Friday, April 03, 2009

Legend of Zelda Trailer!

No, not really. Well, really, but it was IGN's "tits" 2008 April Fool's joke to the world. And if you haven't seen it, take a look.

It actually looks a little better than a SciFi Original. I'd torrent it.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

ShamWow: You'll Say "Hooker, Gimmie My Fucking Tongue Back" Every Time

The Smoking Gun is my hero today.

You know Vince from ShamWow, right? How about a refresher on the mug:

Vince from ShamWow

Wait! Holy asshats, Vince? Why do you look so disheveled?

Turns out that Vince picked up this girl:

Vince's Shamwow hooker

Wait! Why does she look like that?

Can I tell the fucking story? Cause ya know we can't do this all day.

Vince was propositioned by the girl above, took her back to his hotel, gave her $1000, and apparently at first kiss, she clamped down on his tongue which prompted him to struggle and then repeatedly beat her about the face and head at which point she finally let go. Vince ran down to the lobby, bleeding, cops got involved, and they were both stitched and booked. Not surprisingly, it appears they were both drunk.

Ah, Vince, 15 minutes can be so short. Ya won't find Billy Mays whoring it up like that.

Hannity, Catholic, Obama, Notre Dame Bullshit

Rut-roah. Obama's inflaming the Catholics!

Well, not all Catholics. Obama is set to deliver the commencement speech at Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a Catholic school. And Obama is openly pro-choice. OMG!

The truth of the matter is that there are and have been Obama detractors out there looking for any damn thing to pin their dislike of Obama on (you know, besides that he's black). Our case in point is my favorite assclown and yours:

Hannity the Assclown

Last week Sean Hannity went into a tirade about how wrong it was for Notre Dame to allow Obama to speak at commencement. He then proceeded to remind listeners that he had received his own flap from Catholics for saying that he prefers birth control over abortion.

The problem here is not with Obama's politics but with a mix of detractors and Catholic doctrine. The pro-choice argument is bullshit; Obama is a man and has not and will never have an abortion, will never commit that sin. And by Hannity's own admission, he himself has said things against Catholic doctrine and should not be allowed to speak at Notre Dame. How about anyone who's not Catholic? By doctrine, they are sinning against God. How about a war hero who killed people in battle? Where do you draw the line?

Well, when you're trying to implicate someone you simply don't like, it appears you just draw the line at Obama.

Note to whiny Catholics: shut up and look in the mirror. I think Jesus said something about that too, didn't he? Without sin and all that? Then again, Catholic doctrine tends to focus more on the Vatican's rules, pomp, and circumstance than on stuff that guy said in that one book.

UPDATE: Pat Buchanan, in an address to the choads who spoon up the Human Events newsletter by sackful - an Irish Catholic himself - dumped this bullshit in a brief bit entitled "Is Notre Dame Still Catholic?" :
To Catholics, abortion is the killing of an unborn child, a premeditated breach of God's Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The case is closed for all time. Any who participate in an abortion are excommunicated. Catholic politicians from Nancy Pelosi to Joe Biden who support a "woman's right to choose" have been denounced from pulpits and denied Communion.

First point: no one's excommunicated from the church anymore, except in perhaps very rare circumstances. So Pat knows very little about his own religion.

Second point: Neither Biden nor Pelosi have ever been physically, in-person denied communion. Bishops have whined and threatened and shook their fist in the air, but no one has refused to give either that flavorless Necco wafer we all call a piece of Jesus's flesh.

So Pat lied. And that makes him a sinner. And that might just preclude him from speaking at Notre Dame. So I guess Notre Dame's still Catholic. Are you Pat?

And I am a Dork

So I was playing Mass Effect - my new Xbox addiction - and I took out this rogue virtual intelligence and an army of bots and when it dies, it takes over all airwaves in binary over and over with this:


And without looking it up, I knew it translated to "HELP."

Reminded me of a photoshop in my archive. No, featured image is not me.