Friday, June 04, 2010

Say Hi to the Fab N00bs!

Last person of my following bunch I said hello to was Blueberry over at Texas Oasis. Hey there again!

And since then we've got a few more! So let's all give a hardy CFC Welcome* to (if there be no link, there be no blog):

Camila Alvares
Debra, She Who Seeks
The Invisible Seductress
Chris at Rabid Intuition

Visit, comment, love.

*(Despite the tone you may have interpreted on this blog "CFC Welcome" is defined by clapping or commenting, not a pearl necklace and a Cleveland steamer.)

BP Oil Apology

h/t to Liberality!

Breaking Bad (Cleanses)

This is a follow up to This is Stupid: Cleanse post from yesterday.

As of this morning, 48 hours in, I'd eaten nothing except for the stupid juice and water and the oral enema. In 48 hours I went from feeling okay to being drained, grumpy, tired, lethargic, apathetic, all with a headache. Surprisingly, not all that physically hungry. They say it's only the first 3 or 4 days that suck. I have better ways to lose weight.

So I did my saltwater this morning and when that process was finished, P90X. And officially broke the fast with a sample pack of the Orange Julius -tasting recovery drink and a few saltines. See, after not eating for 48 hours, you need to start slow (10 days? you start with broth). I'm thinking a good vegetable soup for lunch here in a little bit and by dinner I'm at the bar to celebrate my joy with some beer and wings (per Lemmy's delicious suggestion)!

I'll update this post with actual food choices as well as any unforeseen side effects of jumping too fast into solid foods. What could go wrong? It's only been 2 days...

UPDATE: I was sated with the P90X drink for a couple hours and hooked up a mild lunch with a delicious Amy's No Chicken Noodle Soup with a little flax seed. Heaven.

And a couple things have happened in the last couple days kind of all at once. First off, I lost 7 lbs from this 48 hour fast. Then this video showed up in my inbox, so now sugar scares the hell out of me...

...and a video associate with it shows a 4 year old McD's cheeseburger that looks new:

So I think this past couple of days has been overall positive as an experience. I'm much more conscious of food in general, hyper-sensitive about high fructose corn syrup, and will probably never touch fast food (or at least McD's) ever again; Super Size Me did not do for me what that above video did.

Now, let the beer and video games commence!

Accepting Suggestions for Free Time

It's 4:19am. Mrs. Shambles has just left for the airport. Irish Dancer is visiting relatives.

I've got until Monday evening at 11pm - about 90 hours of alone time. And darn it, it's supposed to rain some every day until then, so I can't cut the grass or wash the deck.

I was going to spend my non-productive hours with my friends: Internets, Beer, Xbox360, and Wings (yes, Reading and Writing can come too but only if you bring Whiskey), but was wondering if you, fair readers, had any more constructive (or destructive) suggestions.

Van Mural Catch Up

She'll understand the look of pride in his face when she sees the inside, soon to be christened The Shag Love Bong Bone Palace.

Big Rich's career picked up significantly after getting a van mural ...and changing his name from Tiny Peasant.

This is a "trainer" for mentally disabled kids, a.k.a. a white delivery truck parked on the streets of San Francisco and unattended for more than 15 minutes.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Right Wing Logic

I believe I've found the mathematical root of right wing logic. Enjoy.

In Short: Hannity is a Moron

Today Sean Hannity made outrage cookies about how the military's equipment isn't the best technology out there and some of it's old - and it's Obama's fault!

Apparently he was high or deaf when the very vocal outcry went out about our American soldier being killed in Iraq because the HumVee's provided by Bush's management of the military weren't even providing basic protection from armor; they were cannibalizing scrapped vehicles and materials to add makeshift steel plating for protection.

Where was your outrage then, Sean? Oh yeah, it didn't exist because you had the Republican president's dick in your ear.

Cleansing: This is Stupid

This is stupid. This is a glass and gallon jug of stupid juice. In order to make stupid juice, you add 1 t of cayenne, 1 1/4 C each of fresh-squeezed lemon juice and real (expensive!) maple syrup to 1 gal of spring water.

Okay, it's not stupid juice, it's a lemon cleanse. Yay! Not really. What's in that jug? I'm supposed to have 10 12 oz glasses during the day. And that's all. No food. And as a prize at the end of the day? A mild laxative herbal tea. Yum. In the morning I take 1 L lukewarm water with 2 t uniodized sea salt. That's called an oral enema. Seriously. Just about the whole liter comes straight out the other end, and it's brought some friends.

Last weekend, my mother mentioned that my cousin does this cleanse once or twice a year, loses 10-20 lbs. Mrs. Shambles thought "we" should try it. I'm going along to support her for now.

A day and a half into it and I'm cranky - actually get a bit angry when I drive by a place where I smell food - I have a headache (I never get headaches), I'm tired, and feeling slightly emotionally fragile. Great. Clean out your body, wreck your soul. Thanks Mom.

And this is supposed to last at least 10 days.

But it's okay. Mrs. Shambles is heading out of town tomorrow and I've already figured I'd probably drop the cleanse tomorrow afternoon. I just can't do it. Every time I take down another glass of gross, a louder and louder voice somewhere inside me shouts "Hey, this is stupid!" generally paired with a mild gagging reflex. I'm already exercising. How about giving that a chance to work first?

So any of you ever go through a cleanse? Did it work? Was it worth it?

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Oil Leak Bizarro World You Must Visit

The funny thing in this thought challenge or experiment is that - well, there's nothing funny about it except perhaps my writing, shielding the reality with the parody or reductio ad absurdum and thus revealing the ultimate sadness inherent in being a right wing radio talk show host. Without such magnanimous delusional egotism, I surmise suicides would be much higher in their field.

Today's Experiment: Obama & Oil

Scenario 1:
President Obama spent all Memorial Day weekend with the families of those killed in the rig blast and those already suffering the effects of the death of the fishing industry in the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What's Obama doing? He's just placating them! He doesn't give a hoot about the crisis or about solving it - he just wants to make face time and look like he gives a crap. This is egotistical showmanship, nothing more.

"And besides, what about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans either, those who gave their lives to guarantee our freedoms. Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"

Scenario 2:
President Obama invents a time machine and goes back to the beginning of the crisis to let BP know that if they drop the Top Hat, they should warm the top hat to avoid the creation of hydrates that might block the tube. The Top Hat solution vacates 90% of the oil spewing into the Gulf.

Right Wing Response:
"What is Obama doing? Is he suddenly Bill Nye the Science Guy? What does he know that BP doesn't? Sure the flow is stemmed, but it's only 90% - 10% is still ruining the lives of those who make their living from the Gulf.

"Obviously, he doesn't want a complete fix because then he wouldn't be able to take over the oil industry in America! Just like Hitler!"

Scenario 3:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack and flies to the Gulf personally, dives to the bottom of the sea and with his super-heated welding materials, cuts the broken pipe and bends it shut, stemming the flow permanently. He takes the rest of the weekend to spend with families who have been affected by and will be affected by the disaster.

Right Wing Response:
"Who elected this show-boating goon? He's obviously making a play for governmental takeover of the oil companies and playing the 'face time' game with these families. If Hitler had a jetpack and supersuit, he'd have done the same thing!"

Scenario 4:
President Obama equips his super-suit & jetpack, fixes the oil leak, creates a pact with Israel for peace, destroys all Russia's nuclear weapons, forges peace with China and North Korea, kills Ahmadinejad, catches Bin Laden, feeds every starving person in the world with mana from heaven.

Right Wing Response:
"What about Arlington? Why isn't he there? He obviously doesn't care about the veterans of America or America herself while he's out hot-dogging the world! Obama hates freedom! Nazi!"

To bastardize Yoda for Obama:

"Try or try not. There is no win."