Louis C.K. on being White

Hilarity.

TSA's Nuthuggin': 15 Things NOT to Say at Security

Is it weird that I'm making a juvenile joke because the man's name is Balzac but visually he looks a little like Ron Jeremy? I believe there's a form of irony there somewhere...

There's a growing fervor over the TSA photographing and groping and leaking body scan photos. I'm lucky I don't have to fly soon - I'd probably mouth off and get held just long enough to miss my flight. So here's my top 15 things I'm not going to say but would like to if I were flying and got searched and didn't mind losing my flight:

1. I guess I never realized TSA stood for Testicle Stroking Authority. Maybe they should rethink that - you kinda suck at it.
2. I'll show you my penis for a dollar.
3. I'd love a cigarette but then I'd have to go outside, come back in, and go through that again. Okay, I'm going to have a cigarette. Save my seat.
4. Where's my rape whistle?
5. FYI, I dress to the left.
6. I was led to believe I would receive a Happy Ending?
7. You gonna think about my balls when you fuck your wife?
8. Do you charge extra for a pinky in my bunghole?
9. Thank God I'm drunk during this!
10. This ain't no pansy-party; get on up in there n make sure I ain't no turrurrist!
11. (While grinding) Smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Oh noooooo!
12. How many balls would you say you touch in a day? Do you like 'em? You should call Guinness - there might be an opening for a daily ball-handling record.
13. If you want to put it in me, it's gonna be extra.
14. Do you tend to caress, squeeze, or bob the nuts?
15. You call that a reach-around?

And then, doing that while wearing this tshirt:


That would be an awesome day. Okay, it would probably suck, but hell would that be a story to blog about.

What inappropriate statements would you make? Comments is wide open :)


UPDATE: Blueberry left an obvious omission:

I heard something about some guys (as a protest, or just for fun) planning to opt out of the screening in favor of the manual check, and they will be commando and wearing kilts.

OMG I'm totally doing that.

In Short: Hispanics Apathetic

While the Hispanic population of the USA is still overwhelmingly Democratic by party, seems a recent poll shows they're less than enthusiastic in the "go get 'em vote!" category. Congrats Hispanics: you've successfully joined the rest of the voting populace.

The problem here, Hispanics, is that if you sit on your haunches and let the Republicans win you may find a friend or relative very quickly heading back south of the border as the rest of the country starts to resemble Arizona.

In case you missed the memo in focusing solely on Hispanic discrimination, Republicans really only like and want to help rich white people (and only include women because they are a necessary life support system for vaginas). They want to send African-Americans back to Africa, yellow people back to the Far East, brown people back wherever they came from, white trash to New Jersey, and you can see how they want to make the sandy, olive-skinned Muslims the new American Indian Extinction Project - and that's based on a mandate from God!

So get off your haunches next month and just vote straight Democratic. Heck, once they get in office, you can write and email and call and Tweet and blog Democrats into paying attention. Republicans will just quietly sneer at you on the other side of that fence from their limo's window. Unless, of course, you land the gig as their driver.

I'm Not Dead; I Was Just in LA

Been a while, huh? Oh, sure, I've always been erratic (I said erratic!), skipping 2 or 3 days here and there, posting 4 times in one day occasionally, but never for so long before.



Well, I was in Los Angeles visiting my brother, working some business leads on the West Coast. Yeah, I know being in LA and being dead and being in hell can all be synonymous, but I had a great time there. 9 days, and here's some thoughts, reflections, and events.

• There are douchebags and kind souls everywhere, just in different densities. Never forget that.


• Palm trees and mountain views near the ocean, however, are not everywhere. I could probably live there.


• I walked 2 feet from a bum slumped-over forwards at a crowded bus stop one morning. 30 minutes later I saw a fire truck and ambulance; the medics pulled him onto the stretcher. He did not move and his neck and shoulders were stuck "slumped" straight up, refusing to fall to the pillow, as they wheeled him into the ambulance.


• 30 minutes later another fire truck, police cars, etc. passed through the same intersection. Someone wasn't paying attention and plowed into an LAPD SUV. The ambulance in the caravan paused, medics quickly checked to see if everyone was okay, and then continued on with the first group.


• Last 2 seen at Sunset and La Brea because my brother's poor and got rid of his internet and I worked from Starbucks. Luckily they do not charge rent. Good news: I got my phone to tether to my laptop and use that connection for internet...to actually work on the last day I was there.


• Everyone in LA is not beautiful. However, there is a higher concentration of slim, attractive people in LA. In other words, as opposed to my Kroger's here, I can fill my spank bank to capacity in one trip to any Ralph's in Hollywood.


• With that also comes a much higher incidence of scary Skeletor and/or super-surgery ladies. I can't stand superlips, fake breasts, or forced emaciation. In other words, my libido can fall deathly ill in one trip to Ralph's.


• LA is the only place you'll find a bar coaster selling you on the DVD of the last season of Big Bang Theory


• While there is a large Latino immigrant population, there is also a large Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and other Asian faction in the city. Armenian, Indian, and Ethiopian as well. This means unlimited varied cuisine throughout.


• It also means normal (non-cable) digital stations can be found in English, Spanish, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Armenian. There is one Spanish station with Korean subtitles.


• And why can I get almost 10 Christian stations (3-4 English) with just a digital antenna?


• Driving in LA isn't so bad. Scariest part is keeping an eye out for pedestrians and bikes and light cameras. Drivers are slightly douche-y. Boston, now those drivers scared the shit out of me.


• We drove the Pacific Coast Highway about 45 miles north of Santa Monica and my brain is still trying to process the beauty in every mile.


• There is a sports bar called Big Wangs within walking distance of another named Happy Endings. I neither saw penises or received a handjob.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when it took me 40 minutes to drive 2 miles and find parking.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when you're feeding a meter and just about every man in the city is skinnier than you.


• Parking is ass. Take your time to learn the signs: there's street-sweepin' curb switchin', variations in how the meters are set to collect and differences when the meters are off (anything from free to tow your ass), and hourly restrictions sometimes in columns M-Th, F-S, Sun that'll make your head spin. Get out of the car and read.


• Double and triple check your flight info. I accidentally got dropped off at Terminal 1, realized I had to be at 6, ran to lower deck, caught "A" shuttle, and traveled over 15 minutes to 6, then upstairs to check in. LAX is fucking big.


• This past Monday I was there when Downtown LA hit 113° F, breaking every other temperature record evar. Yes, it was hot enough for me. (sidenote: I sweat at 78 or so; I like it cold. I don't care if it's a drier heat than in Cincinnati, it still fucking sucked the monumentally prolific sweat pouring from my back and balls)

That's enough for now, yes?

England: Grow a Dick

Oh, noes! Tea n crumpets! It's British-Bashing!

In the last 24 hours, I've heard that Obama's "echoes" comparison about how 9/11 showed us our vulnerabilities as did the BP disaster. I've heard Americans everywhere fling verbal poo at BP. And I've heard Glenn Beck call soccer a bunch of names to show what a wuss he is.

England's response? All these things are British-bashing. Bullshit.

I'm an unabashed Anglophile, and this is just unfortunate. Have a fucking pint of Bass and go cry in your Figurehead's crown. C'mon! Stiff upper lip and all that. Where'd that go? Stop your damned whining and pretend - for just a second - that at one time the sun never set on your empire. What? Did the US kicking your ass out and liberty for your other colonies and assassinating Princess Di and the Harry Potter fandom and a draw in the World Cup make your testicles ascend? You've still got Monty Python and The Mighty Boosh and Sting and the Beatles and Mick Jagger and Mr. Bean and good damn tea and icy lollies your own monetary system and part of Ireland (bitches!) and Vivien Leigh for fuck's sake.

Stop your whining and grow a dick.

Stupid Shit Republicans Say

Let's focus on two. I keep pretty close with the crazy as it happens from conservatives but this first one really blew my mind.

Tiger Woods, That Naughty Buddhist

Tiger Woods will recover as a golfer. Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question, and it's a tragic situation with him. I think he's lost his family. It's not clear to me that -- whether he'll be able to have a relationship with his children.

But the Tiger Woods that emerges once the news value dies out of this scandal -- the extent to which he can recover, it seems to me, depends on his faith. He's said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith.

So my message to Tiger would be, "Tiger, turn your faith -- turn to the Christian faith, and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

That was noted asshat Brit Hume on Fox News. I don't care that he spewed his religion all over the air - I think Murdoch walks around with a loaf of blessed bread, breaking off pieces and swabbing up the sputum for lunch - but WTF?

First - He's knocking someone else's religion in relation to his own and his "I don't think" qualifies it as complete ignorance. It's like saying "I've only eaten cabbage all my life and if you want your nutrition I think that kale is wasting your life!"

What a fuck. What is he saying? Let's get together a big list of Christians who have BEEN Christians and screwed over their spouses or abused kids or molested kids. Who the hell are you?

And Buddhism is to blame?

Second - Imagine, for a second, if this was posited by Malcom X, and he said that Tiger's coming to Allah through the Nation of Islam would be a better solution to Buddhism.

Can you even visualize the nasty disaster of religion and hate and race that would ensue - from people at Fox News?

Hypocrisy is an ugly thing, and only uglier when unmasked and laid bare.


Giuliani and um...9/11?

RUDY: "What he should be doing is following the right things that Bush did -- one of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We've had one under Obama."

Wait, wasn't there that shoe bomber guy and ...how did Giuliani forget about that part of his soul, 9/11? Didn't that happen during Bush?

What the fuck?

To be fair, Giuliani has since revamped his statement (according to Olbermann's team 4 times), but none of them clearly reach for the primary ignorance and none truly point to the true cause of the original statement: Rudy Giuliani and other Conservatives are now positing revised history as reality. Recent history, that we all remember, that we were all there for - if no in NY - that there are pieces of our memory that are at fault. That Bush was not.

It's a basic psychological ploy, really. Some people look at it and say "So because you say it 500 times, does it make it true?" Yes. It does. The sad truth is that the first time it's heard by many goons, it's true. The subsequent lies only prove to bolster those who've heard #1 and imbue more who haven't. And by the time they get to bullshit #500, everyone who is ignorant enough to eat up any conservative scat they can get their hands on (that other conservatives haven't already devoured)? They eat it like a fat kid eats cake.

We'll never buy the bullshit. But I wanted you to know that there are tens of millions who will. Who already have.


Epilogue

Today I heard Rush Limbaugh say that if you want to look at what Democratic corruption can do to a city to ruin it, take a look at New Orleans.

If I'm not mistaken (and correct me if I am), New Orleans was ruined by Bush-appointed asshats that didn't know how to organize the simplest of disaster scenarios, let alone the worst of imaginings.

More stupid. More drunk by stupid-drinkers. More waste of brain cells. More of burying intellect.

And that is conservatism. For today at least.


UPDATE!

Media Matters Reports:

After an earthquake devastated Haiti on January 12, Pat Robertson said on The 700 Club that Haitians had "swor[n] a pact to the devil" to get "free from the French" and that "ever since, they have been cursed." Robertson's comments follow a pattern in which he has assigned blame for tragedies and disasters, as well predicted them.

Is this because voodoo, which is practiced in Haiti, is an amalgamation of pagan and Catholic beliefs? Guess what? Christianity is an amalgamation of pagan and "new" beliefs!

I believe this post will continue in perpetuity...

Lie to Me!

After my last rant, a little mouse named Kimy pointed me in this direction. Enjoy.

Why Republicans / Conservatives / Teabaggers / Astroturfers / Tenthers / Birthers Suck so Hard

They are retarded.

Some might leave it at that and in that vein insult those that are genuinely, mentally handicapped.

The angry mob of boogeymen and boogeywomen that at every turn the right wing media are pushing and prodding and firing up with fear and anger with food for fuel of facts that are nothing if not false like Barnaby cracking the gates in Laurel and Hardy's Babes in Toyland, these people wanting to believe in something that is not a black man in the white house and stand charged with ignorance and lies, those people are logistically retarded, thought-process handicapped, deaf and blind to even the raw, proven truth that is put in front of their faces for the Priests of AM Radio have directed them to shout bloody murder and call such truths witchcraft and howl and shout down the opposition with unintelligible grunts and groans.

Glenn Beck saying that his 9/12 movement had nothing to do with the 9/12 gathering in DC immediately followed by a commercial saying anyone looking for info about DC check out the 9/12 website.

Rush Limbaugh saying that Obama is an institution built to intentionally drive the market into failure and destroy America while the other side of his jowls spouts non-belief in conspiracy theories.

Rush calling Joe Wilson a hero for screaming "liar" like a mad ferret at Obama during his health care speech when any Democrat who would've done the same to GHWB's constant, provable bullshit would've been called out on the carpet and castrated by the same media.

Congress on the right claiming they really do want health care reform but not really all that much but they won't even read the bill and where's that fucking campaign check from the insurance companies...

EVERYONE on the right in congress and on the radio driving these fear-and-lies-driven mobs to town halls and claiming they are just informing normal people to take a stand but in reality driving the uninformed automaton bus.

The hypocrisy of "The Sanctity of Marriage" being torn asunder by homosexuals when affairs and divorce are ruining the construct - the construct that has only been made up and accepted (by them) in the last few decades.

Some fucking whack-a-doo on one of the Columbus religious stations talking about Obama being a man, not a god, and how he has no right to talk to the children, to impose what HE wants them to do, that he is NOT the "public master" but "public servant." Seriously. Do these people have NO idea of how language works, especially in relation to slavery connotations? [Note: Standing reference that Republicans do not understand language nuance - i.e., humor, race - or technology still stands quite solidly.]

Just about any damn thing that comes out of anyone defaming a president of 9 months who was saying about Bush "give him a chance" before 9/11 skewed everything to "He's the President and never wrong."

Rush finally saying that the fucking loss in unemployment applications refers not to those who have found jobs but those who are simply no longer applying for unemployment - like it ran out, like when it was doing so for millions of Americans (myself included) about six years ago and he was praising Bush's ability to renew the economy.

The economy is a tough fucking monster with thousands of variables that, depending on whom you listen to, has never been mastered correctly. When a president takes the reins from another and is left with a massive expanse of shit, (s)he should be given at least a year and a half to rock out some shit. And I will stand by that. And I will stand by that last I will stand by that.

The right is not just uninformed, they are incorrectly uninformed. They are stunted in their basic knowledge of reality because they do nothing but listen to - I hate to even call them - pundits who flail and wag the Reagan stick at them like it's a measure of distinction and verbally rape history and pick and choose and interpret from the Constitution like they do from the Bible and embrace every word that calls Obama a devil and socialist and communist and Hitler and loves it and wants to kiss it on the bubbies.

As Colbert said that one time, "Reality has a liberal bias."

And I'm tired of watching the myrmidons of Right Radio lap up the dribbling shit off the lips of the logorrhea coming off the mouths of manipulative, malcontent fools.

That's why I'm a little worked up today.

Obama: That's About Enough

In which I rant about the things that are pissing me off about this administration.

Last year, I spent a great deal of time cheering for Obama, supporting him in my blog, and celebrating joyously after his election.

Now maybe it's because when the last Democratic president was elected I was too busy getting stoned and chasing tail in college to give much a shit about politics other than "Yay Clinton!" *gurgling bong noise*, or maybe it's because I own my own business and keep a tight watch on money, but as of today I'm disillusioned by Obama. I'm done; that's enough.

I'm not turning Republican (what kind of monster do you think me?), and while I float in the direction, am not going fully Libertarian. I'm still with the Democratic Party. For now.

Wha - happen?

Bailout
Wait. America's hurting and we're pissing money into bad-decision banks and car companies? What. The. FUCK.

Will letting them fall lose jobs? Sure. But when companies fail and other, larger companies purchase them and people move and shift and, basically, the brush has burned and the bigger trees are nurtured and some big trees fall and nurture smaller, smarter ones. And the market rebounds.

But we shit out money and many banks and car companies still failed. And they're weaker for it. As are we.

Stimulus Bill Stalls
I'm looking at Obama, checking out the stimulus bill, cheering "Hell yeah!" and really hoping for the best from all this spending. And then I see that after months maybe 10% of that money has actually gone out. Months? 10%? Is a flood of money and projects and money something to be scared about when we've been hearing that it's ALL going to help the economy?

Where's the f'ing money? Where's the f'ing stimulus?

Pelosi
Honeslty, I'm an enormous proponent of female equality. If a man can be a feminist, I'm one of them. But power apparently corrupts. And Pelosi is doing some things that are total amateur wanker shit.

There's some illogical argumentation, a request for giant planes, and the stuttering and side-stepping you don't like to see in an official leader. I don't know if it's her tone of voice or general demeanor, but she doesn't present herself as a confident leader, not like Hillary does, not like Michelle does.

Cash for Clunkers
A cash incentive program to get people to buy cars with better GPM? Excellent! But we're going to destroy the car they're trading in? Retarded. For parts, for donation, for ...anything! If the program were really about going green, someone with a brain in the administration would've spoken up and said "Um, hey, since the carbon footprint of the car that's already been manufactured cannot be un-done, perhaps the best thing is for someone to get viable use out of the vehicle. Y'know? Like recycle, reuse, and all that other crap we keep saying?"

flag@whitehouse.gov
We just got out of an administration that lived and breathed big brother contempt for privacy. And you decided it would be a good idea to start up a snitch email where people can forward "fishy" information. That's fishy, shady, and stupid.

Single-Payer
One of the biggest parts of the '08 election, for me, was my support of Dennis Kucinich. His support for a not-for-profit medical program that overrided the madness of insurance companies - that are rationing NOW and operating as "death panels" NOW and preventing people from getting coverage that will save their lives NOW.

And today I read that The White House is positioning to drop single payer option.

So Obama and friends: I am well aware that you state that single payer is only a part of the health care reform plan. Unfortunately, insurance companies are most of the problem. If there is no public option and you pass a bill to just pass a bill, you will achieve NOTHING for the American people. You will shimmy just a little bit, just enough to make it look like things changed, but you'll still be wearing the girdle of the insurance companies, and you will be no better - actually, worse - than the Republicans lining their pockets with insurance company money.

America wants prescription drug costs bargained down. America wants a not-for-profit health care system. Call Dennis. Do lunch. He'll explain the way it needs to be.


And before my generally liberal readers have any negative feedback to pass along, I'd like to say that I post because I care. I know this is not the best the administration can do. I know that they know better. I think all of us who brought him to the Oval Office need to remind them all what their best is, and that before a general election in '12 there will be a Democratic Party primary.

Just a Few Questions

Do men with larger penises seek out smaller women so they look even bigger in perspective? Do men with smaller penises do the same thing?

(Congratulations! You are Queen of the Giant Cock Tower!)

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If Jesus and Mary Magdalene ever really nailed it, do you think it was weird for Jesus to call out his mom's name when he came?

(Oh Mary, Mary, quite contrary... Mom - oh, shit...sorry...give me a minute. I swear this almost never happens.)

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Would Dick Cheney consider it torture if someone pulled his dick through the middle of a CD and showed him porn?

(You'll never get me hard - oh, shit, is that torture video? Shit!)

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If it wasn't for the Laserdisc, would Compact Discs (CDs) have been called CDs? Would we just call them Ds?

(Hey, what Ds you pick up at FYE today? / Dude, I burn my Ds from tha internets; nobody buys them anymore.)

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Are you disappointed that the last question was not also about penises in some form?

(And what form should those penises take? Discuss.)

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Are Canadian lesbians more Canadian because they eat beaver?

(Nothing to see here folks; that was just terrible.)

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If God created ALL things and evangelicals say he did not create evil, how do you rectify that argument?

(He "allows" evil, of course! / But if he didn't create it, how does it exist? / Begone Satan!)

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The CDC is now saying every child from 6 mo to 18 years get a flu vaccine; do you believe the hype?

(Hype my ass, daddy gov't needs to pay the bills and scarin' the public and fuckin' the vaccine folks gets that done. Kinda.)

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Do I have too many questions?

(Please check yes or no.)

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Does this post have anything to do with the fact that I'm dangerously close to 1000 posts?

(Smack that 1K, bitch. That's right. Smack it like you mean it!)

On That Chicago Chick WITHOUT a Dead Baby

So a woman in Chicago started a blog about her pregnancy. The baby had a terminal illness and to die quickly after birth. But she would still have the baby. And anti-abortion nutters went gaga. Juicy fucking emotive gaga.

And then she published a picture of her and the newborn and concluded the story saying that the child had died. At least one of her readers owned the same creepy, lifelike newborn doll (surprise!), and called out shenanigans. And then it unraveled. You can read April Rose Mom Beccah Beushausen's apology, which is all that is left of the blog, here.

Beccah says she actually did lose a child in 2005 and that this was her finding that voice, a way to deal with that loss. But that's not the interesting part.

The right wing, anti-abortion zealots who had found a poster child, a patsy, an exemplar of their beliefs, are outrageously pissed. She betrayed their trust, made a mockery of their convictions, blah blah blah. And from what I've read, the left wing, surprisingly, is not soaking in the schadenfreude, but bitching their own sanctimonious bullshit about how awful it was to get the right wing, anti-abortion zealots all worked up over a false prophet. [NOTE: I'm guessing the glurge from the left is only emerging now because, like me, most of us only heard about this once the hoax became public and if we'd heard about the blog before we wouldn't have given it 5 seconds of our time.]

To both sides: stop your fucking whining.

To the right: You're the same mess that goes into depression in week 10 of Survivor because after the merge, the cute guy from Boston wasn't the tried-n-true person you thought he was. You got suckered. Get the hell over it. If you spend that much time on the internet and don't know that you're probably reading or viewing something that's potentially not true dozens of times a day, you deserve the emotional punch. It's the internet! Someone started a blog and started a story, played a role. There are no guarantees that anything is real. Hell, my name's not really Ricky Shambles! Gasp! And instead of doing something for real about your beliefs, you hung your hat on baby April, your sacrificial lamb. That's right; Beccah was just the vessel, and the fact that the vessel would allow that child to come into the world and potentially suffer a great deal before quickly dying rang a bell in some sick, sad part of you, justified that anti-abortion-under-any-circumstance bit that you're irrationally and desperately holding on to.

And then none of it was real. And your beliefs are hanging nowhere. And in a completely viable act of mob-rule ego-protection, you exhibit anger and flap the naive flag that all is not what it seems on the internets. Stop. You're compounding your foolishness.

To the left: Anything you say right now about being angry at Beccah is muddying the very clear whine of a million outraged suckers. Stop.

Keyboard cat, play the fools out...

Allergies, "Medicine," and Bullshit

Reminds me of how my sister describes clearing a dog's anal sacks.

When I was seven or eight years old, I recall my aunt and uncle got a cat. Romeo. It was a cutie, orange, and relatively personable. It was at that time (was I really never exposed to cats before that?) when I realized I was pretty allergic to cats. Sure, the visit would start out great and I'd have good times playing with my cousins, but then, an hour and a half into it, an intense itching would begin between my chin and my Adam's apple, an itch I still get and equate with "Awww shit. Here it comes." By hour three or four, we were about ready to go, the sneezing was uncontrollable, and my eyes were itching and puffy. I took the red Sudafed, a pill I still occasionally take, and spent the 40 minute ride home zoned out, head back, sinuses draining down my throat.

Fast forward to high school where my parents finally fold and we get a dog. Bailey, an adorable beagle/collie mix. I recall the trip home from the animal shelter I spent with my head back, sinuses draining down my throat. Soon after, we got two cats, Nala and Kala. I guess it was a little rough at first, but as anyone with allergies to animals who has animals can tell you, your body gets relatively used to your own.

College afforded me my first two kitties, Dorian and Godot (English nerd!), that I still have. I guess I was allergic to them too, but I spent a lot of time in college drunk, and when you stifle your immune system, you stifle your body's response to allergens.


Godot is the puffball.

With Mrs. Shambles, we have acquired Gracie, a brindle lab/boxer/pit that is part lap dog, part goat, and part gazelle.

A short time after I met Mrs. Shambles, she convinced me to set up an appointment with an allergist. Like the eye doctor saying "Okay, now read that line without squinting," Mrs. Shambles explained to me that I constantly sniffle. And it was true. So I set off to the allergist and came home with a test result that seemed to have a lot of answers: 39 out of 41 positive results, severely allergic to dogs, very allergic to cats.

So we started with the meds, which really just displaced an almost unconscious and chronic usage of Sudafed or Benadryl. At first it was Flonase and Allegra. Allegra didn't do shit for me, so we went to Zyrtec, then discovered Alavert. Floated on that for a couple years until I started waking up in the middle of the night unable to breathe. Nocturnal asthma or some crap like that is what they called it, so about a year and a half ago I had gotten to Flonase at lunch, Loratadine (gen. Alavert) at dinner, Singulair late evening, and a Proventil inhaler when necessary.

Yesterday, my allergist said she didn't like that my breathing was not optimal in winter. So you see all that shit I just listed? We're adding Symbacort twice daily on top of all that to see how it works if in 2 weeks we knock off Singulair.

In the last 24 hours I've taken 5 different medications related to breathing and allergies. And I think it's bullshit. Part of the bullshit is that NOT ONE of those medications - as is the case with the basis of the pharmaceutical industry - is fixing the problem. They are all there to manage different aspects of a lovely cocktail of symptoms. And I've been given two other options: Allergy shots which, after several thousand dollars, may do little more than douse my symptoms a bit, or living in a bubble-like environment and getting rid of my pets and vacuuming daily and pulling my fucking hair out when The Weather Channel puts the pollen count to yellow. I know those people. I'm not those people.

We can map the human genome, program goats to make spider silk, and reinvent Britney Spears' career, but we can't address the underlying mechanism of allergies? We're still in the "schools of thought" phase with this? The most ferocious part of my being is my immune system? WTF?!?

So until the science community decides to poop sock it and level up their understanding of how this basic mechanism works, I have decided to dig into the mind-body end of things. I am a big proponent of the power of the human mind and the control, if refined and practiced, that it has over the body. I can get rid of heartburn by placing a finger on my neck where my clavicles meet; I can clear a stuffy nose in 3 minutes of concentration. Why not allergies?

I'm also attacking the psychological end. Perhaps these issues are - at least partially - psychologically based. Mental blockages, lack of flow, eddies of stagnancy that need a good cleaning. I've found a great book to help me on my way. I'll let you know how it is and how I do on my journey. Because "medicine" is not curing me, 4-5 maintenance meds is no way to live, and while remaining inebriated may have its good points, it's not really productive for my business, marriage, or liver.

Maybe marijuana would work for allergies. There are some reports about its effectiveness on skin allergies. Time may come for an unofficial study...

Buchanan and Hate: Late, Ignorant, Dobson-Lovin' Rant-o-Rama

In an article that appeared in my inbox today, I was dumbfounded by the late-to-the-party article put forth by Pat Buchanan in which he supported the bigot Dobson and slammed Obama:

"Even ... if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States ... whose Christianity would we teach in the schools? Would we go with James Dobson's or with Al Sharpton's?"

Barack was saying that, since Christians disagree deeply over what is biblical truth, why fight? Let us "try to translate some of our concerns in a universal language so that we can have an open and vigorous debate rather than have religion divide us."

In Catholicism, this is the heresy of indifferentism, which holds that one religion is just as good as another and all religions can be a path to salvation. The Pew poll out last week reveals that 82 percent of Protestants believe there are multiple paths to salvation, as do 79 percent of Catholics and 57 percent of evangelicals.

A striking development. For did not Christ say, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"?

Dr. Dobson is having none of it.

Instead of towing the hate line and using devisive arguments and being such a fucking tool, perhaps Buchanan should take a look at his words.

Obama is promoting unity, not the hard-line version of any specific Christianity. But as Obama approaches unity, absurdity approaches infinity, and Buchanan attacks with "In Catholicism" that's heresy! Of course it is; Catholics are supposed to believe that anyone who's not Catholic will go to hell, and even if you are Catholic, if you use birth control or swear and don't go to confession you're going to hell. Then he brings up Protestants and Evangelicals, who are only Protestants and Evangelicals because at some point in their history, they split from the Catholic Church because they didn't believe in Catholic nuance. And instead of becoming heretical, they organized their own churches, and the Evangelicals have a similar "My way or hell" attitude towards any other Christian sects - including Catholics.

For did not Christ say, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"?

Yes, he did, and we have all these Christian sects, all of whom believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, we have Catholics and Greek Orthodox and Methodists and Lutherans and Baptists and even the fucking Amish who are all part of the sects they are part of because so many people have so many differing opinions about exactly what that quote means.

And then he supports Dobson - who is "having none of it" - as some sort of sanctimonious overlord when he's part and parcel of the whole ball of intolerance that led to these splits in the first place, these splits that Buchanan soon after magically transports to the future (as though God spawned all versions of Christianity just as they are right now) and spurned on by the two things Republicans can't stand: them damn homos and women seeking equality:

It is splitting the Episcopalians. A traditionalist minority has severed communion over female bishops and homosexual marriages.

Layer one of suck on this article is the sheer religious ignorance with which it is put forth; I have never read something so intentionally biased and twisted and intolerant and unintentionally ignorant and hypocritical, a popsicle-stick tower bound by chewed gum and scotch tape, crafted in the bowels of the incontinent and fired in a high school kiln to focus a single, shaking, ossified finger at a public figure to compliment the frothy-lipped, spittle-spouting, growling "Yoooouuuuu!"

Layer two of suck on this article is, while completely void of actual, informed content, for every one of me reading it and deconstructing it and flicking my finger and watching Achilles collapse, there are thousands upon thousands of ignorant Republicans reading that same article and nodding their heads in agreement, mumbling "Fuck yeah, damn Muslims," and passing the word at work or in the bar that Pat Buchanan even said Obama's not a good Christian.

And that is what we're fighting: ignorance. And we will continue to fight it. And it is hard and will continue to be hard because misinformation is purposefully simplistic and simplistic is easy and thinking is hard and people are busy and stressed and don't have time for hard. Or research. Or truth.

And war is complicated and war is hard and religion is complicated and religion is hard and Ay-rabs is Muslims is Terr'rists is Hatin' 'Merica is pretty fucking easy.

And Pat Buchanan should fucking know better.

2007 into 2008 - Be Change Now

Happy New Year's Eve, folks. MoveOn.org has done some great things this year, the least of which was to get deeply embedded under the skin of such windbags as Limbaugh, Hannity, Savage, and FOX News. Here's a retrospective featuring some of the members: people just like you and me.



We have way too many people in America snugged comfortably - ass-print and all - on Apathy's couch, the thought bubble reading "Doesn't matter what I do" and floating above their head like a stubborn, stagnant, fetid fart. We need to lead by example: mobilize, volunteer, get involved. Do something. Ghandi said "we must be the change we wish to see in the world," but putting that in the signature of your outgoing emails doesn't actually make you the change; it makes you complacent. "Do or do not; there is no try."

I don't care what party you are a part of: get active. Be a part of the process, whether it's political or environmental or humanitarian or Drewish. Find something that makes you want to tear open the shutters, throw up the sash, and scream your fucking brains out. Then do that.

When you are standing on a street corner with a protest or concern sign, when you're attending a rally - whether ten or ten thousand strong, when you're writing letters to your elected officials and getting out there with your vote to back it up, that's when you're in it, that's when you're doing something. Then do more. Think. Act. Emote. Aspire.

Let's make 2007 cry like a little schoolgirl because it's so jealous of 2008's progress. Let's show Americans what America can be. Let's make it count.

Muhammad had a Unibrow

From the BBC:

The authorities say the barbers were encouraging un-Islamic behaviour by offering Western hairstyles, tattooing and also eyebrow-plucking for men.

On the world stage, for as many problems as different religions - and in many cases different sects of the same religion - have relating to each other and/or starting wars and/or committing atrocities and/or genocide, should anyone be getting fucking tweaked over whether or not someone plucks as not to look like Jo-Jo the Dog-Boy and maybe get some under-the-burqa action?

Just to be clear: I'm not targeting Muslims. I have no tolerance for any of the organized religion accouterments that serve to veil the prime, raw truths that almost all religions have in common, the walls of money and power and death that encircle the same base concepts. These concepts, true throughout humanity, are accessible to everyone at any time in the entire history of our existence; because if you could see through the labyrinths of sacraments, past the stone towers of regalia, and into the heart of every religion's sanctum sanctorum, you would see something shockingly familiar, something you had always felt in the middle of your chest, an inner truth, a hope, an understanding of something greater than yourself.

You would be in a room. By yourself. With a mirror.

But in a world where the ultimate understanding is truly knowing and literally reflecting upon yourself, where you are not told what parts of what book are more important than the other parts and what books should and should not be burned, where you are not told who is wrong and who is right, where you are not given a dance of orbiting pomp and circumstance to jump the planned planets of submission, then there is no profit. There is no profit of cash or power for those who control religion; there is no profit for those who control the war industry, those that rely on intolerance; there is no profit for the religious politicians who drive those war machines.

Organized religion is important for many people all over the world, internally, as a guide, as a reference for Hey, maybe I shouldn't sleep with the boss's wife or Hey, maybe I shouldn't beat the hell out of that guy with a lisp. But from the the perspective of those that lord over the bureaucracies that pull the strings of extraneous, "sanctioned" apocryphal rules and laws, it's a form of control. And it is that line between reference and control that we all need to be aware of because on one side is the betterment of humanity; on the other: you'll end up spreading your belief at the expense of detriment to others and, perhaps, retaining that god-awful unibrow.