e-Card on Voting Republican

I Can Has Boehner Tumblr?

I'm not one to brag, but I started a Tumblr.

Boehner Has A Sad

I promise more sad quotes, pics, and videos based entirely on Boehner.

I love Ohio.

Conservative Take, OWS: I Know You Want to Throw Up All Over Yourself

Or drive yourself to drink to blackout.

Then why not read the post on Conservapedia about OWS?

Leftist protest Occupy Wall Street is an ongoing anti-capitalism rally, with beginnings as an astroturfing campaign funded by a George Soros group called Adbusters; invoked by Bill Ayers "Days of Rage," the first Occupy protest was staged on September 17, 2011 in New York City after months of planning by co-founder of SEIU Stephen Lerner.[1][2][3] Occupy Wall Street protesters consist of radicals, anarchists, nihilists, college students, hippies, special interest groups, labor unions and vendors. They dislike capitalism, blame greed, Wall Street and the banks for economic hardship, and have been seen spitting on U.S. Military personnel.[4] Similar 'Occupy' demonstrations have spread to a dozen cities, and has caused thousands of arrests across the United States.
The Occupy Wall Street movement was inspired by the Arab Spring protests in Cairo that were organized by the Muslim Brotherhood.[5][6] Egyptians camped out in Tahir Square until Hosni Mubarak resigned.

Oh, it gets better. But I'm just here to give you the tools, not make you poke out your eyes and drink bleach because of the message. Happy hump day!

Gawker Star Time!

Hey, I just collected some awesome juice today. Yay!


Oh my Gawker!

Over the last several months, I've become horribly addicted to the Gawker Media sites, most notably Gawker.com that has an assortment of snarky articles concerning the world in general with a focus on news and entertainment. So to participate you sign up for your free account and comment along with the rest of everyone.

But there is a bit of an imbalance in the force: you must first be approved. That means that you have to comment a few times as an "audition" and then your account can be seen by folks other than the upper echelon. Once approved, you can comment like anyone else. However there is a third tier. After a while, if it looks like you're going to be hanging around and you are an active commenter and those comments are a nice combination of witty and snarky and informative, you shall be awarded a star.

Starred commenters can approve noobs, promote comments, and their comments always appear first.

I was starred today! Yay!

SO I'm not sure what's sadder: that I'm absurdly freakin' excited about this - it made my whole damn day - or that because my internet life is so internet-y and stuff I consider fun is done under the nom de guerre, I don't have one single person IRL who would know what I'm talking about, let alone appreciate it.

Either way, I feel pretty damn awesome.

John Boehner's a Dick

Today POTUS Barry-O was on teh Twitter answering questions in a town hall format. It was cute. It was quaint. It was for the kids ...until the kids' drunk uncle stumbled in about 10:40am.

Everyone pivoted just in time to see Speaker Boehner, cradling a magnum of Turning Leaf Merlot, stumble into the room. "Hay! Hay!" sputtered Boehner. "Where's the jobs! Hahaha!" *hic*

"If you'll wait just a moment John--"

"No. No, Mobama! I said werer the jobs? Huh? Why you so mean to the jobs?" at which point he collapsed into weeping pile on the floor and people tried not to stare.

Okay, so all that just kinda happened virtually. Seriously. In the middle of Obama's tech-savvy town hall, Boehner - instead of keeping quiet - decided to troll the event like a bratty kid who just got his internet limited by his mommy. Or he had Merlot for breakfast. Either or. Total dick move.




ROUND 2!

Take a look at the screenshot above. Boehner hits off the mid-tirade with a snicker and a RT from AFLCIO, the Union Movement. Because Boehner thinks it's funny that the Unions are wondering where the jobs are too. Yay! Everybody hates Obama! Republicans Win!

Not so fast, B. Turns out AFLCIO, probably a little more savvy than Boehner on teh Twitter, notice him using them and take a couple hits back.



Personally, I like "Where are the jobs? Answer: Not in House Republican Budget" Unsurprisingly, none of this activity was acknowledged by Speaker Boehner.


Keep it classy, you lying, corporate whore.


[SIDENOTE:
If you're unfamiliar with Twitter, the hashtags exist so you can search by a hashtag and follow a stream of tweets. For instance, #AskObama search would allow you to follow - and check out at a later time - questions and answers from today's event. Hyperlinks go to the Twitter search for each hashtag.

#AskObama - designated for today's event
#jobs - This is generally related to job offerings and proof Boehner knows not what he does.
#p2 - progressives 2.0, progressives on Twitter
#u1 - union workers/supporters]

Romney Goes Legit 2 Quit

That's the logo. Apparently toothpaste is his thing. I smell nanny state and Romneycare and sister wives colliding with America. You know, those "true ideals" that non-Mormon conservatives change every six months.

Not sure what's suckier: the shitty branding or (if you look at the source code) that he chose to bring his message to America in a low-rent Wordpress template (ooh, probably the same source, a cousin perchance? who took this one course this one time on websites and totally can program and stuff?). Basic PR calls for custom design, programming, SEO, and that's just on the web side! Looks like he started his campaign by creating a job ...for an intern.


Sorry: Edit: Believe in America? Um, we already do. Thanks. Obama's message of Hope worked because many of us lost that with Bush. The left, the right, the gun-toting living bibles? We all believe in America. Well, our version. So, wait, what's Mitt's version of America? Mormon intifada? Sister Wives Sharia Law? Hell, we'll just get Glenn on Fox to expose... Holy Shit! He quit (was fired) and he's Mormon too!

What fresh torture have we just entered? What of Satan's carnal jubilation have we awoken? This is hell-jizz territory. Get a hat.

Limbaugh Stupid - Internets

Heard immediately upon turning on the car:

Rush: "No, if you put it in a PDF 95% of people won't be able to read it."

PDF stands for Portable Document Format. It is the de facto file format for electronic documents the world over. You can download Adobe Acrobat Reader for free. Well over 2/3 of all the computers in the world can open a PDF file because of this universality.

Rush regularly talks about things he does not understand, and when the funnel-eared myrmidons lap up his aural feces, they become even dumber.

Why is it conservatives/Republicans just do NOT understand technology, specifically the internet?

More New People? Yay!

I've got that lovely little box on the right that shows me a smattering of the last few people who have decided to publicly follow me. And I like to take time out and say hello. Why? Because I'm motherfucking friendly, that's why.


(for purposes of this post, everyone after 9/1/10 is a n00b)

I see Rawknrobyn
and Dave who runs Dave's Travel Corner and others
and Genny Yarnbomb
and Sally at Between Here & There
and Silliyak
and Matt at Shadow of Iris
and Molly who's Just Pleasantly Floundering Around
and lunamother at Queen of the Universe

Cheers and link juice to you all!


...I'd like to have a Superman day...

A Bad Case of the Gangster Midgets

(Seriously, internets? I hit Google Image Search for a little person [Yes, I know 'midget' is offensive - the title is in reference to childhood perception.] dressed as a Gangster. You know, pin-striped suit, fedora, tommy gun? But 20 pages of results and the douche from Pit Boss is the closest I can get? [Yes, Pit Boss guy would be a douche at any height - not a slight at size, he's just a dick.] So why nothing in 20 pages of results? Because it was full of "gangsta"s, not gangsters, some little people, some big, all hood rats. [note: always turn GIS safe search back on after searching 'alyson hannigan' and before searching 'gangster midget.' If not? Holy little people ghetto cock party.] So, on to the actual post.)

When I was a kid, I had this strange nightmare that my father was standing on our dining room table trying to fix a stained-glass hanging lamp. I was trying to tell him to be careful but at some point he bumped his head on the lamp and started crying uncontrollably. My stomach dropped and then things got worse. I heard a rumbling and a clatter and turned around to see about a half dozen little people gangsters (You know, pin-striped suit, fedora, tommy gun?) dropping from the chimney into the fireplace, emerging from the sooty entranceway, and advancing on us. I moved back towards the table but it wasn't safe there either because the protectorate that my Dad should've been was wailing and streaming with tears.

I'll never forget that dream or that feeling: hopelessness, despair, acute anxiety, overwhelming desire to disappear.

I bring that up because over the past few weeks I've had a bad case of the gangster midgets. Whenever my depression manifests itself, I get the same feeling I did in that dream, only instead of a quick sampling of it that fades when I wake, it is prolonged and draining and manifests wholly in my conscious hours. I seem to be pulling out of it somewhat, surfacing above the clouds, but it's hard - as lost as I get when I drive through those moods, there's something comforting about darkness and silence and solitude.

So I'm working on a list, a schedule of sorts, to keep me on track to maintain this upswing. I've identified most of the things I should do, things I should avoid. Now I've just got to get it on paper - and stick to it.

And for you? That might just mean me getting back to posting more regularly.

Tea-Baggin' Football Coach Gets Sacked

Bryan Glover got fired. See, he was a 26-year old middle school football coach with mediocre aspirations as a singer/songwriter. So when he wrote a song about how Obama was awful and Republicans will take back the country in November and fix it all (so short their memories), he did what every sane person would do: send it to every person on your "personal email list." This included parents of kids he coached. D'oh!

Now, as with most shoddy right wing "journalism," none of the relevant questions were being addressed: Was he using his school account? Were the contacts in his personal list procured as a professional? Does anybody with any sense or knowledge of etiquette really do that (sorry Mom)? Why does he not understand that when you're a teacher/coach, you're a teacher/coach all the time?

Long story short: they canned him because a handful of parents went batshit. I don't know that they should have, but that's what happened.

When it comes to the GOP USA article above, their claim is that the liberal parents' claim was one of racism. I don't believe that. There's nothing in the song lyrics that points to race per se. However, the last lines of the song:

When we’re holding the hammer
Every one of them looks like a nail

I can understand mid-level understanding of simile and metaphor, but when you spend a whole song talking about how the hammer represents misguided and clumsy policies, getting ahold of the hammer does not empower you, but makes you subject to the same errors as your predecessors. Okay, so in that respect the song is accurate.

But this last line plainly incites the same Beck-esque language of violence reflected in oft-used words like "reload" and "open season on Dems." As represented by a handful of whacked-out "isolated incidents," this violence is not figurative but literal. And that prevalence is becoming ever-increasingly dangerous.

Sidenote: the comments on the story? Typical: He should sue the hell out of the school, join the Tea Party, open the Hannity Freedom Concert with his one song and then run for office (and presumably fail miserably).

Deer for Breakfast

No, not venison omelets. Just this:


Love it, sweethearts!

Mark Levin is Poop!

Facebook captcha says so:


(please note: the text entered in the captcha box was deemed correct, should there be any disambiguation issues)

Dare not argue with the internets. Or be a whiny, annoying asshat. Or you, too, will be poop.

"I said 'Good Day' sir!"

Minesweeper: The Movie

You know and love it: minesweeper, bastion of the bored. Love it.

Some Shit About Stuff and Shit

Chanting Obama
How about a video of a town hall NOT gone horribly wrong?



The little kid drawing on the ground in the dark really hit me.

But note to pro-Obama folks: Stop the "We won" chant. "We won" describes ONE single success and intimates that the Democratic party can do whatever the fuck they want. That is not a good message. Ever. It is not a message; it is being a poor winner. If we toss a mandate on the election of Obama, we are no better than the sucking-on-the-Dubya-teat crowd. Say something with meaning. Your chants may not be catchy, but they'll be focused.

Woman on Fire
A woman set herself on fire in a mall. I'm awaiting the video. But if I were somehow coerced to the Mall of America (think B.A. Baracus on a flight) and awoke in that place, I might just do the same thing. The correct phrase, not used in the story, is self-immolation.

In a related story, a woman on fire in a mall deemed so hawt, 15 were burned trying to grab whatever clothing she had on. Damn.


Obama Threat
Some asshat thought it would be a good idea to concoct a freeway-exit-caliber cardboard sign that said "Death to Obama."

I'm sure some goon on the right will denounce his arrest.

But it's a pretty widely popular notion that a threat to the POTUS - in written or verbal form - is a federal offense. Or at least a viable threat. Like that other asshat who showed up to his town hall meeting with a firearm strapped to his leg.

I propose a new law: Deport the Fucktards.

Palin ...Again
In the same vein as the last section, Palin is spouting again. On fucking Facebook!

That's your platform? That's your "oh, conservatives didn't get it in '08" punch to the young folks?

No one reads anything on Facebook more than a couple sentences, and you post your manifesto TRYING to convince us that your vagrant, foolish nomenclature of "death panels" is valid?

Once again: the federal government's constant point has always been that a living will is probably a good idea. The new plan says the government will pay for setting that up. What's confusing about that? Are you trolling for another Schiavo? Do you want more pain?

Either way, go for it. Position yourself for 2012.

We'll have a damn ball.

Glenn Beck: Choose Research, not Gossip

Indie band Gossip

This morning, in a throw away to a break, Glenn spouted the little gem that the origin of the word gossip comes from kings needing to know what the people were thinking, and so sent their minions to pubs and taverns with the instructions to "go sip" here or there. And that turned into "gossip."

Right. And back then most weddings happened in June because people bathed once a year in May...

Anyone who has been on the internet more than five minutes should know that research into historical or etymological claims is a necessity. And when you have a paid research staff, foolish errors like this make you look silly.

From Word Detective, just for Glenn:

The appeal of such stories is said to be that they "make sense," but the actual origin of "gossip" makes just as much sense even if it takes a bit longer to explain. In Old English, a "godsibb" was a godmother or godfather, a person's sponsor at baptism, from "god" plus "sib," meaning "relative" (related to our modern "sibling"). Eventually "godsib" acquired the broader meaning of "close friend" of either sex, although most often a woman. Since close friends share intimate secrets and news, "gossip" (as it was spelled by the 15th century) came to mean "one who indulges in idle chatter or rumors," and the modern sense of labeling someone a "gossip" was born. The use of "gossip" to mean the rumors themselves is more recent, appearing in the 19th century.

An ounce of prevention...

And here's Gossip's "Heavy Cross"

New Site: Picture is Unrelated

I got a new picture for an idea for Van Mural Wednesdays (Which will appear on Wedensday) and in that discovered a site as wasteful and time-consuming as FailBlog.org.

It's called Picture is Unrelated.



Mindfuck FTW! So much wrong with this that I ask your opinions, dear readers.

Also visit Ask A Urinal for more LOLs.

XKCD - Wisdom Always

If you haven't heard me talk about XKCD, you're new or I haven't been talking about it enough. Self-described as "A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language," it's brilliant.

From a recent post:

More harm has been done by people panicked over societal decline than societal decline ever did.

Read it and love it and don't forget to mouse over the comic itself: extra tooltip humor!

Yes, Another Video: Cleveland Burb Pro-Star Lucky Shot

JibJab and Barack Obama

All love for JibJab. They've still got it.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Where's the Crack? ...or Just Twitter Maintenance

Twitter is down right now. And I can't even tweet about how Twitter is down and how that sucks. What do I do? I'll blog about how Twitter is down and I can't tweet about how it's down. I'd tell you to follow me on Twitter, but you couldn't right now.

And the void swirls, I am left without balance.

"Things fall apart; the center cannot hold" - Yeats.