Friday, May 25, 2007

Texas Kids Protest TAKS Decision, Look Silly

From WFAA in Dallas/Fort Worth:
About a dozen young people, carrying signs and chanting, began picketing at 8:30 a.m. Thursday. They represent the 613 Fort Worth seniors who did not pass the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills exam.

Crystal Martinez complained that while she finished at the top of her class with a 3.5 grade point average, she is now blocked from graduation by failing the TAKS test.

"We know we're not going to get our diplomas, but we just want to walk across the stage," Martinez said. "That's all we ask for right now."
No, dear. The only reason to be at commencement is to get the little piece of blank paper that represents your diploma. You did not graduate. You don't get a diploma and, by extension, you don't get a fake diploma. You don't get to walk.

But there is more: the picture used in the online story.

Let Are Kids Walk

What can I even say about that? Kids: Just go home and stop embarrassing yourselves.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Worst. Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show. Evar.

"Are UFOs and bible stories and space aliens real?"

Check it out at The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show! It's a bit old, but if you haven't seen it, prepare yourself.
(better version in Update below)

This show has it all:

Mr. Gray the singing alien
Mr. Gray the Preachin, Singin Alien

"Chip the Black Boy!"
Chip the Black Boy!

...and much more! Complete with Bible readings, extended remix improv songs, reverb, space angels, puppetry apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child, and production values as beneficial as necrotizing fasciitis (apparently executed by a blind, three-year-old retarded child preoccupied with puppetry).

This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen on the internets. And I'm familiar with goatse and tub girl.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

UPDATE: I just had to dig, didn't I? More Videos...
Chip the Black Boy explains Aliens
I Love Christmas Jam Session
Larger YouTube version of primary video VVV

Wait, what am I doing? This is the internets. Here.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

It's Write Your Congressman Day! Melvin Watt (D - NC)

It's fun for the whole family!

Today I decided I was going to write my congressman. He's been a non-entity in the world of Winston Salem (he's also got to worry about Greensboro through Charlotte). I went to Congressman Melvin Watt's website, filled out the form, and wrote the following:
Dear Congressman Watt,

I can't say I know much about you or have ever even really heard about you; until I looked it up, I thought Virginia Foxx was my representative.

I can't say I respect the gerrymandered district you represent. But that's not your fault.

And while Katrina suffering is important, repeated attempts to ban flag desecration (although you voted against H J RES 10?) only furthers limitations to free speech and wastes my tax dollars.

My question to you, sir: where is the legislation for your constituency? What are you doing about gas prices? What are you doing about our wasted time in Iraq? Why isn't your voting record on your website? Now that I've found it elsewhere, how did you end up as one of three members of congress not to vote on H R 1591 (that was a pretty important one)?

Fair banking practices also concern me. Congressman Kendrick B. Meek (FL) introduced legislation last year to boost financial literacy in the form of H.R. 4413-15. How did these bills not win popular support? Oil, insurance, and banking institutions are bleeding Americans dry. What is congress doing about it? What are you doing about it?

I'm sure being a member of congress is a complicated job, but I feel abandoned by my representative. That is what you are: a representative of the people of your district. Please do not forget that.

Your constituent,

Ricky Shambles

p.s. Push Inslee-Manzullo Internet Radio Equality Act, H.R. 2060, and stop an Iran war before it starts.
And then I clicked the Submit button.

And it showed me a 404 (error: page not found).

Disappointed, once more
Disillusioned, encore
I think I love you, for sure

Wait, no. Nix that last line. I was fucking pissed. Mr. Absentee (in voting and regional showmanship) has again punked his constituents.

So Congressman Watt: WTF?

Here's the district:
Melvin Watt's 12th District in NC

Here's the original manifestation of Gerrymandering:
Original Gerrymandering

Any questions? While I'm quite happy that we can pull a democratic district out of the ass of a Bible, Guns, 'n' Muddin' South, what is this guy actually doing in congress?

From this Yankee-turned-Southerner-pre-re-Northerner: not much at all.

p.s. Fake update: I called Senator Richard Burr and Senator Libby Dole about saving internet radio. Sen. Burr's secretary was more than willing to give me the time to speak my mind and "pass it on to the Senator." Libby Dole's dance card was full. Nothing but busy signals. Yay Legislative Branch!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Christ on a Bun! Jesus Gets a Hand Job

Cabrini Jesus

That guy there? The statue? Yeah, the one giving a little wink-wink-nod tit shot of the sacred heart, and a hand out like some toothless, homeless hooker asking for a five-spot for a taste? That's the lord. And he done broke. But not in that way, exactly.

Who wants some Denver Post?
The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.
Sister Ilaria said "it was only a freak act of Mother Nature." A-ha! But if that same lightning bolt hit the statue and Jesus started pissing Berry Blue Kool-Aid out his eyes and shitting Twizzlers, that would be an Act of God. Little bit of a double standard there, sister.

So if God controls everything because He's, um, God, then why in the heavens would God strike down a statue of his son?

Idol worship? Tacky carving? Revenge of Zeus? Hookers?

You let your little imagination run crazy with that one.

UPDATE! Bonus! Synchronicity! License plate seen less than 2 hours after posting:

Say Yes To Jesus Christ

With those bedroom eyes, how could you say no?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Movin' On Up, to...WKRP

I must apologize for the intermittent transmissions from last week and those coming. I am in the process of moving to Cincinnati.

Cincinnati Skyline from Kentuck

Yay, Cincinnati! Home of the Reds, Bengals, and the 2001 Race Riots!

Can we get a Wiki?
Cincinnati was founded in 1788 by John Cleves Symmes and Colonel Robert Patterson. Surveyor John Filson (also the author of The Adventures of Colonel Daniel Boone) named it "Losantiville" from four terms, each of different language, meaning "The city opposite the mouth of the Licking River." "Ville" is French for "city," "anti" is Greek for "opposite," "os" is Latin for "mouth," and "L" was all that was included of "Licking River."
John Filson was a fucking showoff and trying way too hard.
In 1790, Arthur St. Clair, the governor of the Northwest Territory, changed the name of the settlement to "Cincinnati" in honor of the Society of the Cincinnati, of which he was a member.[5] The society honored General George Washington, who was considered a latter day Cincinnatus—the Roman general who saved his city, then retired from power to his farm.
Much better.

But more importantly than all the historical or meaningful crap, we something up there that we don't have down here:

Skyline Chili
Sweet Mercy


WKRP in Cincinnati
Notice Frank Bonner's own brand of the Shocker

I do, however, believe the biggest upside to moving to Cincinnati will be my ability to have more impact and a stronger voice in the crucial state of Ohio in the 2008 election. Expect more activity and activism as a result of the move.

I will, of course, still be here. Just a little less often for the next couple weeks.

And don't forget that if you're into the blog, subscribe! It's the funny-lookin' orange thingies on the right. Cheers!