Pat Robertson's Gay Boy Kiss

File this under schadenfreude.

The right wing is all abuzz about teh gayz again. Okay, fine, they never stop - one would think they had some kind of fixation on the homosexual lifestyle.

This time the youngest gay kiss on teevee EVAR has just happened, and OMG it was a kiss and it was two boys and they are 13! Good thing I didn't kiss a girl until I was 18 and consenting.


OMG, teh gayz are kissing!

The irony, the schadenfreude, comes with the origins of this kiss.

The Family Channel was founded by Pat Robertson. Yes, that Pat Robertson. He founded the channel as a Christian Broadcasting Network channel in 1977. It became the first basic cable channel to be transmitted via satellite from launch. In 1988, it incorporated the word "Family," going to The CBN Family Channel, settling on The Family Channel in 1990. In 1998, it was sold to Rupert Murdoch and FOX, with the one caveat: not keep it pure, not keep it Christian, but keep airing The 700 Club. Robertson made out like a bandit as the channel was purchased for $3.3 billion. After that, Fox Family was sold to ABC. ABC Family now regularly airs Harry Potter witchcraft marathons and, recently, a gay kid kiss.

So Pat Robertson, the man who claims natural disasters are created by the existence of homosexuality itself, turned over a solid values-programming channel for raw greed and spawned what is today the youngest gay kiss on cable television.

Hehe. Total schadenfreude.

Catholic Answers, Catholic Lies

As I've mentioned before, I enjoy spending time in the car listening to right wing and religious AM talk radio. It keeps me informed about what's happening in circles to which I don't belong, fires me up, gets me thinking, and serves as fodder for this blog.

This weekend I was in a museum looking at some illuminated texts and remembered a rather poignant piece of radio I'd dismissed from a couple weeks ago.

During this episode of Catholic Answers, they were doing a "Non-Catholic Open Forum" where they specifically ask the audience to let just Non-Catholics to call with their questions. The show is generally a doctrine-splain-o-thon with some highlights in either caller ignorance or odd interpretation, but this one was cringe-worthy, and it wasn't the caller's fault this time.

Patrick Coffin with Bishop James Conley were hosting and "Henry in Kansas" came on with this question:

Why the Church wasn't doing anything to stop the slaughter of the Native Americans over here? Because of that we lost a lot of knowledge, a lot of books, codices and all that.

(Question is doctored/paraphrased on the linked page.)

Patrick Coffin replied:

Before we change to second gear, Henry, Gutenberg invented the printing press in the 1300s and the technology of written material didn't exist in the New World, so I'm not sure what books were there to destroy - since there weren't any books.

WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK!?

Henry comes back with the very factual and calm response that Aztecs and others recorded their knowledge in pictographs and other writings and Patrick dismisses him with "I'm not sure that's true, Henry."

First off, the printing press was developed by Gutenberg about 1450.

Secondly, the words that came out of Patrick Coffin's mouth - besides the random date pick - were drivel of the most ignorant sort. Not only is there "written material" that we have records of tracing back over 5000 years, but to say that there were no books before the printing press discounts the over 1400 years of hand-written Biblical material that serve as the very basis of his religion!

Arrrrgh!

So for anyone who listens to Catholic Answers Live for clarifications on specific Church doctrine as it exists today, you should be in the clear. But if Patrick Coffin or any other apologists start making mention of history or dates or happenings outside the codification of the Bible, you might want to vet those "facts."

That Lying Malkin and Catholic Hospitals

Michele Malkin, like most of the right-wing conspiracy nuts, is more than pleased to stretch the truth and leave out inconvenient facts in order to drive the "ACLU is the Devil" and "War on Religion." This past week on GOPUSA, she penned an ignorant rant entitled The ACLU's Unholy War on Catholic Hospitals. Malkin writes:

Civil liberties activists have a particular vendetta against devout Phoenix Catholic Bishop Thomas Olmsted, who recently revoked the Catholic status of a rogue hospital that performed several direct abortions, provided birth control pills and presided over sterilizations against the church’s ethical and religious directives for health care.

Through all her blathering, Malkin got one thing right: there is an Unholy War on Catholic Hospitals. But that war is coming from the Catholic Church itself.

Let's take a look at the actual facts of the story of St. Joseph's:

• Founded in 1895 by Sisters of Mercy (yeah, not exactly "rogue")
• Performed an abortion as a last resort to save the life of a mother - who already had 4 kids - because severe symptoms of pulmonary hypertension would have killed her.
• The child could not have survived out of the womb, i.e., would have died either way: due to abortion or because the mother was dead.
• Bishop Thomas Olmsted excommunicated the nun involved in the decision.
• Bishop then stripped the Catholic status of the hospital based on this one event.

Malkin is out of touch and a liar. Bishop Olmsted is a sanctimonious moron.

As opposed to this being a story about the ACLU, this is a story about how far removed from reality the patriarchy of the Catholic Church is in our world. A lot of people in the Catholic Community are upset about this event, and not because an abortion was performed. On the contrary, Catholics nationwide are wondering how a bishop could choose doctrine over life, could publicly say that in the eyes of God it is better that a woman and her unborn child die and leave four children motherless than make the best of a terrible situation. And on top of it? Let's damn a nun to hell. Nice.

Catholics are splintering off, creating their own congregations, or simply no longer attending church because more and more people are realizing that in the arcane structure of the Catholic Church the Rules of Man take precedence over the Grace of God, that volumes and volumes of guidelines lose the most basic tenets of the simplest things Jesus ever said. "Treat others the way you would like to be treated." "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven." Stuff like that.

So that's the story, Michele. I realize that anything that comes from the right is suspect, but this was just deplorable. It's not the ACLU or Barack Obama or George Soros or lefties or Democrats that are in the wrong here; it is the Catholic Church.

Popehat! Turning Wording into Whine

Last week, many people - including myself - were up in arms about the Comedy Central bullshit where they censored not only the "image" of Mohammed, but in part 2 (episode 201), bleeped every time the name Mohammed was used bleeped over the entire final speech. (Even though Season 5's "Super Best Friends" can still be found with a normally-illustrated Mohammed and no fanfare whatsoever - but that was before 9/11 when the terrorists apparently did win 'cause dey scurred us.)



And everybody, especially the Christians, were outraged at the double standard imposed in the world of religion.



One guy I heard on one of my right-wing AM masochism sessions actually said "Islam is the only religion you can't make fun of."

Yeah, so fuck that, right? Everyone else has a great sense of humor, let's it roll off their back like piss on a duck, right?



Not so fast there, Catholics. A fake memo, circulated by a 23-year old satirist - admittedly as a joke - is getting a lot of attention this week. What was in it?

The memorandum, apparently written by staff planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

And the Pope flipped the fuck out in usual sanctimonious bullshit mode. The tempest in a teacup was jumped on by all the Catholic myrmidons in the western world and called anything from "despicable" to "a foolish document." The Pope's visit to the UK is in jeopardy and the Vatican wants to know why no one's been sacked yet.



Oh, for fuck's sake! I agree that death threats over depictions of Mohammed, innocuous or not, are total bullshit. But you, you hypocritical Catholics, glom on to that bullhorn in one breath and in the very next are calling for the hounds of hell to pluck this satire-driven man from the face of the earth for comments that oscillate between mildly humorous and trite!

So the WTF Award goes to the Pope. Again. Though this whole thing could've been a bit of a ruse to kill the UK trip all together. Everyone knows Richard Dawkins is going to arrest the Pope as soon as he sets foot in the UK. You know, that whole religion-wide molestation coverup thing?


And one last note on the Mohammed South Park debacle. It's prompted at least one cartoonist to declare May 20th, 2010 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" in defense of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.



However, following the mad viral reaction of the internets over her cartoon, has disassociated herself with the movement and the cartoon, and many links can be found in this story from Facebook groups to where to submit your drawing for May 20.

I'll be posting my own graven image and encourage you to do the same. Maybe one of Jesus too. And the Pope. And Krishna. And Buddha. Then it's fair ;)

Jesus Monday: A Book, a Play, a Bastard Pope

Big week in Jesus news to be sure.

Philip Pullman, author of the "His Dark Materials" has written a new book, a work of fiction, entitled Good Man Jesus, Scoundrel Christ about how Jesus had a twin named Christ that did all the exaggerated scribe work and how that played out in creating a lasting memory through the church. Looks like good stuff. Of course by "good stuff" I mean paired with sanctimonious bullshit protests and misplaced aggression of sheep-like churchies.

At Tarleton State University in Texas, a student - in participation of a theatre class - chose a play entitled Corpus Christi about the life of Jesus and the apostles...except they're all gay men. Hrm? That sounds like some good stuff! And by "good stuff" I mean the Lt. Governor douchebagging a reprimand across the airwaves, misinforming the public that the play would use taxpayer dollars after having, well, NOT read or seen the play. And...scene. The professor cancelled the performance, folded like a house of cards under a Texas-sized ass.

Ah, but the real story is all the flack Popehat is pulling down on himself and the Church because a couple hundred priests molested a couple thousand little boys. No biggie, right? Nothing that can't get swept under the rug, right?

Let's do a quick recap from last week's post: Pope Ratzie lambasted the Irish Church in saying they handled things incorrectly when dealing with the molestation cases. But Ratzie himself was the one holding the broom when he himself was an archbishop, holding strong to the line of "keep it secret."


Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan appears as a caricature of religion and faith in his goon robe and wooden throne.

The archbishop above came out and called the Pope's predicament much like that of Jesus being accused unjustly. Um, no; calling someone to task for covering up and/or not reporting a crime to the proper authorities is the very definition of justice. The "unjust" part of the story might have been the priests who abused their power and authority to steal the innocence from little boys.

Even Sinead O'Connor has an op-ed piece in the Washington Post dissecting some of the bullshit and calling the original apology letter "hollow."

It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. Will the Pope step down? Will the magnitude of the scandal collapse the backbone of the whole Catholic structure? We can dream.

That Pope Could Use a Little Irish

And by "Irish" I mean a punch in the fucking mouth.

Pope Ratzie recently wrote a letter to the Irish Church, bitching them out for the mis-steps in handling the rampant cases of child abuse.

What he doesn't mention in the scolding letters is the role he himself played in hushing up the scandal as Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger of Munich by demanding abuse cases be reported to the Vatican in secret (and no mention of proper authorities). Not to mention that whomever is two farts away from an oxygen machine in that little Reno in Rome is constantly sending out mixed messages about who's to blame and what should be done about the issue while victimized families all over the world wait with baited breath for order and accountability that'll show sometime around 2210. The two Irish bishops currently offering their resignations? Popehat won't accept them.

I don't believe much of anything good has come out of the Vatican in a very long time. And they wonder why Catholicism's popularity is waning. Irrelevant? Irreverent? Unaccountable? Horribly disorganized? Pick one.

Some New and Old News - Sex, Religion, Killin'

Octomom porno? I'll wait while you cause yourself great pain to block the memory of reading those words. Reality show? Believe it.

Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) is worried capping CO2 will take away plant food. Seriously.

SHIMKUS: It’s plant food. … So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? … So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Even better to watch:


Obama's administration dropped the War on Terror rhetoric. Officially. Hells yeah.

Last week OPEC said oil had nothing to do with climate change. In related news, cigarette manufacturers said smoke is nutritious, and AIG released a report that borrowing money you cannot afford to borrow increases life expectancy.

Bob Barker came close to a career in porn. Just scratch out one eye, so you can read the rest of the post. Unless that happened at Octomom. Better to be blind.

Apparently Americans are still dying in Iraq.

And if I remember my Catholic School upbringing, it's Good Friday, so 9am to 12pm represents the walk up the hill, then Jesus hung out (hehe) for 3 more hours, and it's 2:59, so 3...2...1. Jesus just died.

!SPOILER ALERT!

No worries; he comes back to life on Sunday morning.

Have a happy Easter.

Hannity, Catholic, Obama, Notre Dame Bullshit

Rut-roah. Obama's inflaming the Catholics!

Well, not all Catholics. Obama is set to deliver the commencement speech at Notre Dame College. Notre Dame is a Catholic school. And Obama is openly pro-choice. OMG!

The truth of the matter is that there are and have been Obama detractors out there looking for any damn thing to pin their dislike of Obama on (you know, besides that he's black). Our case in point is my favorite assclown and yours:



Last week Sean Hannity went into a tirade about how wrong it was for Notre Dame to allow Obama to speak at commencement. He then proceeded to remind listeners that he had received his own flap from Catholics for saying that he prefers birth control over abortion.

The problem here is not with Obama's politics but with a mix of detractors and Catholic doctrine. The pro-choice argument is bullshit; Obama is a man and has not and will never have an abortion, will never commit that sin. And by Hannity's own admission, he himself has said things against Catholic doctrine and should not be allowed to speak at Notre Dame. How about anyone who's not Catholic? By doctrine, they are sinning against God. How about a war hero who killed people in battle? Where do you draw the line?

Well, when you're trying to implicate someone you simply don't like, it appears you just draw the line at Obama.

Note to whiny Catholics: shut up and look in the mirror. I think Jesus said something about that too, didn't he? Without sin and all that? Then again, Catholic doctrine tends to focus more on the Vatican's rules, pomp, and circumstance than on stuff that guy said in that one book.

UPDATE: Pat Buchanan, in an address to the choads who spoon up the Human Events newsletter by sackful - an Irish Catholic himself - dumped this bullshit in a brief bit entitled "Is Notre Dame Still Catholic?" :

To Catholics, abortion is the killing of an unborn child, a premeditated breach of God's Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The case is closed for all time. Any who participate in an abortion are excommunicated. Catholic politicians from Nancy Pelosi to Joe Biden who support a "woman's right to choose" have been denounced from pulpits and denied Communion.

First point: no one's excommunicated from the church anymore, except in perhaps very rare circumstances. So Pat knows very little about his own religion.

Second point: Neither Biden nor Pelosi have ever been physically, in-person denied communion. Bishops have whined and threatened and shook their fist in the air, but no one has refused to give either that flavorless Necco wafer we all call a piece of Jesus's flesh.

So Pat lied. And that makes him a sinner. And that might just preclude him from speaking at Notre Dame. So I guess Notre Dame's still Catholic. Are you Pat?

It's Your Home! A Moment With the Pope and God

Another bit on the Vatican because...damn.

From the Vatican Information Service:

BENEDICT XVI ASKS GOD TO WATCH OVER THE VATICAN

The man who supposedly has a direct connection with God and owns the lineage of His corporeal time on Earth, and he feels the need to issue a press release in which he asks God to watch over the only country or international entity that can be called "God's Home?"

Doesn't God already live there? What did Benedict do? Walk up to His room and ask him to keep an eye on the place?

BENE: Hey, God, you got a minute?
GOD: Always for you, Ratzie.
BENE: I wish you wouldn't -
GOD: I know. You know I know. Why complain?
BENE: Could you at least put down that book when I'm talking?
GOD: Sorry omnipresence isn't enough for you.
BENE: I never said -
GOD: You did in your heart.
BENE:...
GOD: You were bugging me for a reason? This Asimov had his shit together. Seriously.
BENE: Yes. I was wondering if you could keep an eye on the place.
GOD: And omnipresence - seriously?
BENE: Over Vatican City?
GOD: Who's the next Pope going to be?
BENE: Well, I think there are several good - Wait, don't you -
GOD: Gotcha!
BENE: If you'd just -
GOD: Are you still here? I've got a book and a bottle of bourbon to finish.
BENE: You drink too much.
GOD: You don't know me! You can't know me!
BENE: God, sorry, I -
GOD: Yeah, I'll watch. You want me to do anything if anything happens? Put a giant force field over the joint? Wag my cock at the bombs? Or just watch. Cause I'm already doing that.
BENE: Bombs? Sorry. Watching will be fine I guess.
GOD: Good. Go get me my slippers.
BENE: Yes. Douche.
GOD: I heard that. Before you said it.
BENE: I'm sure you did.
GOD: Dick.

Joke of the Day - Catholic Heart Attack

Sometimes unwanted emails from acquaintences aren't sanctimonious, pseudo-patriotic tripe.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital .

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Ann Coulter's Christian Failings

From the inane mind of the bigot Coulter comes a lovely Christmastime email entitled "My Triumph Over Kwanzaa!" It begins:

Is it just me, or does Kwanzaa seem to come earlier and earlier each year?

This year, I believe my triumph over this synthetic holiday is nearly complete. The only mentions of Kwanzaa I’ve seen are humorous ones. Most important, for the first time in eight years, President George Bush appears not to have issued "Kwanzaa greetings" to honor this phony non-Christian holiday that is younger than I am.

It is a fact that Kwanzaa was invented in 1966 by a black radical FBI stooge, Ron Karenga, aka Dr. Maulana Karenga. Karenga was a founder of United Slaves, a violent nationalist rival to the Black Panthers and a dupe of the FBI.

First, I'd like to set something into context for Ann:

It is a fact that Christmas was invented by the Catholic Church, a holiday to celebrate the birth of a man for whom proof of existence is entirely lacking except in ancient manuscripts that attribute him with otherworldly powers of creating matter out of nothing, raising the dead, and his own resurrection, as well as a following that eats flesh and drinks blood. This season, originally pagan nature celebrations and Roman holidays, was usurped by said Church in order to exert its power over all of Europe and, eventually, the world.

Sanctimonious pseudo-zealotry over supposed Christian ideals as a supplement and bolster to supposed American ideals with a basis in the derision of another person's belief and culture serves only to eliminate the validity of those Christian ideals. It is not sexy, intelligent, or work as any form of humor.

In other words, Ann Coulter has proven in three paragraphs that she is a Christian in name only.

Holy Fucking See Popehat! The UN?!

Some nuances of international relations do escape my grasp, that "good handle" I feel I have from time to time. I was skimming over the Vatican News Release thing I get every couple days and came across this:

VATICAN CITY, 19 DEC 2008 (VIS) - Yesterday afternoon was made public the declaration of the delegation of the Holy See to the 63rd session of the UN General Assembly on the theme: "Human Rights Questions, Including Alternative Approaches for Improving the Effective Enjoyment of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms".
...
"In particular, the categories 'sexual orientation' and 'gender identity', used in the text, find no recognition or clear and agreed definition in international law. If they had to be taken into consideration in the proclaiming and implementing of fundamental rights, these would create serious uncertainty in the law as well as undermine the ability of States to enter into and enforce new and existing human rights conventions and standards".

My first question, having just grasped the gravity of this, is: What the hell is the Vatican doing at the United Nations?

The short answer is that the Vatican has held a non-member Permanent Observer position at the United Nations since 1964. However, as evidenced above, "Observer" apparently also means speaker and commentator on just about anything that concerns them.

Let me put this another way: The United Nations has given Celestino Migliore, Titular Archbishop of Canosa, a representative of a single religion - Catholicism - that just happens to be mildly organized and sick fucking rich, a chair with a placard and room to speak on any items of concern to the Catholic Church. And while the Holy See has stood up for some great humanitarian causes, it also has a history of degrading every other religion in the world, disempowerment of women, and, as above, the slighting of equal rights for GLBT communities.

How exactly does that work? Celestino Migliore writes his name on a list and gets to bitch slap all the gays in the world? This is a man who represents a religion and has an unflappable conviction that homosexuals are sinning against God and will spend all of eternity burning in hell for their transgressions because if they were just steered in the right direction they could make the right "choice" and not be gay. And the UN offers him a few minutes to address representatives to the countries of the world on how this human rights issue should be handled?

WTF?

And where's the Permanent Observer for all the other sects of Christianity? Hindu religion? Or Islam, Buddhism, Judiasm, Zoroastrianism, and all their respective sects? I'm sure they'd all have some interesting things to say about things that happen at the UN.

...but I guess those folks don't have as fat a wallet as the Pope.

Yes, his is the one that says...

Christmas Dress Up Jesus!

Can't quite get into that holiday spirit? Looking for some Xmas cheer? Christmas Jesus Dress Up is here to help!



This is your palette for a fabulous Flash app that allows you to build your very own Jesus in your image, adding features like a corn-cob pipe, snowman belly, and even a Christmas dress. I did not include all the costumes because the discovery of all the bits and pieces is more exciting in person.

Wait a minute?! Where's the Freddy Kreuger claw? you ask. How come no ball gag?

Simmer down, there, folks. Those buttons on the left will lead you to the Original, Celebrity, Holiday, Halloween, Villains, Oz, and BDSM Dress Up Jesus. No, I'm not fucking kidding.

Wait, there's more?

Yes. After you have your fun playing on the computer, you can kick over to this site and, as an answer to your prayers, make this joy manifest as fridge magnets. I know! Just in time for Xmas!

Thank you Normal Bob Smith; you have brought joy to this day and holiday season.

Jesus Jokes II

A crowd is gathering. A woman is screaming. They are pulling her to a post in the middle of the square, all of them collecting stones.

As they bind her to the post in the middle of the town, Jesus steps up, saying "You without sin cast the first stone."

Silence.

Then, out of the back of the crowd, a stone whirs forward and strikes the woman dead.

Jesus looks around and says "Damn it, Ma, sometimes you really piss me off!"

Jesus Jokes

Jesus walks into an inn, slaps down three spikes and says "Hey, can you put me up for the night?"

This Is Why Organized Religion is Defunct

I swear my grandparents had this print in their apartment

Primarily, Catholicism is an absurd anachronism, a bloated, dying whale, flailing on the beach, an organization that promises the way to God but is, in fact, deterrent in its nature by the inherent structure of hoops and hypocrisy.

Let's look at South Carolina today:

A South Carolina Roman Catholic priest has told his parishioners that they should refrain from receiving Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama because the Democratic president-elect supports abortion, and supporting him "constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil."

The Rev. Jay Scott Newman said in a letter distributed Sunday to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote.

"Our nation has chosen for its chief executive the most radical pro-abortion politician ever to serve in the United States Senate or to run for president," Newman wrote, referring to Obama by his full name, including his middle name of Hussein.

What a fucking douche.

This priest is saying that if you support a guy who has an idea that is against the human-fabricated doctrine of the church, then you're just as bad as him.

Lest we forget that Jesus congregated with liars and thieves. His mission was one of love and compassion, not of structure and pomp, circumstance and silk robes. The Catholic church is running a show where very few take seriously their stance on birth control, many support the pro-choice movement, and just about everyone wonders why the phallocentric mastery doesn't whither a little and allow women to be priests. The last pope invoked infallibility, basically saying that God doesn't want women to be priests.

The Catholic church has lost Jesus, and God only lives in the churches because God lives everywhere. If God could put a sign on the Vatican, it would read: "Under Old Management - Salvation now found elsewhere."

No More Nipple Twists for Cincinnati Priests!

Are you fucking kidding me?

CINCINNATI (AP) — The Archdiocese of Cincinnati has issued a detailed list of inappropriate behaviors for priests, saying they should not kiss, tickle or wrestle children.

The newest version of the archdiocese's Decree on Child Protection also prohibits bear hugs, lap-sitting and piggyback rides.

But it says priests may still shake children's hands, pat them on the back and give high-fives.

Victim advocates who have criticized the Roman Catholic archdiocese for its handling of abuse cases say they support the new measures as a step toward better protection of children.

The Cincinnati archdiocese says it updates the rules every five years. The latest version, issued last week, also mandates background checks for contractors working with children.

Because that wrestling move, the tickle-kiss, is gaining somewhat of a stigma even though innocent priests keep getting tagged because of it. Perhaps the lap-sit-to-piggyback combo (is that like ass-to-mouth?) is causing concern.

NO - What the fuck!

Allow me to preclude the following comments with: 99% of Catholic priests are pious, honorable men.

But the bad apples? They enter the priesthood with or without the understanding that they like little boys, that they are pedophiles. They need to be weeded out.

And I don't know how you do that. Maybe. Hey, witch hunts worked during the Inquisition. Go big or go home!

Buchanan and Hate: Late, Ignorant, Dobson-Lovin' Rant-o-Rama

In an article that appeared in my inbox today, I was dumbfounded by the late-to-the-party article put forth by Pat Buchanan in which he supported the bigot Dobson and slammed Obama:

"Even ... if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States ... whose Christianity would we teach in the schools? Would we go with James Dobson's or with Al Sharpton's?"

Barack was saying that, since Christians disagree deeply over what is biblical truth, why fight? Let us "try to translate some of our concerns in a universal language so that we can have an open and vigorous debate rather than have religion divide us."

In Catholicism, this is the heresy of indifferentism, which holds that one religion is just as good as another and all religions can be a path to salvation. The Pew poll out last week reveals that 82 percent of Protestants believe there are multiple paths to salvation, as do 79 percent of Catholics and 57 percent of evangelicals.

A striking development. For did not Christ say, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"?

Dr. Dobson is having none of it.

Instead of towing the hate line and using devisive arguments and being such a fucking tool, perhaps Buchanan should take a look at his words.

Obama is promoting unity, not the hard-line version of any specific Christianity. But as Obama approaches unity, absurdity approaches infinity, and Buchanan attacks with "In Catholicism" that's heresy! Of course it is; Catholics are supposed to believe that anyone who's not Catholic will go to hell, and even if you are Catholic, if you use birth control or swear and don't go to confession you're going to hell. Then he brings up Protestants and Evangelicals, who are only Protestants and Evangelicals because at some point in their history, they split from the Catholic Church because they didn't believe in Catholic nuance. And instead of becoming heretical, they organized their own churches, and the Evangelicals have a similar "My way or hell" attitude towards any other Christian sects - including Catholics.

For did not Christ say, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"?

Yes, he did, and we have all these Christian sects, all of whom believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, we have Catholics and Greek Orthodox and Methodists and Lutherans and Baptists and even the fucking Amish who are all part of the sects they are part of because so many people have so many differing opinions about exactly what that quote means.

And then he supports Dobson - who is "having none of it" - as some sort of sanctimonious overlord when he's part and parcel of the whole ball of intolerance that led to these splits in the first place, these splits that Buchanan soon after magically transports to the future (as though God spawned all versions of Christianity just as they are right now) and spurned on by the two things Republicans can't stand: them damn homos and women seeking equality:

It is splitting the Episcopalians. A traditionalist minority has severed communion over female bishops and homosexual marriages.

Layer one of suck on this article is the sheer religious ignorance with which it is put forth; I have never read something so intentionally biased and twisted and intolerant and unintentionally ignorant and hypocritical, a popsicle-stick tower bound by chewed gum and scotch tape, crafted in the bowels of the incontinent and fired in a high school kiln to focus a single, shaking, ossified finger at a public figure to compliment the frothy-lipped, spittle-spouting, growling "Yoooouuuuu!"

Layer two of suck on this article is, while completely void of actual, informed content, for every one of me reading it and deconstructing it and flicking my finger and watching Achilles collapse, there are thousands upon thousands of ignorant Republicans reading that same article and nodding their heads in agreement, mumbling "Fuck yeah, damn Muslims," and passing the word at work or in the bar that Pat Buchanan even said Obama's not a good Christian.

And that is what we're fighting: ignorance. And we will continue to fight it. And it is hard and will continue to be hard because misinformation is purposefully simplistic and simplistic is easy and thinking is hard and people are busy and stressed and don't have time for hard. Or research. Or truth.

And war is complicated and war is hard and religion is complicated and religion is hard and Ay-rabs is Muslims is Terr'rists is Hatin' 'Merica is pretty fucking easy.

And Pat Buchanan should fucking know better.

Protecting the Holy Sausage Party

I remember back in the late 80's, early 90's reading an article about an increased call for women to have the right to be priests in the Catholic faith. At that time, Pope John Paul II called bullshit on these devout women and invoked the Infallibility Clause, stating that by being the Pope, he is receiving this direction straight from God and since God is infallible, what he's saying must be right. Because these women believed in the faith and, by proxy, the power of the Pope, they had no recourse but to snap their fingers and grumble "Nuts!"

Well, Benedict didn't want to be left out of the scuffle. Namely:

The Vatican insisted Friday that it is properly following Christian tradition by excluding females from the priesthood as it issued a new warning that women taking part in ordinations will be excommunicated.

In other words, if you are a female and love Jesus so much - in the Catholic tradition - that you want to serve in the best way you know how and become a pastor to spread the word and love of Jesus, and if you're not happy with just becoming a nun, we're going to remove your connection with God.

This is equatable to me loving America so much that I worked very hard to build the support of my ideas and ran for President of the United States, and instead of the media just ignoring me, the US Government said "You are not allowed to do that; you will no longer be allowed in the United States."

Except that it's God, and personal salvation - not citizenship - at stake. The Pope is giving women who love him and love Jesus and love God and the Catholic religion and want to express that by becoming stewards of Jesus himself and giving them the red card to Hell. Because they're women.

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing

So, with that in mind: How is the Catholic religion even relevant today?

Nuns Get None in Indiana

The US Supreme Court said that it was legal to demand picture IDs from voters. Now, a gaggle of nuns have been turned away from the polls. Why? Because they are old and don't have drivers licenses. So they cast a provisional vote. Generally, it's about minorities and the elderly and the poor. Now it's about nuns. Good thing the Government hates Catholics too.

Unless you're Bill Donahue. Then you get your own glory hole.