Saturday, March 05, 2011

Driving Libs Crazy #64: USA Nomba-Won Tough Guy

[UPDATE: Badger reminded me about the Crazy on Facebook. Thanks!]

Been following the 365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy (click that "crazy drive" tag at the bottom to see the goodies) and mostly it's been foolishness. Okay, it's ALL been foolishness. I just grab and showcase the ones that lay out teh stupids inherent in the Conservative Condition™.
Give them another reason why Obama has GOT to go.

He doesn't think America's anything special. No really, he doesn't. Quote: "I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism." In other words: everybody's special. Tell your friend that, with his Barney the Dinosaur egalitarian worldview of everybody being special, Obama ought to be a kindergarten teacher, leading the kids in non-competitive, non-judgmental songs, not the leader of the free world.

This is a prime example of laying bare the cognitive and logical deficiency that is Conservatism: blind, faith-like fanaticism.

The Quote

I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.

Wait, you don't believe that something's the best just because you're part of it? You don't believe USA is the best because by fate or chance or God you are President of our fair land? *applause*

The Argument

What the conservative argument is is we believe in our own exceptionalism and that's valid (Woohoo! #1!), but every other country's own feeling of national pride and exceptionalism is really just joke-shop fake shit because our exceptionalism is the TRUE exceptionalism. WTF?

If I'm not mistaken, the Barney the Dinosaur worldview has a few backers, like God, Jesus, Buddha. You know, those radical liberal goons.



Friday, March 04, 2011

It's Chinese Boob Squish Friday!

You don't need to understand English to get this commercial. Sound effects are priceless. No nipples, but probably NSFW.



Thursday, March 03, 2011

WI Cops: Smarter Than the Average Bear

Wisconsin Senate Republicans want to have those durn Dems arrested. Police association says NO.

Don't the Repubs read? The Dems left the state because that voids the "compel them" clause if they flee.

But aside from that, this is probably how the convo worked out.
R-SEN: Go arrest those Dems!

COPS: Yeah. No.

R-SEN: The power of Legislature compels you!

COPS: But it's written right here we can't compel them.

R-SEN: But you can!

COPS: Uh, we're Wisconsin cops. We can't go gangbusters into Illinois and drag them out. That's illegal. You would need the FBI.

R-SEN: But the FBI is run by a black man in a white house.

COPS: Is that some sort of "eagle flies west" code?

R-SEN: Nevermind. So, just hypothetically, *wink* if they WERE in Wisconsin, would you go get in your big, strong cop car and hunt down those whiny, wobbly wittle Demmies?

COPS: Please don't touch my thigh. So you're asking if we would forcibly compel Democrats to return to the capitol so you can have a vote to pass a bill that will ruin public employee livelihood in an underhanded trade to give rich companies tax breaks?

R-SEN: Aww, COPS, you have such a way with words. But you're exempt. I mean, uh, yeah, kinda.

COPS: And how long until I'm next? You hold the gavel. Stick it up your ass. Then find another gavel and pound it in before I find a way to fit my foot up there.

R-SEN: Ooh, really?

COPS: Fuck off.

Or maybe that's how it should've been.

In Short: Conservative DoublePlusBackSpeak

Seems Eric Holder used the phrase "my people" outside the confines of his one allotted negro month. Black Nationalist! shouts the right (Glenn Beck). Radical!

But when Ohio Gov. Kasich addressed the head of the Ohio Black Caucus in regard to hiring ANY minority with "I don't need your people," well, he just meant Democrats.

Ooh! Ooh! Let's do another one!

When the Tea Party rallies, it's called representation. When Nazi and hate rhetoric shows up, they were obviously Democrat plants.

When public workers stand up for their rights and try to preserve unions as the only card they have to play when things get tough, they are bullying rioters who won't let lawmakers do their jobs. One Hitler reference (image missing) and the liberals and the unions have completely lost it.


Whee! Let's do more some other time!

Take it Back: I am Hilarious in Iraq

I was lamenting my lack of recent quality photoshops and then I realized: I've got a backlog that started even before I was blogging. OMG! So here's the first in an erratically-appearing series called Take it Back. And, of course, click the Photoshop tag at the bottom of the post to see other things I've posted in the past.

First one's a little rough (read:artifacted), but we're starting from the beginning.


This, of course, is the Ice Cream Mines of Southern Gumdrop Province, Iraq, where ice cream headaches are all-too common amongst these obviously exploited children.

In Short: Government Pushing Apocalypse?

Okay, I get Glenn Beck peddling food insurance, bringing out the crazy, end of the world bullshit to sell gold and backpacks full of freeze-dried food that'll last 10 years. But this video is from a .gov website:



Are they trying to tell us something?

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

In Short: Hannity's Arguments Trumped

Sean Hannity, king of the Awww Shucks I Don't Know About All That Elitist Learnin Republicans, was on the radios yesterday talking to the King of the Combover, Mr. Trump, who is apparently running for POTUS in 2012.

The thing I found strange (strange like if I suddenly shit jar of pickled haddock) was what was coming out of Trump's mouth, completely unimpeded by standard, right wing talking points.

Among these, Trump stated:
  • America cannot compete with China
  • China is taking all our jobs
  • The USA is not producing much
  • China's buyout of America IS happening in a vacuum

Had any of these things been spouted by a liberal, Sean would've gone into Robo-Republican mode: "No, you're wrong", [insert false talking point], "if it's free market, how can it be wrong?", *hang up*, "You know, it's just like those liberal elite..."

But not the Trumpster.

Hannity biases. You decide.

Meat Car



Thursday, February 24, 2011

Problem With Eastern Protests? Geometry!

This is Tahrir Square




This is Pearl Square



Neither appears to have straight lines or corners. I say: first geometry, then freedom!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

GOP Still All Up in the Lady Parts

Seriously, check this shit out:
Georgia state Rep. Bobby Franklin (R) has made a name for himself by introducing far-right extremist bills. He has introduced legislation barring the state from requiring vaccinations, eliminating income taxes and replacing them with nothing, and requiring state taxpayers to only pay in gold or silver.

Now, he has introduced what may be his most offensive and extreme bill yet. Last week he unveiled HB 1, which would, as the parenting blog Babble explains, "require proof that a miscarriage occured naturally." If proof could not be provided, the mother could face "felony charges."

Jesus Christ in a neon rubber thong, what are these Republicans playing at? The tide turns their way - which it naturally does cyclically - and they think they are channeling God's personal mission to jail and harm women. Only someone without a uterus would have the ignorant balls to bring this up as a conversation piece, let alone introduce legislation to the fact.

Who do you think? The Libyans!

The true speed of Libyan democracy?



88mph

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Yous Likes 'em Short or Long?

Here's a question to which I would really like some feedback:

Do you enjoy the "Read More >>" function for its ease of perusing several titles in one quick stream or is it kind of a pain in the ass when you get to something good to click that and go to a separate page only to click the back button when you're done?

Looks like Google (Blogger) implemented that a while back and it escaped my notice.

Whatcha think?

Help Nathan Buy Firefly

Reposted from Cal's Canadian Cave of Cool.



[Note: For those who don't know, Firefly is one of the best shows ever created with a huge fan base, mostly of scifi nerds and geeks like me. It's the old west in the far future where you might find yourself with a bullet in your back and won't get very far without speaking Chinese. The writing is phenomenal. It only ran for one season because anything cool Fox stabs and moves to Friday to let it bleed out. It will be re-aired in its entirety in HD on The Science Channel in March. (Thanks Blue for reminding me not everyone in the world has seen it!)]


Help Nathan Buy Firefly

On Feb 17, 2011, in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Nathan Fillion said: “If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it on my own, and distribute it on the Internet.”

The Plan:

Phase 1) Generate momentum. We’re going to setup a way people can pledge funding towards the mission of putting the rights to Firefly back into the hands of people who care about it. Since Nathan said he’d be game to be those hands, we’re going to watch for …

Phase 2) Nathan chimes in towards us and approves the effort. At that point, it’s a real mission and we’ll switch into…

Phase 3) We’ll setup a way for the funding to be collected into a Non-Profit Organization. We’ll then want everyone to make good on their pledge and contribute.

Throughout all of this, we’ll have up the running tally of pledges and actuals.

How Can You Help?

Like and Share our Facebook page (there's also the original Bring Back Firefly FB page AND the Firefly Fan Page). We’ll get a Twitter setup today as well (still waiting on that one, but you can follow @NathanFillion). Tweet about this page via #HNBF #Firefly! Here’s a short URL for that purpose: http://dft.ba/-firefly


This Post Was Supposed to Be About Your Mom

But when I typed that into Google Image Search, I forgot the content filter was turned off and I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Lies About Wisconsin, Ohio...



[Edit, based on Calvin's comment: Unions were created because of abused workers, and tied into the end of child labor laws. These are good things, unless you're Republican and want to fund (read: tax cut) the corporations at the risk of crushing the hopes of real working Americans. Even today, while some abuses rear their ugly heads, the base mission is still valid: If the state (or other large group) controls your wages, you're going to get screwed. And yet teachers are still getting screwed. In Ohio, school funding based on property tax has been banned by the Ohio Supreme Court for over 20 years, yet no one changes it. But I digress - Unions are needed. And I hope I capture that in my post.]

The Riots

I was driving from Cleveland to Cincinnati yesterday afternoon, half-hungover and half awake, trolling the local AM stations from there to here and came upon quite the pompous asshole (unidentified conservative) who was taking calls about what's happening in Madison. When confronted with how hard teachers work, he reverted to "yeah, I work hard too." Then he switched to "Their job sucks!"

But all during his (and I will readily group Hannity and the other rightwing tools and myrmidons here), he nonchalantly referred to what was happening in Madison and Columbus as "riots" and "bullying" while out of the other side of his mouth saying all the Governor wanted to do was balance the budget and referring to the Tea Partier protesters as "just representing the taxpayer."

Yes, this should probably sit in the Hypocrisy section, but if we categorized it by that, the whole post would be under one heading.


The Teachers

Just to be clear: I was a teacher for one year. It was 50% wonderful with the kids. It was 50% horrible in the politics and administration. Also: the Madison issue is about ALL public service professionals.

Experienced teachers who have it down and still do a great job run an average of about 60-70 hours per week between teaching, planning, and grading. They spend 10-15% of their income on supplies and tools that the schools will not, either for them or the students.


The Hypocrisy

All the verbal abuse of the protests (RIOTS!) in Madison are from the right wing. And they're clearly targeting the unions as the abusers and devils. Why? Because while unions collect dues while helping negotiations for benefits and salaries, they also use some of those dues to promote political parties and candidates that support the unions.

And - YES - unions have, in some cases, totally abused their power and outgrown their use as their detriment has taken the ruling share when it comes to workers' benefit.

But the only reason it's an issue for the right wing right now is that 99% of those union donations go to Democrats because 99% of union supporters are Democrats. If that union money was going into the GOP fund, Hannity's only comment on the subject would be "They're doing the right thing, for themselves, and for America."


Life Without Unions

As a first-year teacher in North Carolina, where teachers' unions appear to be completely missing, allow me to tell you what happens (numbers were from about 5 years ago):
  • First year teachers will start at $23,400.
  • Mandatory 10% into retirement (that will eventually be your pension, none from state).
  • Tax the rest at about 24%.
  • You have the option of taking your yearly salary in 9 months or 12 months. Okay, can we do 12? Yes, but the way that works is you have to open a separate account, do the math yourself, and put away what you think you'll need over the 3 months and have that direct deposited from each check. But after realizing you won't even be able to pay the mortgage if you split it into 12, you opt for 9 and cross your fingers you'll be able to find something else during your "time off."
  • You'll be working about 80 hours per week. Sometimes more for a teacher (English) where you have to grade 5-paragraph essays from 120+ students multiple times each semester.
  • During the time you don't have, you're required to spend the money you don't have to pay to attend Continuing Education classes.

Why isn't anyone talking about what happens when you don't have unions?


The Reality

While the right wing refuses to acknowledge it, this is about power. The bill on the floor, the contention on the main issue is based on killing the union's ability to negotiate as a group. It allows the state to say "We don't have the money to meet what you want" and lets the salary to default to the "previous contract" meaning you basically don't get a raise if they say they don't have the money.

The power grab is simple. Pass the bill and own your public employees. Teachers aren't paid enough as it is as the people teaching/training/loving/supporting our kids when we're not there (and many parents aren't there out of school). Hey, let's pay them less because they're asking for more. Brilliant!


The Senators

The Democratic Party senators have left the state. The right wing is calling them cheats and liars. They might want to take a look at what Lincoln did. These Democratic Senators are apparently following The Party of Lincoln's playbook.


The Conclusion

These teachers and firefighters and police and every other public servant needs the unions to get them a fair wage. Yes, the unions sometimes abuse their power and certainly use money where they shouldn't, but the alternative is an abomination to anyone involved in a state job.

Keep your fight, Wisconsin! Bring the fight harder, Ohio!

And every other state that sees this horror coming, the Republican terrorism of breaking the unions in a veiled mission to balance the budget, be forewarned by our lessons and take heed. A struggle is about to begin. Embrace it!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

More Makin' Crazy: #43 & #44

Click the label that says "crazy drive" at the bottom to follow the worst of the conservative assbaggery that is "365 ways to drive a liberal crazy."
#43
Tell a joke:

Q: Why do liberals like smart women?

A: Opposites attract.


So, um, ...what? Is the horribly flawed logic that all liberals are dumb men? What about liberal women? Are they all dumb ...and lesbians? And by this logic, are all conservatives smart men? And all conservative women inherently dumb? I guess that would make sense. But that would only be if this car-fart of an attempt at humor (and/or logic) made any sense to any human with a brain.

#44
Pick a fight with a liberal on: CAPITALISM.
Agree with Wall Street's Gordon Gekko that "greed" for want of a better word "is good." Explain wearily but patiently to a liberal that firms can only gain revenue by selling things that people want; and only make a profit if they sell these things for more than they cost to produce. In the process they give employment to people who prefer that job to any other they can find. Therefore, profit-making firms create wealth for their customers, owners, and employees. They take wealth from no one. So why, pray, do liberals have such a problem with capitalism?

And when that "employment" happens 3000 miles away? Ah, sorry, SOL. And when that employer eats the tax break and buries existing employees in extra work to pocket the cash which is what is happening in every corporate business in America and only government workers and independently wealthy folks and radio personalities are exempt and therefore speaking out about the bliss of work in America? Oh, sorry. You're both mentally challenged and brainwashed, being a conservative. Must've been those public schools you want to further defund.

(Seriously, I could get used to this.)

The Bro/Brah Douchebaggery Ascendancy


(by me)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What's So Odd (Conservative)

From the Google Image Search for Conservative:


Ladies should keep everything from public view - except their uterus; that belongs to Uncle Sam.


Angry elephants with cigars are not attractive. Someone should tell Rush.


Angry Steroid Uncle Sam always trumps Peacnik Uncle Sam under the the Auto Racing Red Cross flag.


No.


Conservatives = (Teh Stupid)^3

Today we collect some of the conservative email alerts I receieve every day and throw up a little in our mouths. Got some crazy, some stupid, and some crazy stupid. But what would you expect?

#41 of 365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy
Give them another reason why Obama has GOT to go.

He claimed to have campaigned "in 57 states—I think one left to go"; he referred to a Navy corpsman as a "corpse-man"; and in a speech in France, he seemed to think "American" was a language. Need I go on?

So Obama was tired and misspoke about the states, mis-pronounced something. Get over it. We could fill a calendar with Bush gaffes based on genuine mental deficiency.

But Haha, he thinks American is a language? "American English" is a language, as it differs from British or "The Queen's" English, often truncated to "American." However, that requires both book-learnin' and an awareness of a world beyond the borders of 'Merica, and conservatives just ain't cut out for those things.


Obama the Muslim

From the GOPUSA Newsletter:
Do You Believe Barack Obama is a Muslim?

It's a simple question, and it is one that Barack Obama has been asked in the past. Are you a Muslim? His answer has always been no. He states that he is a Christian, and yet in a recent focus group of Iowa Republicans, about half still believe that he is a Muslim and that his religious convictions guide his agenda. Perhaps it's his past statements and continuing coddling of known Islamic terrorist organizations that perpertuate this sentiment.

So do people watch Fox News because they're ignorant or does Fox News make people ignorant? GOPUSA is certainly late to this party, but carrying water is what it is. "Obama's a Muslim! Obama's a Muslim! Okay, who thinks Obama is a Muslim - don't forget his middle name is Hussein and he grew up attending a Madrassa? Geez, why do so many people think Obama's a Muslim?" The psychology of deception is so obvious here, there's no need to explain it further. Unless you're conservative.


Conservative Multiple Personality Disorder

CPAC got going today and who did they have kick it off? Batshit Crazy Bachmann! Seriously, if they want to do anything in 2012, they need to stop for a second and figure out if they're Conservatives or Republicans or Tea Partiers or Racist Christian Firearms.

(Update: Bachmann at CPAC from MaddowBlog)



Oh, yeah, they've already lost: politicking and blah blah jobs economy and they've done NOTHING but try to ban abortion and redefine rape.

Oh, yeah, they've got no problem with blatant lies and character assassination. So I guess they've still got a shot.

(Note on CPAC site: Don't click it, seriously - the background image of the site is 1.5MB PNG of the Constitution and they must be hosting it on the cheap because it takes forever to load. Glenn Beck image in the header, not on speaker list - false advertising? Oh, and their copyright still reads 2010. That's all I can take!)

Enough, already. Is it Miller time? Close enough.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

He's a Snake



Told ya.