - Cleveland area still enjoys a "sin tax" on all alcohol and tobacco years after the stadium that it was meant to pay for was completed; and you can't smoke there - this is a cause for celebration.

So raise a glass in cheers for those who made it possible, and raise a joint for those working hard to reform the other idiot prohibitions still in existence.