Friday, December 21, 2012

Straight Facts on 12/21/12

I have already heard in person and seen on Facebook enough bullshit about 2012 that I feel like a few facts might help you readers strike down the stupid in a little cheat sheet here.

Quick notes for 12/21/12:

  1. As a people, they are the Maya, not the Mayans.
  2. As a people, they still exist as a culture, despite the Spanish.
  3. The Mayan calendar does not "end" any more than our calendar ends on Dec. 31st.
  4. Calendars are cyclical, ours and theirs. What happened today was a transition to the new (14th) b'ak'tun (or on the long count calendar.
  5. One b'ak'tun is 144,000 days, so it's kind of a big deal.
  6. The Maya NEVER predicted cataclysm on this turn. That was a fairly recent construct of an intersection of New Age ideas, conspiracy theory, and popular culture.
  7. A full set of 20 b'ak'tun (piktun) will occur October 13, 4772. HUGE deal. Still: no end of days.

So tonight, raise a glass to the Maya and the new b'ak'tun. But be careful out there friends: there are a great deal of misinformed people looking for an excuse to ignore all consequence. Cheers!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Maya Madness

Tomorrow is 12/21/12 as we date in the US. Tomorrow will not end us any more than the cycle we look at in blocks is really a circle from December 31st to January 1st. On the WAY outside, it might usher in an age of enlightenment, but there won't be anything massively destructive going on.

But many people will think that. Our popular culture has pushed this idea far enough that I fear for one thing: stupid human action.

Have a drink, celebrate the Maya cycle. But be safe, my friends.

(Sorry, the absence is just me sorting things out. The blog is not dead, just on a bit of delay.)

Friday, November 30, 2012

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Cat Friend, Dog Friend?

What if your friends were like your pets?

As someone with a cat and a dog, I can vouch for the final bit.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Fox Guest: Fox Acting as "Wing of the Republican Party"

I think we're starting to see some reason seep into the cracks and fissures of the Right that Obama's election has created. Excellent video of the exchange here:

Friday, November 23, 2012

Friday, November 16, 2012

We're Trucking!

Happy Friday.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Papa John: Poor Baby

Papa John is a bitch

So this giant mansion owning Republican douchenozzle is crying about Obamacare. Boo. Hoo. He says Obamacare is going to make bad things happen. How bad? It's going to add $0.14 per pie. (Even though HuffPo has some lesser numbers.)

OMG, Papa John must despise democrats and Obama because the policies of the last four years have been a disaster for his company. I mean, right?

No. Papa John's stock this time in 2008 was bottoming out at $15 due to Bush's policies. After almost four years of Obama presidency that same stock is floating near $50, only recently affected by his own public dickery.

So, Papa John, are you better off four years later? Oh, your lips say "no," but your mansion says "YES."


Friday, November 09, 2012

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

If You Missed Diane Sawyer Drunk...

I'm sure she'll say she was over-tired, but it looked like a whiskey IV. Here's a lovely compilation:

Also: Hell Yeah Obama!

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

I'd Vote Mr. Ford Every Day

Happy voting day.

Monday, November 05, 2012

Stupid is as Stupid Says: 8 Minutes of Ignorant Ohio

Want to hear right-wing talking points garbled, shuffled, and vomited out by ignorant masses in Ohio? Sure you do. And yes, it is worth all 8 minutes of your time.

I don't care who you're voting for, but know what the fuck you're talking about.

My favorites? Buddhists coming into the country to take our freedoms and Meatloaf's sweaty near-seizure.

If you haven't yet voted, make it out tomorrow. If for no other reason than to make these people very, very sad.

Friday, November 02, 2012

Not Waving But Drowning by Stevie Smith - Audio

So, ya wanna get weird in the blogspace?

One of my readers already thought it strange that I was 35 (though she didn't elucidate her expectation as to whether that was too young or old). So here's my voice as I opened an account on Soundcloud. If you like it, I might do occasional posts in both type and VO.

Let me know what you think.

Not Waving But Drowning
by Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Limbaugh on Sandy

Yesterday, lying lard lord Rush Limbaugh made a simple statement that rang true with me. He said that the Sandy situation was a microcosm of why Obama was having trouble. He, of course went on to spew some stupid, made-up bullshittery, but I saw a direct correlation from the conservative angle:

Obama is handed a disaster, immediately attacks it with heartfelt sympathy and dedicated concentration. Whatever he does well is ignored, any conservatives who point out anything positive are ignored or derided, and a bevvy of speculative "what ifs" are introduced for the Monday morning quarterbacks of Fox News to tear apart exactly how it could have happened better. And that's just the slight right. Push out further and you've already got the nutters saying he used HAARP to cause Sandy to win the election. And not to worry: we're early yet; I'm sure we'll see legal blockades raised in order to blame Obama for not doing certain things. But those will surface only after he wins next Tuesday.

So, Rush, you were more right than you intended. You so ironic.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dungeons & Dragons & Bitches

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Romney: Liar Campaign

Feel free to steal. Figured out they're using Trajan Pro as a font and decided to have some fun.

Romney Liar

Trippy Kitty

Um, yeah, so I saw this today. Enjoy.

Trippy Kitty

Monday, October 29, 2012

Message From the Greatest Generation

Not Dead, Just Fat

Been a while. Since I posted, that is.

I've been going through some mild depression, trying to get my shit together, and finding myself overwhelmed with apathy when it comes to politics. I mean, when we get to the point where AM band conservative hosts up through the Republican vice- and presidential candidates can blatantly shift from generally-expected spin to outright lies, when those who would debunk those lies are ignored because the right is so brainwashed to ignore any Romney falsehoods or ideology switches while making the slightest fart from the liberals into earth-shattering Somemotherfuckingthing-gate, really, what is there to say?

One of the things I've been working on is my weight. I'm not fat, really, but a stocky (somewhat muscular) 205lbs at 5"8" and just got back from a visit to California where I quickly realized I was generally the fattest guy in the room. Oddly enough, the vanity that drove most of the people I met made me realize I was not taking good enough care of myself on a physical/health level. So I'm making some changes.

And I don't know if it's just today with the excitement of the hurricane or the promise that the intensity of the politics will deflate some after next week, but I was motivated enough to write this, and I'm posting a video a little later.

So maybe I'm getting back on the horse. We'll see. But I'm doing okay. Not great, but better than dead.

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Don't Debate Me, Bro!

About the debate:

I think most of the post-debate speculation/analysis was and continues to be red meat hyperbole catering to the barking masses on both sides and about as useless as the campaign commercials. I think Obama phoned it in. I also think that if it had been Obama acting in Romney's role, the right wing headlines would be crying about how petulant, disrespectful, disruptive, staggering, and out of control he was with a touch of something about how he changes the rules to fit his "agenda." We'd certainly get at least one pundit pushing out an "angry black man" claim. I think Romney controlled the debate (or was perceived to do so), but my take was of a socially awkward teen not sure quite how to do so. "Shut up, Dad!" At several points watching both candidates I was questioning if I was watching Saturday Night Live.

Also, did Mitt just call Obama "bro?"

Friday, September 14, 2012

Burning Man GoPro Hula Cam

Not really safe for work - some breasts with covered nipples - but amazingly executed and edited. Could potentially make you dizzy.

Happy weekend.

Monday, September 10, 2012

R Kelly Wants Deaf Jehovah's Witnesses to Stop Masturbating

This is a 100% serious Jehovah's Witness ASL video about not masturbating - put to an R Kelly soundtrack. Brilliant.

(edit: For some reason I put Mormon instead of Jehovah's Witnesses in the original post. Not sure why.)

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Abortion in the Bible: God Makes Exceptions

(Oh, the conventions have me busy and my younger cousin just got killed in a freak accident - shit's all kinda crazy. So sorry and mind the gap.)

With all last week's RNC platform bullshittery and the conservative nutterswarm going on this week - and watching these normally conservative folks I know on Facebook strike out for batshit - I'm about to swear off watching or hearing about politics until the day after the election.

But with all the far right anti-ladyparts RNC hubbub all the way to the fem-shaming of Fluke we got to see today after her rockin' speech last night, I thought it might be a good time to bring something to the surface that I just learned last week: God provides an exception for abortion if the female has been unfaithful.

No, really. Soak it in.
11 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 12 “Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘If any man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him, 13 and a man has intercourse with her and it is hidden from the eyes of her husband and she is [a]undetected, although she has defiled herself, and there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act, 14 [b]if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has defiled herself, or if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has not defiled herself, 15 the man shall then bring his wife to the priest, and shall bring as [c]an offering for her one-tenth of an [d]ephah of barley meal; he shall not pour oil on it nor put frankincense on it, for it is a grain offering of jealousy, a grain offering of memorial, a reminder of iniquity.

16 ‘Then the priest shall bring her near and have her stand before the Lord, 17 and the priest shall take holy water in an earthenware vessel; and [e]he shall take some of the dust that is on the floor of the tabernacle and put it into the water. 18 The priest shall then have the woman stand before the Lord and let the hair of the woman’s head go loose, and place the grain offering of memorial [f]in her hands, which is the grain offering of jealousy, and in the hand of the priest is to be the water of bitterness that brings a curse. 19 The priest shall have her take an oath and shall say to the woman, “If no man has lain with you and if you have not gone astray into uncleanness, being under the authority of your husband, be [g]immune to this water of bitterness that brings a curse; 20 if you, however, have gone astray, being under the authority of your husband, and if you have defiled yourself and a man other than your husband has had intercourse with you” 21 (then the priest shall have the woman swear with the oath of the curse, and the priest shall say to the woman), “the Lord make you a curse and an oath among your people by the Lord’s making your thigh [h]waste away and your abdomen swell; 22 and this water that brings a curse shall go into your [i]stomach, and make your abdomen swell and your thigh [j]waste away.” And the woman shall say, “Amen. Amen.”

23 ‘The priest shall then write these curses on a scroll, and he shall [k]wash them off into the water of bitterness. 24 Then he shall make the woman drink the water of bitterness that brings a curse, so that the water which brings a curse will go into her [l]and cause bitterness. 25 The priest shall take the grain offering of jealousy from the woman’s hand, and he shall wave the grain offering before the Lord and bring it to the altar; 26 and the priest shall take a handful of the grain offering as its memorial offering and offer it up in smoke on the altar, and afterward he shall make the woman drink the water. 27 When he has made her drink the water, then it shall come about, if she has defiled herself and has been unfaithful to her husband, that the water which brings a curse will go into her [m]and cause bitterness, and her abdomen will swell and her thigh will [n]waste away, and the woman will become a curse among her people. 28 But if the woman has not defiled herself and is clean, she will then be free and conceive [o]children.

WTF? I don't know. Maybe you guys have a little better insight than I do? Any is welcome.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Quick Update: The RNC Gots Me All Wrapped Up

Hey folks. Been tied up staring at the stupid at the RNC last couple days - if you want to see what I've been doing (read: "who I've been trolling"), you can click on my twitter info in the right column. All about twitter on this because shooting off my tweet mouth is way easier than doing a comprehensive analysis of all the lies. It would take me months and then my head would explode so you wouldn't get to read it anyway.

My most recent tweet is one of those things few people noticed, as far as me noticing what other people noticed by noticing their notices goes: Last night Paul Ryan, in an vapid attempt to push his relative youth in the "Hey, yeah, I gots me one of them iDoohickeys, I shore do. Hip, huh guys?" bid failed miserably. Yeah, he likes that Rock n Roll all right (and part of every day). His playlist goes from AC/DC to Zeppelin. I suppose he only likes all rad jams up to the letter "L." Or he's a liar. If he actually listened to Led Zeppelin, he would know better.

Who writes his shit?

Well, gotta run. Time to pick up my drink-on for tonight. Robo-Romney is poised to unimpress everyone and there's even hints that they're going to animate Ronald Reagan as a hologram, just like Tupac. I shit you not. Which means some "those infernal computer machines!" conservatives paid some techie liberals to build Holo-Reagan. They have the technology.

I'm hoping against hope to see a headline tomorrow: "Dem Sabotage - Hologram Reagan says 'Romney suck a dick. I'm out bitches. Peace!'"

Friday, August 24, 2012

Thor Rides a Wiener Dog

(click for bigger)

Title delivers. Did this on lunch. Happy Friday :)

Thor: I need a horse!
Pet Store Clerk: We only have dogs, cats, and birds.
Thor: Well give me one big enough to ride.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Jesus Riding Dinosaur: Meet the Artist Francesca Berrini

So you may recognize this image as an oft-used internet-wide wonder of delight:

Jesus Riding Dinosaur by Francesca Berrini
Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

(Spoiler: It's not misguided propaganda, but joyful, purposeful absurdity!)

About five years ago, I used that image in a post about Conservapedia because they had used it.

Over the weekend, I received a comment on that post that read as follows:
Hi there!

My name is Francesca Berrini and that image is actually my original art. You can see more of my Jesus and Friends images at my website:

I'm delighted that I could confuse everyone, but I'm a little disappointed that I've gotten no credit for my work.

Francesca Berrini
So this post is an attempt to make this right. And in doing so, I discovered her website above and OMG Amazing, Jesus Riding Dinosaur is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the brilliant talent and jaw-dropping hilarity. How much brilliant talent? Well, please go ahead and click this link and check the other categories and see for yourself, but I will drop one teaser to drive you on:

Original Artwork of Francesca Berrini

And if any of you are Redditors, I created a Today I Learned... post that could use some love as well.

So here's your credit Francesca. Doin' what I can to spread the word!

UPDATE: Been a little crazier than I thought. Right now, less than 12 hours after first posting, over 1600 people have seen her on my Something Awful post and almost 2000 have taken the time to up/down vote on Reddit (not counting direct clicks to her site with no vote/comment). And Francesca's mom posted in the comments here! Damn it, man, sometimes you just have an amazing day blogging!
[Note: None of those links come here - they all point to her site directly.]

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hillary for VP? Just a Repub Lie

If you're interested, I put together a nice post over at All Things Democrat discussing the ghost the conservatives have cobbled together feigning chaos in the Democratic party by insinuating there's a big decision between Biden and Hillary in the works. Spoiler alert: They're lying.

Kitty Story Palette Cleanser - Dirty Penguins

Club Penguin is a children's online game where you get to interact with other kids and known for tight control. First level you can only choose pre-programmed phrases. Second level is a server monitor that will auto-ban for the slightest naughty word. LOL.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My Cat is Dead - Long Live My Cat

D, that foreground, paw-licking darling, was put to sleep today after about 15 years to the day I brought her into my basement college apartment.

She'd been getting skinnier over the past several months, but so slowly you don't even really notice that much. This morning she was fine, walking around. When I got home after work, she was laying in the hallway between the bathroom and kitchen and I poked at her with my foot and said "What are you doing there, goon?"

And she didn't raise her head to respond.

She wasn't moving much, and when I moved in to pet her, I could see her breathing was labored. When she did gain consciousness, she looked around, tried to get up, and failed. Repeatedly.

I freaked and called 3 vets (apparently Wednesday is a golf day) before finding someone open, while Mrs. Shambles pet her. I wrapped her in a towel and off we went. I was a damned mess.

As soon as the doctor walked back in with her, I could see on his face what we needed to do and listened to him explain the emergency option without any of the muscles in my face or throat or lips or tongue able to say "Shut up and please - PLEASE - can we end her suffering?" When he finally said "euthanize," I found the words - or word - and said "yes."

I got to be with her and pet her head and say "It's okay" as they gave her her last shot. And I wasn't out of town (which I will be in two days) and she wasn't alone here at home. And for that I'm thankful.

Though I'm still a mess.

D is survived by her foster sister, G (background pic). She will be missed.

Haha, and she was exactly like this:


Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Chik-Fil-A No Homo Cows

I'm just about Photoshopped out today :)

Holy Heroin Macaulay Culkin!

A horrifying heroin habit, apparently. So nothing to do but point out the obvious.

Macaulay Culkin as Willem Dafoe

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Mormonism, Conservatives, and Hate of Obama

Last weekend I caught an African-American Christian preacher on some AM station somewhere in the nowhere between Columbus and Cincinnati hissing with anger at anyone who would dare vote for such a man as Obama. Why? Obama is pro-choice. If you're pro-choice, you're a terrible sinner, and to vote for Obama would therefore be a real-world support for Obama's sin.

So I got to thinking on that topic and wondered: If conservative Christians are willing to dig so deep into these single aspects of Obama's politics/beliefs, equate them with religion, and say that to support Obama is to support all his sins, how does the general Christian voting for Romney - a member of the Church of Latter-Day Saints (LDS, aka Mormons) - weigh against their belief system?

Awww hell, we ain't even draft dodgin'. We stone-cold door-to-door'in' with some New-est Testament LDS evangelizin' rhymes.

For those who don't know, Mormonism was begun by Joseph Smith who, in 1820's USA, spoke to an angel who pointed him to a nearby hill that contained golden plates (left by Jesus' ancient follower-settlers, natch!) inscribed with a new Testament of the Bible which he translated out of pure inspiration and became The Book of Mormon. Huzzah!

This entire book, the foundation of their belief system and Word of God, is dismissed - sometimes as heresy - by every other Christian sect in the world.

Sad, Sad Conversation

So I thought I'd bring it up to an online group I sometimes converse with on politics and religion. I'm the only liberal, but I swear I wasn't trolling. I was genuinely interested: how are conservative Christians reconciling their belief disparity with someone they are willing to put in the White House?

And it didn't matter. Most of them, despite citing "ignorance of Mormonism" as a reason why some might not vote for Romney, had very little knowledge of - or desire to learn about - Mormonism.

(Note: I have nothing against Mormonism or their belief system or Mormons themselves. What I'm trying to do here is push someone [many someones] who use Obama's Reverend Wright's Black Liberation Theology as a go-to for "N0bama" [and that's a Glenn Beck parrot talking] to recognize what Mormonism even is.)

And forget reconciling belief systems; they just didn't care that there was a difference.

  • The book of Mormon states that Jesus, post-Resurrection, chilled with Middle-East disciples then came to America (remember ancient settlers/believers?), healed some sick, preached a little gospel, set up disciples to spread the church to the Americas, and peace-out back to heaven? "Meh."
  • The LDS Church regularly - as in now - baptizes the souls of the non-Mormon deceased. Pope John Paul II may very well be Mormon as he's been baptized posthumously - repeatedly. "Eh."
  • The Book of Mormon talks about a star or planet named Kolob that is closest to the seat of God?
  • Mitt used the Church of LDS to dodge Vietnam by travelling to France (he speaks French!) to go door-to-door evangelizing?
  • Mitt Romney's father was born in Mexico because his grandparents fled the US because of anti-polygamy laws?


"Hey, you hear about that Black Liberation Theology? That's crazy!"

I could've told them that Mitt Romney believed that he had an alien mouse in his head running levers and a wheel and it would've been agreed upon and dismissed. These supposedly smart people knew very little about Mormonism and had little care to; they had already made up their mind.

And I agree that most of us have made up our mind and the millions spent from now to November will be on the 5% undecided. But there's no logic there, no reasoning involved: they hate Hate HATE Obama. For some it's race, for some it's BLT (Obama's pastor's church's tangential, barely-related philosophy bolstered to scare white people, not the delicious sammich), but for everyone, it's the "othering," the demonization of the man that has been going on for over six years.

Though, to be fair, I can't imagine what words would convert me to voting for Romney.

And so I guess that's where we're at in this election.

Any thoughts?

UPDATE: In this whole thought/forum experiment I failed to recall perhaps one of the most important issues in dealing with why Romney's religion is not much of an issue: over half of all Republicans do not identify Obama as Christian. That's a large piece of the equation I failed to include.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Boy Scout Bigots & Romney Racism

Today's a little bit of a hodgepodge, but all of it worth it.

Speaking of Comedy Central, if you haven't heard, the Boy Scouts of America have re-upped their anachronistic stance that homosexuals are NO GO in their group. Jon Stewart had a nice bit on it.

And I thought a change to their logo would be appropriate. Feel free to steal and share:

Boy Scouts No Homos CFC Original

I'll readily admit it's not happening as quickly as it should be, but it is really exciting to watch this all happen, to see large corporations and public entities and public figures stand up and declare solidarity with equal rights for same sex couples. I wasn't alive for the fight over Civil Rights (though I understand that struggle continues), but it is a joy to see these flailing organizations flabbergasted over everyone calling their cherry-picking out of a 2000+ year old book what it is: bigotry.

We still have a long way to go before "all men are created equal" means what it says, but there is progress.

And if you feel like being astounded, here's what a Romney adviser stated upon arriving in London:

When explaining why Romney would have a better grasp of the relationship between the United States and the U.K., the adviser had this to say—

We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special. The White House didn't fully appreciate the shared history we have.

Happy Wednesday!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Power is Foul: We Already Knew It

So why aren't we listening?

Charlie Chaplin:

George Carlin:

Pass it on. Write a blog. Shout. Scream. Make everyone hear. The system is broke. We need to fix it.

So let's do that.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Sheriff Joe's AZ Presser: Obama's Birth Cert is FAKE! (No, really, still, totally fake)

Holy Jeebus. Yesterday, I watched the Sheriff Joe Arpaio's press conference. Old Man Bigot started it off and quickly transitioned to the lead investigator who blabbed and blabbed and played a video no one could hear and blabbed and video and blabbed again.

Did you know that when Obama was born the law in Hawaii allowed for a legal resident to report a birth and have it recorded as legal? Therefore: Obama is a Kenyan!

Did you know that doctors in Hawaii didn't want to speak with and divulge private medical information to shady, mustachioed investigators from Arizona? Therefore: Obama is a Kenyan!

Did you know that there's a 95-year-old woman in Hawaii who's really sharp and remembers some stuff about some numbers on birth certificates? Therefore: OBAMA IS A KENYAN!

That's how the whole thing went, and with the Q&A it was over and hour and they kept saying "proof" and "evidence" but all it was was circumstance and conjecture - and many thousands of Arizona taxpayer dollars wasted. All because some racist Sheriff doesn't think a black man should be president.

America! Fuck yeah!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday Videos: Pee Wee, Oz, Slinky, Pee Wee?

Pee Wee Herman voices the new Dark Night trailer.

Oz: The Great and Powerful trailer. Winner or flop?

Not new, but one I just remembered: Slinky on a treadmill

And, well, British game shows are just weird :)

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Cookie Monster: Share It Maybe

Seriously, PBS has their crap together. Awesome.

Friday, July 06, 2012

Godless Customer Sues Jesus Restaurant

This is a little more "take a look and discuss" because it's got so much mess behind it.

Here's the gist:
A Manheim Township man has filed a discrimination complaint against a Columbia restaurant that offers a 10 percent discount for diners who present a church bulletin on Sundays.

John Wolff, who is an atheist, filed the complaint with the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission against Prudhomme's Lost Cajun Kitchen in Columbia.

Wolff said the practice discriminates against him because he does not attend church.

So here are the questions that come up in my head:
  1. Is this actually discrimination?
  2. Do you think there is a limitation to the type of "church bulletin?"
  3. If my church is watching the sun rise, would the owner accept a picture of said sunrise?
  4. So no one likes atheists, but how do "real" religion people like Muslims participate? The Jewish Population?
  5. Would it be a little clearer if the owner offered 20% to Baptists, 15% to Protestants, 10% to Catholics, 5% to practicioners of Judiasm, 0% to Muslims?

That last question is what it boils down to for me. You get a discount for a belief system. Why not graduated tiers?

What do you think? Discrimination, or fair use as ownership of an establishment?

Monday, July 02, 2012

Friday, June 29, 2012

Sadness & Conspiracy & The Bar: A Health Care Retrospective

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the SCOTUS nine that day:
The score stood five to four, with some at yes and some at nay.
And then when Kennedy went right, and Roberts left, for shame,
A sickly silence fell upon us as the judgement came.

There is too much too much to talk about, so I'll start with the bar.

My local haunt just up the road from home was my first stop after a full day of "work." (Of course I say "work" because like Republican Congressman Mike Pence, I too likened the Supreme Court ruling on the Affordable Care Act to 9/11: I was ineffective and nothing but a media consumption machine.) I needed to stop in because another regular to my spot is an outspoken Limbaugh/Hannity parrot (let's call him Dolton) and I was hoping he was angry and loud so I could just soak it up.

I broke with my swear-off of right wing radio just for one day and I was not disappointed on the ride over. Hannity was moderating a discussion and who-knows was shouting about how it was going to destroy America and everyone was audibly upset, like they'd just lost Reagan again but this time he killed himself after Obama whooped his ass with a tire iron. It was a jumbled cacophony of angry and fear and consolation and denial and atta-buddy and "We'll get 'em next time!" because Roberts is a brilliant Constitutional lawyer - he just got it wrong.

The way it unfolded couldn't have helped. Fox and CNN got it wrong and it was such a major issue, such a grand event that knowing how disappointed I was and how much higher I got when the big reveal came, I can only imagine the emotional depths to which the anti-Obamacare folks fell.

Here's my representative, Ohio's Jean Schmidt, freaking the hell out in a joyous explosion in public:

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

If only that video had run for 20 minutes to catch the aftermath.

The pain and sorrow was palpable everywhere and the denial was painful to watch. This is what Drudge and Savage have been doing since yesterday:

matt drudge, michael savage call roberts inept due to medication

And if it wasn't that, it was because he was coerced because he was blackmailed because he is rainbow-farting GAY!

(But there was one interesting nugget provided by Gawker about how Roberts totally did this intentionally because he has a wider game stance and is plotting something really big.)

The freakouts from popular pundits and pols alike? Flippin' epic.

And some comeuppance is due as well. O'Reilly had said he'd apologize for being an idiot if the ACA was upheld by the Supremes:

Limbaugh said in 2010 that if this all went through, he'd move to Costa Rica. Unfortunately for him, Costa Rica has universal health care. D'oh. Speaking of idiots, Buzzfeed did a lovely collection of tweets from those railing against socialized medicine and who had had enough - so they were moving to Canada. Where there is socialized medicine.

Palin was in on the action, Rubio needed no cue to jump in front of a camera, and the overwhelming talking point is "OMG - it's a TAX on America's working class!" Unless you're Rep. Phillip Gingrey who simply said "I don't want to have a beer with Justice Roberts today."

Which brings me back to Dolton.

I walked into the bar, sat in my usual spot - far from him. I was expecting him and his cronies to be long drunk by 5pm and hootin' and a-hollerin' about how this was the end of America. Dolton looked drunker than usual, but he was alone, slumped somewhat over the bar, and staring at the non-stop coverage on the big-screen. On MSNBC.

He briefly glanced at me as I sat and ordered a vodka grapefruit and a shot of Rumple Minze, his mouth slightly open as though he might say something but could find no words. He went back to the TV, his Miller Lite, and his doubles of Jägermeister. Dolton was a broken man yesterday, as though part of his soul was leaking out in place of the tears he wouldn't let come in public. I really almost felt bad for him.


Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Yes, "America" we call it - don't let the Repubs find that out.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Return of Van Mural (Insert Day)

They speak for themselves, though some of it might be unintelligible :) If you want to enjoy all the goodness of Van Mural days past, click that Van Mural tag at the bottom of the post and you can browse them all.


(van mural of van murals? *mind blown*)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Divorce Cometh, Man

(This is personal and not happy. You have been warned. Go away if you like. But come back. Van murals tomorrow.)

Ah, patient readers, you may recall this gem from two years ago - OMFG, it's been two years? - wherein I divulged that Mrs. Shambles and I had settled on divorce after growing apart and being at a dead standstill on either side of the fence about having a(nother) child.

Give it a look if you don't remember or haven't been around that long. Good read for a horribly depressing monstrosity of a life event.

And it gets even stranger-worse!

As we have not paid down our debt and have gone two years, we have lived in a relatively copacetic, visually emotionless void. For Little Shambles, of course. Big events that have happened since that post have been the passing of Mrs. Shambles's mother (only 60) and our ten year anniversary, both weathered with ---


Sorry, not even sure what the hell I'm trying to convey or vent here.

Brass tacks: last month we talked again, pinned down that we were still in those same places - although even more distant now - and now that Mrs. Shambles is back to work and my contracts are getting more lucrative, we may or may not be divorcing in the next year. Might wait until Little Shambles is done with HS in two years. Might not. For as much as Mrs. Shambles hit me up with being uncommunicative or too hard to engage during these past two years on the handful of times she did engage, when I pushed the issue, she had apparently not been sitting on a bunch of planning.

We did talk plainly, which was kind of nice. The impasse is far too wide and deep for a bridge. We are going to do our own thing (and have been for a while). And Bee-Tee-Dubs, what makes me happy?

It's no surprise to anyone that with my history of depression and this weirdness have left me completely perplexed at the answer to what should be a pretty down to Earth question. But ...I'm not sure. I have things I like, but in this situation I can sometimes only dwell on the fact that I LOVE making other people happy and how - when it came down to it - it was my selfishness that would not allow me to do that one thing for the person I loved most.

(Really, I only think about it in those terms on occasion. Totally in a healthy way. Right?)

So I continue to live in the void. The "I love yous" are ghosts if I hear them at all. Even texting I love yous quickly turned to KKKs (kisses, you racist), and then burned out like the cross on your lawn. Kisses on the lips? Nil. Sex? Can't remember when.

Communication, especially in the last couple months, has not just shriveled up but started pushing into disrespect. I'm a patient all-kindsa-zenny guy, but my lean is going from "let's just get through what we must" to "seriously, you live on your goddamned Blackberry but you can't even answer a text or two a day?" And it's not over "OMG work iz hard" but "Hey, I'm making dinner about six, is that good?" and not getting an answer until 7. Or 10.

And our daughter doesn't know. And her dad and my folks don't know. And it goes on. We haven't worn our wedding rings in over a year.

SO I guess my bullshit post here is more for venting than anything else. Not much progress, a little more frustration, and a lot more "What the Hell?" Sorry if that's disappointment.

I don't know. Maybe next week I'll tell you how it's all my fault because every major relationship in my life has ended this way: they just get longer. Or not. Because that would be defeatist. And I only think about it in those terms on occasion. Totally in a healthy way. Right?

I've got that emotional hangover feeling after posting this yesterday. I'm not going to make any changes besides this add, though, as it accurately reflected the breakfast burrito explosion that I sometimes experience in the midst of emotional turmoil, threshold, and a coating of insomnia from inheriting my mother's propensity to imagine the worst possible outcome.

Truth is, writing bubbled it to the surface again and Mrs. Shambles and I had another candid talk, which was good. In the coming weeks, we're going to get finances and budgets nailed down, we're going to come up with a plan to talk to Little Shambles, and take the rest as it comes. She'll be more communicative and I'll be more patient. With a house neither of us could afford on our own, we'll probably be sticking it out until LS goes to college in two years, perhaps opting for a legal separation before the official divorce - legal research is also on the docket.

Anyway, with over 1500 posts, there are only a handful of them that directly relate to me and only me - hell, even my gout posts were at least curiously informative. So, again, thanks for reading, and thank you for your patience.

Now how about some van murals?

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Where the Hell is Matt? (World Dance Update)

So I sit here with my beer, looking at my computer, and I'm watching this video and find myself weeping. Weeping. Because one man has done something fun and amazing and spread so much joy. And it's wonderful.

You might recognize him from 2006 or 2008. Enjoy.

(And hey-yeah to Cleveland!)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Call Me Maybe

This is Carly Rae Jepsen singing "Call Me Maybe."

You probably don't want to watch it. I've heard the song / seen the video only twice, have not been exposed for a week, and yesterday it popped into my head and it won't go away.

If you have not experienced it, you probably should once, just to know what everyone's blathering on about. But the fact that everyone's blathering on about it should be a pretty powerful context clue.

My personal opinion? It's really quite terrible.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Right Wing Comments: Racism & Murder

In light of the asshole from the Daily Caller who decided it was cool to interrupt POTUS during a Rose Garden announcement on immigration (seriously? I guess respect is only implied if the prez is a white Republican), I went wandering from Drudge to a couple Daily Caller articles and it took about five seconds to find some demonstrative comments at which to become aghast.

I guess they speak for themselves, but a bit of background makes them that much worse:

Right Wing Racism in comments
(Bill Maher said Drudge was racist - see my last post for that confirmation - Daily Caller reported on it, Drudge posted it. Ironic, dontcha think?)

Right Wing Racism in comments
(Jon Stewart makes fun of Romney for making lotsa money, but Jon Stewart makes lotsa money too [please ignore that Stewart is not trying to pretend he's not rich and create some sort of "relational" facade; he's a comedian, not running for president], so you know and Jews.... [which is such a strange juxtaposition: Entertainment & Jewish: nasty Shylock; Israel & Jewish: stop the anti-Semitic rhetoric, them's the only desert people holdin' back them terrorists!])

Honestly, if I keep this up, I'm going to have to massage the title of the post or they'll all read that way.

To paraphrase The Simpsons: "Romney 2012. Not racist, but the choice of racists."

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Obama's October Surprise? Them Negros and Their Reefer

I guess Drudge has it: Obama will win the election on the legalization of marijuana. You know minorities and their penchant for the chronic, right? They'll come out in droves to make it legal so all them jigaboos can blaze up right on the street, right?

I am not being hyperbolic. Here's a screenshot from Drudge today:

Note how we have a pimp-hat pic of our president with something - OMG, is that a joint? - in his hand. You know, them negroes and their reefer. That's what Drudge is saying.

But aside from my snark, we do have good news in this vein: 7 states have the shot at legalizing (somewhat) marijuana this year and further hurting the fool's errand we call The War On Drugs.

And Ohio's one of them! W00t!

So bad news:
Black people smokin' joints is still something that can polarize the stupid.

Good news:
We're getting closer to killing those stereotypes that led to the prohibition of marijuana and legalizing a substance that is not only less harmful than alcohol, but will significantly end some of our border violence by being a US product.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Mister Rogers Remixed - Garden of Your Mind

Produced by PBS, this is a stunning video exemplifying some sort of magic that happens if you can merge amazing talent with classic imagery and create a hook that will answer a request for awesome that pours from the heart of every person who saw and loved Mr. Rogers.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Hannitizing Geography

From Hannity's radio show Monday:

Look, I don't want Wisconsin to become Detroit.

This has been your daily Hannity outpouring of concern over the apparent potentiality of a US state to collapse into a US city.

Monday, June 04, 2012

Rmoney Spelchekk v.2

Last week we took a look at how Mitt Romney put the "Merci" back in Amercia for his new iPhone app. Yowza.

But that was last week. This is now:

I imagine that a "sneak peak" would be something akin to stealth masturbation?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Mitt Romney's AMERCIA

No, you read that right. In an effort to get jiggy with the cool kids, Mitt Romney has released an iPhone app, "I'm With Mitt" in which you can do some low-rent Instagram work and let everyone in your social networks know that you're a gimmicky tool.

Problem with the app?

They've spelled America wrong.

Mitt Romney Amercia

Personally, I think it's a throw-back to Mitt's draft-dodging Mormon missionary work in France.

Romney 2012: Putting the "Merci" back in Amercia

Then again, it's no surprise at all. I've said it before: conservatives have very little understanding of two things liberals command: humor and technology.

And why no Android app?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Vibrator Movie Trailer

Don't mean to be all trailer-happy, promise something weightier later, but I found this trailer for a forthcoming movie (already out in LA & NY) Hysteria about the invention of the vibrator. Looks great!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Monday, May 21, 2012

Quick Tips: The Drudge-to-Stupid Train

Hey, want to go crazy and lose your shit at the computer? You're in luck!

The quick path is to start at the Drudge Report (no, I will not post a link - guy's already gaming the system for stats), find an inflammatory headline, and click. You're already there!

Now, just go ahead and skip the story as it'll be some right-wing biased mess of illogical word diarrhea. Scroll down to the comments. Take a deep breath. And read.

Today's nutter drivel comes from comments at The Blaze where a crazy teacher lost her shit because she is a moron and was shouting that one of the kids could get arrested for talking about Obama:

I just learned recently that they have made it a crime to write to your Congressman to complain about the President..They have enacted 44 thousand new tyranus laws for us.. We are now Zionist /Fascist state. Their goal is to overtake the world.through our military..One would be naive to think that we pick our Presidents…the Federal Reserve (boss of the banking cartels) does that.and they answer to the biggest religion in the world..the Vatican. The Federal Reserve banks the Vatican’s gold. That is what we all want..right? To have the Zionists in control? Remember..anyone can become a Jew by being proselytized..conversion to Judaism by Torah observance..but the Zionists/Fascists are considered heretics…because most are atheists or secular..meaning they were never real Jews..What does the bible say about calling themselves Jews who are not? There is nothing we can do but prepare ourselves..Christ come in us..The prophesies are being fullfilled quickly.

(Sidenote: You can pretty much skip the Druge bit if you want to hang out on The Blaze all day.)

Now, get out there and get angry!

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Ricky Shambles: Social Media Numbers (1500 posts!)

As a web developer, I'm enthralled by numbers when it comes to posts, web visits, and other tasty statistics. So here's my way-late update on my own benchmarks along with some other stuff that might be of no interest to you :)


This is officially my 1,515th post.

My first post ever was on 1/25/06 and it was about the travesty of Million Little Pieces - the travesty of the media, anyway. I thought the public shaming of James Frey in light of a little embellishment was unfounded, sanctimonious bullshit. So started Cause for Concern.

Which means I've been going for almost 6 1/2 years!

I added the widget to show the most fav of all time posts in the lower right - mostly sex n boobs. But since it's not quality and Google ganked up the widget display, I'll probably kill it this weekend.

I have 81 followers.

Sidenote: Twitter!

Yes, you can touch my Ricky Shambles Twitter any time you like. Just follow that link or come here often and catch the widget in the right column.

Here's how that looks:

1,059 Tweets
182 Following

And, as you can guess, I use that to spout opinion, troll idiot politicians, retweet stories, and sometimes speak irrationally while intoxicated.

Blogging - STAT!

Since I started:

192,260 people visited this site

Visits: 205,254

Unique Visitors: 192,260

Pageviews: 253,288

Pages/Visit: 1.23

Avg. Visit Duration: 00:00:25

Bounce Rate: 83.17%

% New Visits: 93.67%

Of that, I have had visits from 190 countries worldwide.

Mini-Sidenote: Tumblr

Ooh yeah, and I even tried my hand at Tumblr - Boehner Has a Sad, though it flounders as there are only so many pictures of John Boehner crying in existence. Check it out!


I'm awesome.

Or at least enjoy what I'm doing enough to have other people notice and continue this mess.

Thanks for reading. I truly appreciate it.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Monday, May 07, 2012

Republicans? Get in that Vagina!

From Funny or Die:

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Taliban Tea Party!

Friday, May 04, 2012

Idiot Nerd Girl: Revisited

Because I thought of another one:

For the Lulz. Now I've got a movie to re-watch :)

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Idiot Nerd Girl FTW?

Needed a laugh today and turned to Idiot Nerd Girl (click for meme info).

Realized my daughter's kind of like this.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

My First Heartbreak: Firestar

Warning: sappy content herein.

From 1981-1983, NBC Saturday Morning aired an animated show Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. I was five or six at the time, but I loved it: Spidey was always a quick-quipping badass, Iceman was, well, he made fucking ice out of his hands, and then there was Firestar. *le sigh*

I was absolutely head over heels in love with Firestar. I was many years away from feelings of sexual attraction, but somehow felt such a desire, such an affinity towards the character, that it made a lasting impression on me, even at such a young age.

I specifically remember my father - working for the local NBC affiliate at the time - brought home a 5x7 promo glossy of the three heroes sliding / slinging / flying in action. And me: just staring at Firestar, alone in my room, until my emotive threshold met up with my realism that she was a cartoon and the awesome adoration exuding from my eyes turned to tears as I truly realized I would never be able to experience her beauty/persona personally. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Firestar had broken my heart.

And it's probably 90% of the reason I have a thing for redheads.

And I look back on that as a magical time of sorts, because at its core, it was pure, not an overwhelming desire to possess, but just to know more, comprehend more. And a despair that came with the inability.

Years later, I still see a little bit of that pull to know an inner beauty in every person I meet, though it only gets intense enough to tear up when I stare at the clouds or the Hubble Deep Field.

Beauty is in everything. And, in a sense, love is too. And I think I'm concluding that a cartoon character opened my mind to both and handed me the tools to appreciate them at just the right age to become the person I am today.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Yay! A New Conservative N-word!

Caught this comment on a conservative blog post earlier today:
I once made a wrong turn leaving the Philadelphia Zoo with my wife and son in the car and we got swarmed at a red light by Obama sons so I just floored it and blew right through the light. At the next corner I could see another large crowd of Obama sons gathering around so I barley even slowed down at the light. I preceded to blow through about seven traffic lights that day as I made my way to I-95 because on every corner there were Obama sons looking for trouble.
So to recap: an effort by our president to compel solidarity and compassion from an onlooking America two broken parents did not only become ridiculed as completely unnecessary (and race-bating and divisive), but is apparently now "Obama sons," the new racist euphemism to avoid that pesky N-word everyone gets so worked up about.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Octodad? Really?

Here's the trailer for Octodad: Deadliest Catch. Good lord, what in all tarnation? And why aren't they releasing it on Xbox360?

Friday, April 20, 2012

Awesomeness Videos: Biden Bad Lip Read & Two an Awful Music Videos & Slo-mo 'Splosions (UPDATED!)

Awww, we got knocked down to only ONE awful music video :( There was one up called "3 Second Rule" that was some bastard country music bad teacher in a classroom of cowboys singing that it was okay to catch an eyefull of lady, but only for three seconds. Removed by user. Boo!

UPDATE! My man Philip at pbump was able to find a re-hosted version of this terror we call "3 Second Rule:"

(4 more songs can be painfully listened to at this link. Don't click it. Here there be monsters.)

This one I described to someone on Twitter as Rebecca Black's Friday divided by zero:

Slow Motion Explosions. My favorite is possibly the wine bottle in the microwave. Science!

And finally, here's your Joe Biden BLR. Brilliant as always:

Ohio's Republican War on Women: Planned Parenthood

It may be entertaining to look at the Republicans rearranging deck chairs as the Titanic sinks and chuckle to ourselves and know how November goes down after they haven't done a damn thing about jobs but managed to alienate the entire female population, but there are real-world consequences for their actions.

State-level Republians have carried the torch of their war on women and bludgeoned the patsy of Planned Parenthood in several states, and Ohio has become the new battleground. In a mid-budget review bill, state republicans have inserted language that would functionally defund Planned Parenthood. Nice work on the unemployment numbers, guys! And here's a link to sign a petition because sometimes that has an effect. If you live in Ohio, PLEASE contact your state representatives and give this a voice.

SIDENOTE: One of the commenters in the link above aptly notes that this legislation alteration comes within one day of Ohio returning to capital punishment. Yep, one day we serve a grown, living human being an IV cocktail of death - next day we're crying bloody murder over a bundle of cells. Yay Ohio: showing the world how backwards we are every damn day.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Cat Piss & Cum Shots: Spring Stinks!

It's that time of year again! Oh, the stanks of spring. Cat pee is one of them. Semen is another. Now I love my honeysuckle and my lilac bush, but urine and jizz should not fit in.

You can read my giant treatise on cum bubbles and cat pee here, but here's the gist:

To me - and three other people I've been in contact with online - juniper smells like cat pee. My entire family thinks I'm nuts because they do not experience the same thing. And it's not a faint smell, a subtle waft of something encompassed in a cornucopia of exotic complexity; when I drive to the grocery store that's surrounded by it and my car vents are open this time of year, it smells like one of my cats just took a concentrated, stinking, steaming piss in the back seat. (I would love to talk to anyone who's had the same experience. It took me two years to figure it out.)

The Bradford Pear tree smells like semen. LOTS more people have experienced this one. It's not as horribly strong as the juniper, not like "Who just rubbed one off on my face?" - more like grabbing your laundry the afternoon after you had a wet dream and catching the odor of the semi-dry, cool, musty gob emanate from the pile.

It's spring! You've been warned.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Lost n Found Jumble Bag o Joy!

Here's some stuff I found while in the process of being on the internets today (and some stuff I just had laying around). Enjoy!

Monday, April 09, 2012

Titanic 3D ...Now With More 'Splosions!

What would happen if Cameron had brought in J.J. Abrams, George Lucas, and Michael Bay for the 3D re-issue special effects? Here's the brilliant answer:

(via io9)

Thursday, April 05, 2012

My Senior Year Song: Tori's Winter

A little bit about me...

My senior year in high school, I was just popular enough to make it into the Senior Council and while we primarily planned the prom, we also chose the pool from which our fellow seniors would choose our class song.

During that meeting, I was sickened by the stupid, vapid choices presented. But I came prepared. When I was 18, Tori Amos's Winter was such a clear choice for a serious message of recognition of place and growth and fear that I couldn't but enter it.

Here's the song:

Lyrics? Yep:
Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

And at the end of the day, I won. If by "won" you mean "got it on the ballot."

Two weeks later, the masses of our senior class, the masses that could not look beyond this wonderful, last year of their wonder, chose:

I wanna go back? And do it all over? Fuck that.

And that's why Winter holds a special place in my heart and why most of the people I went to high school with still live in Parma, Ohio.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Trayvon Martin & The Racist Gun Nuts

You might as well just embrace the rage now. It's okay. Let it come.

If you have not read about the tragedy of Trayvon Martin, an innocent 17-year old African American kid, and the racist, gun-toting nut who took his life, please take a minute to brush up on some of the bullet points of this horrible event - and the deplorable way it was handled.

Now, take into account the fact that this story, while not discussed or featured in any way by Fox, did appear on its website. Now imagine all those Fox commenters goin' buck nutty over this story and making their missives known to the whole of the internets. I know, it's an ugly mental image.

Little Green Footballs did the painful digging, and has come up with a grotesque pile of the worst of the worst of the comments from the Fox posting of that story. If you have the stomach, head on over there. Either way, here's a sampling:
What a shame—a tragedy, really— because the dead lil’ gangsta could’ve used “‘A-FIRM-TIV AK-SHUN” to go to kollige an play footballz and make lotsa cash munny!”


Let’s find out why the “po’ baby” was REALLY there!


The little thug ghetto monkey should have been home doing his homework, not out gang bangin.


I’m just glad Zimmerman didnt miss and hit an innocent bystander.


Whenever a prominent conservative is confronted with the idea that anyone conservative is racist or bigoted in any way, the first line of defense is that it is a liberal lie. Remember racist signs at the Tea Party rallies? Plants. Besides, Blacks would be better off in the Republican Party. Right?

I really don't have anything else but seething frustration to offer on this topic - it sums itself up, and Little Green Footballs has the long form.

Good luck and don't explode.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Of Bibles and Constitutions

On Wednesday, March 1, 2006, at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at American University, was requested to testify. At the end of his testimony, Republican State Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." The room erupted into applause.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Right Wing Dichotomy in 2 Videos

Jesus built my hot rod

...but Satan is my motor.

Which based on the lyrics of the former means Jerry Lee Lewis is my motor. So maybe it doesn't make as much sense as I thought. Or does it?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The President of Ireland delivers epic smackdown of Sarah Palin and the Teabaggers

Fricking amazing.


This Is What I Write at 3am

No apologies, no explanations. This is what you get:

Yellow and Red

Mom was acting funny.
"The robots," she said. "The robots are, they're talking to me."
"What robots?" I asked.
"In the teevee, in the computer."
"Mom," I tried.
She turned around, slid the drawer, and pulled the biggest knife I'd seen in the house.
"Mom, please. Stop."
"You don't understand, Ingrid, they want me to destroy."
"Destroy what?"
"Everything," she said and forced the blade into her neck. Blood. So much blood. "Everything." She dropped to the ground, mumbling "Yellow and red. Yellow and red."

The home computer was glitchy, kept showing abstract images of rings of yellow and bars of red. I watched only for a few seconds before getting dizzy. Yellow and red.

Pulling the cords under the desk seemed to do nothing. The monitor would fizz out and then pop into life with the same images.

And there was a hum. I smashed the monitor and waited for a second only to hear the noise from upstairs. It was tilting my brain, making me just a little bit mad. I was waiting tables at a bar I'd never been to. Someone asked why I hadn't been there to pick up the slack. "I can do it," I said. "Then why aren't you here?" she answered.

The car's dead and I'm making a quick stop at the gas station down the street and I'm looking for a bag of Funyons. Funyons. But they're out and there's no beer and the only energy drinks they have are warm. Funyons. Yellow. And red.

I'm back in the living room and Mom's still alive and the remote I have has a big ON/OFF switch but when I walk to the television, I can't read it and the fizzled signal is pulling me in. I want to be a piece of face on the clothesline outside. There are already three out there, smiling, waving in the wind, flapping with the wandering joy of resignation. And I go out of the room so I can read the ON/OFF button and hold it and walk back in to flip it - and I do. And the television goes off, but only for a second, and back on. And yellow and red and yellow and red.

I feel myself going, losing my ground, but I run upstairs and I'm late for work and so ashamed because I haven't been in for a few days with no excuse and I'm just waiting on getting reamed out, waiting on getting fired. And the computer monitor is humming at me, is strobing yellow and red and I'm in an ocean-front hotel room and the giant wave is coming and I don't know how to avoid it, don't know why no one is not running away. They're all staring at me. And the wave is coming.

The television is still humming and mom is on the floor. Red. Everywhere.

"Why aren't you helping me?" I shout to no one. I run around the house pulling cords from the walls, but the humming only grows. A plane passes overhead so, so closely and crashes a few miles away in a ball of fire. Red and yellow.

Everything is pulled from the walls. The television is still on, playing a version of Super Mario Brothers I've never seen. But it's pulsing, pullling me in.

I run upstairs, turn on the shower, get to my room where the pillows are pulsing. The people-faces from the garden are stretched out, bleeding on the mattress. I can't stop anything. I can't keep my mind moving outside of the yellow and red cycle that's taking my head out. The alarm clock is even doing it, somehow making colors where there should only be sound.

We can't keep it. We can't.

The colors are daunting, consuming, and so, so wonderful.

And so: blood.

Friday, March 09, 2012

What Did FOX Say About Gas Prices in 2008?

Warning: this will make you angry.

Spoiler alert! They say politicians are helpless to affect the market :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

American Teens are Dumb

At least in this school. And my daughter's school. C'mon, if it's not Twilight or Bieber or Ke$ha or Facebook, they're pretty much clueless. I give you Lunch Scholars. I suggest a helmet so you don't get brains everywhere when your head explodes.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Overheard: California Douchery at the Bar

I was in the bar the other day and was sitting near a self-professed filmmaker and producer (I know, in Cincinnati?) who was talking to a woman exuding vapidity. Both their accents were so stereotypically LA and conversation so tragically void of reason I had to take some notes.

Note: I've spent time in LA, have a brother who lives there. And many - MANY - of the people who live there are solid, reasonable, interesting folks. These were not two of those folks.

Also note: these quotes are all from the guy because the gal didn't say much in the presence of Director Diarrhea-Mouth and are not exact, but all real.

Dude looked like Joaquin Phoenix all hairy, though he was better-groomed, wore a vest, and a scarf, and an overly-trying trendy jacket.

  • Producers? They make people comfortable.
  • You have a yoga physique.
  • I love it! (repeat 50 times)
  • Yeah, I climbed Mt. Whitney with that guy. [Mt. Whitney is the tallest mountain in the 48 contig at 14.5k feet.]
  • OMG the Spider-Cam [Can-Am Spider] is a beautiful machine.
  • So I go back in the sauna then the shower and back - when ya go from hot to cold like that your body makes amazing noises. AMAZING!
  • Evolutionarily speaking, yoga is the BEST thing for you.
  • You know, the Scandinavians invented sauna.
  • (Suicide Story) He's like barfing on my hand and I told him to call 911. a weird psych unit - all dark - and they wouldn't let me in, but someone came through the door and I snuck in and I saw [Jim] on a gurney in the hall - alive. And I say "We can fix this." And I'm with a chick, so...
I love it!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Religious Freedom: Princess Bride

One of the more clever bits of meme I've seen passed around Facebook:

Religious freedom birth control

Friday, February 17, 2012

Van Mural Wizard!

More on the Van Mural tag!

You know you love it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Santorum Splattered by Santorum. Ewww.

For those of you who are not aware of the Santorum Google bomb that redefined Santorum on Google Search for all time, please Google Santorum. For those of you who do, please enjoy this video by Santorum of "Romney Smear Campaign Guy" shooting paper cutouts of Santorum with what looks like, well, Santorum. Ewww. Splat!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Jesus Had a Dinosaur

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Van Mural ...Thursday Rides Again!

It's been so long (May!?), dear van mural lovers, so we've got some catching up to do!

For those of you new to Van Mural [insert day here], I've been collecting some of the best van mural magic I can find on the web. The project started as RapeVan, but I found that somewhat limited and potentially offensive. [UPDATE:"rapevan" has been replaced with "van mural"] HOWEVER, the tag endures if you click the RAPEVAN VAN MURAL tag at the bottom of this post, all Van Mural posts shall appear for your joy and approval.

For clarification, it may not always be a van per se, but it will always involve paint on a vehicle of some sort.

Without further ado, I give you Van Murals:

Let's ease on in with a partial of a surreal desertscape.

NYC: I guess I hadn't realized the Statue of Liberty came with a sex doll mouth.

Jack in the WTF?

So much magnificence I had to retain the larger one for your scrutiny. Click image to embiggin. Hobbits and bellies and doggies (and a pic of a pic), oh my!

We should do this more often.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Meat Causes Cancer

I just watched the documentary Forks Over Knives that discusses in detail the evidence that the myth that we need to over-protein-ate (and, of course, processed sugar and bleached flour, and processed food in general) is killing us with cancer and explores clinical evidence that an entirely plant-based diet can actually reverse certain types of cancer. Trailer below:

My practical take-away was not that I'll go vegan and be healthy forever, but that I have WAY too much meat in my diet. Give it a look - it changed the way I think about food, even if just a little.

Monday, February 06, 2012

Sexy Sexy Star Wars Tattoo-ine

Star Wars Death Star Sexy Tattoo

So I picked up this picture over at Failblog's Ugliest Tattoos page (as a win, of course). It's a few years old, but got a fantastic response. So I wondered: wouldn't there be more images of this tattooed wonderousness elsewhere on the internets?

And, of course, said pictures do exist.

(Other sidenote: the script on her side is the lyrics to Matthew Good's "Waiting for the Destruction" and runs all the way down to her calf.)

So after a little detective-ing, I was able to dig up something salacious. I think here is where I meet but do not cross the obscenity line with a carefully-cropped close-up:

Star Wars Death Star Tattoo

And if you like that line and feel the temptation to cross it, I shall provide the tools but will not give you direct gratification from this blog post - that wouldn't be fair as some people read me at work - or maybe I just hope people read me at work.

Either way, if you'd like to cross that line and see more of this woman's tattoos in a semi-tasteful but not really safe for work version (naked but strategically posed to hide ladyparts), then you can do so here.

Now, if you'd like to Kessel Run past that line in less than two parsecs, you can do so with the following image. Warning: TOTALLY NSFW.

Genuine question: Was that too stalker-y? Too pornographic? I ran it because I was genuinely interested in what other cool, nerdy tattoos this woman had - and they are pretty awesome. Did I go too far and fly right past tasteful and reasonable? I'd like to know what y'all think; I generally don't talk about or link to naked images on the internets even if they are geeky, nerdy, and lovely. To the comments!