Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hannity Blurb

Just before Sean Hannity busted into his on-air pimping of, he blurted out: "Ah, profit, a horrible word except for those of us who believe in freedom!"

Dear Sean: You have built such a meandering level of logic on which you make basic assumptions and connections that sometimes a single sentence comes out making so little sense that it sounds like a bizzare child's concoction, like "Chocolate in my ears tastes like bananas, plastic face!"

Sidenote: Caveat Emptor on anything shilled by right wing radio. Legal Zoom may be a help to some folks, but - for example - the minimum fee charged to help form an LLC is $99 (it goes up to $359) + state fee. But in Ohio, it already costs $125 to form an LLC, and by "form" I mean fill out about 5 lines of information and send a check to the state. What the hell are they charging for?

Okay, so secondary note on shilling: Carbonite costs about $55/yr and uses up bandwidth on your internet connection and only goes as fast as your upload speed (basically takes lots of time and makes your system slow), but you can get a solid Terabyte drive (That's 1,000 GB or 1,000,000 MB) for about $100 and if the internet's down, you have control and ownership of that drive.

And don't even get me started on Goldline. Seriously, if you don't know how Glenn Beck is raping his listeners with that, look it up. It'll make you really mad.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Comics Can Get Weird

I'm a huge fan of comic books, though my activity has waned over the years. I grew into it in the early 90's with the debut of Hellraiser and Sandman, a reboot of X-Men, The Infinity Gauntlet, and on and on.

And since I don't get around (or didn't) as much as others, the unread storylines and varying origin tales always fascinate me. And Wikipedia, while not allowing for the relevance of a page for most smaller businesses, has not only an extensive page for every single Pokemon character, but every comic book character as well as every major comic book storyline.

It is within those descriptors of tales unread that I can sometimes get lost, knowing well I will never own a million comic books or have the time to read them.

But today I stumbled upon the Wikipedia page for Marvel's Hulked Out Heroes thread. Please read below carefully and understand I am making NONE of this up - and neither is the hive mind that put it together (emphasis my exasperation):
Bob, Agent of HYDRA sends Hulkpool (a gamma-powered Deadpool) back in time using the machine Red Hulk used to send Thundra to the future so he may kill himself. However, he meets with a Blackbeard the Pirate version of Thing (and way back in time) and after moving a storm and sending away Johny and Reed (who were trying to get to Thing), he becomes his pirate until the police of the time attack him with a monster. He and the Thing attempt to defeat him, but dinosaurs arrive thanks to Bob's mistake of how to use the machine while trying to take back Hulkpool. They defeat them and Thing asks if Bob can get him to his time. Hulkpool says yes and the Thing leaves with them taking a dinosaur with him. They then arrive to the Old West in 1873 where Hawkeye is lost in time and dinosaurs are released everywhere but Bob sends them back in time (including Thing and Hawkeye) but Hulkpool is sent when Captain America was losing Bucky and decides to save him.[2] While in an alternate reality's version of World War II, Hulkpool manages to kill that reality's versions of Adolf Hitler, Red Skull, and Deadpool as well as stop every superhero from becoming, i.e. stopping Spider-Man from being bitten by the Spider, or Doctor Strange from having his car crash.. Hulkpool [3]

Elsewhere, a battle broke out between the Hulkified versions of Spider-Man and Thor (known as the Spider-Hulk and Thorr respectively).

So is this clever or hard-up for ideas or LSD? WTF?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Imperial Stars, Fuck You


There's this band, Imperial Stars. They had a meeting 2 weeks ago with their PR team that probably went something like this:
IS:So what's the next big stunt, the next big thing?

PR-Co.: Okay, follow me here. You've got that song Traffic Jam 101

IS: Yeah, cause we, like, party like rock stars every chance we get, like even in a traffic jam, holmes.

PR: Right, so it's Traffic Jam 101. So you "cause" a traffic jam on the 101, but it's really like a free show and - BAM! - it's a free concert flash mob all rolled into one!

IS: Bomb diggidy. We'll send you a check.
So these asshats drove up the 101 in their big ol' Imperial Stars truck this morning and around Sunset Blvd. pulled a sideways stop, blocking 3 lanes, and started performing their song, Traffic Jam 101.

If anyone has had the unfortunate experience of driving the 101 in LA, any time day or night it's a goddamned mess, a powder keg ready to explode. And these guys took it to a standstill. It's a good thing the cops showed up because they'd probably be dead. And all this to sing a shitty song about partying all the time. Earth to Imperial Stars: Lots of things happen on the 101 - swearing, smoking, horn-honking, sweating, brief pit-stops - but none of those things is partying.

For their next PR gig, the Imperial Stars will make every line in every Starbucks 8 people longer all the time, extend the pain of kidney stones to the entire body, and make rape 50% more humiliating.

I can't even imagine the people who might've lost a job or missed an interview or wasn't there to pick up their kid.

Imperial Stars: FUCK YOU.

Oh, and if you're so morbidly curious that you must - absolutely must - see their video, here it is for you in all its misery. I suggest NO, but I know you will. But really: don't.

Seriously: this isn't something put together by the Dick in a Box folks? This is a real band? Deplorable.

Let's Do a Drudge Wrap!

No, not a Drudge rap. That would just be silly. I'm just going to point out a couple things on the Drudge Report website today so you can go directly to the links and not feed into any of his fraudulent, bullshit rankings. Sub-headings are the links, all of which - as always - open in a new window or tab. And it's not all political BS either, more like a general news day wrap.

Fatty Trompe l'Oeil
It's the nanny state! Or so that's the general call to arms alluded to in even posting this story.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture is giving $2 million to food behavior scientists to use marketing tricks to encourage kids to pick fruits and veggies over cookies and french fries.
Oh noes! Gubmit spending too!?!

Hell, we've got a country full of mommies and daddies (literal or figurative pundits) doing nothing but bitching that the kids are fat. If the nanny's the only one willing to do something about it: bring in the motherfuckin' nanny!

Boo Hoo Mortgage Man
Some guy put a huge sign on his lawn because he's in foreclosure. And ... wait for it ... I kinda agree with the conservative comments on this one.
THE ACREAGE, Fla. - Juan Guzman has a large, lawn-wide sign in his front yard labeled 'JP Morgan Chase help.' It's his last hope to save his dream home.

The Acreage man built his house in 2007 but couldn't handle the mortgage payment of $3,600 a month.

He said he tried negotiating a lower loan from his bank but it wouldn't budge.

Last year Guzman became unemployed and now his house is in foreclosure.
Woah, woah, buddy. You built a home and right off the bat couldn't handle the mortgage? Then you lost your job? Yes, banks are teh debil adn need to be reined in, but you don't get a pass for shitty planning and plain stupidity. Your mortgage was $3600/mo!!! Sorry bud; ya done fucked up. Walk away and downsize.

Condi's Condo!

Um, there was this story about Condoleezza Rice but it was too boring even for commentary. Click above if you need a nap.

Paladino n Cuomo, Sittin in a Tree...

You live in one of the most diverse cities in the world. You want to be Governor of the state. You probably shouldn't berate gay people.

Here's the 411: if you live in New York and are GLBT or know someone who is or don't know someone who is but agree with equal rights or don't even totally agree with same sex marriage but don't want to be associated with dirty guido bigots, vote for Cuomo.

If you like berating people because of how they were born - you know, like openly making fun of short people or ugly people or black people or someone with a lisp or mentally challenged kids - and happily identify with knuckle-dragging bully assholes everywhere, punch it for Paladino.

Seriously, I'm expecting Paladino's next attack to be "Heh heh, his name's Cuomo. That's almost like cum and dat's wat fags eats. Ha! Blammo!"


I'm sorry. I went way too rant-y on this one, had to give it its own post. Enjoy!

Strange Signal From Discovered Planet?
Following the Sept. 29 announcement of the discovery of Gliese 581g, astronomer Ragbir Bhathal, a scientist at the University of Western Sydney, claimed to have detected a suspicious pulse of light nearly two years ago, that came from the same area of the galaxy as the location of Gliese 581g, according to the U.K.'s Daily Mail online.
Holy shit. At this point I don't care. The planet's 20.5 LY away. Somebody's got a year to get space transport that'll take us 75% of the speed of light (I'm talkin' to YOU Virgin Galactic!) and get me on that rocket and BLAM! I'm oribiting a distant red dwarf with a Biggie Size Earth before I'm 70 and maybe see a distant alien life in person before I die. Awesome. And...go!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Parody - Bullies Who Target Gays: It Gets Worse

You might have seen the reposting of the "It Gets Better" I snagged from BoingBoing.

If not, watch it. Then watch this. It gets better. :)

Uploaded by FirstLastName. - More video blogs and vloggers.